(no subject)
one of the most beautiful things about being in england for the past 5 and a half months is that i haven't been inclined to have any panic attacks or stress out about stupid stuff that usually goes wrong. it's a different life, true, it's a fake life, but i'm living it so it cant be that false or unrealistic. i know i'm going to have to leave it soon and that's the only thing inducing me into fits of anxiety.
i was thinking about all the stuff i have to pack and what i can give to my flatmates and all this other stuff and it struck me how insane it is that i will never again be in this place. i won't go to classes here, i won't be able to swing by to see what's going on. i'm leaving it. it's like i just took 6 months out of my life and was put into a foreign place. i'll always remember it but besides that it has no relation to my "real" life back home. its kind of liek before i was adopted, except i remember this and it's much better now.
i don't want to leave. harry left today and i didn't get to say goodbye to him becausae i was in staines and that makes me really sad which sounds silly but really when am i ever going to see him again? haha one of the last memories i have of harry is him asking me to touch his waitstcoat because "it's pure carpet, baby, that's fantastic" and i love it. i ahd ad ream last nigth that i missed saying goodbye to everyone and i freaked out and woke up.
im sorry that this has nothing to do with anyones life at home, i just need to rant and put it out there. i'm not sure what i'm feeling it's odd. before i came to england i knew i was scared, and i new that i was going to miss everything at home, but at least i knew iw as coming home to it. here, i tried to savour every single second of this existence because i knew that it might very well be the only time i got to experience what i was feeling. we went to covenant garden, which is one of my favourite places in london, and i got this really sad feeling... what if i never go back there? it's a little piece of heaven to me and now i just have to add it to a mental file and hope to god i don't forget it and that i get to go back here.
it's funny because danica was wondering today if evereyone gets struck with the london bug or it's just us. prior to that, i had called my grandfather and he said that he wished he could come back to see london, though he knew he probably wouldn't be able to. that makes me very sad because i want him to come back with me and i want to have him here. he remembers london bridge and just knowing that i am walking in the same area as my grandfather did during the war, it just amazes me. it's so historic and wonderful... god i will always leave a piece of myself in this country.
the world cup is so exciting too, i love that i'm in a country that appreciates and fuly watches soccer, it's just such a unifing thing. we went to a pub, it wasnt a sports pub so it wasnt as involvec, but then after leaving everyone was going throughg london shouting "ENGLAND ENGLAND ENGLAND" and varois other chants that htey have and it was so fun.
god i am such a sap.
i really am excited to come hom eand see everyone, but i knonw i'm split in two. i wish i could live in both places. but thats clearly impossible. i have to come back. if i don't... i just dont know what i'll do. oh god
okay sorry that was a horrible horrible entry. i just am emotional haha. london tomorrow for danica's last full day... oh god.
i was thinking about all the stuff i have to pack and what i can give to my flatmates and all this other stuff and it struck me how insane it is that i will never again be in this place. i won't go to classes here, i won't be able to swing by to see what's going on. i'm leaving it. it's like i just took 6 months out of my life and was put into a foreign place. i'll always remember it but besides that it has no relation to my "real" life back home. its kind of liek before i was adopted, except i remember this and it's much better now.
i don't want to leave. harry left today and i didn't get to say goodbye to him becausae i was in staines and that makes me really sad which sounds silly but really when am i ever going to see him again? haha one of the last memories i have of harry is him asking me to touch his waitstcoat because "it's pure carpet, baby, that's fantastic" and i love it. i ahd ad ream last nigth that i missed saying goodbye to everyone and i freaked out and woke up.
im sorry that this has nothing to do with anyones life at home, i just need to rant and put it out there. i'm not sure what i'm feeling it's odd. before i came to england i knew i was scared, and i new that i was going to miss everything at home, but at least i knew iw as coming home to it. here, i tried to savour every single second of this existence because i knew that it might very well be the only time i got to experience what i was feeling. we went to covenant garden, which is one of my favourite places in london, and i got this really sad feeling... what if i never go back there? it's a little piece of heaven to me and now i just have to add it to a mental file and hope to god i don't forget it and that i get to go back here.
it's funny because danica was wondering today if evereyone gets struck with the london bug or it's just us. prior to that, i had called my grandfather and he said that he wished he could come back to see london, though he knew he probably wouldn't be able to. that makes me very sad because i want him to come back with me and i want to have him here. he remembers london bridge and just knowing that i am walking in the same area as my grandfather did during the war, it just amazes me. it's so historic and wonderful... god i will always leave a piece of myself in this country.
the world cup is so exciting too, i love that i'm in a country that appreciates and fuly watches soccer, it's just such a unifing thing. we went to a pub, it wasnt a sports pub so it wasnt as involvec, but then after leaving everyone was going throughg london shouting "ENGLAND ENGLAND ENGLAND" and varois other chants that htey have and it was so fun.
god i am such a sap.
i really am excited to come hom eand see everyone, but i knonw i'm split in two. i wish i could live in both places. but thats clearly impossible. i have to come back. if i don't... i just dont know what i'll do. oh god
okay sorry that was a horrible horrible entry. i just am emotional haha. london tomorrow for danica's last full day... oh god.