Somebody Come And Play....
Somebody come and play today! (Five bonus points if you know what that's from) Also: Because I am a CONSIDERATE FRIEND: HAPPY BIRTHDAY dovil!! What's that you say? Your calendar says tomorrow? That's your puny non-New Zealand time!! D! I have more Wee!Spike fic coming JUST FOR YOU.l But that's later...
For now: let's play a game!! Name That Movie! These are quotes from my top 23 All Time Favorite Comedy Movies. This is all from memory...
1. You hear that? We's using code names!
or
That's what we call a "way-homer," 'cause you get it *cracks open a beer* on the way home.
or
You ate sand? ~We ate sand.
or
Sometimes I get the menstrual cramps reeeeal hard.
or
Recidivist. RE-PEAT offender! You like that name boy? ~No, that's one boneheaded name, Sir.
or
You go back up there and you get me one of them babies, HI. They got more'n they can handle!
or
Mighty good corn flakes, Mrs. McDunnough. Guessed by sdwolfpup
2. We got no JOBS, we got no FOOD.... OUR PETS HEAD'S ARE FALLING OFF!
or
Did you hear that?!?! WE LANDED ON THE MOON!
or
Get a load of that ass. ~He must work out.
or
I got worms.
or
Kick his ass, Sea Bass!
or
Mock. ~Yeah! Ing. ~Yeah! Bird. ~Yeah! Yeah. ~Yeah! Guessed by melbournegirl
3. I'll take two of those, three of them, gimmie nine of those, ten of these, eight of the orange ones and... whoa! Get a load of this hat! Looks like something you get free with a bowl of soup. Oh. 'Scuse me. Looks great on you, though.
or
How'd you like to earn 10 bucks the hard way?
or
DOODIE!
or
And I want a cheeseburger, no a hamburger. And I want a hot dog, no a corn dog. And I want a soda and some chips and - ~You'll get nothing and like it!
or
So I got that working for me. Which is nice. Guessed by sdwolfpup
4. CAN YOU FEEL THAT? HUH? HUH? HUH?
or
Oh, reeeeeeeeaaaaaaally?
or
WHOOOOOOOO! Do NOT go in there!
or
Come to me my jungle friends!
or
Like a glove!
or
Einhorn is a MAN!!!
or
LACES OUT! Guessed by sdwolfpup
5. . Yes. Yes! YES! HE VAS MY.... BOYFRIEND!
or
Igor, take the bags. ~Fine I'll take the blonde, you take the one in the turban.
or
Roll, roll, roll in ze hay!
or
PUUUUUUUUUH EEEEENN ONNNNNN DAH REEEEEEEEEEETZ! Guessed by karabair
6. Don't call me stupid!
or
Look! It's K-K-KKen! And he's coming to k-k-k-kill me!
or
You are the vulgarian, you fuck!
or
To call you stupid is an insult to stupid people!
or
Do you have any idea what it's like being English? Being so correct all the time, being so stifled by this dread of doing the wrong thing, of saying to someone "Are you married?" and hearing "My wife left me this morning," or saying, "Do you have children?" and being told they all burned to death on Wednesday.
or
The London Underground is not a movement, I looked it up!
or
Ok.. ok... DISAPPOINTED. Guessed by karabair
7. Baaaaaaaaaaxter! The man! The man punted Baxter!!!! Lemme-Lemme say something! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
or
It's called Sex Panther. Studies show that 60 percent of the time it works all the time. ~Brian, that doesn't make any sense.
or
Whooo! AQUALUNG!
or
I should punch you right in the ovaries, that's what I'm gonna do. Right in the baby-maker.
or
Milk was a bad choice. I. Am. Miserable.
or
Fuck you, San Diego.
or
I seem to be sporting a massive erection. I'm just gonna walk this off. Don't act like you're not impressed!
or
La Policia!
or
Brick killed a guy! Listen, Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You're going to need to find a safe house, somewhere you can lay low for a while.
or
I miss your scent... Ha, I- I miss your musk. I think, when this is all over, you and me should get an apartment! ~Why don't you sit a few plays out, Champ. Guessed by karabair
8. Smiling is my favorite!!
or
Hi, this is Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?
or
SANTA!! I know him!! I know him!!
or
You sit on a throne of LIES.
or
Somebody needs a hug! Guessed by sdwolfpup
9. Five grand. FIVE GRAND! I don't have five grand. ~So don't hit anybody. Ho hooooo, don't hit anybody.
or
Score. A direct hit.
or
Fresh breath. It's a high priority in my life.
or
Married? ~Married. Married?? ~Yes! Married. *door closes* Married? ~Married! JEEZ.
or
My new-style American girlfriend.
or
Stop it, Herb, you'll make her tinkle.
or
Jake. She's a CHILD.
or
Now we're BOTH on the pill!
or
You go to church? Guessed by joolzmp7
10. Badges?? We don't need no stinking badges!
or
Excuse me while I get more... comfowataboo.
or
Gosh, sir, you use yer tongue purdier than a twenty dollar whore!
or
Whew! Almost lost a 400 dollar handcart!
or
Rar rar!!
or
How 'bout some more beans, cooky? ~It smells like you boys have had enough!
or
What in the Wide, Wide World of Sports is a'goin' on here?
or
The cattle? Oh, we raped the shit outta them. ~Kinky.
or
Ah hell. Someone's gonna have to go back and get a shitload of dimes. Guessed by sweptawaybayou
11. We're going streaking!!
or
Why can't you - ear muffs. See? That's all you have to do. Shit cunt fuck bitch. All you have to do is say earmuffs and - You know what? I can't talk to you like this.
or
You're my boy, Blue! You're my boy!
or
That's really loud. ~Thanks.
or
Another fucking total eclipse of the heeeeeeeeart! Guessed by sdwolfpup
12. Do you have a kiss for daddy? *they kiss* ~So that's how it is in their family.
or
Anyone? What did Bush call this? Something d-o-o economics? Anyone? Anyone? Voodoo economics.
or
You wear too much eye makeup. My sister does, too. Everyone thinks she's a whore.
or
We've seen the whole city! We went to museums, saw priceless works of art! We ate PANCREAS!
or
Drugs? ~No, thank you, I'm straight. No, I mean are you hear for drugs? ~No. What are you here for? Drugs.
or
To fake out your parent, you have to go for the clammy hands. So? You lick your palms. It's a little childish, but then... so is high school.
or
You're still here? It's over! Go home, already! Guessed by crazydiamondsue
13. Dogs and cats... living together... MASS HYSTERIA!!
or
Ray. You didn't. ~I couldn't help it! Ray!! ~The Stay Puft marshamallow man. ~We've been going about this all wrong, this Mr. Stay Puft's okay, he's a sailor, he's in New York, we get this guy laid we won't have any trouble.
or
That's the bedroom, but nothing ever happened in there. ~What a crime.
or
And you, Mr. Mayor, will have just saved the lives...of millions... of registered voters.
or
There is no Dana, only Zuul.
or
Are you a god? ~No. Then.... DIE!!!! *they're blasted* ~Ray? If someone asks you if you are a god...SAY YES!!
or
Mother pus bucket.
or
Yes, it's true. This man has no dick.Guessed by sweptawaybayou
14. Pardon me, I speak jive. Shiiiii. Chill out, blood. She gonna check you on the rebound on the med side.
or
I've never been with a man, before.
or
I have a question. ~What is it? An interrogative statement used to test someone's knowledge, but that's not important right now.
or
Looks like I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue.
or
Pray to J I get the same ol same ol. Cold got to be, you know? Shiiiii.
or
The fog is getting thicker. ~And Leon is getting larrrrrrrger!
or
Nervous? ~Yes. First time? ~No, I've been nervous lots of times.
or
Surely you can't be serious. ~I am serious, and don't call me Shirley.
or
You ever see a grown man naked?
or
...been to a Turkish prison?
or
...like Gladiator movies?
or
It's an entirely different kind of flying. Altogether. *the crew speaks in unison* It's an entirely different kind of flying Guesed by bitchygrrl
15. I called! Um, Seven eight two, four three eight, uh... niner six... ~You're trailing off and did you just say "niner?" Shut up, Richard.
or
Uh, huh. Lots of people go to college for seven years. They're called Doctors.
or
OH... MY...GOD. I got a D. ....I PASSED!
or
Wheee oooh! Wheee oooh! Here comes the meat wagon! *fakes puffing a cigar* OH. MY. GOD. *sets the toy car on fire* All that... just because you wanted to save a few- ~GET OUT.
or
Fat guy in a little coat...
or
The next thing you know, your wallet's missing and your daughter's knocked up. That's the kind of guarantee you're looking for?
or
I could take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, but what does that mean?
or
I can practically hear you getting fatter.
or
You can get a good look at your butcher's ass by sticking your head up there- Wait. No, it's a T-bone and... I think it needs to be your bull. YAYAYAYAYAY!! Why this was the last to be guessed... by floweringjudas
16. They call me... Tim?
or
So some watery tart throws a knife at you and makes you a king, eh?
or
He's repressing me! We're bein' repressed!
or
Ah! A man of science, I see!
or
No, let's not go there. 'Tis a silly place.
or
He was not afriad to be killed in many nasty ways, brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin! His head smashed in and heart cut out, and his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged, and his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off and his penis split... ~That's... enough singing for now, lads.
or
I fart in your general direction! Guesed by bitchygrrl
17. If lovin' tha Lord is wrong, I don't wanna be right! Now: Sexual Chocolate!
or
Mamma call him Clay, that's what I'm gonna call him! Cassius Clay!
or
Man, you lyin'! You ain't NEVER met no Martin Luther King!
or
We got an insect problem, but you boys from Africa are used to that. And another thing, don't use the elevator. It's a death trap. This is the place I was telling you about. It's real fucked up. Got just one window facing a brick wall. Used to rent it to a blind man... damn shame what they did to that dog.
or
TO BE LOVED! TO BE LOVED! OH! What a feeling... TO BE LOVED!!!! ~FUCK YOU! Fuck you, too!
or
The SOOOOOOUUUUUUUUl Glow!
or
Your rent's due, man! And don't be pullin' that fallin' down the stairs shit, I know you're conscious! Guessed by crazydiamondsue
18. Yeeeeah. I don't think I'm going to go back anymore.
or
Flair? Flair?!? I got your 15 pieces of flair!
or
Thaths my sthtapler. I could... kill you, you know.
or
If things go right, I may be showing her my O face. You know, "Oh, oh, oh!" Yeah.
or
Yeah... I'm going to need you to come in on Saturday. Sunday, too.
or
Did you get the memo about the TPS coversheet?
or
Good luck with the layoffs. I hope the firings go really, really well.
or
You see, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I don't care. Guessed by sweptawaybayou
19. No seriously: how much do we owe? ~How much you got?
or
Psh. Everyone French kisses. ~Yeah, but my dad says I'm the best.
or
*while watching the girl stick her hand in the pitcher and swirl it around* Can I help you with that? Please?
or
I don't know why they call it Hamburger Helper. It's fine on its own.
or
*after driving the Family Wagon off the road* I just got my period.
or
Here's your first beer, Rusty. *Rusty drains it in one* Guessed by mantypants
20. Do you like to wash up first? You know, top and tails... whores bath? Personally before I'm on the job, I like to give my undercarriage a bit of a how's your father!
or
Let me tell you a little story 'bout a man named SH!
or
When Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset people DIE.
or
Only sailors wear condoms, baby. ~Not in the 90s! Well they should, filthy buggers sailing from port to port?
or
There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking
or
I have a gun, in my room, you give me five seconds, I'll get it, I'll come back down here, BOOM, I'll blow their brains out! We'll do it together, come on! ~Scott, ya just don't get it, do ya?
or
Allow myself to introduce... myself.
or
I didn't spend six years in Evil Medical School to be called "mister," thank you very much. And I asked for sharks with frickin' laser beams on their heads.
or
I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab! ~Scotty, that hurts Daddy when you say that. Guessed by joolzmp7
21. Now I will kill you until you die from it!
or
These men have a supreme vow of celibacy, like their fathers, and their fathers before them...
or
We'll settle this the old navy way! First guy to die... LOSES!
or
I was so young, just a schoolgirl. He was an older man, so wise in the ways of the world. He used to come around the schoolyard, day after day. I so admired his persistence. Even the restraining order my parents slapped on him was no deterrent. He opened my eyes to the arts: music, clog-dancing, WrestleMania. His work has meant so much to so many. And I owe him everything, Topper. Everything.
or
Geronimo! *other person jumping from plane* Geronimo! *Indian jumps from plane* Meeee!
or
Know what I'm gonna do if we make it? I'm gonna go back to Eagle River and marry my gal, Edith Mae. Gonna get us a nice little place with a white picket fence. You know the kind. Two-car garage. Maybe a fishing boat. And in 15 years, when they're all paid for... I'll set my charges and blow the shit out of them. HOORAY!! Guessed by melbournegirl
22. She has the neatest tattoo on her inner thigh - it says, "Slippery When Wet."
or
The phone books are here! The phone books are here! Johnson! Navin, R.! I'm somebody!
or
I made you tuna fish on white bread and cut the crusts off just like you like it.
or
Son? This *points* is shit. *holds out small tin* This is Shinola.
or
Give you a lift? ~Sure! How far? ~Uh... the end of that fence?
or
Cat juggling!
or
He hates these cans! ~Die, anonymous bastard! Guessed by crazydiamondsue
23. Gentlemen, you can't fight in here, it's the War Room!
or
You'll have to report to the Coca-Cola company!
or
In ice cream? CHILDREN'S ice cream, Mandrake?
or
I tell you what: you start your countdown and ol' Bucky'll be there before you can yell "blast off!"
or
Women sense my power. They seek out my essence. I do deny them my essence.
or
Mein Fuher! I can walk! *mushroom cloud* Guessed by karabair
BONUS!!!!
24. I'll get the lubricant. ~There's no time for lubricant. THERE'S ALWAYS TIME FOR LUBRICANT!!
or
Just 'cause I'm a school teacher, that don't make me a pussy!
or
It's making its way through the leg - we'll have to amputate. ~Don't take my leg! Uh, oh. Looks like it's moving to the testicles. ~Take the leg! Take the leg! AWESOME! Guessed by Cherusha
[ETA]: All guessed, but! Feel free to spam with more quotes! This is going in the memories for "what to read on a bad day to make it better" file!
For now: let's play a game!! Name That Movie! These are quotes from my top 23 All Time Favorite Comedy Movies. This is all from memory...
1. You hear that? We's using code names!
or
That's what we call a "way-homer," 'cause you get it *cracks open a beer* on the way home.
or
You ate sand? ~We ate sand.
or
Sometimes I get the menstrual cramps reeeeal hard.
or
Recidivist. RE-PEAT offender! You like that name boy? ~No, that's one boneheaded name, Sir.
or
You go back up there and you get me one of them babies, HI. They got more'n they can handle!
or
Mighty good corn flakes, Mrs. McDunnough. Guessed by sdwolfpup
2. We got no JOBS, we got no FOOD.... OUR PETS HEAD'S ARE FALLING OFF!
or
Did you hear that?!?! WE LANDED ON THE MOON!
or
Get a load of that ass. ~He must work out.
or
I got worms.
or
Kick his ass, Sea Bass!
or
Mock. ~Yeah! Ing. ~Yeah! Bird. ~Yeah! Yeah. ~Yeah! Guessed by melbournegirl
3. I'll take two of those, three of them, gimmie nine of those, ten of these, eight of the orange ones and... whoa! Get a load of this hat! Looks like something you get free with a bowl of soup. Oh. 'Scuse me. Looks great on you, though.
or
How'd you like to earn 10 bucks the hard way?
or
DOODIE!
or
And I want a cheeseburger, no a hamburger. And I want a hot dog, no a corn dog. And I want a soda and some chips and - ~You'll get nothing and like it!
or
So I got that working for me. Which is nice. Guessed by sdwolfpup
4. CAN YOU FEEL THAT? HUH? HUH? HUH?
or
Oh, reeeeeeeeaaaaaaally?
or
WHOOOOOOOO! Do NOT go in there!
or
Come to me my jungle friends!
or
Like a glove!
or
Einhorn is a MAN!!!
or
LACES OUT! Guessed by sdwolfpup
5. . Yes. Yes! YES! HE VAS MY.... BOYFRIEND!
or
Igor, take the bags. ~Fine I'll take the blonde, you take the one in the turban.
or
Roll, roll, roll in ze hay!
or
PUUUUUUUUUH EEEEENN ONNNNNN DAH REEEEEEEEEEETZ! Guessed by karabair
6. Don't call me stupid!
or
Look! It's K-K-KKen! And he's coming to k-k-k-kill me!
or
You are the vulgarian, you fuck!
or
To call you stupid is an insult to stupid people!
or
Do you have any idea what it's like being English? Being so correct all the time, being so stifled by this dread of doing the wrong thing, of saying to someone "Are you married?" and hearing "My wife left me this morning," or saying, "Do you have children?" and being told they all burned to death on Wednesday.
or
The London Underground is not a movement, I looked it up!
or
Ok.. ok... DISAPPOINTED. Guessed by karabair
7. Baaaaaaaaaaxter! The man! The man punted Baxter!!!! Lemme-Lemme say something! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
or
It's called Sex Panther. Studies show that 60 percent of the time it works all the time. ~Brian, that doesn't make any sense.
or
Whooo! AQUALUNG!
or
I should punch you right in the ovaries, that's what I'm gonna do. Right in the baby-maker.
or
Milk was a bad choice. I. Am. Miserable.
or
Fuck you, San Diego.
or
I seem to be sporting a massive erection. I'm just gonna walk this off. Don't act like you're not impressed!
or
La Policia!
or
Brick killed a guy! Listen, Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You're going to need to find a safe house, somewhere you can lay low for a while.
or
I miss your scent... Ha, I- I miss your musk. I think, when this is all over, you and me should get an apartment! ~Why don't you sit a few plays out, Champ. Guessed by karabair
8. Smiling is my favorite!!
or
Hi, this is Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?
or
SANTA!! I know him!! I know him!!
or
You sit on a throne of LIES.
or
Somebody needs a hug! Guessed by sdwolfpup
9. Five grand. FIVE GRAND! I don't have five grand. ~So don't hit anybody. Ho hooooo, don't hit anybody.
or
Score. A direct hit.
or
Fresh breath. It's a high priority in my life.
or
Married? ~Married. Married?? ~Yes! Married. *door closes* Married? ~Married! JEEZ.
or
My new-style American girlfriend.
or
Stop it, Herb, you'll make her tinkle.
or
Jake. She's a CHILD.
or
Now we're BOTH on the pill!
or
You go to church? Guessed by joolzmp7
10. Badges?? We don't need no stinking badges!
or
Excuse me while I get more... comfowataboo.
or
Gosh, sir, you use yer tongue purdier than a twenty dollar whore!
or
Whew! Almost lost a 400 dollar handcart!
or
Rar rar!!
or
How 'bout some more beans, cooky? ~It smells like you boys have had enough!
or
What in the Wide, Wide World of Sports is a'goin' on here?
or
The cattle? Oh, we raped the shit outta them. ~Kinky.
or
Ah hell. Someone's gonna have to go back and get a shitload of dimes. Guessed by sweptawaybayou
11. We're going streaking!!
or
Why can't you - ear muffs. See? That's all you have to do. Shit cunt fuck bitch. All you have to do is say earmuffs and - You know what? I can't talk to you like this.
or
You're my boy, Blue! You're my boy!
or
That's really loud. ~Thanks.
or
Another fucking total eclipse of the heeeeeeeeart! Guessed by sdwolfpup
12. Do you have a kiss for daddy? *they kiss* ~So that's how it is in their family.
or
Anyone? What did Bush call this? Something d-o-o economics? Anyone? Anyone? Voodoo economics.
or
You wear too much eye makeup. My sister does, too. Everyone thinks she's a whore.
or
We've seen the whole city! We went to museums, saw priceless works of art! We ate PANCREAS!
or
Drugs? ~No, thank you, I'm straight. No, I mean are you hear for drugs? ~No. What are you here for? Drugs.
or
To fake out your parent, you have to go for the clammy hands. So? You lick your palms. It's a little childish, but then... so is high school.
or
You're still here? It's over! Go home, already! Guessed by crazydiamondsue
13. Dogs and cats... living together... MASS HYSTERIA!!
or
Ray. You didn't. ~I couldn't help it! Ray!! ~The Stay Puft marshamallow man. ~We've been going about this all wrong, this Mr. Stay Puft's okay, he's a sailor, he's in New York, we get this guy laid we won't have any trouble.
or
That's the bedroom, but nothing ever happened in there. ~What a crime.
or
And you, Mr. Mayor, will have just saved the lives...of millions... of registered voters.
or
There is no Dana, only Zuul.
or
Are you a god? ~No. Then.... DIE!!!! *they're blasted* ~Ray? If someone asks you if you are a god...SAY YES!!
or
Mother pus bucket.
or
Yes, it's true. This man has no dick.Guessed by sweptawaybayou
14. Pardon me, I speak jive. Shiiiii. Chill out, blood. She gonna check you on the rebound on the med side.
or
I've never been with a man, before.
or
I have a question. ~What is it? An interrogative statement used to test someone's knowledge, but that's not important right now.
or
Looks like I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue.
or
Pray to J I get the same ol same ol. Cold got to be, you know? Shiiiii.
or
The fog is getting thicker. ~And Leon is getting larrrrrrrger!
or
Nervous? ~Yes. First time? ~No, I've been nervous lots of times.
or
Surely you can't be serious. ~I am serious, and don't call me Shirley.
or
You ever see a grown man naked?
or
...been to a Turkish prison?
or
...like Gladiator movies?
or
It's an entirely different kind of flying. Altogether. *the crew speaks in unison* It's an entirely different kind of flying Guesed by bitchygrrl
15. I called! Um, Seven eight two, four three eight, uh... niner six... ~You're trailing off and did you just say "niner?" Shut up, Richard.
or
Uh, huh. Lots of people go to college for seven years. They're called Doctors.
or
OH... MY...GOD. I got a D. ....I PASSED!
or
Wheee oooh! Wheee oooh! Here comes the meat wagon! *fakes puffing a cigar* OH. MY. GOD. *sets the toy car on fire* All that... just because you wanted to save a few- ~GET OUT.
or
Fat guy in a little coat...
or
The next thing you know, your wallet's missing and your daughter's knocked up. That's the kind of guarantee you're looking for?
or
I could take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, but what does that mean?
or
I can practically hear you getting fatter.
or
You can get a good look at your butcher's ass by sticking your head up there- Wait. No, it's a T-bone and... I think it needs to be your bull. YAYAYAYAYAY!! Why this was the last to be guessed... by floweringjudas
16. They call me... Tim?
or
So some watery tart throws a knife at you and makes you a king, eh?
or
He's repressing me! We're bein' repressed!
or
Ah! A man of science, I see!
or
No, let's not go there. 'Tis a silly place.
or
He was not afriad to be killed in many nasty ways, brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin! His head smashed in and heart cut out, and his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged, and his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off and his penis split... ~That's... enough singing for now, lads.
or
I fart in your general direction! Guesed by bitchygrrl
17. If lovin' tha Lord is wrong, I don't wanna be right! Now: Sexual Chocolate!
or
Mamma call him Clay, that's what I'm gonna call him! Cassius Clay!
or
Man, you lyin'! You ain't NEVER met no Martin Luther King!
or
We got an insect problem, but you boys from Africa are used to that. And another thing, don't use the elevator. It's a death trap. This is the place I was telling you about. It's real fucked up. Got just one window facing a brick wall. Used to rent it to a blind man... damn shame what they did to that dog.
or
TO BE LOVED! TO BE LOVED! OH! What a feeling... TO BE LOVED!!!! ~FUCK YOU! Fuck you, too!
or
The SOOOOOOUUUUUUUUl Glow!
or
Your rent's due, man! And don't be pullin' that fallin' down the stairs shit, I know you're conscious! Guessed by crazydiamondsue
18. Yeeeeah. I don't think I'm going to go back anymore.
or
Flair? Flair?!? I got your 15 pieces of flair!
or
Thaths my sthtapler. I could... kill you, you know.
or
If things go right, I may be showing her my O face. You know, "Oh, oh, oh!" Yeah.
or
Yeah... I'm going to need you to come in on Saturday. Sunday, too.
or
Did you get the memo about the TPS coversheet?
or
Good luck with the layoffs. I hope the firings go really, really well.
or
You see, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I don't care. Guessed by sweptawaybayou
19. No seriously: how much do we owe? ~How much you got?
or
Psh. Everyone French kisses. ~Yeah, but my dad says I'm the best.
or
*while watching the girl stick her hand in the pitcher and swirl it around* Can I help you with that? Please?
or
I don't know why they call it Hamburger Helper. It's fine on its own.
or
*after driving the Family Wagon off the road* I just got my period.
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Here's your first beer, Rusty. *Rusty drains it in one* Guessed by mantypants
20. Do you like to wash up first? You know, top and tails... whores bath? Personally before I'm on the job, I like to give my undercarriage a bit of a how's your father!
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Let me tell you a little story 'bout a man named SH!
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When Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset people DIE.
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Only sailors wear condoms, baby. ~Not in the 90s! Well they should, filthy buggers sailing from port to port?
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There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking
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I have a gun, in my room, you give me five seconds, I'll get it, I'll come back down here, BOOM, I'll blow their brains out! We'll do it together, come on! ~Scott, ya just don't get it, do ya?
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Allow myself to introduce... myself.
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I didn't spend six years in Evil Medical School to be called "mister," thank you very much. And I asked for sharks with frickin' laser beams on their heads.
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I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab! ~Scotty, that hurts Daddy when you say that. Guessed by joolzmp7
21. Now I will kill you until you die from it!
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These men have a supreme vow of celibacy, like their fathers, and their fathers before them...
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We'll settle this the old navy way! First guy to die... LOSES!
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I was so young, just a schoolgirl. He was an older man, so wise in the ways of the world. He used to come around the schoolyard, day after day. I so admired his persistence. Even the restraining order my parents slapped on him was no deterrent. He opened my eyes to the arts: music, clog-dancing, WrestleMania. His work has meant so much to so many. And I owe him everything, Topper. Everything.
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Geronimo! *other person jumping from plane* Geronimo! *Indian jumps from plane* Meeee!
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Know what I'm gonna do if we make it? I'm gonna go back to Eagle River and marry my gal, Edith Mae. Gonna get us a nice little place with a white picket fence. You know the kind. Two-car garage. Maybe a fishing boat. And in 15 years, when they're all paid for... I'll set my charges and blow the shit out of them. HOORAY!! Guessed by melbournegirl
22. She has the neatest tattoo on her inner thigh - it says, "Slippery When Wet."
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The phone books are here! The phone books are here! Johnson! Navin, R.! I'm somebody!
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I made you tuna fish on white bread and cut the crusts off just like you like it.
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Son? This *points* is shit. *holds out small tin* This is Shinola.
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Give you a lift? ~Sure! How far? ~Uh... the end of that fence?
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Cat juggling!
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He hates these cans! ~Die, anonymous bastard! Guessed by crazydiamondsue
23. Gentlemen, you can't fight in here, it's the War Room!
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You'll have to report to the Coca-Cola company!
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In ice cream? CHILDREN'S ice cream, Mandrake?
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I tell you what: you start your countdown and ol' Bucky'll be there before you can yell "blast off!"
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Women sense my power. They seek out my essence. I do deny them my essence.
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Mein Fuher! I can walk! *mushroom cloud* Guessed by karabair
BONUS!!!!
24. I'll get the lubricant. ~There's no time for lubricant. THERE'S ALWAYS TIME FOR LUBRICANT!!
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Just 'cause I'm a school teacher, that don't make me a pussy!
or
It's making its way through the leg - we'll have to amputate. ~Don't take my leg! Uh, oh. Looks like it's moving to the testicles. ~Take the leg! Take the leg! AWESOME! Guessed by Cherusha
[ETA]: All guessed, but! Feel free to spam with more quotes! This is going in the memories for "what to read on a bad day to make it better" file!