restless in ft. wayne
but not the kind like in the movie.
i can't sleep. i keep thinking about this dream i had last night. as hard as i try to sanctify myself and try to be a good person, it's never good enough for me. i still feel horrible. i don't understand how one person could lie to themselves and the one they love for so long and not feel guilty. maybe it's a trait that males have and females don't. or if they do, i don't have it. i couldn't go a day without turning around and telling the truth and now it still haunts me. it is because i am steareotypically a woman and with a woman means being emotion. maybe it was ascribed or maybe it was achieved through culture but none the less i am a woman and i feel lay awake at night thinking about mistakes i've made. mistakes i still make. am i even considered a good person anymore.
i can't sleep cause of a dream, why do dreams have to make you feel so rejected. i know no one has said things to my face but not saying anything at all is bad enough. i sometimes wonder if there isn't any love or compation (sp?) still in the world. and that people don't just care about themselves.
we all make mistakes but the hardest critic is ourselves. so how do you overcome mistakes. with time, seems like forever. with help, people can only help to an extent. i just don't understand how you can lie to someone you love for months without telling them. i wish i didn't feel like such a horrible, horrible person.
they say you will know who your true friends are. what if...no one would come to your rescue. what if at that point in time everyone was busy with their lives. that's how i feel and i just....i want.....i don't know.....
i want sleep without dreams.
i can't sleep. i keep thinking about this dream i had last night. as hard as i try to sanctify myself and try to be a good person, it's never good enough for me. i still feel horrible. i don't understand how one person could lie to themselves and the one they love for so long and not feel guilty. maybe it's a trait that males have and females don't. or if they do, i don't have it. i couldn't go a day without turning around and telling the truth and now it still haunts me. it is because i am steareotypically a woman and with a woman means being emotion. maybe it was ascribed or maybe it was achieved through culture but none the less i am a woman and i feel lay awake at night thinking about mistakes i've made. mistakes i still make. am i even considered a good person anymore.
i can't sleep cause of a dream, why do dreams have to make you feel so rejected. i know no one has said things to my face but not saying anything at all is bad enough. i sometimes wonder if there isn't any love or compation (sp?) still in the world. and that people don't just care about themselves.
we all make mistakes but the hardest critic is ourselves. so how do you overcome mistakes. with time, seems like forever. with help, people can only help to an extent. i just don't understand how you can lie to someone you love for months without telling them. i wish i didn't feel like such a horrible, horrible person.
they say you will know who your true friends are. what if...no one would come to your rescue. what if at that point in time everyone was busy with their lives. that's how i feel and i just....i want.....i don't know.....
i want sleep without dreams.