:(
Today is not a good day. It's kind of a culmination of several bad days weeks months in a row. Feeling isolated and lonely and without options is just about the suckiest thing to suck, and all of my close girlfriends (the ones I don't have to explain myself to, don't have to filter myself to) live in other states. That makes me feel trapped like whoa.
Everyone that I've been friends with here in my town has pretty much dropped me because of all the struggles with the family. No one wants to have to deal with it, I get it. Shit, *I* don't want to deal with all the drama in my life over the past 8 months. But the solution to these well-meaning at first folk is to get me to go to parties. Where everyone seems to miraculously know intimate details I've only shared with one person. So yeah, not really feeling it. Not to mention that I don't WANT to be in a giant party of no real connection.
Since I don't want to only associate with who I believed were my friends in a giant social setting, I no longer hear from anyone. Fuck, I just want to go have lunch with someone I care about and have a good time, I don't want to go to some giant cocktail party with people I don't know. I just want someone to give me a hug, JFC.
So I do nothing, and haven't done anything with anyone other than my immediate family for 8 months now, and I'm going a little crazy as a result.
Everyone in the family is gone for the weekend, which should make me happy because hey! Quiet house to myself, that's a rarity! Except I have no desire to write (what I would normally do in this situation) because quite honestly, no one gives a shit about the stuff I'm writing (I can't even get trusted FAMILY MEMBERS to read some of the things I'm working on and tell me anything about it - even that it sucks. They just...won't read it.), which makes it very hard to care about it myself. Wah, wah, poor white girl with a roof over her head, I know. I make myself eyeroll, too, and this is not the journal you signed up for.
Pleh. It's just one of those "why bother? With anything?" sort of days, but I seem to be having them a LOT lately.
ION, I plan on making this for my dinner because no one will eat them before I get a chance to. If avocado fries can't cheer me up...
UGH I GROSS MYSELF OUT SORRY.
Maybe I should create an alter-ego and fight crime. Or turn tricks. Or turn tricks while fighting crime. It's good to be ambitious, I hear? =P
/insert OMG do I try gold star
Everyone that I've been friends with here in my town has pretty much dropped me because of all the struggles with the family. No one wants to have to deal with it, I get it. Shit, *I* don't want to deal with all the drama in my life over the past 8 months. But the solution to these well-meaning at first folk is to get me to go to parties. Where everyone seems to miraculously know intimate details I've only shared with one person. So yeah, not really feeling it. Not to mention that I don't WANT to be in a giant party of no real connection.
Since I don't want to only associate with who I believed were my friends in a giant social setting, I no longer hear from anyone. Fuck, I just want to go have lunch with someone I care about and have a good time, I don't want to go to some giant cocktail party with people I don't know. I just want someone to give me a hug, JFC.
So I do nothing, and haven't done anything with anyone other than my immediate family for 8 months now, and I'm going a little crazy as a result.
Everyone in the family is gone for the weekend, which should make me happy because hey! Quiet house to myself, that's a rarity! Except I have no desire to write (what I would normally do in this situation) because quite honestly, no one gives a shit about the stuff I'm writing (I can't even get trusted FAMILY MEMBERS to read some of the things I'm working on and tell me anything about it - even that it sucks. They just...won't read it.), which makes it very hard to care about it myself. Wah, wah, poor white girl with a roof over her head, I know. I make myself eyeroll, too, and this is not the journal you signed up for.
Pleh. It's just one of those "why bother? With anything?" sort of days, but I seem to be having them a LOT lately.
ION, I plan on making this for my dinner because no one will eat them before I get a chance to. If avocado fries can't cheer me up...
UGH I GROSS MYSELF OUT SORRY.
Maybe I should create an alter-ego and fight crime. Or turn tricks. Or turn tricks while fighting crime. It's good to be ambitious, I hear? =P
/insert OMG do I try gold star