[Fic] Supernatural - To you I am tied
Title: To you I am tied
Author: Stolen Childe
Disclaimer: I do not own Kripke’s boys, he is their puppet master, I just like to play… And “Good Riddance” belongs to Green Day
Warnings: Pre-Series mostly, introspective, Castiel-centric, Wee!chesters, tiny hints of slash
Rating: G-PG
Genre: Gen, with tiny hints of Slash
Timeline: Early to mid-season five
Spoilers: This written assuming knowledge of the entirety of the series that has aired to date (1.1-6.22)
Characters/Pairings: Castiel, Dean and Sam. Guest spots for John and ghost!Mary; Castiel/Dean if you squint and tilt your head.
Word Count: 2100+
Summary: Castiel is transported and stands witness to past events.
Author’s Notes: Okay, something like this has been floating around in my mind for awhile… I’m not fully pleased with it, but I don’t want to force too much out of it. Oh yeah, and something like this has probably been done a thousand times before. The excessive use of full names is Cas’s fault. The tense shift near the end is intended.
Additional Note: For those of you reading my SPN/HP crossover, Chapter Two of Subtle Shining Sorceries is posted but there was not enough Sam and Dean in it to allow for posting on sn_fic. You can find it here if you like.
****************************************
To you I am tied
He squints as he comes into the light. He recognizes the park for what it is. He looks down at himself, and blinks. Uncertain of being able to see arms and legs and hands, it takes a moment before he realizes his Grace (which flows through time more fluidly than his mind) has chosen the image of what would one day be his vessel. He wonders what brought him here and then knows immediately. Before him, playing on the swings are two boys large grins, dark hair, light eyes and complete and utter ease with one another - Winchesters.
Castiel tilts his head to the side as he surveys Sam and Dean Winchester. They are young yet, perhaps six and ten perhaps slightly younger - Castiel had never been very capable of judging human aging accurately. One day, these boys would be in his charge. One day he would treat them as if they were his brothers in Heaven, but not today and not for several years to come. He is merely here to watch, to observe, to learn about them before he will have to know them.
He watches the boys now, so seemingly carefree, so comfortable with who they are - on the surface. Though even now, with the child yet so young, Castiel sees in Dean Winchester the caution and protectiveness over his brother. Even now, Dean Winchester has grown beyond his years and even now Castiel sees the light within him. It’s beautiful and Castiel, Angel of the Lord finds himself in awe of a human for the first time in his remembering.
Castiel wants to go over and lay his hand upon his head, praise him and feel his light but knows he would be close to blasphemy if he did so. Humans were creatures to be cherished, yes, but only Their Father was to be revered. Besides, Castiel will not be meeting the elder Winchester boy for many years and though time is fluid, it is not his to alter upon his own desire. He is to have no desire. For a moment an element of Castiel earns a glimpse of the future, a future where his Grace has visited. In this image is a man, no longer a boy, in this image the man has a warm easy grin and sparkling eyes and he calls the angel “Cas.” No one has ever given Castiel a nickname before. Cas. Castiel finds himself eager to know this man, though he must exercise patience. Patience he is familiar with, eagerness is something very human, something his mind-self had yet to experience, until now.
Castiel’s gaze then is drawn; he is not the only spirit watching the boys. He sees a lovely blonde woman with the eyes of the children. She smiles at him, nods and disappears. Mary Winchester did always tell her eldest son that angels were watching over him. Perhaps she just needed to see the proof for herself. Castiel hopes she can be at peace, but knows that it is unlikely until she sees her boys grown.
Castiel catches a glimpse in the woodland surrounding the children’s park. For a moment he fears for the safety of the small delicate humans and prepares himself to fight a demon, but the glimpse is actually very human and perhaps the being who poses the absolute least threat to the Winchester children. Castiel wishes to go closer and flies to the glimpse. John Winchester stands, shadowed in the wood away from prying eyes as he takes in his boys.
John Winchester shivers a little as Castiel lands which in reality he knew looked more like appearing to human eyes, but this human cannot see him. Castiel himself is only an image of young Jimmy Novak. He could not become corporeal and visible even if he wished to. Yet John Winchester shivers and reaches to his waist of his trousers where his human weapon is kept. Castiel sends whispers of reassurance to the human, and John Winchester removes his hand from his human weapon.
Castiel wonders as he watches John Winchester watching the Winchester boys why the man does not go to his sons. His sons who would be pleased beyond Castiel’s basic understanding of human joy, to see their father.
John Winchester speaks, “I am so sorry Dean that this is on those small shoulders of yours. You just keep on doing what you’re doing: taking care of Sammy. You’re so much like your mother Dean, I see her warmth and spirit in you every day. It makes me proud, Son.”
John Winchester’s voice his heavy with emotion that Castiel does not understand, he believes it is love. He knows though that there are many different kinds of human love and he finds the concept confusing and obscure. Why does John Winchester not speak to his boys directly?
Castiel follows John Winchester with his eyes as the man scrubs at his face with large hands and wanders out of the woods away from the park.
From across the grass, Castiel sees Dean Winchester pause in pushing Sam Winchester on the swing-set and look over to where the angel stands, where John Winchester stood a moment before. Dean Winchester returns his attention to his small brother. Then Castiel sees nothing.
_*_
When Castiel sees again, he is elsewhere, no longer in the gentle comfort of the children’s playground. He now sees two young men, boys no longer. He sees Sam Winchester at approximately fifteen years old. The last time he would be smaller than his elder brother. Dean Winchester is not far behind for it is Dean Winchester with whose soul Castiel is linked and it is Dean Winchester who Castiel’s grace knows and follows.
He watches Sam Winchester exit the human educational facility and he watches several teenaged girls giggle as they see him go by. Giggle as they see his elder brother watching in the large black vehicle at the curb-side. Sam Winchester often has many girls following him, Castiel is made aware, following him in hopes to bond with him in whatever form teenage humans bond and following him to satiate their fascination with and curiosity of Dean Winchester who is older and mysterious.
Sam Winchester looks uncertain, “You’re picking me up?”
“Yeah, meeting Dad two towns over, job’s moved on,” Dean Winchester says. “Kiss these bricks goodbye Sammy.”
“Oh,” Young Sam looks down at what he carries in his arms. They are school books Castiel understands. Sam Winchester still has an open young face. Eyes which are still clear and as of yet not jaded by the rough life his grace informs Castiel that Sam Winchester will lead. Though despite the youth and relative innocence, Castiel senses a stirring in the younger Winchester. Not youngest, for there is now another, though these children are not aware of that.
Sam Winchester turns away from the car and upon his face is an open, disarming grin that's not quite reaching his eyes. He is smiling at a teenaged female human who turns an interesting shade of red. The girl looks down at Sam Winchester’s hands and then over at the school. She nods quickly and takes the books.
Castiel frowns, though young and innocent as of yet, the boy is not above using manipulation to reach desired outcomes. Free from his burden and having gained one he does not yet recognize Sam Winchester climbs into the passenger side of the large black Impala. Castiel enters the back seat, sitting in the middle as Dean Winchester pulls away from the curb-side.
The music that is playing makes Castiel feel uncomfortable, it isn’t quite right music and his grace is protesting. Sam Winchester is singing along and in his hand, he holds a small plastic case with the name “Green Day” written on it.
“…Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road…” Sam Winchester warbles and Dean Winchester does not look over or flinch. Castiel senses something is upsetting the elder Winchester but the younger is still ignorant to his brother’s moods and continues his carefree singing. He is still so much the child. And though these two young men are closer to one another than any other human being, Sam Winchester is not as of yet capable of reading his older brother. The time for him to sense the shift in his brother’s emotions would come to pass soon but not yet. For now, he is simply self-possessed, self in tuned. Dean Winchester continues to drive in silence as the music plays on.
“…Something unpredictable, in the end it’s right, I hope you had the time of your life…”
_*_
When Castiel can see once more, he is again elsewhere in another time. Before him are not the children of before, or the young men. Before him is the beginnings of the dance that would last and follow them forever. Before him are Sam and Dean Winchester playing out the first act of their lives as Cain and Abel, Romulas and Remus and most strikingly Michael and Lucifer. The good son and the bad son, though Castiel suspects both Winchester Sons have a different opinion of who fits which qualifier.
The little brother no longer, Sam Winchester stands eye-to-eye with Dean Winchester as John Winchester stands off to the side cradling a glass of amber liquid.
Castiel knows not why they are fighting and perhaps the Winchesters know not why as well. The discussion is intense, heated. Previously light and cheerful eyes of both are now hard and dark. Castiel watches morbidly fascinated as the boys shout and gesticulate their anger. He fears physical violence is imminent and wants for the first time to truly intervene. He senses John Winchester wishing to as well. John Winchester may be their father, but he is not the peacekeeper in the family. It is Dean Winchester who had raised Sam Winchester and it is therefore Dean Winchester’s battle.
Castiel watches, as Dean Winchester reaches out a hand and rests it upon Sam Winchester’s shoulder. Castiel watches as Sam Winchester lifts his own hand and smacks away the calming hand of his brother.
Castiel feels his heart break for his charge as he watches the back of his younger brother retreat from the room. Castiel winces in sympathy as the rickety wooden door of the room in which they stand is slammed and rattles the paintings on the wall. He watches Dean Winchester’s shoulders sag and watches as Dean Winchester takes the glass from John Winchester’s hand and empties the amber contents in one, long swallow.
_*_
Castiel was aware once again, more aware than he had been what only seemed like moments ago.
“Yo Cas, you back with us Man?”
Castiel turned his head and saw the warm green eyes of Dean, Dean of the present; Dean who Castiel was aware of once more. Cas felt disoriented and turned around, his body-mind had travelled a great distance. A great distance without his prompting. A great distance to further his understanding of these men before him. Cas also recognized the heartbreak for what it truly was rather than a removed emotion that he had sensed from Dean.
“Yes, I am here,” Castiel said firmly.
“Where’d you go?” Dean’s grin and question were both teasing; Castiel prided himself in knowing this. However, he answered nonetheless.
“Far away Dean,” Castiel said. “Long ago.”
Castiel also realized he could now do something which his past mind had desired and his grace had experienced. Castiel approached Dean and wrapped his arms around the slightly taller man. He basked in his light, felt his warmth and offered comfort.
Dean tensed, “Dude, what did we say about personal space?”
“Dean, you are truly a remarkable creature. You have light of which I have never before witnessed and strength which you hide all too well from yourself. You were a good son. Your father felt you were very much like your mother. You should be proud.”
The moment was intense and probably very uncomfortable for the Righteous Man before him. It was broken momentarily by the younger Winchester (youngest once more for the other was dead) entering the motel room.
He sent a grin at the two men, “Am I ah… interrupting something?”
Castiel watched the taller Winchester, he had made a great and difficult journey and returned. Perhaps Castiel did not give Sam the credit he was due, “Sam, I am glad you are here for your brother. I am glad you are both finally here for one another.”
Dean reached out and gripped Castiel’s shoulder tightly. He said nothing but his eyes were bright and glossy. Thanks Cas.
End
Author: Stolen Childe
Disclaimer: I do not own Kripke’s boys, he is their puppet master, I just like to play… And “Good Riddance” belongs to Green Day
Warnings: Pre-Series mostly, introspective, Castiel-centric, Wee!chesters, tiny hints of slash
Rating: G-PG
Genre: Gen, with tiny hints of Slash
Timeline: Early to mid-season five
Spoilers: This written assuming knowledge of the entirety of the series that has aired to date (1.1-6.22)
Characters/Pairings: Castiel, Dean and Sam. Guest spots for John and ghost!Mary; Castiel/Dean if you squint and tilt your head.
Word Count: 2100+
Summary: Castiel is transported and stands witness to past events.
Author’s Notes: Okay, something like this has been floating around in my mind for awhile… I’m not fully pleased with it, but I don’t want to force too much out of it. Oh yeah, and something like this has probably been done a thousand times before. The excessive use of full names is Cas’s fault. The tense shift near the end is intended.
Additional Note: For those of you reading my SPN/HP crossover, Chapter Two of Subtle Shining Sorceries is posted but there was not enough Sam and Dean in it to allow for posting on sn_fic. You can find it here if you like.
****************************************
To you I am tied
He squints as he comes into the light. He recognizes the park for what it is. He looks down at himself, and blinks. Uncertain of being able to see arms and legs and hands, it takes a moment before he realizes his Grace (which flows through time more fluidly than his mind) has chosen the image of what would one day be his vessel. He wonders what brought him here and then knows immediately. Before him, playing on the swings are two boys large grins, dark hair, light eyes and complete and utter ease with one another - Winchesters.
Castiel tilts his head to the side as he surveys Sam and Dean Winchester. They are young yet, perhaps six and ten perhaps slightly younger - Castiel had never been very capable of judging human aging accurately. One day, these boys would be in his charge. One day he would treat them as if they were his brothers in Heaven, but not today and not for several years to come. He is merely here to watch, to observe, to learn about them before he will have to know them.
He watches the boys now, so seemingly carefree, so comfortable with who they are - on the surface. Though even now, with the child yet so young, Castiel sees in Dean Winchester the caution and protectiveness over his brother. Even now, Dean Winchester has grown beyond his years and even now Castiel sees the light within him. It’s beautiful and Castiel, Angel of the Lord finds himself in awe of a human for the first time in his remembering.
Castiel wants to go over and lay his hand upon his head, praise him and feel his light but knows he would be close to blasphemy if he did so. Humans were creatures to be cherished, yes, but only Their Father was to be revered. Besides, Castiel will not be meeting the elder Winchester boy for many years and though time is fluid, it is not his to alter upon his own desire. He is to have no desire. For a moment an element of Castiel earns a glimpse of the future, a future where his Grace has visited. In this image is a man, no longer a boy, in this image the man has a warm easy grin and sparkling eyes and he calls the angel “Cas.” No one has ever given Castiel a nickname before. Cas. Castiel finds himself eager to know this man, though he must exercise patience. Patience he is familiar with, eagerness is something very human, something his mind-self had yet to experience, until now.
Castiel’s gaze then is drawn; he is not the only spirit watching the boys. He sees a lovely blonde woman with the eyes of the children. She smiles at him, nods and disappears. Mary Winchester did always tell her eldest son that angels were watching over him. Perhaps she just needed to see the proof for herself. Castiel hopes she can be at peace, but knows that it is unlikely until she sees her boys grown.
Castiel catches a glimpse in the woodland surrounding the children’s park. For a moment he fears for the safety of the small delicate humans and prepares himself to fight a demon, but the glimpse is actually very human and perhaps the being who poses the absolute least threat to the Winchester children. Castiel wishes to go closer and flies to the glimpse. John Winchester stands, shadowed in the wood away from prying eyes as he takes in his boys.
John Winchester shivers a little as Castiel lands which in reality he knew looked more like appearing to human eyes, but this human cannot see him. Castiel himself is only an image of young Jimmy Novak. He could not become corporeal and visible even if he wished to. Yet John Winchester shivers and reaches to his waist of his trousers where his human weapon is kept. Castiel sends whispers of reassurance to the human, and John Winchester removes his hand from his human weapon.
Castiel wonders as he watches John Winchester watching the Winchester boys why the man does not go to his sons. His sons who would be pleased beyond Castiel’s basic understanding of human joy, to see their father.
John Winchester speaks, “I am so sorry Dean that this is on those small shoulders of yours. You just keep on doing what you’re doing: taking care of Sammy. You’re so much like your mother Dean, I see her warmth and spirit in you every day. It makes me proud, Son.”
John Winchester’s voice his heavy with emotion that Castiel does not understand, he believes it is love. He knows though that there are many different kinds of human love and he finds the concept confusing and obscure. Why does John Winchester not speak to his boys directly?
Castiel follows John Winchester with his eyes as the man scrubs at his face with large hands and wanders out of the woods away from the park.
From across the grass, Castiel sees Dean Winchester pause in pushing Sam Winchester on the swing-set and look over to where the angel stands, where John Winchester stood a moment before. Dean Winchester returns his attention to his small brother. Then Castiel sees nothing.
_*_
When Castiel sees again, he is elsewhere, no longer in the gentle comfort of the children’s playground. He now sees two young men, boys no longer. He sees Sam Winchester at approximately fifteen years old. The last time he would be smaller than his elder brother. Dean Winchester is not far behind for it is Dean Winchester with whose soul Castiel is linked and it is Dean Winchester who Castiel’s grace knows and follows.
He watches Sam Winchester exit the human educational facility and he watches several teenaged girls giggle as they see him go by. Giggle as they see his elder brother watching in the large black vehicle at the curb-side. Sam Winchester often has many girls following him, Castiel is made aware, following him in hopes to bond with him in whatever form teenage humans bond and following him to satiate their fascination with and curiosity of Dean Winchester who is older and mysterious.
Sam Winchester looks uncertain, “You’re picking me up?”
“Yeah, meeting Dad two towns over, job’s moved on,” Dean Winchester says. “Kiss these bricks goodbye Sammy.”
“Oh,” Young Sam looks down at what he carries in his arms. They are school books Castiel understands. Sam Winchester still has an open young face. Eyes which are still clear and as of yet not jaded by the rough life his grace informs Castiel that Sam Winchester will lead. Though despite the youth and relative innocence, Castiel senses a stirring in the younger Winchester. Not youngest, for there is now another, though these children are not aware of that.
Sam Winchester turns away from the car and upon his face is an open, disarming grin that's not quite reaching his eyes. He is smiling at a teenaged female human who turns an interesting shade of red. The girl looks down at Sam Winchester’s hands and then over at the school. She nods quickly and takes the books.
Castiel frowns, though young and innocent as of yet, the boy is not above using manipulation to reach desired outcomes. Free from his burden and having gained one he does not yet recognize Sam Winchester climbs into the passenger side of the large black Impala. Castiel enters the back seat, sitting in the middle as Dean Winchester pulls away from the curb-side.
The music that is playing makes Castiel feel uncomfortable, it isn’t quite right music and his grace is protesting. Sam Winchester is singing along and in his hand, he holds a small plastic case with the name “Green Day” written on it.
“…Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road…” Sam Winchester warbles and Dean Winchester does not look over or flinch. Castiel senses something is upsetting the elder Winchester but the younger is still ignorant to his brother’s moods and continues his carefree singing. He is still so much the child. And though these two young men are closer to one another than any other human being, Sam Winchester is not as of yet capable of reading his older brother. The time for him to sense the shift in his brother’s emotions would come to pass soon but not yet. For now, he is simply self-possessed, self in tuned. Dean Winchester continues to drive in silence as the music plays on.
“…Something unpredictable, in the end it’s right, I hope you had the time of your life…”
_*_
When Castiel can see once more, he is again elsewhere in another time. Before him are not the children of before, or the young men. Before him is the beginnings of the dance that would last and follow them forever. Before him are Sam and Dean Winchester playing out the first act of their lives as Cain and Abel, Romulas and Remus and most strikingly Michael and Lucifer. The good son and the bad son, though Castiel suspects both Winchester Sons have a different opinion of who fits which qualifier.
The little brother no longer, Sam Winchester stands eye-to-eye with Dean Winchester as John Winchester stands off to the side cradling a glass of amber liquid.
Castiel knows not why they are fighting and perhaps the Winchesters know not why as well. The discussion is intense, heated. Previously light and cheerful eyes of both are now hard and dark. Castiel watches morbidly fascinated as the boys shout and gesticulate their anger. He fears physical violence is imminent and wants for the first time to truly intervene. He senses John Winchester wishing to as well. John Winchester may be their father, but he is not the peacekeeper in the family. It is Dean Winchester who had raised Sam Winchester and it is therefore Dean Winchester’s battle.
Castiel watches, as Dean Winchester reaches out a hand and rests it upon Sam Winchester’s shoulder. Castiel watches as Sam Winchester lifts his own hand and smacks away the calming hand of his brother.
Castiel feels his heart break for his charge as he watches the back of his younger brother retreat from the room. Castiel winces in sympathy as the rickety wooden door of the room in which they stand is slammed and rattles the paintings on the wall. He watches Dean Winchester’s shoulders sag and watches as Dean Winchester takes the glass from John Winchester’s hand and empties the amber contents in one, long swallow.
_*_
Castiel was aware once again, more aware than he had been what only seemed like moments ago.
“Yo Cas, you back with us Man?”
Castiel turned his head and saw the warm green eyes of Dean, Dean of the present; Dean who Castiel was aware of once more. Cas felt disoriented and turned around, his body-mind had travelled a great distance. A great distance without his prompting. A great distance to further his understanding of these men before him. Cas also recognized the heartbreak for what it truly was rather than a removed emotion that he had sensed from Dean.
“Yes, I am here,” Castiel said firmly.
“Where’d you go?” Dean’s grin and question were both teasing; Castiel prided himself in knowing this. However, he answered nonetheless.
“Far away Dean,” Castiel said. “Long ago.”
Castiel also realized he could now do something which his past mind had desired and his grace had experienced. Castiel approached Dean and wrapped his arms around the slightly taller man. He basked in his light, felt his warmth and offered comfort.
Dean tensed, “Dude, what did we say about personal space?”
“Dean, you are truly a remarkable creature. You have light of which I have never before witnessed and strength which you hide all too well from yourself. You were a good son. Your father felt you were very much like your mother. You should be proud.”
The moment was intense and probably very uncomfortable for the Righteous Man before him. It was broken momentarily by the younger Winchester (youngest once more for the other was dead) entering the motel room.
He sent a grin at the two men, “Am I ah… interrupting something?”
Castiel watched the taller Winchester, he had made a great and difficult journey and returned. Perhaps Castiel did not give Sam the credit he was due, “Sam, I am glad you are here for your brother. I am glad you are both finally here for one another.”
Dean reached out and gripped Castiel’s shoulder tightly. He said nothing but his eyes were bright and glossy. Thanks Cas.
End