Who dat is? (my baby daddy)

[stoney321]

That song still cracks me up. Speaking of, I couldn't help it today on the treadmill and I was busting out "You know my name is Rock!" [Kid Rock] because that's my self-appointed theme song and "Dope Man" by NWA, and the guy next to me cracked up. He didn't fall off his treadmill, so it's a win all around. Plus there was a delicious iced coffee in my future (now present) so I declare this Tuesday a solid thumbs up so far.

I looked at my profile page today and got a bit of a shock. Um, hi folks! I seem to have picked up a bunch of new folks since the Sparkledammerung, which is cool. I haven't done one of these in a long time, so I figure it's time for a "who the heck is this Stoney chick, anyway?" type post, in case your finger is hovering over the defriend button. :D

• Nickname is Stoney, based on my last name - my working name, that is - Laura Stone. Also because I'm a stone cold fox. Hahahaha. Oh, how wonderful we can be in our minds...
• I'm 36, married, have three kids, three cats, and a dog. All are awesome, but all can drive me up the wall, too. My husband is a consultant, so he travels all over the world, and usually confines that to just during the week. Which means that I'm essentially a single mom during the week, but I've got it down to a science by now. I am strong like bull. [/Putin]
• My husband is called Mr. Stoney or Mr. S here for his own sake of privacy. My oldest is The Boy, my oldest daughter is #2, and the leetlest schmusen of all is Emily. (The older two are now in middle school, so they get privacy from me.) The cats: our serial killer is Darthanne, black shorthair, the Ambassador is Hope Comma A New colon Episode Four, a Siamese mix, and the newest and largest is Master Bootsie "McLovin" Collins of the Funkadelic, a long-haired tuxedo. Our dog (dergie) is Sally Von Schtupp. She has black toe knerkles and is a lovely German Shepherd.
• If you can't have ridiculous names for pets, when can you? My goal is to have a horse named Steve, who will be noble. And possibly grey.
• I consider myself a writer before an actress, but I'm both. My goal is to sell my memoir on growing up Mormon (and leaving the church) soon. I want to be Augusten Burroughs with tits. Wait, he's not all that fit. You get my point, though. That would be sweet. I've written extensively on the subject of Mormonism and polygamy - don't roll your eyes, Mormons. If the LDS church didn't still support it, the D&C would have lost #132 and they would have changed the temple service. (Click the tags to find out what the hell I'm talking about. Or visit my book journal at 0hmyheck.)
• All of my family, and it's huge, are devout Mormons, save two of my sisters. I try to be respectful in an open discussion on religion, but reserve the right to vent my spleen about the church I was raised in IN MY OWN JOURNAL. [I will tag a post to warn you ahead of time, if it's upsetting to you.] That means I will NOT come looking for someone in THEIR journal and pick a fight. That's just rude. I love talking religion, and welcome your thoughts, even if I disagree. If I *have* hurt your feelings, I'm a grownup and want to tell you that I'm sorry. Please let me know if I've offended you. and then I'll roll my eyes at you for being such a titty baby Ahahahaha. I'm kidding. Or am I?!?!
• I'm generally hyper, happy, and goofy. I'm always going to go for the funny, first, and then maybe sock you with some knowledge. But probably I'll just make fun of myself, and then talk about food. I love food. Feel free to hit me with a recipe any time.
• As for politics, I'm a leftie, meaning, I believe in helping people that can't help themselves. Obama has my vote. My husband knows him, and I can say this: he's exactly who you see on tv. I am going to bawl my eyes out when he wins. [positive thinking!] I tend to be moderate when it comes to economic policy, but again: if we can, we should help people who can't help themselves, starting with education and radiating out. Everyone should read Freakonomics.
• I have fannish tendencies, but they've lessened over the years. I used to write a lot of fanfic, but have focused mostly on original writing lately. I believe fan fic helped me hone my writing, and after several years, I think I'm finally hitting my stride. *cough*self pimp for the best thing I've written yet*cough* I love me some fandom, though. All kinds.
• I'm a big fan of slash, both male and female. I enjoy het, too, because I am. *G* I also love gen fic. It doesn't have to be all porn all the time. (But why not?! Ahaha.)
• As you may have guessed from the Twinklecrest, I'm a huge fan of bad!fic. Not mediocre, meh fic, I'm talking BAD fic. I have a tag devoted to MSTKing bad!fic, if you need a belly laugh. And i'm not joking: IT IS BAD. "Cream of Cum" should let you know the level of bad. It's about laughing at WORDS, not people, which I don't condone. Unless it's someone like Dubya. You can make fun of him all you want here.
• I'm Texan. If that doesn't tell you enough, I'll further that with: I love my state. LOVE. 8th generation Texan, part of my family is Choctaw Indian, so my blood's been here a looooong time. Don't Mess With Texas. I'm not joking.
• Everything else is fair game, however.
• I'm a fan of receiving concrit, either in the post or by LJ email. I never mind someone having a different opinion than me (unless you want to bash Texas - nuh uh), and welcome strangers to pop in and drop a comment when you like. I don't mind lurkers, either.
• I do, however, record IPs for people who come to my journal. Nothing nefarious, I assure you, just to keep count of how often I get hit. (It's a good way to market yourself to an agent/publisher, you see.)
• I'm a big fan of music, my father is a composer, conductor, and choir master, my sister is a virtuoso on the guitar and piano, and I love the Beastie Boys. So, you know: I like all kinds of music.
• My son has Aspergers and ADHD. My youngest sister has severe autism. I keep myself educated on therapies and ideas for treatment, dealing with PDDs, etc. If you feel the urge to tell me that medicating my child is wrong, I will tell you to shove it up your ass. But I'll smile while I do it. :) For the record, a pill alone isn't the answer for anything. Unless it's valium. Sweet, sweet mother's helper. HAHAHA. I'm joking. or am I??
• I joke a lot. I have a potty mouth. No, really. No, really. I do keep most bad language under a cut, because I understand that a lot of you read your LJs at work. I also put pictures under cuts, unless it's small (under 400x400) and is clean. I will never post a lascivious picture outside a cut, nor use an icon that is questionable for the main post. Except that one time I did.
• Oh, re: that potty mouth. In my first movie, my character was identified at AFI as "The most offensive character ever on screen." Awesome! hahahaha. If you're interested in how movies are made, this post should give you an idea. Or this one.
• I have real life friends and online friends on my flist. I change my flist on occasion, and no offense is meant if I take you off for a spell. You might be posting a lot about things I have no idea what you're talking about/interest in, etc. I do, however, read my "friends of" lists often - I just click on your journal and catch up. There's only so much time in a day, and I can't read everything in one sit-down session. You get it. And if not, well... *hands* It's not that I don't LIKE you, or something. I just hate your journal. AHAHAHAH. Kidding, kidding. or am I?!?
• I never mind if you have to cut me from your flist, however. I get it, and I don't take it personally. No need to let me know, apologize, etc. Come, go, whichever.
• I mean, I have a sister that's not on my flist, for Pete's sake. She's moderately loony, though. Well, a lot loony. The other one is awesome. You may know her as dooki or by her fandom journal, dampersnspoons She's awesome and one of my best friends.
• I love hearing from new people, so feel free to comment.
• Please note, however, that I DO NOT PUT PERSONAL INFO ONLINE. That includes my actual name (not my working name,) my hometown, my kids' names, my husband's name, and I never EVER talk about my "personal" life with my husband. I've cut people (with KNIVES) from my flist for doing that. PLEASE respect that, and I'll respect any like rules that you have for your own personal space. I have actual safety issues involved here, so I can't stress that enough.
• I love tequila. But not in an "I live under the overpass and collect tin foil for a living" way. Give me through the end of this year, and if I don't sell this book, I may change that. :D I'm also a big fan of wine. And fajita nachos. Those will get steady references here because they are delicious and good for me.
• I'm sarcastic, ridiculous, generous, loyal, funny, goofy, and full of piss and vinegar. I welcome like people! If you cuss like a sailor, love like you're desperately lonely, and dance like you need the money, you are my new best friend.

And now that I'm no longer shaky from the gym, I need to eat. Holy crap, 5 sets of 10 on each of these today: pull ups, both grips, and dips. Not to mention bench press and push ups. My goal of being Linda Hamilton in T2 is getting ever closer....