I Know
Title: I know
Rating: M
Warnings: Main Character Death
(It's a bit confusing)
Jack losses Ianto.
“I love you”, Jack murmured when Ianto pulled away.
“I know”, Ianto whispered hoarsely, “And I’m sorry, Jack”
“What for?”.
“You’ve already lost me”.
Jack laughed, “No I haven’t. You’re right here”.
“I’m sorry”, Ianto told him apologetically, “But at least I knew”.
“Knew what?”
Jack turned his head away for a second and when he turned back Ianto was gone.
Ianto and Jack walked along the side of the mountain. The wind rustling their hair and the sounds of the rest of the team followed them as they moved.
“There”, Jack pointed out a building in the distance, “We need to get there by nightfall”.
Ianto nodded, “Should take about an hour and a half, sir”.
Jack gestured to a pass along the mountain side and they turned and began to walk. There was a crunching sound that rang loudly and Jack felt himself slip as the ground beneath their feet slipped out from under them.
“Jack!”
As they began to fall Jack grabbed onto whatever he could get. One hand came into contact with an old rope, the other with Ianto’s hand.
They fell and Jack closed his eyes, waiting for the rope to pull tight. It jerked suddenly but held under their weight. Jack looked down at Ianto.
His eyes were wide and he held onto Jack’s hand for dear life.
“Just hold on”, Jack called down, “I’ve got you”.
“The rope won’t hold the both of us”, came Ianto’s reply.
Tears began to course down Jack’s cheeks, “It will Ianto, it will”
“It won’t”, Ianto’s tear stained face matched his own.
“It will, I won’t let go”, Jack yelled, “I love you!”.
“I know”, Ianto murmured, “I’m sorry”.
He let go. He just let go. Jack’s hand instantly felt cold and empty. He watched in horror as Ianto fell further and further away.
“Ianto!”, he cried, “IANTO!”.
The rope he held onto began to move as he was pulled up. Owen had a firm hold of the rope and was tugging at it with everything that was left in him.
A hand reached out and Jack took it, letting himself be pulled onto safe ground.
Gwen gripped his hand tightly, “I’ve got you. I’ve got you”.
He lay on the ground, his head on Tosh’s lap, Gwen’s hand in his while Owen checked him quickly over.
“Ianto”, Jack choked out.
“Forget him”, Owen muttered.
Jack jerked quickly away from the doctor, “What did you say?”.
“I said we need to get you back to the Hub”.
Jack gaped at him, “No you didn’t”
“Owen’s right”, Gwen squeezed his hand, “He’s dead so just forget him”.
Jack pulled away from her and Owen.
“I won’t forget him!”, he yelled.
Gwen looked confused and reached for his hand, “We never said you had to. I was just agreeing that we need to get you home”.
Jack shook his head, “That’s not what you said”.
A pair of hands rested on his shoulders.
“I’m here Jack”, Tosh whispered.
Jack’s body began to shake, “I need Ianto”, he whimpered.
“You can’t Jack. He’s gone”, she murmured, “I’m so sorry”.
“I need Ianto”, Jack repeated.
“You can’t have him”, Tosh’s voice tuned bitter, “You let go and now he’s dead. It’s all your fault”.
“It’s not my fault!”, he yelled, “He let go. He let go. I could stop him”.
Tosh smoothed back his hair, “I never said it was your fault”.
“Yes you did!”, Jack cried.
He pushed away from all three of them and struggled to his feet.
“Jack”, Owen warned, “You shouldn’t be moving”.
Jack glared at him and began to limp away.
“Jack!”, Gwen called, going after him.
She reached out and grabbed his arm. He froze at her touch and glared menacingly down at her.
“Don’t touch me”.
He moved away and she reached out for him again. He pushed her hand away.
“Leave me!”, he yelled.
Gwen pulled back, tears running down her cheeks.
“Jack”, Tosh yelled, “Come back!”.
Jack began to run, as fast as he could.
“He’s dead Jack!”, their voices yelled after him, “You killed him and now you’re running away. It’s your fault. It’s all your fault”.
“Ianto”, he screamed into the wind, “Ianto!”.
“Jack”, a voice whispered to him, “Jack, I’m here”.
“Ianto”, Jack whimpered, falling to the ground.
“Jack”, Ianto’s voice came again, “Wake up”.
Jack’s eyes flew open. His body was shaking and he was bathed in sweat and tears. He was in his room in the Hub.
Ianto sat next to him, hugging him, holding him, comforting him.
“Jack”, he murmured, “I’m here. I’m right here”.
Jack gripped onto him, looking for reassurance.
“Ianto”, he breathed, “Ianto”.
“I’m not going anywhere”, Jack smoothed back his hair.
Jack wrapped his arms around Ianto.
“I lost you”, he cried into Ianto’s neck, “I lost you”.
“I’m here”, Ianto whispered.
Jack leaned back and took Ianto’s face in his hands. He inspected it, running his fingers over Ianto’s lips before replacing them with his lips.
“I love you”
“I know”, Ianto smiled, “But Jack, I need you to do something”.
“Anything”, Jack agreed, happy and warm in Ianto’s embrace.
“Jack”, Ianto’s voice had a demanding tone to it, “Wake up”.
Jack sat up suddenly. He gasped harshly as air filled his lungs and felt hands on his shoulders pushing him down against the bed he lay on.
“It’s OK”, came Owen’s voice, “You’re gonna be OK”.
Jack continued to gasp, eager for air like he had been deprived of it for years.
“I-Ianto”, he chocked out, “Ianto”
Tosh’s and Owen’s sad eyes could barely meet his.
“I’m so sorry”, Tosh murmured the words Jack didn’t want to hear.
“No”, Jack whimpered, “No!”.
He thrashed about violently on the bed, “Give me Ianto! Give him back to me”.
Tosh covered her face with her hands and cried. Sobs shook her tiny body and Owen placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, tears running down his own face, as they watched their captain crumble in front of them.
Unable to take Jack’s physical violence, Owen made up a syringe of sedative and inserted it into Jack’s arm.
Jack whimpered and began to quieten down, just as his eyes started to droop Owen leaned down and smoothed back his hair.
“Dad”, he called in a singsong childlike voice, “Wake up”.
Jack jumped as a hand tugged on his shoulder, “Dad”, a voice whined, “Wake up! You promised we’d kick the ball this morning”
Jack’s eyes flew open and he sat up quickly at the sight of a young boy with Ianto’s face, his own grin and hair and definitely his attitude.
The boy flicked his hair out of his eyes and grinned, “Come on old man”.
“G-give me a second”, Jack coughed.
The boy scurried out the room yelling over his should something about being in the backyard.
Jack collapsed back in the bed and rubbed his head with his hands.
“Wake up sleepy head”.
Jack sat up again as Ianto’s voice and presence filled the room.
“Ianto”, he breathed, getting out of bed and hurrying to him.
Jack wrapped his arms around the smaller man and kissed him. Ianto smiled against Jack’s mouth and kissed back.
“Good morning to you too”, he said breathlessly when they pulled apart.
Jack tugged him back in and after another long kiss, held him to his chest.
“I love you”, Jack murmured.
“I know”, Ianto grinned.
Ianto pulled away and walked to the bed, starting to make it.
“Did Jamie come and get you?”, he asked, intent on his work.
“Our son?”, Jack asked hesitantly.
Ianto laughed, “Yes, our son”
Jack collapsed on the just made bed and received a dirty look from Ianto.
“Yan”, Jack rubbed his temples, “Something’s wrong with me”.
Ianto walked around to Jack and sat on the bed next to him.
“What?”, he asked, taking Jack’s hand in his.
“I-I don’t know. I feel strange and I’m forgetting stuff. I keep having strange dreams too”.
Ianto smiled sympathetically, “It’s OK”.
“Is it? Because it doesn’t feel like it”.
“It will be”, Ianto continued to smile strangely, “You just need to do one thing”.
“No”, Jack breathed, tightening his grip on Ianto, not wanting to lose him again.
“Wake up”
As soon as Ianto whispered those words he disappeared and Jack was left surrounded by white.
There was nothing. Nothing but a voice.
“Ianto?”, it called, “Yan. Can you hear me?”.
Jack turned strangely towards the voice, “Ianto?”.
“Ianto”, the voice called, “Wake up”
Ianto’s eyes blinked slowly open and he moaned, turning away from the bright light that was shone on his eyes.
“Don’t”, came Jack’s sharp reply, “He doesn’t like that”
“Let me do my job”, Owen grumbled.
The torch was shone in Ianto’s eyes again until Owen was happy.
“No sign of a concussion just a nasty bang on the head”.
Jack sighed a breath of relief, “Thank god”.
“Why were you so worried?”, Owen asked, “All he did was bang his head on a desk. See? Look, just a little bump”.
Jack glared at him and Owen backed off. Ianto groaned and tried to sit up.
Jack’s hands were instantly there, supporting and comforting him.
“Ianto”, Ianto breathed.
Jack frowned, “Yan? Are you OK?”.
Ianto looked up at him in confusion, “I-I was you”.
Jack smiled at him, “You’re you. Ianto”.
Ianto nodded, “Yes. But…”
Jack reached out and grabbed his hand, squeezing it gently.
“I understand”, Ianto whispered.
“Understand what?”.
“Why you’re so scared”.
Jack froze, “I’m not scared”.
“You don’t want to lose me”.
Jack shook his slowly, “Of course I don’t want to lose you”.
Ianto leaned up and captured Jack’s lips. Jack, shocked, was unable to move.
“I love you”, Jack murmured when Ianto pulled away.
“I know”, Ianto whispered hoarsely, “I’m sorry, Jack”.
“What for?”.
“You’ve already lost me”.
Jack laughed, “No I haven’t. You’re right here”.
“I’m sorry”, Ianto told him apologetically, “But at least I knew”.
“Knew what?”
“Jack!”, a voice screamed.
Jack turned his head towards the noise and when he turned back Ianto was gone.
“Ianto?”, he called, “Yan?”.
He got up and walked down the stairs from the medical rooms on the third floor and stood at the balcony that overlooked the Hub.
“Jack!”, somebody screamed again, “Help!”.
It was Gwen.
Jack’s legs went into autopilot and he ran quickly down the stairs and towards the rolling door which stood open.
“Jack”, Tosh yelled.
Jack ran up the flight of steps to the fake tourist office. He froze as he was confronted by a metallic smell.
Tosh sat crying in the corner, her head bowed and her hands covered in blood.
She looked up as he entered.
Jack’s body began to shake, “Where’s Ianto?”.
Tosh sobbed and lowered her head again.
“Jack”, someone called weakly.
Jack ran to the desk and leapt over it. Gwen sat on the floor, her clothes soaked in red and tears pouring down her face.
“Jack”, she choked out.
Jack’s eyes shifted to the body lying on the ground. The dark pressed suit was scrunched up and covered in blood.
The persons head was tipped to the side, their beautiful eyes never to see again.
“Ianto”, Jack breathed.
He collapsed beside Ianto’s body and picked him up gingerly. He flopped like a rag doll and Jack caught sight to a single bullet wound to the side of his head.
Tears fell in cascades down his cheeks as he rocked back and forth with Ianto’s body.
“No!”, he sobbed, “Yan, Yan. Wake up! Tell me to wake up”.
Ianto remained silent.
“Ianto”, he yelled, “Ianto!”.
He kissed Ianto fervently but Ianto remained unmoving.
“No, Ianto”, Jack whimpered.
A single tear fell from Jack’s eye to Ianto’s cheek. It sat there and Jack watched in horror as the liquid drop was turned scarlet by the blood covering his beloved’s face.
Jack brushed Ianto’s hair gently and continued to move back and forth, refusing to let go.
“But at least I knew”
“Ianto”, he whispered, “What did you know? You need to tell me. I have to know”.
Ianto’s eyes remained cloudy.
A hand gripped Jack’s shoulder but Jack refused to look away from the body in his arms.
“I’m sorry, Jack”, Owen whispered, “He’s gone”.
“No”, Jack shook his head, “No he’s not”.
“Jack-”, Gwen tried.
“No!”, he yelled, “He has to tell me to wake up. I need him to...I-I need him”.
“I know”, Owen patted his back gently, “But it’s not him. Ianto’s gone”.
A sob tore from Jack’s throat and Gwen reached down to hold him. He shook her off and she stood, tears still running down her cheeks.
Owen opened his arms and she fell into them.
Tosh moved silently from her dark corner to sit near Ianto. She shuffled across and sat close to him and Jack but refused to touch him.
Jack glanced up and caught her gaze. She reached out a hesitant hand and gently touched Ianto’s cheek.
As soon as her fingertips came in contact she jumped and started to breathe heavily.
“Oh god”, she cried, “Oh god”.
She crumpled into herself and sobbed.
Jack reached over and placed a hand on her back, trying to comfort her and keep a hold of Ianto.
“I-I couldn’t…Oh god”, she gulped, “I couldn‘t stop them”.
Jack shifted his gaze from Ianto to her. His gaze was merciless and unforgiving.
“What for? Who did this?”, he growled.
“I-I don’t know. I couldn’t stop them. I was too slow”.
“We’ll get them Jack”, Owen promised.
Jack looked up and saw the pure pain and sadness etched into his face and it caused more tears to well up.
“Yes”, Jack agreed, “I will”.
A year later and Ianto’s killer had been…dealt with. But one thing that remained unsolved was a question that plagued Jack every waking hour and every night in his dreams.
“But at least I knew”
Jack looked around quickly, a shadow had moved.
“Hello?”, he pulled his gun when he received no answer.
“Gwen? Tosh? Owen? Ia-”.
He caught himself just before he said the last name. 12 months and Jack still finds himself talking to Ianto.
Something rattled and Jack cocked his gun.
“Who’s there?”, Jack demanded.
“Just me, Jack”, an oh so familiar voice called, “Would you like some coffee?”.
“Ianto”, Jack breathed.
There was footsteps and seconds later Ianto was leaning in the doorway.
“Sir?”.
Jack threw his gun aside and ran to him. Gathering Ianto up in his arms he kissed him firmly.
Ianto pushed him away gently, “Whoa!”.
Jack pulled him in again but instead of kissing him he just held Ianto tight.
“I had a terrible dream”, Jack sighed.
“It’s OK”, Ianto patted his back gently and moved to clean up the empty coffee cups that littered the Boardroom table.
“I missed you”.
Ianto laughed, “I haven’t been gone too long”.
He stopped his cleaning and turned to Jack, “How much did you miss me?”
“I love you”, Jack heard himself say.
A grin lit up Ianto’s face, “I know”.
Jack grinned back, “Come ‘ere”.
Ianto complied and walked over to Jack. Jack wrapped his arms around Ianto, letting his hands settle on Ianto’s waist.
“I missed you a lot”, Jack whispered, kissing Ianto’s neck.
“And you always will”.
Jack stopped and pulled back to look at Ianto, “What does that mean?”.
Ianto smiled strangely and leaned over to kiss Jack on the cheek.
“It’ll be OK”, Ianto told him, “There’s only one thing you ever have to do to see me”.
Jack hesitated, “What’s that?”.
“Fall asleep”.
Jack frowned, “But you’re here”.
“Jack”, Ianto tipped his head on the side, “Wake up”.
Jack’s eyes flickered open and he jumped up, his seat flew backwards and smashed into the cupboards behind him.
He leaned over the desk, breathing heavily.
Something rattled outside and Jack looked up hopefully.
“Ianto?”.
Footsteps sounded outside Jack’s office and a shadow leant in Jack’s doorway.
“Ianto”, Jack breathed.
“Jack?”, Owen asked, “Are you OK?”.
Jack sat back down heavily, “Fine”.
“Are you sure?”.
Jack shook his head, “No”.
Owen nodded, “OK. Want a coffee?”.
“No, thanks”, Jack forced a smile, “I’m fine”.
Owen hesitated, “He knew, you know”
“Who knew what?”.
“Ianto”.
Jack frowned, “What about him?”
“Well… he knew”.
“Knew what?”, Jack asked, getting slightly agitated.
“That you loved him”.
Jack closed his eyes and thought carefully, about all the times he’d said those three little words to Ianto.
“I love you”.
“I know”.
Jack smiled, “Yes. Yes he did”.
Later that night Jack fell asleep with a smile on his face.
“Sir?”, Ianto called from the darkness
“I’m here, Ianto”, Jack said, walking towards him.
“Jack”, Ianto breathed a sigh of relief, he reached out his hand and Jack took it.
“I love you, Ianto”, Jack whispered.
Ianto grinned, “I know. I love you too”.