10
RULES:
1. List 10 things you want to say to people, but you probably never will.
2. Dont mention names.
3. Never discuss it again.
I've kind of always wanted to do this, but never found the time. Please do not ever ask me about any of it, ever. I don't care who you are, or how close to me you are. I'm not going to tell you who any of it is about.
1. You're very unique, and you've always been interested in finding more to life. You have this mentality that nothing is what it seems, and I always needed a friend like that. We continue to inspire each other in new ways after all these years. I often find myself wondering what the hell I would be like right now if I had never met you. Out of all of the people I've met in my life, you and one other have really made the most impact, but you the greatest I'm sure. I do wish however, that the way you changed me was not through cruelty, as it actually was. You made me feel horrible about everything that I was for a very long time, knowing perfectly well what you were doing. You ask me all the time, how I could have forgiven you. The truth is, I could see that you needed me more than you knew. I probably needed you just as much. I'm not what you can't stand anymore. I think before I speak now. I care how I come off now. As a matter of fact, I've lost all the intensity that I possessed as a child. And the unlimited imagination, that's kind of diminished also. It was "annoying." I would never change our history though. Not for anything. I do love you. I love you like a sister.
2. I've known you just about all my life, and I know that if anything comes between our friendship it won't be our choice. We always had this amazing connection that only people that have known each other their entire life could have. You are the person that made me spontaneous and daring. I appreciate that more than you will ever know. You did make me self conscious, unfortunately. You said hurtful things quite often for your own entertainment, but you were a child and I forgive you entirely. It was mostly because you were always so competitive that you would do anything to seem like you were on top. I'm glad that you've learned to swallow your pride and not put people down because of your own insecurities. I realized the other day that I trust you with my life despite your reckless behavior. You can make me do crazy things and take chances just for the sake of entertainment and you are still the only person in the world that can do that.
3. You are the reason that I wake up in the morning, and you always have been. Ever since you first smiled at me, said something inaudible, and turned away I have been intrigued, fascinated, and in love with you. You are my only weakness, but you made me strong in ways that I would have never thought possible. Sure, you do things sometimes that make me think you're embarrassed by me or make me think that your friends are above me, but I know that you are and always have been deeply in love with me. No one could ever fake the way you look at me. You just have this way of making all of my worries fall away. You're my vacation away from everything that sucks. You always confused THE HELL out of me. We've been down a bumpy fucking road and we've both done things that hurt the other with no real justification. We've both grown up in ways we needed to, and realized that shit, we just need each other. We need each other because we love each other. You taught me how to be more positive, and I really, really needed that. I would sacrifice anything for you.
4. You're the most intelligent person I've ever met in my life, but you are probably the most selfish. I loved you like a brother and you fucked me over. I think you lied to yourself about why you did it. You can't handle anything and you run away from everything. You have an amazing mind, but your god complex continues to deteriorate it. You have no modesty, and "no mercy." I would have stood by you through anything, and you could not return that favor. You are not as strong as you perceive yourself to be. I believe I still wish the best for you, out of respect for what we once had. You were the other person that changed me in very big ways. You made me deeper. You enlightened me. I think back, and I'm surprised.
5. I didn't want to stop being friends with you. That's just what happens when things get blown out of proportion. You didn't understand the reasons for which I did things. I am still sorry for what I said, because it was just out of anger. We haven't spoken in years. I hope you're happy now.
6. We're both so different, but we're both so very, very similar. You are definitely, without a doubt, a good person. Sometimes it seems to me that you feel like you have to prove something to people, and because of that you lose sight of who you really are. I don't know how I could possibly know that, but it's just some kind of intuition. I want to know what you really like, what you really admire, what you really fear, what you really mean. I feel like the real you doesn't come out all the time. Sometimes it seems like you adopt superficial things from other people because you think it would make you seem better, or just hide you. I treasure our friendship, I really do. I admire you for reasons you might not understand. I know you're a good listener. I know you're a little different. And if there was nothing else, that's all I'd need to know.
7. My boyfriend was never attracted to you. I know because he's told me some things you'd probably get mad at him for. As fucking naive as this sounds, since he has known me I know that he has not been interested in another person. The fact that many people could not understand that annoys me. Just for the record, I think that you are creative in ways that I like very much. I kind of wish I knew you better.
8. I don't know why it's so hard to find things to say about you when you're so close to me. It's so hard to express exactly why I appreciate you. I do not know why you have always been there for me. I can't understand why you even want to spend so much time with me. You're a very interesting, fun, and original person. You're also very loving. I think that if there is anyone that sees through me, it's you. I think that you can see when I'm upset when I haven't even realized it yet. I think that's why I'm so surprised you've always been there for me. Because you know me so well, I guess. You can feel my pain when I explain things, and I don't think anyone else has felt that for me. You care so much about other people. You're so kind and you would sacrifice anything. You are the perfect friend.
9. I'm very sorry that I hurt you. I didn't plan on it, it was not intentional. I did enjoy the time that we spent together. I still haven't completely gotten over how clear you made it to others that you hated me, for that month or so. Nothing you said about me was true, but you didn't know me well enough to know that. You are actually the one that made everything come together for me. Being with you was always great. I know that you were not really in love with me, you didn't know me well enough to be. I'm sorry for making it seem like I screwed you over. The point is, if I wasn't being honest with you, I wasn't even aware of it myself at the time. I love that you would do anything for your friends. I admire your intensity. Even if you can be, at times, close-minded.
10. My old friend, you gave me a sense of humor. The best gift of all. Sure, you tried to take my friends away from me a few times, and you said some fucked up things to me when we were kids. I know it was just because you were jealous of me, you've said it yourself. You were a child. The point is, you were fucking hilarious, and I miss all the awesome times we had together. You're one crazy chick, and I miss you. As time has gone on, your good side has really taken over. I wish we talked more now. Oh, and all of us know you were a compulsive liar, no question there. ha.