(no subject)

[stoplight]

dont really have much to say
dont really know who to say it to
it seems as tho no matter how hard i try i wallow in the past
live for moments that have come and gone
live for a kiss that has already damaged me
waiting and waiting for things to turn around
for me to understand what it is i want and who it is i am
but all i ever do is confuse myself
working all day adn all night and some stupid place doing meaningless nonsense
failing out of a school that is supposed to be my big break
watching everyone disappear and wishing they would come back
watch you dying because you just wont stop doing drugs
missing all those nights we talked
and knowing it will never be the same
missing our friendship
knowing it has forever been tainted
wondering when it will all end
when you will become you again
and when i will finally die of cancer
unless he dies first
after all she gave it to us
she lied to me
she lied to me about everything
but it doesnt matter because its over now
its in the past
like i said
i just cant get away from my past
ps. i hope your surgery went well...and even tho i hate you because you dont know im alive, i hope you dont die...
pps. to a dear friend: i will miss you..please come back...youve been away, but i want you to come back...apology after apology, you know im sorry...