(no subject)
okay well i'm trying to make a new livejournal because i'm not liking the memories i have with this one.
i did make a new one but i wanted to get a different name. the one i did get was the_nephilim42 but i wanted miseria_cantare. so i'm paying 15 bucks to get that username (the account was deleted but you can now buy a purged username and have it exchanged with the one you have and keep all your stuff) but i dont want to continue with this username. i want to start with a clean slate and just get rid of everything.
ok well today was okay i guess. so my mom went to the doctor to get her arm and back checked out a while ago because they were sore and then they found something swollen in her throat. the doc believed it to be a swollen thyroid so he set up an appointment to get her an xray and when they did it, they found a lump in her throat. so the doctor set up an appt. with a thoraxic doctor so he can identify the problem. the thing is, if the lump were cancerous it'd most likely show up in my moms urine tests and maybe her blood tests (i dont know how the blood test works) but i'm hoping if it is cancerous, at least it be benign (cancerous but not deadly.) and my mom thinks that lump is sitting on a nerve that controls the arm and shoulder and back and whatever and thats whats hurting her. i hope she's okay seriously. even though she's become like a super grouch. shes just in a bad mood like all the time. i just hope everything is alright.
it's just made me incredbily frustrated and almost lonely. it gets to the point where if i'm alone and its quiet i start thinking about my mom dying and i start crying because i love my mom. i don't ever want her to die. i'm crying right now just thinking about it. i don't know what to do. there's nothing i can do really to help and that makes me even more frustrated. and then i feel really lonely because none of my friends are facing this or have faced this. well unfortunately a couple have but otherwise they would all just say i'm sorry. and i don't want to tell anyone because i don't even know what's gonna happen and i know i'm writing this in here but practically nobody reads this so i don't mind. i know winnie reads this so this is almost mainly for her. anyways i don't know what to do. i guess i should just stop imagining horrible things about what could happen or whatever and just wait to hear the results.
so i know winine wants to know all about the men in my life haha. so i shall tell you winnie. for a while now, i've had my eye on this really tall guy at my school. and one day i saw him walking with a friend of mine. so that night, i got online and asked her who he was and she found out i liked him and whatever. so it turns out he is a year grade above mine and his name is phillip. he has long hair (kind of like my length now) and its sort of straight. he's really tall (i almost have to look up at him haha) and he DOES NOT SMOKE! woohoo. he's pretty hot too! so willow invited me to go trick or treating with her and her boyfriend because it turns out she knows phillip through her boyfriend. so we watched a "scary" movie haha it was alright as far as scariness goes i guess. and phillip made fun of me for jumping during this one part. and then we went trick or treating because it FINALLY stopped raining. since i only really knew alessia and willow, i kind of stayed back because everyone had someone to walk and talk with. so while alessia was running ahead, willow and her boyfriend walked together, this girl and this guy sean walked together and phillip walked with me some of the time. he was really nice :) we were comparing candy and i honestly felt like a little kid. it was awesome. but it was SOOOOOOOOO cold and i was in a strapless dress (i was a bumble bee) so we made a short trick or treating trip. i have seen phillip a few times at school since monday night's events and i smile and say hi and he says hi back. i don't know if anythig is going to happen between us but willow wants to set us up haha. she's so funny.
well i shall keep you posted on what happens. i'm gonna laugh if somehow he finds this entry and reads it. i'll definitely feel like a loser then.
i'm gonna go to sleep now. thank goodness tomorrow is friday!!!! i would die if it wasn't.
goodbye.
i did make a new one but i wanted to get a different name. the one i did get was the_nephilim42 but i wanted miseria_cantare. so i'm paying 15 bucks to get that username (the account was deleted but you can now buy a purged username and have it exchanged with the one you have and keep all your stuff) but i dont want to continue with this username. i want to start with a clean slate and just get rid of everything.
ok well today was okay i guess. so my mom went to the doctor to get her arm and back checked out a while ago because they were sore and then they found something swollen in her throat. the doc believed it to be a swollen thyroid so he set up an appointment to get her an xray and when they did it, they found a lump in her throat. so the doctor set up an appt. with a thoraxic doctor so he can identify the problem. the thing is, if the lump were cancerous it'd most likely show up in my moms urine tests and maybe her blood tests (i dont know how the blood test works) but i'm hoping if it is cancerous, at least it be benign (cancerous but not deadly.) and my mom thinks that lump is sitting on a nerve that controls the arm and shoulder and back and whatever and thats whats hurting her. i hope she's okay seriously. even though she's become like a super grouch. shes just in a bad mood like all the time. i just hope everything is alright.
it's just made me incredbily frustrated and almost lonely. it gets to the point where if i'm alone and its quiet i start thinking about my mom dying and i start crying because i love my mom. i don't ever want her to die. i'm crying right now just thinking about it. i don't know what to do. there's nothing i can do really to help and that makes me even more frustrated. and then i feel really lonely because none of my friends are facing this or have faced this. well unfortunately a couple have but otherwise they would all just say i'm sorry. and i don't want to tell anyone because i don't even know what's gonna happen and i know i'm writing this in here but practically nobody reads this so i don't mind. i know winnie reads this so this is almost mainly for her. anyways i don't know what to do. i guess i should just stop imagining horrible things about what could happen or whatever and just wait to hear the results.
so i know winine wants to know all about the men in my life haha. so i shall tell you winnie. for a while now, i've had my eye on this really tall guy at my school. and one day i saw him walking with a friend of mine. so that night, i got online and asked her who he was and she found out i liked him and whatever. so it turns out he is a year grade above mine and his name is phillip. he has long hair (kind of like my length now) and its sort of straight. he's really tall (i almost have to look up at him haha) and he DOES NOT SMOKE! woohoo. he's pretty hot too! so willow invited me to go trick or treating with her and her boyfriend because it turns out she knows phillip through her boyfriend. so we watched a "scary" movie haha it was alright as far as scariness goes i guess. and phillip made fun of me for jumping during this one part. and then we went trick or treating because it FINALLY stopped raining. since i only really knew alessia and willow, i kind of stayed back because everyone had someone to walk and talk with. so while alessia was running ahead, willow and her boyfriend walked together, this girl and this guy sean walked together and phillip walked with me some of the time. he was really nice :) we were comparing candy and i honestly felt like a little kid. it was awesome. but it was SOOOOOOOOO cold and i was in a strapless dress (i was a bumble bee) so we made a short trick or treating trip. i have seen phillip a few times at school since monday night's events and i smile and say hi and he says hi back. i don't know if anythig is going to happen between us but willow wants to set us up haha. she's so funny.
well i shall keep you posted on what happens. i'm gonna laugh if somehow he finds this entry and reads it. i'll definitely feel like a loser then.
i'm gonna go to sleep now. thank goodness tomorrow is friday!!!! i would die if it wasn't.
goodbye.