[Fic] DCBB - Hidden Away - Part One (A)

[stolen_childe]

Title: Hidden Away
Author: Stolen Childe

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Part One: Domesticity is an Art (A)

Dean clung to Castiel afterwards, breathing harshly and Castiel, with trepidation, gently lowered a hand over the barely-visible mark on Dean’s shoulder and reached in with a thread of grace. He inched carefully down, Dean’s fingers tightening convulsively where they grasped Castiel’s arms, but Castiel knew it wasn’t pain Dean was feeling. The angel was being far too gentle for pain. When Castiel finally reached Dean’s soul he almost recoiled as if he had been burned. The body felt normal, familiar, but the soul, the soul wasn’t his Dean’s.

Castiel felt a sharp flash of guilt, almost betrayal, as he realized far too late that he had just made love to not his Dean but another Dean. It was gone though, quickly after. At this stage, after all the trips to other timelines and other places, they knew it wasn’t really betrayal. Dean had his fair share of dalliances with alternate Castiels and wouldn’t be angry at Castiel for this. Castiel hadn’t even known, and he wondered how that had even been possible he hadn’t known. Castiel could see it so clearly, now.

Castiel smiled gently, slowly pulling his hand away and easing to Dean’s side. He brushed a hand comfortingly across Dean’s face and down his arm until he curled their fingers together.

“Dean, are you all right now?” Castiel asked carefully. He knew it was a stupid question; there were so many scars on Dean’s soul that even the faint brush Castiel just gave it was enough to tell. He had to be careful though, this Dean was spooked enough and Castiel didn’t want to cause further harm.

“I… I don’t… Are you all right?” Dean asked suddenly, shifting to his side, his eyes - clearer than Castiel had seen them since he woke - dancing around Castiel’s face. He reached up a hand, cupped the angel’s cheek and peered into his eyes.

“You seem better,” Dean added softly. A smile quirked his lips, “Not crazy anymore.”

“Yes, I… Feel better,” Castiel said hesitantly. Crazy?

“Man, I don’t… That was pretty intense, huh?” Dean asked. “I suppose that’s a normal reaction from being snatched out of Purgatory and dropped into Stepford. You’re all right, though? No more bees or desire to free any monkeys? Or you know, unholy lust for Meg?” At the last one Dean scowled deeply. Then he lightened his feature again before saying, “We can get a cat though, if you still want one of those. Anything you want, Cas.”

“I…” Castiel had absolutely no idea what to say. He had grown pretty proficient at fibbing over the years and telling half-truths. Even good at placating others, but Dean’s wholly bizarre speech left him at loss. Bees, monkeys, Meg of all creatures? All right, this definitely wasn’t Castiel’s Dean and each passing second only cemented that fact further.

“It’s cool, maybe you’re having a moment too. I guess Sammy settled down after we went away and maybe this is his place? That would be awesome. Dude, you won’t believe what I thought when I woke up. I swear you said something about the boys and being an archangel and Gabriel. Gabriel’s been dead for years. Maybe my mind was playing tricks trying to settle itself back. I mean when you pulled me out of Hell, I wasn’t nearly that messed up but you probably fixed some things when you did that, right? You had to rebuild me. This time though my body was fine so I guess switching from one realm to another drove a few screws loose. Sex, Man. It’s a cure-all. Shoulda tried that on you when I got you back, huh?”

Castiel’s stomach was sinking with each word. Purgatory.Purgatory. If this was another Castiel’s Dean, then was his Dean in Purgatory. Oh Father, no.

Castiel had to figure this out and fast. He also would have to explain it to Dean before the kids got back. Especially John. It would frighten him terribly. Castiel just had to figure out what he was explaining. Also, unfortunately, there was only one person on the Earth (currently on the Earth at any rate. Usually in Heaven) who had any workable knowledge of Purgatory. The Being who built it and the Being Castiel wanted to see the least in the world. He had not in any way forgiven his Father, but He was good to the boys and Mary. Just this once, to figure this out, Castiel needed to make an exception.

“Dean, I think perhaps it may have affected you more than me. I need to go… I need to do some research and make sure that you’ll be all right. Will you stay? Here in bed, I mean. Sam’s still here. If you need anything, please call him.”

“Cas,” Dean’s calm was breaking slightly, Castiel heard that in the quiver of Dean’s voice. The angel wasn’t entirely sure if Dean was as well as he sounded, and suspected that Dean was just putting on a brave front because of his concern for Castiel, who had apparently been in Purgatory as well - and crazy, so it seemed. Castiel didn’t know what could possibly drive an angel mad but would ask questions later when he had some answers to give.

“You’re safe, Dean,” Castiel said gently as Dean’s hand flung out to snag the angel’s hand as the blue-eyed creature rose from the bed. “I’ll be back. I promise.”

“Okay,” Dean nodded.

“All right,” Castiel nodded back. “I know I’ve been telling you this a lot, but do try to sleep. I’m sure you need it.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Dean grinned.

“All right,” Castiel leaned forward and kissed Dean gently without thought. It was habit, long ingrained and Castiel wondered if crossing that boundary was something he should have avoided. Dean, though, didn’t seem to mind in the least and returned the gentle peck, before allowing Castiel to rise to his feet and gesture his clothes back on.

“All right,” Castiel said again, now suddenly hesitant to leave. “All right,” a fourth time and Castiel nodded sharply, vanishing.

Dean watched the space where Castiel had been, a heavy weight settling in his stomach. He understood this was real now but this was still different. Dean felt a strange sense of being out of place and though he told Castiel he would rest (who was acting strange, now that Dean could think coherently) he eased himself out of bed and wandered over to the half open closet where he caught a glimpse of a mirror on the interior door. He hesitantly pulled the door open and peered at his reflection…

Dean blinked. He didn’t look any different. He moved closer to the mirror and frowned, then he noticed the changes, miniscule but there. He had a few more lines around his eyes, a few more freckles along his cheeks and nose and his hair looked as if someone had desaturated it. It was still light brown but now it was a little mousier, not grey yet but maybe in a few more years. He was older. He couldn’t tell by how much, but he could see it.

“Well shit,” Dean muttered. He supposed that could explain the homestead and Castiel’s difference towards him.

The last few occasions he time-travelled, it wasn’t anywhere pleasant and Dean wondered if this was another lesson by some sadistic angel, or if maybe… Castiel had been mentioning that he may be able to get them out if he got the right things together. Maybe he had managed but given his relative state of mind, maybe he overshot. That would explain Dean’s confusion but the Castiel that just left here was definitely the Castiel from this time. Dean bit his lip, reached in blindly to snag a folded pair of jeans and a button down and slipped them on. The jeans were tight on his hips, the button barely going together. He stared down at them and realized they must be Castiel’s. Which meant they shared a room, which meant they weren’t just fuck-buddies. Which meant commitment. Dean swallowed.

He shucked out of the jeans, leaving them in a pile on the floor and reached in again to the opposite side of the closet this time and checked the size. He slipped them on and crept out of the room.

The hallway of the house was a light taupe colour. The floors were hardwood, the décor nondescript. A few landscapes hung on the wall, one image of a pack of running wolves against a snowy backdrop. No family photos. That didn’t really surprise him. The Winchesters never had really been the type to put family photos up in corridors. John kept most of his photos in an old box and Mary had kept a few on her bedside table and a few on the mantel.

The house was quiet; Castiel had mentioned Sam was still around but Dean couldn’t tell where. On the other end of the hallway there was a bathroom and another shut door. There was also a door leading down to what was probably the basement, off of the kitchen. The house was only a single storey. Dean eased out of the hallway towards the front door and was relieved to see his familiar keychain sitting on a scarred table near the entrance.

On the floor by the door were Sam’s oversized boots, a pair of runners that that could have belonged to either Dean or Castiel, and then Dean’s boots. Sockless, Dean attempted the shoes and found they fit well enough. Dean chanced a glance behind him before opening the front door. He stepped onto the small porch and was glad to see his Impala well-kept and gleaming in the early afternoon sunshine.

Dean swung the keys around his index finger, wondering exactly where he was planning on going but maybe not even planning on going anywhere. Dean hopped down the steps and made his way to his car, pausing and whistling low when he caught site of the gorgeous blue ’68 Mustang sitting at the top of the driveway just in front of a badass old Chevy truck that must have been Sam’s. Sam and Dad both had a fondness for trucks over cars. Sam probably because he was a giant and Dad was a Kansas boy at heart. Trucks were in his blood. Dean couldn’t figure who the Mustang belonged to but decided to get a closer look and wandered up the driveway. He peered into the windows and froze when he saw something seat-shaped and plastic in the back.

“What the…” Dean muttered, peering closer and trying the doors. Locked of course. He looked down at his keychain and saw to his amazement quite a few extra keys resting there and only one car-like key that didn’t belong to the Impala. Shrugging, Dean tried it and it slid home in the lock. Dean opened the door and leaned over the seat, freezing when he better saw what he had caught a glimpse of earlier - a baby’s car seat.

Dean backed up slowly and ran to the truck; there was another car seat, this one looked a little larger though. All right, all right… Sam had a wife. Mustang was probably hers. Mary. Mary at Bobby’s. Sam had said that. Dean figured it was far too oedipal for the wife to be Mary so maybe they had a daughter and had named her after their mom. That was a Sam-thing for sure. Maybe Dean and Castiel were visiting Sam and his wife? No, the closet was too full for a visit. Maybe Sam and the wife were visiting Dean and Castiel. Why two cars, then? Dean frowned. Work maybe?

Maybe Baby would help him puzzle this out or maybe the Impala had a clue or two in her comforting confines. Dean nodded, and headed back over to the Impala. He unlocked it and froze with his hand on the door handle, before wrenching the door open and gaping into the back. Another car seat. This one looked about the same size as the one in the Mustang.

The boys are at Bobby’s, so you don’t have to worry about them.

“Boys,” Dean squeaked, backing away from the car. Bobby. Bobby!

Dean raced back to the house and looked around for a coat rack or hat-stand. Nothing but a door. All right, closet. Awesome. Dean opened the door and looked in at the mess of coats. Different genders, different sizes and… Dean flipped through them, looking for something familiar. He saw his dad’s old jacket and breathed out shakily digging into the pockets. Empty.

“Damnit,” Dean cursed. He didn’t see his new jacket either.

“Phone, phone, phone,” Dean muttered. Beside table. Right. Smart place for it. Dean kicked off the runners and walked quickly back down the hallway. He entered the bedroom he had left only minutes ago and saw the bedside table free of a phone.

“Damnit!”

Looking around again his eyes landed on the dresser against the wall.

“Awesome,” Dean remarked, a ridiculously thin looking device that could be a phone was sitting next to a few bottles of cologne.

He picked it up and poked at it. He flipped it over and around looking for a button and finding a small nub at the top of the device. He almost recoiled when a little robot pranced across the screen then the device settled into what must have been a home screen. Dean’s own face was staring out at him. Dean quirked a brow and poked at the screen again.

“Where are the fucking buttons?” Dean grumbled. After far too long fiddling, Dean managed to find the address book and was startled to see the number was Bobby’s old one. Dean pressed it and hit send.

“Cas, everything all right?” Bobby answered after a few quick rings.

“It’s Dean,” Dean answered quickly.

“Why you using the Feathers’ phone? Never mind… Dean, the boys are fine. You don’t have to call every ten minutes with your friggin’ fool-hard worries. I may be old, but I ain’t an idjit. I can take care of a few kids. They’re fine… Besides, not that I need the help, but Jody’s here. She said she wanted some baby snuggles, whatever the hell that means. Women. Anyway, they’re great. I’ll have ‘em back to you Sunday night, just like we said. Enjoy you damn time off for a change.” Bobby hung up without so much as a goodbye.

Dean felt close to tears at Bobby’s familiar gruffness, but that didn’t mean he was any less clueless. Dean dropped the phone back onto the desk and walked numbly over to the bed, slumping down at the edge. Kids. Babies. Jesus.

“Dean.”

Dean’s head shot up towards Castiel’s voice and the angel smiled sympathetically. He came over and sat next to Dean on the edge of the bed.

“I gather you’ve realized…”

“I don’t belong here,” Dean whispered back. “I’m not… I don’t… What the hell Cas? Kids? Fucking kids? I mean what the hell?”

“I… apologize for earlier, Dean. I hadn’t realized until after that you weren’t my… That you were different.”

“Huh?” Dean frowned.

“Our… intimacy,” Castiel answered uneasily.

“What? Oh,” Dean waved that off. “Sex. Yeah. No that part’s fine. Not exactly the first time there, Flyboy. I feel bad for you about that, actually … He won’t… I won’t… Your Dean won’t be mad, will he? Jesus, I hope he isn’t where I came from. God,” Dean looked with wide-eyes at Castiel.

“No, my Dean won’t be mad. I gather from his colourful description that he had more fun in the alternate timeline than he let on originally,” Castiel replied wryly.

Dean flushed, remembering. “Ah… yeah. I… he, we? Oh this is fucked up. I went there too, so yeah… No the…” Dean shook his head slowly, gesturing around. “This. The house, the kids, the shared-living space… It’s weird. Really weird. Especially considering the year I just had and to be here with you… Yeah. It’s something all right.”

“Also, rest assured, my… contact informed me that my Dean would not have gone where you came from. I suppose he’s… on ice… As it were.”

“Contact? Hey! You mentioned Gabriel, earlier, is he alive?” Dean asked.

“Oh! Yes, he is. We found out a few years ago. Since then he’s taken over duties in Heaven… Well, he’s taken over being the figure-head at any rate. Most of the time his duties fall to me,” Castiel grumbled.

“So he was who you saw? Can he get me back? Oh, wait, can you get me back? Well… not back, back. I sure as shit don’t want to go back to…” Dean trailed off, shuddering a little. “But if my Cas is…” Dean swallowed. “I need to get back.”

“I… Dean, I can’t and Gabriel wasn’t who I saw. Gabriel doesn’t know much about Purgatory. Only one Being, aside from the monsters who have been there, knows about it.”

“Wait… huh?” Dean frowned. “Who is that then…?”

Castiel gave Dean a significant look.

“Oh. Oh! You mean… You don’t mean you went to see God?”

“I… yes, I went to visit my Father. The first time I had spoken to Him in several years, actually. He and I don’t exactly… Get along. I could have sworn He wanted to… to hug me. It was very off-putting…” Castiel frowned.

“Dude, man… Wow. I can’t believe you actually found him,” Dean shook his head. “That’s… Great?”

Castiel grimaced. “Not… really. I wasn’t who found him anyway, John did, by accident.”

“Who’s John?” Dean asked. “Not my dad…”

Castiel looked sad at the question and Dean swallowed again, heavily. Was his father…?

“No, John’s our son. Eldest son. It’s so strange for you to not know that. I’m sorry,” Castiel shook himself. “Yes, John’s our eldest son. He’s eleven. Then we have Jasper who is just over a year now.”

“We named the first one after my dad, huh? That’s… Yeah,” Dean nodded dumbly. “Ah… weird question, Man, but how?”

“How what?” Castiel asked.

“How did we get a kid… Two kids. Did we adopt? I find that a little… er… unlikely. Jesus Christ. Kids. Sorry, Man. This is taking a little more to wrap my head around than I thought. This whole thing… I mean just last night I was shivering against some big ass rock while you fought off these freaky Purgatory beast things. But, let’s not worry about that. Ah, so God… yeah, he sent me here then? Did he tell you why? Some sort of lesson or did he overshoot my timeline? Oh and hey, where can we find him, might need him to fix my Cas.”

“Dean, just wait a moment. You seem to be taking this awfully well… Too well,” Castiel gave the green-eyed man an anxious look.

Dean shrugged, “Not my first round of time-hopping. I think I may be screaming on the inside a little right now, but I’m trying to focus on what we can work with. Freaking out won’t get us anywhere… Except maybe back in bed.” Dean shot Castiel a suggestive look but the angel just rolled his eyes.

“Dude, did you just roll your eyes at me?” Dean asked.

“Yes, I do that now,” Castiel’s eyes sparkled a little. “Dean, listen for a moment. I understand you may be feeling… Out of sorts and please don’t feel you have to hide that from me, all right?”

“No, Cas, really, I’m awesome. I was real messed up this morning but I’m great now. So yeah, God. He’s gonna send me back, right?”

Castiel was not at all convinced and Dean probably realized this but both of them chose to ignore it for the time being.

Castiel sighed and finally answered, “No, it wasn’t Him. Not the Him of this timeline at any rate. He’s not actually sure why you’ve been sent here or what happened. This timeline that you’re now in is new. It hasn’t existed until this morning. I suppose, your timeline was so very different than mine that an alternate future was necessary. I… He’s going to see what He can find out, Dean, but you may just have to ride this out until you discover whatever you are meant to discover.”

“New,” Dean said flatly. “It’s new. How can it be new? He’s fucking God, Cas, he’s supposed to know everything! What the hell?”

“Dean-”

“I mean seriously, for- Shit… Can’t even say that. For whatever’s sake, after everything, everything we’ve gone through, now I get plucked out of my own time and thrust into one that didn’t even exist until I got here? How is that fair? We got Dick, we didn’t spring open the portal again like Cas did, it was just some fucking backlash, we went through fucking hell… I went through hell… again. God, I thought I lost Cas and then Bobby and nearly Sam and now Cas is crazy and alone in some godforsaken land with godforsaken creatures, clamouring for his blood and I’m here for whatever reason when Cas could be getting killed!” Dean’s fury had bled out from him with his speech and now he just sagged listless on the bed.

Castiel gaped at him, shocked by the sudden ramble and more shocked at what he heard.

“What? What do you mean I opened Purgatory and you lost me? I… That didn’t happen… And Bobby? Sam? Dean what happened in your timeline?”

Dean turned his sad gaze on the angel and shook his head, closing his eyes tight. “No, never mind. It’s too much, I can’t go through it again. Please, don’t ask. Not right now, all right?”

Castiel nodded slowly, trying to process everything Dean said and trying to make sense of it. It wasn’t happening, he didn’t have nearly enough information and though he could reach in easily enough and pull out the details he needed, he wouldn’t break that trust. Not with this Dean. He had to remind himself that, despite appearances, this Dean was from elsewhere and elsewhere was a horror show by the sounds of it. Castiel was never more grateful for his quiet life with Dean, Sam, Mary and the boys. Right. Dean’s asked.

“Divine intervention,” Castiel said, apropos of nothing.

Dean snorted. “Suppose I could use some right now. Gonna lay some on me?”

“What?” Castiel frowned, then shook his head quickly, understanding. “No, no. You asked how we got the boys. We didn’t adopt, they’re ours, flesh, blood, soul and grace. My Father… gifted us with them is the best way of putting it.”

Dean gawked for nearly a full thirty seconds before roaring out, “What the hell for?”

“What?” Castiel backed up at the force of the words. Oh God, Dean didn’t want…?

“I mean what did I do to deserve such a thing?” Dean smiled bitterly, “Something I heard recently fits kinda well right now… ‘The very touch of [me] corrupts,’ why in the world would God do something like that for me? Give me what I always wanted, even if I didn’t realize? I just… I don’t understand.”

“Dean, you saved the world,” Castiel said simply, not understanding Dean’s confusion. Castiel had not seen this level of self-deprecation in the green-eyed hunter since the first year after he was pulled from Perdition. Surely Dean, three years removed from that now, would be more self-assured than this. Castiel’s Dean was, without a question.

“Who would have ever told you such an awful thing?”

Dean looked up, eyes dark. “Hester… Old friend of yours as I understand it.”

“Hester?! You’ve encountered Hester? How? Why? Why would she have that to say about you? She’s a gentle creature at heart.”

“She was saying that because of what I did to you,” Dean said quietly. “I broke you, Man. You don’t get it, I shattered you. You. Are. Insane. And that ain’t figurative. I turned my back when you needed me the most because of a lame-ass little reason: You hurt my feelings. I gave up. I let you go and you got lost and I couldn’t get you back. My time? It’s dark, Cas. So no, I see absolutely no reason why God would want to reward me for anything, because I broke his favourite toy and the dream-house too.”

Dean waited for the ‘I don’t understand that reference’ but it never came.

“Dean,” Castiel said, soft and gentle, hand coming up to cup the other man’s jaw and cheek, “is the world still standing? Where you’re from. Is it still there?”

“Well yeah, unless tragedy stuck within the last… Actually I don’t even know, but I’m pretty sure.”

“Me? Am I alive? And with you?”

“Now you are,” Dean said quietly.

“Then stop.”

Dean frowned.

“Stop it, you hear me? Cut the bullshit,” Castiel said idly.

Dean gawped.

“Dean, I can’t begin to understand your world. It seems so very different than the past I remember, but I know you and you are the same in every incarnation, no matter what. Your soul doesn’t change, just your experiences. It’s still just as bright as it has ever been, a little bruised and scarred, but no less bright, I promise you that. So, enough of this woefully self-indulgent pity-party, and get off your ass and into the shower. You’re going to help me clean the house and then I’m going to tell you all about our beautiful boys.” Castiel rose and headed to the door, pausing and turning with a raised eyebrow to the still stationary Dean.

“Well…?”

Dean flickered his lashes, snapped his head around and nodded dumbly. “Yeah, Dude. I just need a sec to wrap my head around… This.” Dean opened his hands helplessly at Castiel, framed innocently in the doorway.

“You just gestured to all of me,” Castiel said wryly.

“And now he’s quoting kids movies… Okay… Wow,” Dean said mostly to himself.

“Dean, we have an eleven year old boy and Mary is four. How to Train Your Dragon is a family favourite, despite it being several years old now. Now please get up. You still smell like sex. Just because you aren’t my Dean, doesn’t mean you get out of his chores, nor are you allowed to ignore personal hygiene.”

“Gee, guess I know who the wife in this relationship is,” Dean muttered, pushing himself to his feet.

Castiel smirked, “Actually, we’ve no defined and ridiculous gender roles in this house… However, if you do insist on labelling us, I would be considered the breadwinner and you the homemaker… Just food for thought.” Castiel disappeared down the hall without a backward glance.

Dean found himself grinning. Oh yeah, he was so getting one of those, no matter what he had to do to make it work for his Cas in his own timeline.

Dean opted to shower after he helped Castiel clean and Castiel conceded his point. Dean was probably nowhere near as efficient as Castiel was used to. Dean actually found himself a little clumsy with the tasks, but they got it done fairly quickly anyway.

The house was comfortable but not terribly large and they only had to contend with the boys’ room and the main floor. Sam handled Mary’s room and was responsible for the basement.

Dean was ridiculously happy for Sam and kept grinning to himself every time he thought of his little brother finally getting a family and being settled down. Dean knew that right now it wasn’t what Sam wanted in his timeline, not anymore, but the thought that it was going to happen in the future made Dean feel lighter than he had in a while. Also, as he tucked the last dish away in the cupboard, he felt a strong sense of accomplishment. Pride almost. This was his house. That he and Castiel cleaned together, lived in together and celebrated together. It was perfect.

“So, Sam and his wife are visiting for a while?” Dean asked, turning around and leaning against the now sparkling clean counter.

Castiel paused, the trash-bag half pulled from the bin as he shot Dean a quizzical look. “What?”

Dean frowned back. “Sammy, he has a kid so I’m assuming he finally found a girl that made him want to settle down again. I mean, I didn’t catch a gleam of a ring on his finger but Sam’s never been a jewellery guy so I’m not really surprised. And since you said Sam was gonna handle the cleaning of the other rooms, I figured he’s staying long enough to be out of guest territory. His wife going to be at dinner?”

“Dean,” Castiel said carefully. “Sam lives here and doesn’t have a wife.”

“Oh man, divorce, huh? Dude, that’s rough. He take it all right? It didn’t happen too long ago, did it?”

“Dean, Sam’s never had a wife and has always lived here. Mary was… a surprise.”

“What?” Dean asked flatly. Surprise meant being irresponsible and Sam had his moments, sure, but never with something that serious. Maybe the girlfriend hadn’t been too pleased with it, or the strain of adding a baby to the relationship had been too much. It happened. Dean knew that well enough.

“So his girlfriend couldn’t handle it, or she wasn’t the marrying type? Did they try and make it work at least? I guess Mary just visits, huh? Pretty sure with our lives and record Sam would only get partial custody. Which sucks but is unders-”

“Dean, sit down for a minute,” Castiel suggested, interrupting.

“Uh oh,” Dean replied, but sat.

“No, don’t worry about it, please. I just need you to understand the situation before the children come home,” Castiel said.

“Situation?”

“Yes, before Mary was born, Sam was going through a bit of a rough time. It would have been a big anniversary for Sam and Jessica had she survived and they stayed together. Anyway, Sam wasn’t handling it too well and he went out one night to help get his mind off of things. He went to a strip club, of all places, got plied with far too much alcohol and ended up sleeping with one of the dancers that night - Nikki. Anyway, he came home, nursed his hangover and that was the end of it or-”

“Sam slept with a stripper?” Dean interrupted, shocked.

“Yes, well, not his finest moment, but that’s not the end of the story… Anyway, ten months later he received a phone call, from Nikki and she said it was urgent that they meet. She gave him no further details than that. Sam, we both know his character and what type of a man he is, drove out there immediately, no questions. He met Nikki at a coffee shop, she handed him a bundle and a piece of paper and left with the parting suggesting that he get a paternity test done if he liked, but the ‘thing was his’ were her words if I recall the tale correctly. She also soundly informed him not to bother coming after her for anything because it wouldn’t work and that was that. Sam came home, in complete shock with a new baby girl, and we’ve never heard from Nikki again.

“Mary didn’t even have a name when Sam brought her home. Mary’s mother has absolutely nothing to do with her life. Sam has been in the process of contacting Mary’s maternal grandmother though, who has expressed some interest in getting to know her granddaughter. We don’t discuss Mary’s mother or bring up the circumstances surrounding her birth - she’s very sensitive about it.”

Dean was slowly shaking his head, staring off at nothing as he said quietly, “Poor Sammy and his little girl, God Cas, I can’t imagine…”

“Well Sam is a fantastic father, he did learn from the best after all,” here Castiel winked at Dean (actually winked) and continued, “she isn’t lacking for anything. She’s very well-adjusted, considering. You don’t need to worry, I just thought you should understand.”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, I needed to know that. Who knows what I would have said around her if you hadn’t told me?” Dean shuddered at the thought.

xx

Dean actually forgot what being happy felt like. He remembered it now, though. He was laying on the couch with his head in Castiel’s lap, staring at the television and watching reruns of Doctor Sexy. Which was weird, because they weren’t actually reruns to Dean and according to Castiel the show had been off air for the last few years. Regardless, he was lying on the couch, while Castiel read above him - the old fashioned way, thank God. If the angel got digital, Dean figured he’d just give up on life right there.

Sammy was on the chair next the couch, zoned out, watching the mindless drivel without blinking. They had a nice quiet dinner of chicken, potatoes, and asparagus, spending most of it discussing the kids.

Now that they were winding down, Dean yawned widely, his jaw cracking, he was surprised how tired just cleaning could make him.

Castiel smiled fondly. “Bedtime, I think.”

“Nng,” Sam grunted noncommittally, startled out of his stupor by Castiel’s voice. Sam shook himself. “Ah, yeah… I think that’s a great idea, for me too.”

Sam had taken the news that Dean was his brother from thirteen years in the past surprisingly well. He sat, listened, said ‘huh’ then asked if Dean wanted ice cream on his pie. Best little brother ever.

“I really don’t want to move,” Dean admitted sleepily. “I haven’t felt like this since… Since…”

“A long time, I’m sure,” Castiel said gently. He ran a soft hand through Dean’s hair and put his book aside. He startled Dean by shifting and lifting him swiftly into his arms.

“Gah!” Dean shouted. “Dude!”

Sam rolled his eyes as Dean struggled futilely before the taller Winchester waved a hand and disappeared downstairs.

“You said you didn’t want to move,” Castiel said lightly.

“Okay, you carrying me is really embarrassing,” Dean squawked.

Castiel chuckled. “I’m going to keep doing it. You need to relax, Dean. Just let me help you with that, will you? I don’t know why you’re here with us, but I will take every opportunity I have to see you smile like the Dean I know.”

“Walking isn’t going to stress me beyond fixing,” Dean grumbled but relaxed, only to squawk again when Castiel dumped him unceremoniously on the bed.

Castiel looked nervous suddenly, biting his lip. “Um… I can leave you to the bed for the night if you’d rather. I know you may not be used to this. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable and I don’t need to sleep, as you know.”

Dean rolled his eyes now. “Get your ass in bed, Cas. We already fucked, I hardly think sharing space it going to change much.”

Castiel smiled, relieved. “All right. I don’t need to sleep, but I must confess I do enjoy it, especially next to you.” The last was said so plainly with no airs or sly looks that Dean found his breath stolen from him. He felt a warm flush crawl up his skin and looked down, embarrassed. He swallowed and nodded, scooting out of his jeans and tossing his over-shirt aside before crawling under the covers.

Despite how tired he was, Dean lay awake for a very long time, still finding it utterly hard to believe that this was actually his life. That he could have everything he wanted, that he may still get it, if he could repair his own timeline. Maybe that’s why he was here, to find out how to fix things. Dean had tried asking for details, but Castiel, ever the keeper of the celestial order, had been wary of revealing too much to Dean and hadn’t offered many.

xx

Dean woke up the next morning to golden sunlight streaming into the room. He was ridiculously comfortable and warm and so content that he thought he was asleep still. He shifted slightly, feeling a warm weight pressed to his back and thought for one heart-pounding second that he was still at Lisa’s, and thought it strange how much that thought filled him with dread. But the room wasn’t hers and he was on the opposite side of the bed facing the doorway, and the body against him was lean but firm and flat, not the softness of Lisa’s body. Then he remembered and he breathed out a rush of relief. Cas.

Dean turned, until he was facing Castiel. The angel murmured faintly and easily adjusted his arms in his sleep, turning slightly more on his back as Dean changed their position. Dean just watched him, quiet and peaceful, looking much younger in his sleep than he had any right to look this far in the future.

Castiel blinked open bright blue eyes and smiled crookedly. Leaning forward, he stole a kiss before relaxing back and closing his eyes again. Then he shot awake once more and looked sheepish.

“Dean? Sorry about that, are you still…?” Castiel let the sentence hang.

“I’m still past-me,” Dean said with a little smile. “It’s cool though.”

“I like past you,” Castiel said cheekily.

The colour trained from Dean’s face in an instant at that, flashing back to the Apocalyptic future Zachariah had marooned him in, and a Castiel half-stoned out of his mind and nearly fully human. Dean let out a shaky breath and scooted closer to the angel, wrapping his arms around the other man’s slightly smaller frame and burying his head in the jut of Castiel’s shoulder.

Castiel seemed startled, but hugged back easily. “Dean?”

“Sorry, just… I tell you much about 2014 where Sammy was…”

“Yes,” Castiel nodded slowly. “I don’t underst-”

“Just something the you of that timeline said back then. It’s okay, though. Just surprised me a little. Maybe I’m still a little jittery from my trip here.”

“Oh… are you all right, though?”

Dean pulled back. “Yeah, I’m good. Feel like I’m taking advantage of you a little, but I’m good.”

“Taking advantage?” Castiel shook his head quickly. “Why would yo-”

“I don’t have this, you know… closeness in my timeline, I don’t really have anyone for these… moments but I know you aren’t gonna push me away or judge me so I guess I feel like I’m taking advantage of that. I mean I had Lisa for a while but…” Dean shrugged.

He was a physical person, anyone who knew him, knew that. He didn’t like words too much, but casual touches, an arm on the shoulder, a squeeze in passing, the occasional fond bump as he passed someone or sat next to them. Ruffling Sam’s hair or just sitting or standing with his knee or shoulders pressed against Castiel. He did it all. But a hug like that? Of comfort, compassion? He steered clear of that. Sam wasn’t nearly as physically affectionate as Dean and Castiel was… Well Castiel.

Castiel’s face closed off a little at the mention of the brunette woman and he nodded stiffly. “Yes, well, please don’t feel like you’re taking advantage. I imagine I would miss it if you stopped.”

“Hey… ah, Cas, that whole Lisa thing, did that happen here too?” Dean asked hesitantly; he didn’t like the look in Castiel’s eye at the question.

Castiel nodded tightly. “It was partly my fault, I should have stayed. I caused you to act how you otherwise wouldn’t when I visited and I regretted it. It was only inevitable she found it out and not at all in a pleasant way for any of the parties involved. We had been so careful but took advantage of a situation we thought we were in, while paying no attention to the consequences.”

Dean frowned. “Huh? She found out you wiped her memory?”

“What?” Castiel frowned back.

“Wait, what are you talking about?”

“Lisa found out you were being unfaithful, and with me no less. She didn’t take it too kindly. I visited a handful of times, never intending for there to be any dalliances, but sometimes it just happened. She was at her sister’s one weekend with Ben but returned early because Ben got the flu. She walked into your bedroom and found you with me.”

Dean shook his head slowly. “Dude, in my timeline I didn’t see you for more than a year after you left. Believe me, there were no dalliances of any kind.”

“But surely… I came to you for help with Raphael and that’s when it began. I didn’t do that in your timeline?”

Dean scrunched up his nose as he thought. “Well, the details are a little fuzzy, I only managed to get them out of you in Purgatory and, well, you aren’t really yourself. I think my Cas showed up looking for help but Crowley found him instead. Something tipped Cas then and he just went off.”

Castiel took that in for a moment then said, “Crowley did come but not until later and I did take the fifty-thousand-souls from him, but when he suggested Purgatory I talked to you about it before we agreed to anything and you shot it down. We worked it out ourselves. It wasn’t easy, but we managed… Poor Balthazar was killed because of it and I continue to blame myself for his death, but we stopped Raphael. Crowley did open Purgatory but we well… Shoved him in the hole before anything could come out,” Castiel smirked at the last part. Then remarked casually, “As far as I know, Meg is running Hell now.”

Dean shook his head. “Well, we certainly know now where the paths split.” Dean wasn’t about to relay to Castiel that in his timeline Cas was the one who killed Balthazar with his own hands. That was unfair and unnecessary. Dean was certainly curious about one thing though.

“Oh hey, who raised Sam, you or Crowley or God?” Dean wanted to know.

“Crowley. I made the attempt but when I realized Sam’s soul would be left behind, I tried to come up with another way. I didn’t make it back in time. Crowley had raised Sam soulless and your grandfather brought down to assist him in locating Purgatory. We didn’t realize Sam was back until after Lisa kicked you out.”

“Oh,” Dean said quietly. “Um… so the wall, it’s still intact then?”

“That Death constructed? Of course. Gabriel reinforced it when he returned about four years ago. I’d hate to think if it got broken. Sam would probably be dead,” Castiel’s face went white at the thought.

Dean didn’t say anything more, just shook his head again and looked down at the sheets pooled on his lap. If only in his timeline he tried harder to help Cas instead of dealing with his own personal drama. If only he left Lisa earlier instead of hanging onto the idyllic fantasy life he pretended he wanted when he was with her. Maybe then, none of what had happened the last two years would have happened.

“Did it… happen differently in your timeline?” Castiel asked hesitantly.

Dean’s smile was strained. “Ye...” he croaked before clearing his throat, “Yeah. Little bit.”

“Oh.”

After a few minute of quiet, Dean asked, “Hey, Cas?”

“Mmm?”

“After Lucifer, after you healed me and brought Bobby back, what happened? Did you leave right away, or did we…”

“I left right away,” Castiel said sadly. “I regretted every second of it and after Raphael, well… kicked my ass, to put it mildly - I came straight to you. You were alone in the house and you cleaned the blood off, then we… Ah… made-up. You were rather irritated at me for leaving without a goodbye and I tried my best to apologize.”

Dean nodded. “So I was with her then? Like with her, with her?”

“As far as I’m aware yes,” Castiel shifted uncomfortably. “If it makes you feel any better, you did at least try to stop but you changed your mind fairly quickly.”

Dean was feeling guilty about something he hadn’t even done. It was pretty out of character for him to cheat; he may have been a little fast and loose when he was in his twenties, but when he was in a relationship he was pretty faithful. Then again, it was hard to say really which one he was cheating on, Cas or Lisa? Castiel and him didn’t technically break-up. They had been together for several months when the entire Lucifer fiasco was happening, then Castiel went back to Heaven and Dean went off to Lisa’s.

Dean could easily admit now that Lisa had really just been a substitute. A representation of a life Sam thought Dean wanted. Dean couldn’t blame Sam for assuming so. He and Cas kept their relationship a secret. After losing Sam and making that damn promise, then to top it off with Cas leaving, Dean very nearly convinced himself he wanted the life with Lisa, too.

When he thought he lost Cas, that hit him way harder than giving up Lisa ever did. That’s not to say he wasn’t upset when his relationship with Lisa went south, but he managed to deal. Cas though, when he thought Cas was gone forever, with no take-backs, Dean was… ‘wobbly’ was the term Sam used to describe it, and it was pretty accurate. Dean carried the damned, dirty trench coat around for months, bundled neatly and shifted from car to car as they ran. Then Dean saw him again, real and tangible and it was like all the air got sucked out of Dean’s body, especially at the little wife pronouncement. That had hurt more than Dean tended to admit to himself. Cas wasn’t himself though, he was someone else entirely and for just a little while Dean could speak to him again.

Then Castiel remembered, and as much as it was a good thing it also brought all the betrayed feelings back to the surface. So, yeah, he had been colder than he should have to Castiel, but the guy had broken his brother for Christ’s sake, Dean figured he was allowed. When Cas took on Sam’s pain though, it was forgiven a little bit, but then Castiel woke up completely shattered and Dean’s guilt warred with his pain.

It wasn’t until he was about to die that he realized he was being ridiculous. He made it up to Castiel right there in the back of the Impala, just like old times, before they marched to their deaths. Which didn’t actually happen, but what did happen was so much worse. Dean shuddered and prayed to every deity and angel he believed in that Castiel wasn’t still stuck there alone.

“Dean,” Castiel began hesitantly again, “Please don’t beat yourself up over our situation back then. For one, you had nothing to do with it, and for another, you weren’t actually happy with Lisa. I mean I’m not excusing what we did with that, but… I actually don’t know how to finish that. It’s in the past, though, and it can’t be changed now.”

“Huh?” Dean blinked. Oh, Lisa, right. Even now, Dean was dwelling more on Castiel than Lisa and Lisa was the innocent wounded party in that mess. Dean felt like an ass. He winced.

“No, that’s not it,” Dean covered quickly. “I do feel bad, but I was kinda cheating on you with her. I mean unless things were different here, we didn’t actually technically split before you went back to Heaven. That doesn’t really excuse things either…” Dean trailed off.

“Oh,” Castiel said surprised. “Oddly enough, we never thought of it that way. You… my Dean was just so guilty about it, I was too actually, that we didn’t see that.”

Dean smiled crooked and self-deprecating. “Well, maybe that just means you two are better guys than me.”

“Never,” Castiel said seriously.

Dean blushed and fidgeted with the sheets. “So… um, the kids are coming home later, right?”

“Yes,” Castiel nodded, pushing the covers away and busying himself around the bedroom. “Not until late afternoon though. We’ll pick them up. Is there anything you’d like to do before we go to Bobby’s?”

“Bobby’s,” Dean repeated stupidly.

Bobby. Who Dean called yesterday, who had his house, who was still alive.

Bobby. When Dean had called, he had still been in a bit of stupor. Castiel and Sam talked about the older hunter, sure, but it didn’t quite register until this moment. Dean felt his eyes burn and he swallowed the lump in his throat. Bobby.

“Dean?”

Dean’s head snapped up. “Cas! I think, um… Could we be able to go there early without the kids seeing us yet?”

“I imagine so, for a little while, why?”

“I just… I don’t know what shape I’ll be in when I see him for the first time. I’d like to see him before the kids see me. Could we… work that out?”

“Of course,” Castiel nodded quickly, sensing Dean’s tension. The archangel walked over to the dresser and picked up his phone, pressing his speed-dial key for their friend.

“Feathers? That you this time?” Bobby’s gruff voice came over the line after a few rings.

“This time?”

“Yeah, that boy of yours called yesterday from your phone. Said he couldn’t find his. He all right?”

“Um…” Castiel flicked his gaze over to Dean, who was watching the conversation anxiously.

“I think Dean wishes to discuss that with you. I just wanted to call and let you know that we’ll be there a few hours early and wondered if you could keep the children distracted when we do arrive. Dean would like to speak to you before they see him.”

“What happened?” Bobby’s voice was full of concern.

“Nothing out of the ordinary for us, but he is pretty insistent that he see you before they see him. I’m not too sure myself, to be perfectly honest.”

“All right then,” Bobby conceded easily. “Driving in or angel express?”

“Most likely driving. I don’t want to take Jasper on a flight so near dinner time. He may be part angel but currently he has the constitution of a human,” Castiel remarked with a fond little twist to his lips.

“Sounds good.” Bobby hung up.

Castiel turned back to Dean. “It’s all arranged. I thought we’d go three hours ahead of time, do you think that will be enough?”

“Y…yeah, thanks, Cas.”

Continued Here

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