More adventures from the Tales of Stupid People, Astronauts vs. Cavemen edition

[stoney321]

(And remember: it's always okay to knock me off your flist if my journal makes you uncomfortable. Just know that I will mock you until you die from it. NO I WON'T. Yes, yes I will. QUIET, YOU. [/Dwight] I uh... I have the blackest of humors. And rest assured that you've yet to see how black I can go. Yay! ...the Aristocrats! What?) <-- someone take away my coffee, please.

A collection of truly stupid things said in public forums, serving as a terrific reminder that no matter how foolish YOU might feel at times, there's a good twenty people far more foolish.

• Godwin's law only applies when the other side isn't acting like freaking Nazis. (from stupid_free <-- apparently not.)
• One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn't possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it. (from SmashBoards. Hmm, what could a GIANT OUTSIDE ENERGY source be? And could someone bring me some shades, the sun's in my eyes. Now, where was I? Hmmm.....)
• Gravity: Doesn't exist. If items of mass had any impact of others, then mountains should have people orbiting them. [...] What I believe is going on here is this: These objects in space have yet to receive mans touch, and thus have no sin to weigh them down.This isn't the case for earth, where we see the impact of transfered sin to material objects. The more sin, the heavier something is. (from ChristianDiscussionForums. This can't be true. Proof? Paris Hilton barely weighs a buck 5.)
• There are a lot of things I have concluded to be wrong, without studying them in-depth. Evolution is one of them. The fact that I don't know that much about it does not bother me in the least. (from the same board as above. Also, I'm going to agree with this, because I've not studied mechanical engineering, but I made a plane for that person to fly off the Grand Canyon in. I bet it'll work. *shoves*)
• I can sum it all up in three words: Evolution is a lie. (from ChristianForums. Also: HAHAHAHAHA! I can count to this many! *holds up splayed palm*)
• Masturbation can sometimes be wrong and it can sometimes not. If you masturbate thinking about how pretty the flowers are and how you want a puppy, essentially that's not wrong. But most times, that is not the case. I believe that when one masturbates a high percentage of the time they are fantasizing about a sexual partner therefore making masturbation lust. Lust, as the Bible states, is a sin. But masturbation is something that people in general should stay away from because it's hard not to lust whilst doing it. (from Facebook. I'm...uh... going to go out on a limb here, and say that if you're thinking about puppies while masturbating, that's a LOT more disturbing that thinking about a HUMAN sex partner. It's hard not to lust while jerking off? STOP THE PRESSES!)
• I also notice when driving by our public school grounds and sports fields another phenomenon taking place: the young girls are trained in sports right along with the boys. To me, this can only be degrading to the boys. (from Ladies against Feminism. I like how this adult is CLOSELY OBSERVING children at play. No, that's not creepy. Also, since most coaches in American secondary schools are lesbians, I love that all children - boys included - learned to throw like a girl. *g* And yes, it must be degrading to the boys to have a lowly female kick their asses at so many things. *eyeroll*)
• I am 100% pro-life, unless we're talking about capital punishment, in which case I am 100% pro-death. (from Christian Forums. I wonder if this person is a fisherman? Throw them back until they're bigger?)
• Oral with dudes can't be natural because the legs will be poking out from different directions as will the ladies if they participate in oral sex. (from MySpace. Um... how's that? Did this guy have Barbies as a kid, snapped the legs off, then popped them back in backwards or something?)
• If we did evolve from monkeys then how come babies arent born monkeys? how come we cant speak monkey? (from Christian Forums. Uh, clearly this person hasn't read Dr. Doolittle. *tongue in cheek* Or seen Jane Goodall. Or have a brain. Scarecrow?)
• several million years for a monkey to turn into a man. oh wait thats right. monkeys dont live several million years! (from Gaia. Man, she sure showed Darwin!)
• "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." (Brooke Shields, her attempt to become an anti-smoking spokesperson.)
• "You guys line up alphabetically by height." (Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach. This would require severe disparity in height, if you think about it.)
• "China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese." (Charles De Gaulle, former French President. Wait, he might be right. Someone get the "monkeys don't live for millions of years" guy and let's start a head count.) "It isn't pollution that is hurting the environment, it's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." (from Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President. What's funny is that he's right. *tongue in cheek*)
• "And with an alphabetical irony, Nigeria follows New Zealand" (from David Coleman, Sportscaster. Let's not have him help line up those guys alphabetically by height. They'll all just be confused.)
• “I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uhmmm, some people out there in our nation don't have maps and uh, I believe that our, I, education like such as, uh, South Africa, and uh,the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uhhh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh,should help South Africa, it should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future, for us." (from the 2007 Miss Teen USA pageant, Caitlin Upton, Miss South Carolina. But guys, give her a break. We should help The Iraq and such. If we don't help the children of South Africa, how will our students get maps? Like such as.)

And finally: "The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing." - Dizzy Dean, ball player that was hit in the head during the 1934 World Series.

Conclusion, THIS ROUND TO THE ASTRONAUTS.