summer report part 2

[stontzjrome]

eh. just thinking about stuff again. i looked at pictures from last year(freshmen year) and i realized its been a year since my world turned upside down. at the start of 2005 up until last june i was so happy ALL the time. i miss that. Before June my parents were still together, i was dating Jenny, and still had a ton of friends in Kewanee. What a difference a year makes. I haven't talked to my dad since christmas eve, i'm just starting to become friends with jenny after the break up, and i have a handful of people i'm friends with from home. I miss my parents being together the most i hate hearing my mom cry everyother night. I often worry she might do something really dumb since i had some realy stupid ideas in my head when i was going through the deep part of my depression. I have said it before and will say it again, Jenny will always have a place in my heart. She was the first girl to show me what love really is, i know its better that we're not still together, she's a wonderful loving girl and she deserves the best, something that i am not for her. As for my friends in Kewanee i miss the memories we had in high school there are so many funny things to remember. Everyone is doing their own thing and i think its good that we are, but that doesnt mean i wont be there for them if they need help. I am down alot and i shouldnt be i have things i should be really proud of, my health, my art, my great friends at bradley. it's really is hard for me to be cheerful when a lot of disappointment surrounds me. Maybe it's just a "sophomore slump" cause i kinda went through the same thing in high school. i guess i'm just trying to find myself again find who i really am, what i really need, and what i really want to do with my life. I know what i want to do in life but thats a dream that probably wont become a reality. As for what i need, i would like to have some sort of love in my life, weither it be from a girl or just my friends i would like to know i mean something to someone. and as for who i am and why i'm on this planet, i think it's going to take a long time to figure that out. I just hope things start getting a little better so theres a little more hope brought back into my life.

Peace, Love, and Peoria