Thinking.....

[stopslaughter]

I got feeling pretty down today. I miss him so much and there's been such an empty space since he left. And I just want to stop feeling that hole. I just want to put a band aid on it and be able to forget it. The problem is, when you rip off a band aid it hurts even more and bleeds again. I just don't get it. It's like I'm not meant to be happy any more. And in a sense, I don't want to be. It's like it's not for me to be happy with out him here with me. And usually, music would make me feel better. But now it just makes me depressed. I don't want to hear it or hear people talking about it. Drama class is complete torture. So are voice lessons. It's so hard not to break down crying. And now, Tommy is going to have to leave. And then I'll have no one. It's so sad, I'd rather be alone than with other people. I feel like I have people I can have conversations with, but they're not really my friends. It's just so lonely. But I can't be happy, not matter how I try. That part of me is just gone. I also am having to pretend again. Pretend to laugh, to smile, to sing. Everyone smiles and laughs when deep down I'm screaming in pain and in tears. I think I'm becoming stoic. I just don't react to anything anymore. It just goes right through me. Oh yeah, school schedule:

A. Honors Lit-Crossley
B. Hebrew Scriptures-Yerena
C. Pre-Cal-Fine
D. APUSH-Ferris
E. Dance II-Silke
F. AP Enviornmental-Sauter
G. Latin I-Krug

Semester 2

B. P.E
E.Christian Social Justice-Kramer