Something for everyone, and gauranteed to satisfy!
This is friends only. Not because I'm deep, complex, tortured, or bisexual, but because I'm a pretentious asshole, and if I don't like you, I don't want you reading my video game reviews and Adult Swim quotes.
01 - If you are for voluntary extinction of the human race, start with yourself.
02 - You will not dance around during the end of the world. You will be too busy wiping the crap out of your pants, providing you don't just crap yourself to death.
03 - Why do you use icons showing only part of your face? Are you trying to be mysterious, or do you just think you're fucking ugly? If you're trying to be mysterious, stop. You're not. If you think you're fucking ugly, you probably are.
04 - To everyone on my friends list posting that picture of that David Bowie wannabe motherfucker in your livejournals: put it behind a cut. You're fucking my friends page up. I know he has feelings too, and if I had to guess, I'm sure lots of large images throw his friends page out of whack too. Go here for instructions on cuts, as well as other LJ tags. By the way, I'm not against equality or any of that gay shit. I'm against my friends page getting thrown out of whack.
05 - "U" is not a word. Neither is "ur." "Yr" is an abbreviation for "year" and it you're that lazy, you should know that typing "ha" is actually one less keystroke than "lol." Come on, people, say it with me. What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? Ok, good. no more "wtf" out of you. Learn basic English, because I'm not going to drop down to your level and start speaking "stupid." Listen, idiots, I'm dyslexic, so not only will I skip your posts and eventually take you off my list anyway, I'll bitch when your comments to my posts are peppered with LOL WTF BBQ. You're an idiot. Don't add me.
06 - Your obscurity is fucking well stupid. Say what you mean. Not everyone can read your complex teenage angst-ridden little mind. Also, if you're trying to be mysterious, see #3.
07 - Unless your parents are beating you with extension cords, shoving your face into hot stove burners, starving you to death, or something similiar, stop bitching about them. I watched my dad die in front of me when I was five and I'm pretty close to losing my mom now. I'm not going to have any sympathy for you. Note: not giving you a ride to the mall is not on the same level as abuse or neglect.
08 - When you're cutting yourself, go for the wrist. Cut with your arm, not against it, but make sure to do it outside, or in the bath tub. Think of the person who has to clean up after you.
09 - Lives are not meant to be lived by song lyrics, particularly by lyrics written by Trent Reznor or Marilyn Manson.
10 - Goatse is not porn. It's art. Don't believe me? Look for yourself.
See? Told you.
11 - The word "fuck" is no longer shocking.
12 - If you have one of those stupid "anime" icons, or one of yourself as a South Park character, fuck off. Yes, I like South Park. I just hate you.
13 - Your name is not "Raven," "Reaven," or any other gothic stupid spelling of the word. If you call yourself "raven" I will call you "idiot." An exception will be made if it's on your birth certificate, but you'll need to prove it.
14 - If you think you are ugly, don't post pictures of yourself. If you think your poetry sucks, don't show everyone. "I know I'm ugly/these suck but I'm showing you anyway." Spare me, please. If I agree with you, and think you're ugly and your poetry sucks, I'll tell you and you'll bitch and say "Oh no how could he say that?" I can say that because you said it first, but this could be avoided if you don't pull that crap to begin with.
15 - Don't get pissed off because I called something "gay" when not speaking of homosexuality while running around calling things "retarded" when not speaking of the mentally handicapped.
16 - If you're a chick that doesn't like being called a chick, then don't call anyone a dude. You're indeed not a chick, you're a bitch, and I'd like to smack you like one.
17 - To all goths, vegans, straight-edge kids, emo kids, and scene fucks: Suck my dick.
18 - If you don't find this
funny, you really don't want to add me.
19 - If any of the above offend you, don't add me. I already hate you more than Cliff Yablonski ever could.
20 - And no need to let me know you've added me. I'll notice, but if I don't add you back in a few days, get a fuckin' clue.
EDIT: If I don't add you back right away, I either hate you OR my computer fucked up and I can't get online. However, it's pretty safe to say that if you're not added in a few weeks, I hope you get hit by Britney Spears' tour bus.
01 - If you are for voluntary extinction of the human race, start with yourself.
02 - You will not dance around during the end of the world. You will be too busy wiping the crap out of your pants, providing you don't just crap yourself to death.
03 - Why do you use icons showing only part of your face? Are you trying to be mysterious, or do you just think you're fucking ugly? If you're trying to be mysterious, stop. You're not. If you think you're fucking ugly, you probably are.
04 - To everyone on my friends list posting that picture of that David Bowie wannabe motherfucker in your livejournals: put it behind a cut. You're fucking my friends page up. I know he has feelings too, and if I had to guess, I'm sure lots of large images throw his friends page out of whack too. Go here for instructions on cuts, as well as other LJ tags. By the way, I'm not against equality or any of that gay shit. I'm against my friends page getting thrown out of whack.
05 - "U" is not a word. Neither is "ur." "Yr" is an abbreviation for "year" and it you're that lazy, you should know that typing "ha" is actually one less keystroke than "lol." Come on, people, say it with me. What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? Ok, good. no more "wtf" out of you. Learn basic English, because I'm not going to drop down to your level and start speaking "stupid." Listen, idiots, I'm dyslexic, so not only will I skip your posts and eventually take you off my list anyway, I'll bitch when your comments to my posts are peppered with LOL WTF BBQ. You're an idiot. Don't add me.
06 - Your obscurity is fucking well stupid. Say what you mean. Not everyone can read your complex teenage angst-ridden little mind. Also, if you're trying to be mysterious, see #3.
07 - Unless your parents are beating you with extension cords, shoving your face into hot stove burners, starving you to death, or something similiar, stop bitching about them. I watched my dad die in front of me when I was five and I'm pretty close to losing my mom now. I'm not going to have any sympathy for you. Note: not giving you a ride to the mall is not on the same level as abuse or neglect.
08 - When you're cutting yourself, go for the wrist. Cut with your arm, not against it, but make sure to do it outside, or in the bath tub. Think of the person who has to clean up after you.
09 - Lives are not meant to be lived by song lyrics, particularly by lyrics written by Trent Reznor or Marilyn Manson.
10 - Goatse is not porn. It's art. Don't believe me? Look for yourself.
See? Told you.
11 - The word "fuck" is no longer shocking.
12 - If you have one of those stupid "anime" icons, or one of yourself as a South Park character, fuck off. Yes, I like South Park. I just hate you.
13 - Your name is not "Raven," "Reaven," or any other gothic stupid spelling of the word. If you call yourself "raven" I will call you "idiot." An exception will be made if it's on your birth certificate, but you'll need to prove it.
14 - If you think you are ugly, don't post pictures of yourself. If you think your poetry sucks, don't show everyone. "I know I'm ugly/these suck but I'm showing you anyway." Spare me, please. If I agree with you, and think you're ugly and your poetry sucks, I'll tell you and you'll bitch and say "Oh no how could he say that?" I can say that because you said it first, but this could be avoided if you don't pull that crap to begin with.
15 - Don't get pissed off because I called something "gay" when not speaking of homosexuality while running around calling things "retarded" when not speaking of the mentally handicapped.
16 - If you're a chick that doesn't like being called a chick, then don't call anyone a dude. You're indeed not a chick, you're a bitch, and I'd like to smack you like one.
17 - To all goths, vegans, straight-edge kids, emo kids, and scene fucks: Suck my dick.
18 - If you don't find this
funny, you really don't want to add me.
19 - If any of the above offend you, don't add me. I already hate you more than Cliff Yablonski ever could.
20 - And no need to let me know you've added me. I'll notice, but if I don't add you back in a few days, get a fuckin' clue.
EDIT: If I don't add you back right away, I either hate you OR my computer fucked up and I can't get online. However, it's pretty safe to say that if you're not added in a few weeks, I hope you get hit by Britney Spears' tour bus.