I was a child on a leash. I was quiet and sneaky. The one time my mother went shopping with me without the leash, I ended up on the other side of the mall the first time her back was turned, and only managed to get reunited with her because I had my address and phone number memorised.
Not all parents who leash their children are horrible and neglectful. Some just are trying to raise people who are naturally ninjas. >_>
While I'm obviously not going to say your mother was a horrible person, I still stand by my belief in not using harnesses. What if your destiny in life was to be the greatest ninja that ever ninja'd? You have been denied that! Ha.
But really, I think there's a distinct lack of object lesson learning happening with kids over the past, say, 25 years, and they're lessons that are important. Like getting lost and scared, getting sick, etc. etc. We'll just think differently on this one, I suppose. I'm just an opinionated LJer after all, I don't make policy. :D
Yeah, I'm not like "HARNESSES FOR EVERY CHILD!!!" but it's not really cool to demonize every parent as some sort of horrible neglectful wretch who doesn't pay enough attention out of selfishness. I mean, if anything, my mom was a bit overprotective of me, and just wanted to be able to shop without having to keep track of a child who's very difficult to keep track of.
I definitely do not disagree on the object lesson front.
I get that I'm really offending you with my opinion on this, and I'm really really not wanting to piss anyone off, esp. people who always are cool and chill and have great things to say like you do, but I am just fiercely attached to my opinion on this topic. We all have our hills we are willing to die on, and certain parenting techniques are mine, I suppose. I'm coming from a place of huge family, children with disabilities, etc., so I'm not trying to be half-cocked.
Having said that. I'll drop the topic here and say that I'm sorry that I've put you in a place where you have to defend your upbringing, because I don't want to be a dick, even though I am being a dick. :(
It's not like a major offense, really, it's just... y'know, I don't feel like it's cool to paint an entire group with the same brush. Like, I am not going to deny that there are probably crazy neglectful people who are attaching children out of a lack of interest in properly paying attention, but I also don't think it's particularly warped me. (No more than being raised by a wild-eyed liberal and all.)
^- I agree with this. My grandmother used one on me and she was in her fifties when she took me in. She used it because she'd rather be safe than sorry. I look at it as a personal choice that parents have the right to make without necessarily being bad ones. If anything it's taking an extra step to ensure a child's safety.
Thirded. I use one for my extremely active toddler when I know I have to go into an absolute zoo of a place (like the Mall during the holidays). I'm not on a phone, and I sure as heck don't carry anything spillable. But my parents are 80, I don't have really any other part-time SAH mom friends who can watch her for me, so it's the harness or stay home and get no errands done.
No, I feel you, I was a single mother of two babies under the age of two until my younger child was 3. I get the whole boneless/crying/screaming/squirming stage. I remember it well. I just didn't use a tether/harness to keep track of my kid.
It is your right to do so, clearly, I just really don't see why "No" or hand holding (while you grit your teeth and race to the checkout line) or just not going to crazy busy places when they are crazy busy wouldn't work. My opinion, you have yours, c'est la vie.
There have been some excellent points made in other threads about how harnesses are kinda dangerous, actually. Hey-o trip a hoy hoy, for starters. I think they lend parents a false sense of security - they can still knock things over, grab what they shouldn't, etc. Just in a confined radius.
Obviously every parent has the right to parent how they see fit, as long as a child isn't being harmed, but I just do not agree with the use of them, personally. Opinions and assholes, right? :)
Well, when I talk about 'safety' I'm more talking about the child getting lost or abducted, actually, so a scraped knee or something like that wouldn't bother me :P Obviously a parent should still keep an eye on the child - I know my grandmother did with me. But she didn't want to have to worry about the inevitable moment when she'd look away for a second, etc. I was just trying to point out that while there are lazy parents who use them, there are also concerned parents who use them.
Oh, I know there are concerned parents that use them. But I think the likelihood of your child being abducted at The Gap aren't very high. Again, my opinion on this, I get that not everyone will see eye to eye with me.
And to be completely honest, I think that getting lost is a good lesson for a kid that refuses to mind Mommy and Daddy about holding hands or staying within eye-shot. That was what I was referring to about object lessons, etc. I know that you most likely are horrified by my having said that, but we all have our firm beliefs when it comes to parenting techniques, and they won't be the same.
In terms of your second point, I'd agree except there are kids who enjoy getting lost. :P My best friend being one of them, and she had to be leashed as well, because otherwise she basically wouldn't have gone anywhere but school for most of her childhood, and her parents didn't want to do that. I'm not horrified by you saying that, though, it's just that not all kids are going to learn and then never do it again.
My godmom probably should have tethered to me, to be honest. I was the kid that played peekaboo in the clothes rack, played hide-and-seek in Downtown Disney at Orlando to the point they called security, and generally could slip out of a stroller quickly.
So I see the benefits, but I'm not seeing you say ALL parents are bad for it. I get the feeling you mean the self-involved parents who are too busy window shopping, drinking a latte while talking loudly someone on an expensive cell phone, and hands full of packages so there's nothing left to give the attached kid. The kid's an accessory, not an actual living, breathing person that needs attention.
To me, it was obvious. I've seen a lot of those at the posh malls where everyone's more concerned with trying on the latest fad, being seen buying said item, at the most expensive stores and ignoring the fact a 3-year-old might like to play on the 25 cent horse for a couple minutes and then head over to Build-A-Bear and maybe get something for them. It's not all about status and the more I go to malls, on the rare occasion, the more I see kids as the latest fad
( ... )
Not all parents who leash their children are horrible and neglectful. Some just are trying to raise people who are naturally ninjas. >_>
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But really, I think there's a distinct lack of object lesson learning happening with kids over the past, say, 25 years, and they're lessons that are important. Like getting lost and scared, getting sick, etc. etc. We'll just think differently on this one, I suppose. I'm just an opinionated LJer after all, I don't make policy. :D
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I definitely do not disagree on the object lesson front.
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Having said that. I'll drop the topic here and say that I'm sorry that I've put you in a place where you have to defend your upbringing, because I don't want to be a dick, even though I am being a dick. :(
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No, I feel you, I was a single mother of two babies under the age of two until my younger child was 3. I get the whole boneless/crying/screaming/squirming stage. I remember it well. I just didn't use a tether/harness to keep track of my kid.
It is your right to do so, clearly, I just really don't see why "No" or hand holding (while you grit your teeth and race to the checkout line) or just not going to crazy busy places when they are crazy busy wouldn't work. My opinion, you have yours, c'est la vie.
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*crickets chirp*
Okay, maybe that's more of an aural joke. :)
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Obviously every parent has the right to parent how they see fit, as long as a child isn't being harmed, but I just do not agree with the use of them, personally. Opinions and assholes, right? :)
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And to be completely honest, I think that getting lost is a good lesson for a kid that refuses to mind Mommy and Daddy about holding hands or staying within eye-shot. That was what I was referring to about object lessons, etc. I know that you most likely are horrified by my having said that, but we all have our firm beliefs when it comes to parenting techniques, and they won't be the same.
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So I see the benefits, but I'm not seeing you say ALL parents are bad for it. I get the feeling you mean the self-involved parents who are too busy window shopping, drinking a latte while talking loudly someone on an expensive cell phone, and hands full of packages so there's nothing left to give the attached kid. The kid's an accessory, not an actual living, breathing person that needs attention.
But that's just my take on it.
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