(no subject)

Oct 11, 2006 12:20

There is no such thing as time anymore.
The past is memories that only come back in the form of dreams.

I can not forgive Zach right now. The whole Steph thing, nope went to far. Thanks. I was being as honest and nice and still trying to maintain a friendship. But it went to friendshit and you tell me you want to get engaged to steph. Thanks again. You said you could have the relationship you desired but haha i was surprised you didn't see why you stopped hanging out with her in the first place. Now you apologize and want my sympathy? He was one the closest people to me and then he through it out the window the immature comment here lets read shall we...
K. Reminder. Call at 10 am and we agree on being that we can be friends.
Later that day.
"I hate being single, please Kim"
Me:"Please, don't make this so hard." (a few hours later)
"I guess I am not single after all. I actually am sorta engaged. I might get married within the next month i am kinda excited."
Me:"Don't even" (referring to what his ex did to him)
"Now steph will be a citizen and i will have the relationship i desire. I am so happy and excited. Sorry i thought you should know."
"You don't care enough to try. so thanks kim."
Me: I do try and i tell you how you i feel that we can be together later, right now i was focused on school. what an ass.
(later that week)
Me:" do you still want me to come visit you b/c i am home?"
"I am with the finger eleven guys and i am happy so doint ruin my happiness and wednesday was goodbye for a long time because i met someone and things are great."
(later) "I can't stop thinking about you kand its making me not able to sleep. i cant stop loving you. sorry kim"
"why do you make me hurt inside? steph and me wont work out i talked to her last night nad i remembered why i didn't want to date her"
"i am going to start trying to be good to you i hope you come back soon sorry i am a ass i am just really hurt i loved you so much and its over now"

If he loved me he wouldn't have disrespected my wish to want to just be friends right now in the fact that we both live to far away. He always does this to me in the fact of acting immature. I have put up with it sooo many times over the summer and i always said the next one was going to be the last. Well, after that comment. This is the last. I haven't called him, nor do i think I am going to as much as i really do want to. I can't.
And the fact that I hate hurting people hurts times 10 back on me. So this is me....doing what I have to do to get by.
I am strong. That's why I got my tattoo. To represent family and strength. Even though Zach said it ment disrespect to him. It ment the world to me. I still love it no matter what anyone says. It was my dicision and i am happy with it.

Wow. I am so glad I finally got that out in the open. I really needed too.

* i love my family and closest of friends. i wouldn't trade them for the world.

* talking to my boss scares me and is getting wierd. but...i am professional and i will get over this. because i love what i do, i am good at it, and i don't want to lose this.

* steban i think has become one of my new good friends. we have such similar problems in our lives. i am glad i have someone to talk to. i only hope he doesn't pull the "kim's amazing i am going to fall in love with her" thing. (i am not amazing. i am just another human being and i wish people would stop saying stupid shit.)

* halloween is my favorite time of year. i love love love it. this year. i am going to be a pirate. haunted houses thrill me inside out.

* for once i actually like someone first. but it's just a little crush.

* and for once i think that i might actually try and trying will leave me to be better off. in this world. decisions might lead to me losing my scholarship but only to make more money after this year cause then. i can pay off my loan and school and still live the life i want.

* i love the one life that i have to live and by god i am going to live it up!
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