I was doing good...
...and now not so much. Sigh. I thought breaking into Christmas early this year would pull me out of this funk. Apparently not. I think I'm supposed to be in this funk. I know, that's so...clandestine?...of me, which I'm usually not. And now I'm just making words up. Or at least using them inappropriately. But I just get the feeling that this is a warning, a preparation, for something to come.
Monkey Man might have a girlfriend soon. I'm not so okay with that. She's nice and I like her, but she seemed to get a little jealous every time Monkey and I spoke directly to each other about our stuff. So now he may have even less time for me... I don't like that. I like having him as my friend. He's a good friend to have.
Handsome hasn't been around much lately either. Not that it's a bad thing, but it makes me...feel a sense of loss? He's so hot and cold that it's hard to know what I feel about him. He knows me well enough that he knows what I need to hear. Maybe he's just lying to me. He could do it and I could never be sure.
I wish I could spend some more time with New Guy but he is super busy. I haven't seen him outside of church in four weeks now... It's been at least three. I was so drained after that last time we hung out. But talking to him gives me a sense of comfort. I feel like the torn shredded parts of my soul are being smoothed over. It's a similar sensation to how I feel after singing one of my favorite songs at church. He has a touch. I hope that he gets to share it with a lot of people someday.
Things with Button are still going well. We've managed to keep in touch. I had Australian high tea at her house just two weeks or so ago. Her Aussie seems to be warming up to me. And her little Button too. I'm going to invite her to a play as her Christmas present. One of my favorite theatres has a special for frequent customers going right now. Dinner and the show for just the show prices. It's the Producers, which could completely suck or be really good, but either way it will be a fun present to give.
I'm starting to feel at home in the new office. I'm really getting along with Vallerina and Pamalama. I'm starting to feel more like their colleague. Like I'm part of the team and not the newbie who causes more work than if they did it themselves.
I'm trying to interact more with the other women. It's just hard because I'm usually annoyed by most women. I find them childish and two faced. And lunch is the only guaranteed "alone" time that I have any more. I really hate to give that up. But I still think it's healthier to make more connections with people. I've been a firm believer in quality over quantity...but that hasn't been working out so great for me lately.
I'm checking up on my sister a lot more now. She's been displaying a lot of destructive behaviors lately. I worry about her. I worry that I haven't set a good enough example or been there to watch out for her enough. I just want her to be happy and safe. I want her to have more joy in her life than I've had in mine. I want her to have less pain and sorrow in her life than I've had in mine. I just don't see that playing out.
New Guy asked me to take a Christian strengths test online this week. I ranked the highest in "Showing Mercy", so basically I’m empathetic. No surprise there. I wish it wasn't true though.
Well...I guess that's enough of me rambling. I felt the need to write and now I have. I could write a lot more I'm sure, but who would want to read it? And I can't justify procrastination any longer.
Monkey Man might have a girlfriend soon. I'm not so okay with that. She's nice and I like her, but she seemed to get a little jealous every time Monkey and I spoke directly to each other about our stuff. So now he may have even less time for me... I don't like that. I like having him as my friend. He's a good friend to have.
Handsome hasn't been around much lately either. Not that it's a bad thing, but it makes me...feel a sense of loss? He's so hot and cold that it's hard to know what I feel about him. He knows me well enough that he knows what I need to hear. Maybe he's just lying to me. He could do it and I could never be sure.
I wish I could spend some more time with New Guy but he is super busy. I haven't seen him outside of church in four weeks now... It's been at least three. I was so drained after that last time we hung out. But talking to him gives me a sense of comfort. I feel like the torn shredded parts of my soul are being smoothed over. It's a similar sensation to how I feel after singing one of my favorite songs at church. He has a touch. I hope that he gets to share it with a lot of people someday.
Things with Button are still going well. We've managed to keep in touch. I had Australian high tea at her house just two weeks or so ago. Her Aussie seems to be warming up to me. And her little Button too. I'm going to invite her to a play as her Christmas present. One of my favorite theatres has a special for frequent customers going right now. Dinner and the show for just the show prices. It's the Producers, which could completely suck or be really good, but either way it will be a fun present to give.
I'm starting to feel at home in the new office. I'm really getting along with Vallerina and Pamalama. I'm starting to feel more like their colleague. Like I'm part of the team and not the newbie who causes more work than if they did it themselves.
I'm trying to interact more with the other women. It's just hard because I'm usually annoyed by most women. I find them childish and two faced. And lunch is the only guaranteed "alone" time that I have any more. I really hate to give that up. But I still think it's healthier to make more connections with people. I've been a firm believer in quality over quantity...but that hasn't been working out so great for me lately.
I'm checking up on my sister a lot more now. She's been displaying a lot of destructive behaviors lately. I worry about her. I worry that I haven't set a good enough example or been there to watch out for her enough. I just want her to be happy and safe. I want her to have more joy in her life than I've had in mine. I want her to have less pain and sorrow in her life than I've had in mine. I just don't see that playing out.
New Guy asked me to take a Christian strengths test online this week. I ranked the highest in "Showing Mercy", so basically I’m empathetic. No surprise there. I wish it wasn't true though.
Well...I guess that's enough of me rambling. I felt the need to write and now I have. I could write a lot more I'm sure, but who would want to read it? And I can't justify procrastination any longer.