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[stone_locket]

alright so summer is pretty much done. tryouts are in just about two weeks and i dont even want to go. everything has just sucked lately. i seem so stuck in whatever i do. even when something happens that should be something good it gets screwed up in the weirdest ways. i just cant give myself to people if im not 100% its not fair but people just can't deal with that or understand at all where im coming from. sorry if i seem so distant at times, its only because im not okay with myself. i just have a lot of growing up to do, and im not able to let go yet i dont know what it is that has been holding me back for three years. im connected to you in such an imaginary way it seems to people. it breaks me to know that you will never change, ever. i just cant deal with it at all, why not? why couldnt you change for me? i was never looking for perfection just decency but nothing can ever last i guess. and its unreal to think that things are going to change this year and that college is coming so soon but its what i want so bad. seriously if theres one thing in life i want its my career. as long as i have that and it doesnt get fucked up i will be so happy. everything else could vanish and i probably wouldnt notice.

everybody says things happen for a reason. i just want to believe that right now