some clarity
I'm so very bored and so very tired. All my days are just filled with activities mapped out on iCal. No wonder once every three days I break down and spend a few hours, half a day, or something like that just doing nothing. All these activities are like "create a new logo", "come up with an ad campaign", "re-do this entire project". I'm so very tired. Then I feel bad for crashing for a few hours and it makes me feel worse about all the work. The funny thing is that I don't even have a job or anything, I create work for myself and then stress about not doing it. I do this because if I only have a little amount of work to do then I'll procrastinate it to the last minute.
I really need to learn to give myself breaks.
I'm so very confused about my future. Do I want to go into the cut-throat world of advertising? I know it takes a lot of brain and creativity, but how fulfilling will it be? The creative end of it can be a lot of fun, but I don't like stress, I don't want stress. Do I just find a design job after I graduate and let that be that? Will I always be wondering if I could have went and worked on some mega accounts, get my work in annuals, etc? Am I even good enough for that? What about my personality and work ethic, is my bitchiness going to get in the way? Do I find work at a boutique design firm with cool projects and high regard in the design community? Am I good enough for that? What if it ends up not as prestigious as I expect? What if I get bored doing even the most creative work?
Do I just say fuck it and go to Europe for 2 months after I graduate? Where does my on and off again relationship fit into my plan? Why do I have such a hard time doing big projects on my own time? Why do I routinely set up plans to lose weight and never actually do? Why do I have such a hard time seeing the bigger picture? How come I always feel guilty for stopping and smelling the flowers? Why can't I keep a decent sleep schedule for more than a week? Why am I becoming so introverted? Why am I so awesome at procrastinating? Will I ever be great at something? Is being great at something even the ultimate goal? Why do I always question myself?
I'm heading to vegas in a few days.
I really need to learn to give myself breaks.
I'm so very confused about my future. Do I want to go into the cut-throat world of advertising? I know it takes a lot of brain and creativity, but how fulfilling will it be? The creative end of it can be a lot of fun, but I don't like stress, I don't want stress. Do I just find a design job after I graduate and let that be that? Will I always be wondering if I could have went and worked on some mega accounts, get my work in annuals, etc? Am I even good enough for that? What about my personality and work ethic, is my bitchiness going to get in the way? Do I find work at a boutique design firm with cool projects and high regard in the design community? Am I good enough for that? What if it ends up not as prestigious as I expect? What if I get bored doing even the most creative work?
Do I just say fuck it and go to Europe for 2 months after I graduate? Where does my on and off again relationship fit into my plan? Why do I have such a hard time doing big projects on my own time? Why do I routinely set up plans to lose weight and never actually do? Why do I have such a hard time seeing the bigger picture? How come I always feel guilty for stopping and smelling the flowers? Why can't I keep a decent sleep schedule for more than a week? Why am I becoming so introverted? Why am I so awesome at procrastinating? Will I ever be great at something? Is being great at something even the ultimate goal? Why do I always question myself?
I'm heading to vegas in a few days.