[Fic] John'Verse - Story Thirty - Promise
Title: Promise
Author: Stolen Childe
Disclaimer: Don’t own anyone you recognize. They belong to Kripke and Co.
Rating: PG
Warnings: daddy!fic, future!fic, kid!fic, fluffy angst, mild h/c, anxious!Cas, worried!Dean, child OMC, language, mild/implied slash, ignores season seven
Pairings/Characters: Dean/Castiel, John Tabris
Word Count: 1600
Summary: Dean’s terrified and doesn’t know how much longer he can handle Castiel’s reluctance with John.
Author’s Notes: All right, so there are several stories in my John’Verse along to same vein as this instalment. I’m not sure why I keep returning to this issue. That said though, I honestly don’t believe it is something that they could have been resolved in one shot. Perhaps that’s why I keep revisiting it from different angles. Story Thirty (oh my Godstiel, already?) was inspired by the opening scene and spun out from there. Please enjoy!
John’s Age: Three Months
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Promise
Dean entered the motel room to one of the strangest sights he had ever encountered. There was Castiel, trench-coat and all, kneeling at the side of the bed, arms crossed and pillowing his chin as he stared at John, lying in the middle of the bed, securely bracketed by the horseshoe shaped pillow.
“Ah… Cas?” Dean asked hesitantly. He had literally been gone for five minutes to the corner coffee shop.
“Sometimes I’m still in awe,” Castiel explained.
“You know, you can pick him up,” Dean remarked. It really wasn’t often he left Castiel and John alone. Not that he didn’t trust Castiel, Dean just didn’t like the baby being out of his sight. Besides, Dean firmly believed Castiel didn’t trust himself. The staring was evidence enough. Dean had only been gone for a blink though, so he had tried not to worry.
“I didn’t want to interfere,” Castiel eventually answered.
Dean frowned. “How’s that now?”
“As he is lying there, looking completely sedentary, he is learning, growing, evolving with each passing second. I suppose you wouldn’t be able to see.” Castiel still hadn’t moved or turned his gaze away from the baby. Dean gently set the coffee cups and pastries on the scratched-up dining table and walked quietly towards his two angels. He didn’t touch either, or sit, just waited for Castiel to continue.
When the blue-eyed being didn’t, Dean said, “But Cas, holding him isn’t going disrupt that. It’s going to help if anything. He’s yours Cas, he needs your contact.”
“I’m an angel, Dean,” Castiel answered.
“Dude, I got the memo.”
“No, you… Angels and children do have a natural bond. I’m sure I’ve said that before. They are the closest to us when they are so young. They have untapped potential until their humanity begins to firm in the mould. Children have perception beyond adults, especially young children but that doesn’t mean…” Castiel trailed off. “I… Just because they are nearly supernatural in their abilities and we have a link does not mean I have any idea how to…”
“Cas,” Dean said gently, finally approaching close enough to sit on the bed next to Castiel’s crossed arms. “You don’t have to be scared.”
“Angel’s don’t have children, Dean,” Castiel said.
“Well, they do now,” Dean returned.
“We are young at a point in our history, not entirely evolved and yes, we are smaller, but we tend to just become, we don’t grow. Joshua cares for us in The Garden when we are in what can be equated to infancy then we are released, so-to-speak. We aren’t raised, we are tended to. How am supposed to know what to do?”
Dean laughed. “No one knows what to do, Cas. Raising kids is nothing but theory until you actually got one. There’re the basic necessities and after that it’s all trial and error and guess work. You think I know what to do? I didn’t think this,” Dean gestured to the baby, himself and Castiel, one expansive gesture, “was even possible until a few months ago.”
Castiel finally turned to Dean, a slight pout curling full lips. “You know what to do, Dean.”
“Dude, I’m an amazing actor. Just this week alone - and man, it’s only Tuesday - I’ve woken up four times in a panic.”
“You said it was a nightmare,” Castiel eyes were narrowed accusingly.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t want you to worry,” Dean replied, chagrined.
“I knew I should have checked,” Castiel grumbled.
Dean chuckled. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Look, just pick up your damn kid, Cas.”
“Dean,” Castiel chastised. “Don’t say that.”
“All right, you're right. I shouldn’t have said that. Just pick up your kid, Cas,” Dean corrected.
Castiel shook his head. “No, I… I need to go.”
Dean reached out before Castiel could fly away, gripping the angel’s arm probably tighter than he needed to. Castiel was pretty durable though, didn’t even flinch, just took on a blatantly panicked expression.
“Dean,” Castiel voice broke around the name.
“Castiel, pick John up,” Dean said firmly.
“No, no. I really should go. I’ve been gone for quite a while. I should check in with the Garrison,” Castiel was tugging ineffectually at Dean’s hold. He could break it easily, but he didn’t want to risk hurting Dean and if Castiel had been human, Dean’s grip would have begun to cut of the circulation in his arm, it had become so tight.
“How many times are we gonna have to have this conversation, Cas?” Dean’s tone was sad and resigned. “I need you here with me to do this, Man. I can’t do it alone. You don’t need to be afraid.”
“Dean,” it was said again in that quiet desperate pleading way that always wrenched at Dean’s heart-strings. The green-eyed hunter almost conceded and let Castiel go but he held firm.
“You’ve done it when I’ve handed him to you, you’ve held him before. Why is picking him up so different?” Dean asked.
“I don’t want to hurt him!” Castiel replied, his voice rising. John flinched and whimpered on the bed. Castiel looked away ashamed at startling the baby.
The angel quieted his voice. “I hurt everything, everyone I love, Dean. I don’t want to hurt him too.”
Startled, Dean relaxed his hold. Castiel got up and stumbled away from the bed, but he didn’t fly. He was panting, the gesture so odd in a creature that didn’t need to breathe. It was muscle memory though, residuals left over from Ji-
“Jimmy!” Dean said aloud.
Castiel sighed. “He’s not here anymore, Dean.”
“No,” Dean said impatiently. “I know that. I mean, you still have his muscle memory, right? I’ve seen it, how your face changes when you’re freaked, the whole panting thing and you pace sometimes when you’re anxious. That’s not angel-behaviour and it’s not learned behaviour because you do enough weird shit that just screams otherworldly.”
Castiel looked hurt at that.
“No, Cas, listen. I like it, okay? I’m just saying if that other stuff was learned behaviour then you wouldn’t do the stuff that makes you ah… stand out. You’d have learned not to. So it’s leftover Jimmy, right?”
Castiel now looked impatient. “Yes I suppose, but what does this have to do-”
“Use it,” Dean interrupted. “Jimmy was a dad, Cas. A pretty decent dad from what I saw. So use it.”
“No, I couldn’t,” Castiel shook his head.
Dean turned pleading then. He needed Cas to understand. He needed Cas to get it. Dean was telling the truth, he couldn’t do this on his own. There was no fucking way he’d stay sane long enough to raise a healthy kid and Sam and Bobby could only help so much. They weren’t John’s parents. John’s parents were Dean and Castiel. John needed both his parents and not just part-time. John needed to know that no matter what both his daddies would be there for him, always, forever and would protect him with their lives and love him with their entire beings. John needed what Dean didn’t get growing up.
“Please Cas. Please, for me. I need you to do this.”
Perhaps those words and that tone were a bit of a low blow, but Dean was halfway to cracking already. It had been months of this back and forth between them. Just when Dean thought Castiel got it, he clammed up again. Dean tried to be understanding, he did understand, really he did, but it would be hard enough with Castiel if Dean had to continue on like this…
Castiel flinched and nodded slowly, approaching the bed cautiously and stooping down, pausing in the last few inches before reaching John who was staring up at Castiel curiously. Castiel swallowed and let his body relax.
“Hello, Love,” Castiel found himself whispering, his voice gentler than usual. John was gently lifted from his support pillow and cradled against Castiel’s chest.
John gurgled happily, reaching up and cooing.
Absurdly, Dean felt like he was about to cry.
“See?” Dean croaked then cleared his throat. “Not so scary, huh?”
Castiel shook his head and contrarily said, “Terrifying, but… Incredible. How… How does he know me, Dean?”
“Cas, you just told me not ten minutes ago how amazing kids are. You’re his, his yours, I don’t really think we need any other explanation than that, right? Now please, for the love of God, tell me that this is the last time we’re gonna have to go through this, Dude. It’s exhausting.”
“I…” Castiel hesitated.
Dean offered a lopsided grin. “You’re right, probably not. I get you’re afraid, Cas. I really, really do but you can’t let it control you, right? I mean you’ve faced down the armies of Hell, Heaven and anything in between. Not only that, but you’re good. So, so good. Better than me, better than Sam or Bobby. You can’t think you’re gonna shatter everything you touch because of one or two bad calls, all right? This here?” Dean came over and wrapped his arm around Castiel’s shoulder. “This you’re incapable of breaking. We may smash each other bloody, you and me. But this kid? This kid is untouchable. Call it protective instincts, call it faith, call it whatever the fuck you want, nothing is ever touching him. Not while I live and breathe and way beyond that too. Because Cas, we are going to be better men than our fathers.”
Castiel looked over at Dean in that soul-searching, penetrating way he had. A look he didn’t give Dean too terribly often now, but when he did, Dean felt it bone-deep. Dean shivered and tightened his hold. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Castiel’s temple.
“God, Cas. We have to be,” Dean whispered, his breath ghosting along the angel’s ear. “B…but, I need you there for me to do it.” Dean corrected, “With me.”
“With you,” Castiel repeated firmly. “Always. I promise.”
Dean sucked in a breath. “You promise?”
Castiel nodded jerkily. “Promise.”
End
Return to Master Post
Author: Stolen Childe
Disclaimer: Don’t own anyone you recognize. They belong to Kripke and Co.
Rating: PG
Warnings: daddy!fic, future!fic, kid!fic, fluffy angst, mild h/c, anxious!Cas, worried!Dean, child OMC, language, mild/implied slash, ignores season seven
Pairings/Characters: Dean/Castiel, John Tabris
Word Count: 1600
Summary: Dean’s terrified and doesn’t know how much longer he can handle Castiel’s reluctance with John.
Author’s Notes: All right, so there are several stories in my John’Verse along to same vein as this instalment. I’m not sure why I keep returning to this issue. That said though, I honestly don’t believe it is something that they could have been resolved in one shot. Perhaps that’s why I keep revisiting it from different angles. Story Thirty (oh my Godstiel, already?) was inspired by the opening scene and spun out from there. Please enjoy!
John’s Age: Three Months
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Promise
Dean entered the motel room to one of the strangest sights he had ever encountered. There was Castiel, trench-coat and all, kneeling at the side of the bed, arms crossed and pillowing his chin as he stared at John, lying in the middle of the bed, securely bracketed by the horseshoe shaped pillow.
“Ah… Cas?” Dean asked hesitantly. He had literally been gone for five minutes to the corner coffee shop.
“Sometimes I’m still in awe,” Castiel explained.
“You know, you can pick him up,” Dean remarked. It really wasn’t often he left Castiel and John alone. Not that he didn’t trust Castiel, Dean just didn’t like the baby being out of his sight. Besides, Dean firmly believed Castiel didn’t trust himself. The staring was evidence enough. Dean had only been gone for a blink though, so he had tried not to worry.
“I didn’t want to interfere,” Castiel eventually answered.
Dean frowned. “How’s that now?”
“As he is lying there, looking completely sedentary, he is learning, growing, evolving with each passing second. I suppose you wouldn’t be able to see.” Castiel still hadn’t moved or turned his gaze away from the baby. Dean gently set the coffee cups and pastries on the scratched-up dining table and walked quietly towards his two angels. He didn’t touch either, or sit, just waited for Castiel to continue.
When the blue-eyed being didn’t, Dean said, “But Cas, holding him isn’t going disrupt that. It’s going to help if anything. He’s yours Cas, he needs your contact.”
“I’m an angel, Dean,” Castiel answered.
“Dude, I got the memo.”
“No, you… Angels and children do have a natural bond. I’m sure I’ve said that before. They are the closest to us when they are so young. They have untapped potential until their humanity begins to firm in the mould. Children have perception beyond adults, especially young children but that doesn’t mean…” Castiel trailed off. “I… Just because they are nearly supernatural in their abilities and we have a link does not mean I have any idea how to…”
“Cas,” Dean said gently, finally approaching close enough to sit on the bed next to Castiel’s crossed arms. “You don’t have to be scared.”
“Angel’s don’t have children, Dean,” Castiel said.
“Well, they do now,” Dean returned.
“We are young at a point in our history, not entirely evolved and yes, we are smaller, but we tend to just become, we don’t grow. Joshua cares for us in The Garden when we are in what can be equated to infancy then we are released, so-to-speak. We aren’t raised, we are tended to. How am supposed to know what to do?”
Dean laughed. “No one knows what to do, Cas. Raising kids is nothing but theory until you actually got one. There’re the basic necessities and after that it’s all trial and error and guess work. You think I know what to do? I didn’t think this,” Dean gestured to the baby, himself and Castiel, one expansive gesture, “was even possible until a few months ago.”
Castiel finally turned to Dean, a slight pout curling full lips. “You know what to do, Dean.”
“Dude, I’m an amazing actor. Just this week alone - and man, it’s only Tuesday - I’ve woken up four times in a panic.”
“You said it was a nightmare,” Castiel eyes were narrowed accusingly.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t want you to worry,” Dean replied, chagrined.
“I knew I should have checked,” Castiel grumbled.
Dean chuckled. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Look, just pick up your damn kid, Cas.”
“Dean,” Castiel chastised. “Don’t say that.”
“All right, you're right. I shouldn’t have said that. Just pick up your kid, Cas,” Dean corrected.
Castiel shook his head. “No, I… I need to go.”
Dean reached out before Castiel could fly away, gripping the angel’s arm probably tighter than he needed to. Castiel was pretty durable though, didn’t even flinch, just took on a blatantly panicked expression.
“Dean,” Castiel voice broke around the name.
“Castiel, pick John up,” Dean said firmly.
“No, no. I really should go. I’ve been gone for quite a while. I should check in with the Garrison,” Castiel was tugging ineffectually at Dean’s hold. He could break it easily, but he didn’t want to risk hurting Dean and if Castiel had been human, Dean’s grip would have begun to cut of the circulation in his arm, it had become so tight.
“How many times are we gonna have to have this conversation, Cas?” Dean’s tone was sad and resigned. “I need you here with me to do this, Man. I can’t do it alone. You don’t need to be afraid.”
“Dean,” it was said again in that quiet desperate pleading way that always wrenched at Dean’s heart-strings. The green-eyed hunter almost conceded and let Castiel go but he held firm.
“You’ve done it when I’ve handed him to you, you’ve held him before. Why is picking him up so different?” Dean asked.
“I don’t want to hurt him!” Castiel replied, his voice rising. John flinched and whimpered on the bed. Castiel looked away ashamed at startling the baby.
The angel quieted his voice. “I hurt everything, everyone I love, Dean. I don’t want to hurt him too.”
Startled, Dean relaxed his hold. Castiel got up and stumbled away from the bed, but he didn’t fly. He was panting, the gesture so odd in a creature that didn’t need to breathe. It was muscle memory though, residuals left over from Ji-
“Jimmy!” Dean said aloud.
Castiel sighed. “He’s not here anymore, Dean.”
“No,” Dean said impatiently. “I know that. I mean, you still have his muscle memory, right? I’ve seen it, how your face changes when you’re freaked, the whole panting thing and you pace sometimes when you’re anxious. That’s not angel-behaviour and it’s not learned behaviour because you do enough weird shit that just screams otherworldly.”
Castiel looked hurt at that.
“No, Cas, listen. I like it, okay? I’m just saying if that other stuff was learned behaviour then you wouldn’t do the stuff that makes you ah… stand out. You’d have learned not to. So it’s leftover Jimmy, right?”
Castiel now looked impatient. “Yes I suppose, but what does this have to do-”
“Use it,” Dean interrupted. “Jimmy was a dad, Cas. A pretty decent dad from what I saw. So use it.”
“No, I couldn’t,” Castiel shook his head.
Dean turned pleading then. He needed Cas to understand. He needed Cas to get it. Dean was telling the truth, he couldn’t do this on his own. There was no fucking way he’d stay sane long enough to raise a healthy kid and Sam and Bobby could only help so much. They weren’t John’s parents. John’s parents were Dean and Castiel. John needed both his parents and not just part-time. John needed to know that no matter what both his daddies would be there for him, always, forever and would protect him with their lives and love him with their entire beings. John needed what Dean didn’t get growing up.
“Please Cas. Please, for me. I need you to do this.”
Perhaps those words and that tone were a bit of a low blow, but Dean was halfway to cracking already. It had been months of this back and forth between them. Just when Dean thought Castiel got it, he clammed up again. Dean tried to be understanding, he did understand, really he did, but it would be hard enough with Castiel if Dean had to continue on like this…
Castiel flinched and nodded slowly, approaching the bed cautiously and stooping down, pausing in the last few inches before reaching John who was staring up at Castiel curiously. Castiel swallowed and let his body relax.
“Hello, Love,” Castiel found himself whispering, his voice gentler than usual. John was gently lifted from his support pillow and cradled against Castiel’s chest.
John gurgled happily, reaching up and cooing.
Absurdly, Dean felt like he was about to cry.
“See?” Dean croaked then cleared his throat. “Not so scary, huh?”
Castiel shook his head and contrarily said, “Terrifying, but… Incredible. How… How does he know me, Dean?”
“Cas, you just told me not ten minutes ago how amazing kids are. You’re his, his yours, I don’t really think we need any other explanation than that, right? Now please, for the love of God, tell me that this is the last time we’re gonna have to go through this, Dude. It’s exhausting.”
“I…” Castiel hesitated.
Dean offered a lopsided grin. “You’re right, probably not. I get you’re afraid, Cas. I really, really do but you can’t let it control you, right? I mean you’ve faced down the armies of Hell, Heaven and anything in between. Not only that, but you’re good. So, so good. Better than me, better than Sam or Bobby. You can’t think you’re gonna shatter everything you touch because of one or two bad calls, all right? This here?” Dean came over and wrapped his arm around Castiel’s shoulder. “This you’re incapable of breaking. We may smash each other bloody, you and me. But this kid? This kid is untouchable. Call it protective instincts, call it faith, call it whatever the fuck you want, nothing is ever touching him. Not while I live and breathe and way beyond that too. Because Cas, we are going to be better men than our fathers.”
Castiel looked over at Dean in that soul-searching, penetrating way he had. A look he didn’t give Dean too terribly often now, but when he did, Dean felt it bone-deep. Dean shivered and tightened his hold. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Castiel’s temple.
“God, Cas. We have to be,” Dean whispered, his breath ghosting along the angel’s ear. “B…but, I need you there for me to do it.” Dean corrected, “With me.”
“With you,” Castiel repeated firmly. “Always. I promise.”
Dean sucked in a breath. “You promise?”
Castiel nodded jerkily. “Promise.”
End
Return to Master Post