Clerks2
AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!
This one's my favorite. it's so racist, and yet, all i could do was laugh.
Dante Hicks: 'Porch monkey' is a racial slur against black people!
Randal Graves: Oh it is not! Coon, spook, spade, moolie, jigaboo, nig-nog, those are racial slurs!
Randal Graves: Since when did 'porch monkey' become a racial slur?
Dante Hicks: Since ignorant rednecks started saying at a hundred years ago.
Randal Graves: 'Porch monkey' is something my grandmother use to call me because I use to sit on the porch all day looking at the neighbors.
Dante Hicks: That's like calling someone a "kike". Did you ever think that your grandmother was a racist?
Randal Graves: No way. She had the utmost respect for the Jewish community. She use to tell me to be nice to the Jewish kids or else they'd put the sheeny curse on me.
Dante Hicks: WHAT THE FUCK!?
Randal Graves: What!?
Dante Hicks: Sheeny is a racial term for Jewish people. Your grandmother was a racist.
Randal Graves: My grandmother was not a racist! Wait... Now that I think of it. She did refer to a broken bottle as a "nigger knife" once. Maybe my grandmother was kind of a racist.
Dante Hicks: You think?
I'm sorry, i have to agree with randal, there is only ONE "Return" It's deffineatle ynot of the King.
Dude, fuck LOTR, that shit was the gayest trilogy ever made. like, seriously.
Randal Graves: [describing the Lord of the Rings Trilogy] Here's the entire trilogy: The first film
[walks a few steps, starring blankly]
Randal Graves: The second film
[walks a few steps again, pretends to trip]
Randal Graves: . The third film.
[walks yet again, stops, pretends to throw the ring into the volcano. Shrugs his shoulders and turns around]
ALSO: Jason Mewes is the sex.
Jay: Sometimes I wish I'd done a little more with my life instead of just hanging out in front of places. Maybe be an animal doctor. Why not me? I like seals and shit. Or maybe be an astronaut. Go into space and shit. Be the first to find a new alien lifeform... and fuck it. People would be, like, "There he goes. Homeboy fucked a martian once."
I was watching some movie special for this one on VH1 and they were saying how the always wanted to spoof/pay homage to that scene in "Silence of the Lambs" where Buffalo Bil, was it?, starts dancing to "Goodbye, Horses" in the mirror...and they finally got a chance to do it in this movie and it was hysterical!
Jay: [dancing to "Goodbye, Horses"] Would you fuck me?... I'd fuck me... I'd fuck me hard...
This was just disturbing.
Randal Graves: Have you and Myra had sex yet?
Elias: Well, not that it's any of your business, Randall, but she can't. You know how every girl's parents put a troll in them? Well, Myra's is named Pillow Pants. And so, if I put my... thing... in her, Pillow Pants will bite it off.
Randal Graves: And Myra told you this?
Elias: Boyfriends and girlfriends talk to each other about sex stuff, Randall. You'd know this if you ever had a girlfriend.
Randal Graves: Have you and Myra even kissed yet?
Elias: We would have already if it wasn't for Listerfiend.
Randal Graves: Listerfiend is her mouth troll, isn't it?
Elias: [shakes head] Women.
I really liked Clerks2, enough to see twice. Enough to be willing to see it again and again.
who wants to go?
^.^