"Now that it's over...............
this weight is off my shoulder." I have about had my fill of dramatic episodes including Ben and I. I had really thought that we were done with public episodes but apparently it is unavoidable. It is awsome to know that I have best friends who care about me soooooo much and are hurt when I am hurt, but I am not, or at least I wasn't. Now I have these fucked up feelings again, where reality is hitting me that he is really not mine, but we have an "understanding" this thing that still keeps him within my grasps and now it is looking to be even more invisible than ever and his motivations for having it are becoming more clear so to speak. I just feel like crap about him again when it took me so much to just get over it, well now it is time for round two I suppose. arggggggg. I just need to be around him someway,I just want everyone to understand that I can't help it, and it's okay to let me, I am the one will have to deal with it if shit gets fucked up, its cool, I can handle it.
So my dad agreed to pay my rent this month but not ever again, so that really means that I have to get another job. I need to take out a loan to pay for my rent next year, seriously, I would just take it out and pay for my whole rent if I could in one payment.
Im so pissed my 80's night expereience wasn't what I wanted it to be, I should have been hanging out with Krissy more instead of being so self involved. Im really sorry:( We will all have to do it up at Nate and Wally's tomrrow because apparently CETM is playing and that will be AWSOME!
I WILL be going to the temp agency and and applying at Meijer tommorow since it is my day off. I need to get over this bull shit and start taking responsibility for my finacial situations which are really more messed up then my love life and more improtant in the long run. Though I understand this, why is it so hard to actually do it? I need a memory eraser or an emotion stableizer or mj really. That would be fucking wonderful right now."Now thats its over I love you more and more" nice lyrics man. - Needs to get Mellow
So my dad agreed to pay my rent this month but not ever again, so that really means that I have to get another job. I need to take out a loan to pay for my rent next year, seriously, I would just take it out and pay for my whole rent if I could in one payment.
Im so pissed my 80's night expereience wasn't what I wanted it to be, I should have been hanging out with Krissy more instead of being so self involved. Im really sorry:( We will all have to do it up at Nate and Wally's tomrrow because apparently CETM is playing and that will be AWSOME!
I WILL be going to the temp agency and and applying at Meijer tommorow since it is my day off. I need to get over this bull shit and start taking responsibility for my finacial situations which are really more messed up then my love life and more improtant in the long run. Though I understand this, why is it so hard to actually do it? I need a memory eraser or an emotion stableizer or mj really. That would be fucking wonderful right now."Now thats its over I love you more and more" nice lyrics man. - Needs to get Mellow