Re: the weight debate building. (this is about eating issues, not medical conditions)

[stoney321]

As someone who was groomed by her mother to have a specific body type, and ridiculed publicly when I didn't have that, as someone who was told by her father that it looked like I had a tire in my waist band, as someone that was an exercise bulimic in her late teens and was grey-faced and wan from being unhealthy, as someone who watched her best

Comments

[stoney321]

Is everyone overweight in poor health? No. Look at you: cholesterol and blood pressure are good, which is one of the problems for people who have poor health due to being overweight. But you can't deny that helath issues arise from being overweight DUE TO poor eating choices and lack of exercise.

Obviously a woman that runs triathlons is in better health than, say, Kate Moss who smokes like a chimney and snorts like a Hoover. I specifically mentioned that just because a person is THIN doesn't mean they are HEALTHY, because we both know better. I felt I made a point of talking about people in POOR health. When I did the 3-Day the last time, I was getting SMOKED by an older couple that - from appearances - did not look to be in top shape. I specifically mentioned then that because of my experiences there with people of all shapes, sizes, fitness levels that I would never judge a book by its cover, and I haven't.

I think that this topic is very triggering for you, so I can respect that you have charged emotions/thoughts regarding my opinion. I do want you to know this: when I think of you (and you know I do) all I remember is your beautiful face, your fabulous hair, and your awesome self. I had no idea that you count yourself among the morbidly obese, I honestly didn't know that.

DT, I love and admire and respect you a ton. If nothing else, take that away from this whole mess. <3

[dancetomato]

But you can't deny that helath issues arise from being overweight DUE TO poor eating choices and lack of exercise.

My issue is by singling out "overweight" due to poor eating choices and lack of exercise, you are in a subtle way giving the message "fat people can get thin if they just get their acts together." I have no issue with your statement if you also include "underweight due to poor eating choices" and "normal weight due to poor eating choices" and "obese due to poor eathing choices" and "morbidly obese due to poor eating choices." I know you have endeavored to include those other categories, but by having that sentence standing alone as a given contributes in small but real ways to weight prejudice.

Let me see if I can illustrate with an example from grammar (boggles that I get to use my linguistics degree). "He" is the generic reference for an unknown person. Most people, however, use generic "they" instead because "he" seems limiting. When you give people examples of sentences with generic "he," they will invariably draw pictures or choose pictures of men. Grammarians would say it could be either a man or a woman. People hear "male." When you say "overweight," even if you mean, "anyone who eats poorly and lacks exercise, what most people hear is, "fat people" and no one else.

Frankly it doesn't much matter if the first thing you think about me is "fat." I am. I also am intelligent and beautiful and funny. I know you love me. What's not to love? But society doesn't know that. I am facing a job search where I know if it is possible I will be rejected right off because I'm perceived to be lazy or irresponsible. I have had doctor after doctor not take my health seriously because losing weight would cure everything. Turns out in my case, even if it made things better, it wouldn't cure me. My weight is not a cause, it's a symptom. But even if it is the cause? So fucking what. That's my business.

[stoney321]

I will add an addendum re: thin people to that sentence, if it didn't seem clear that I was also saying that thin doesn't mean healthy. I see your point, and can easily adjust that so I'm not singling out a specific type, absolutely.

"What's not to love?" Exactly my point. One of my dearest friends has faced similar problems to you, re: dr.s not taking her health concerns seriously. She teaches 9 dance classes a day and weighs over 300 pounds. She can still do the splits. She also has chronic fatigue syndrome and spends days in her room, in agony. No one would diagnose her, because they kept saying she was just fat.

I honestly can't imagine not wanting to hire you because of your weight, but then, I'm not the jackholes you might be interviewing with. I don't understand ANY person that judges another based on their appearance, and that goes for being non-white too. It just doesn't make sense to me.

All I know is that I think you're pretty fucking awesome, and I just want you to feel good, however that happens.

I'm amending my post right now, because you made a good point.

[dancetomato]

Thanks! *gives self gold star for pointedness*

Love you too, baby.