[Fic] Sin with a Grin - Chapter 16/18+Epilogue
Title: Sin with a Grin
Author: Stolen Childe
Disclaimer: Supernatural and all associated characters belong to Kripke and Co. I make absolutely no claims on any of them.
Special Thanks to dapperscript for the wonderful beta! Thank you!
Please see Master Post for Notes, Cover Art and Further Information
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Castiel had Dean’s things packed up in miniature forts all around their apartment back in Boston. He sat on the end of the couch, staring listlessly around the room, glass of whiskey balanced on his knee. The ice clicked across the glass as it melted and Castiel startled back to awareness for a moment. His knee felt itchy and uncomfortable where the condensation had left a ring on his jeans.
He groaned and rubbed his face, leaned forward and placed the glass on the coffee table, nestling it up against two bottles - one empty and one halfway there.
He hadn’t heard from Dean in three days. He knew he deserved it, but Castiel also knew Dean and thought the younger man would want to sever whatever ties he could as quickly as he could. At least Dean could have contacted him through Sam if Dean didn’t want to talk to Castiel directly. Sam. Sam who wasn’t currently talking to Castiel either.
Castiel had already taken the necessary money out of his savings account to buy out Dean’s portion of the mortgage. It was sitting like a lead weight in his main account, taunting Castiel with each passing day. Castiel knew Dean would want out because he couldn’t carry the apartment on his own. This place they had been both so excited about when they found it. Castiel felt sick.
His phone chirped and he scrambled to pick it up before checking the caller ID. “Dean?”
“Sorry,” it was Balthazar.
“Shit,” Castiel replied.
“Cassy…”
“I know I screwed up, Balth. I get it. Now tell me what you want and leave me alone. My buzz is wearing off and I’d like to return to oblivion as soon as possible.”
“I’m just calling to make sure you aren’t drinking yourself into a stupor. Clearly, I’ve called too late, haven’t I? Castiel, what the fuck happened?”
Castiel sighed, he knew this conversation was inevitable. It was only a matter of time after Castiel had spilled his guts to Gabriel. Castiel was just surprised it took his brother a whole twenty-four hours before calling him, though.
“I go to London for two days, then I get back and find out from my husband that my brother is a cheating arsehole and broke up with his fiancé? I mean, what the hell, Cassy?”
Castiel didn’t fault Balthazar for the disbelief in his tone. Had Castiel been on the other side of this conversation he would have been just as, if not more, baffled than his brother.
“Balthazar… I don’t know. I tried to tell Dean that, but he wouldn’t listen. I don’t remember that night, at all. I remember running into Meg at the bar, smelling her perfume, and then drinking. That’s it. She corners me at Dean’s damn party and implies that we slept together, but Balthazar… I don’t…”
“Cheat.”
“Never. I’ve never,” Castiel shook his head wildly. “I’m not denying I wasn’t a little slut in college but that didn’t mean I was a philanderer. I just didn’t do relationships and when I did… Never. It didn’t even cross my mind to ever be unfaithful.”
Balthazar sighed, “I know. I know… Do you think maybe she’s lying?”
“What would she gain from that?” Castiel asked, bewildered. “What could she possibly get out of fracturing my relationship with Dean? And why can’t I remember?” Castiel let out a sharp sound of frustration and downed the watery whiskey in the bottom of the glass before pouring himself another one, straight-up this time. He swallowed half that down too just to give himself something to do while Balthazar mused in silence on the other end.
“I don’t know, Cassy… I just don’t know…” Balthazar waited a beat before continuing, “Look Cassy, put the glass down and pack a bag. I’m going to be on my way over there to get you. You’ll stay with us for a few days so Gabe and I can keep an eye on you in case you decide that abusing recreational drugs is a good way to pass your time.”
“Balthazar… I wouldn’t…” Castiel left the sentence hanging.
“Again? I didn’t think you would the first time around but history has a tendency to repeat itself, doesn’t it? Just sit tight, Cassy. We’ll figure this out,” Balthazar was calm and reassuring and Castiel felt a sudden pang of guilt that his baby brother had to take care of him again.
“Thank you,” Castiel said quietly.
“Love you, Cassy.”
Castiel’s lips twitched into a slight smile despite it all. “Love you too, Balth.”
xx
“Sam?” Castiel answered hesitantly.
“Hello, Castiel,” Sam replied neutrally. “How have you been?”
“Sam…” Castiel trailed off.
“Look, I’m not going to get in between you and my brother, all right? I really don’t know what went on and Dean only gave me the Cliff’s Notes version, all right? But you’re still my partner and my friend and well, I don’t want to have to choose between the two of you.”
“Thank you, Sam,” Castiel said quietly. “So, are you calling to come get Dean’s things?”
Castiel heard the frown in Sam’s voice. “He hasn’t contacted you about that yet?”
Castiel blinked. “No… I haven’t heard from him since that night… Sam, have you…?”
“He hasn’t called me since Christmas,” Sam replied. “That was only two days ago, though. He said something about visiting Andrea, he’s probably just-” Sam cut himself off and Castiel almost heard the click of his teeth over the line.
“I see,” Castiel said tightly. “Yes, well… If you hear from him, let me know I have his money and I can give him a certified cheque for his half of the apartment. I’m at Balthazar’s if you need to contact me. I’ve called in sick until Thursday.”
“Yeah, Cas… all right,” Sam replied. “You ah… take care, all right? Just… watch yourself?”
“Balthazar and Gabriel are doing more than enough of that for me,” Castiel replied wryly. “I feel like I’m five years old again. Gabriel’s giving me the evil-eye as we speak.”
“I’m ah… glad you have them right now, Castiel.”
“Thank you, Sam. I’ll talk to you later,” Castiel clicked the phone off and leaned back on the couch pinching the bridge of his nose.
“I’m watching you, Cassy,” Gabriel said warningly.
“I’m sorry, are headaches against the rules now?” Castiel quirked a brow at his brother-in-law.
“That Sam?”
“You know very well it was Sam,” Castiel pushed off from the couch and wandered over to the desk, picking up his laptop.
“Any news?”
“No Gabriel, no news,” Castiel shook his head and came back over to the spot he had claimed as his own on the couch.
“You gonna shower at some point Castiel? I love your man musk and all but it’s kinda getting a bit much,” Gabriel teased.
“I want to see if I got any hits on a search I’ve been running,” Castiel replied. “The last piece of information I got from… Well, I just want to cover all my bases.”
Gabriel wrinkled his nose. “Baseball reference. I am ashamed, Cassy.”
“Shut up,” Castiel replied idly. All that followed for the next several minutes was Castiel’s rapid clicking.
Gabriel watched him over top of his magazine, appreciating the fact that Castiel was focusing on something other than Dean. That, however, did not mean that Gabriel was overly fond of the look of single-minded determination on his friend’s face.
“Oh my God,” Castiel muttered suddenly.
“Castiel?” Gabriel asked uneasily, startled by the sudden pronouncement.
“I found her.”
“What?” Gabriel came over and wandered around the back of the couch to peer over Castiel’s shoulder. “What is it?”
“Ruby… Ruby Cassidy. I thought she was the one we have in custody but this is another one. Look. She disappeared three years ago. Last known address was an apartment building owned by Morning Star… No record of employment though…” Castiel frowned.
“What does this have to do with Jesse?”
“Jesse said that Ruby was his nanny and that he really liked her but she left, that she died. At least that’s what Jesse told Dean. What if she got too close, what if Lilith killed her?”
“Then you could finally nail her for something,” Gabriel blinked. “After all these years.”
“I have to call Sam,” Castiel said, pushing his laptop away and picking up his Blackberry.
xx
“Are you sure, Castiel?” Sam asked eagerly. They were in Castiel’s office, files strewn between them across the broad desk.
“As sure as I can be. Jane Doe 11282008001. Her autopsy photo got a hit in Missing Persons when I was doing my cross-checking.”
“Why wouldn’t it have popped up when they did the search the first time?” Sam frowned.
“She wasn’t declared missing until two months after her body was recovered; by then they had no cause to search the databases.”
“That’s weird…” Sam shifted uneasily.
“I confirmed it with the Boston PD and they’re going to have a forensic anthropologist exhume and look over the remains for extra confirmation. With any luck we’ll be able to find something to connect Lilith to her murder other than circumstantial evidence. They said if this checks out they’ll give us the collar if we give them the nod. I’d like to get Jesse to ID her as his nanny, but without…”
“Dean. Yeah, he’s still working at the Academy. Apparently that Alec guy offered a contract extension,” Sam shifted again, the manufactured leather of the seat squeaking beneath his weight.
“How’s your back?” Castiel asked, head shooting up.
“I’m holding up,” Sam fought back the grimace. “Ellen got pissed when I said I was coming in but then I told her I was here for you, not for work-work… She’s still pissed.”
“I appreciate you being here,” Castiel said earnestly.
Sam smiled gently. “Like I said Castiel, despite how things are with you and my brother… You’re my partner. We work well together, not about to change that now. I’ll ask Dean about this, if I can get a hold of him.”
Castiel’s head shot up at that. “If you can get a hold of him?”
“Yeah, haven’t talked to him for a few days. He called me Christmas Day, that I told you. Said he was going to be staying at the Academy. Haven’t spoken to him since. I figured he’d grab his stuff and spend his vacation in the cabin or something,” Sam shrugged.
“Get his stuff?” Castiel furrowed his brow again.
Sam blinked. “Yeah, you said…”
“I know, I know. Yes, I did, but he still hasn’t contacted me about it.”
“He hasn’t?” Sam asked, startled.
Castiel shook his head.
“Okay, little bizarre… but you know how he gets, Castiel. He’s probably driving the Impala across the country right now, taking his irritation out on the blacktop,” Sam shrugged.
“Irritation… I’m sure that’s putting it mildly, but you are correct, of course. Anyway, when you do speak to him let him know I’ll be staying at my brother’s for at least another week, so if he’s anxious about it, he won’t have to run into me. Gabriel’s refusing to let me go home.”
“That’s because Gabriel is a good brother,” Sam said.
“No, that’s because Gabriel is a whimpering limpet and Balthazar is out of town until next Wednesday,” Castiel replied.
Sam chuckled, “However you wanna see it, Cas.”
The nickname gave Castiel a sad little jolt and he hoped his wince was not visible. For some reason, growing up and even up until he met the Winchesters, people tended to use his proper given name. He wasn’t opposed to nicknames… Well he was opposed a little to ‘Cassy’ but had people called him ‘Cas’ growing up, he wouldn’t have minded.
Dean, once they began seeing more of each other, slipped out the nickname one day without a thought. At Castiel’s surprised face Dean had apologized profusely. Castiel was, of course, quick to assure the younger man that he had only been startled and he didn’t mind. From then it just kind of stuck and trickled its way through one Winchester at a time until Castiel associated that nickname strictly to his adopted - formally he was forced to remind himself - family. Now hearing it just kind of hurt.
Sam caught sight of the clock on the top of the shelf behind Castiel’s desk and his eyes widened almost comically. “Shit! Jess doesn’t know I went out. I gotta get back.”
Sam pushed away from Castiel’s desk and stood as swiftly as a man with a still-healing stab wound could stand, gathering up the photos and files on the way.
“I’ll look into these, see if I can’t pick anything up that may help us, and I’ll give Dean a call and have him ask Jesse about Ruby Cassidy when everyone gets back from the break.
“Can’t drink on the medication but if you and your annoying brother-in-law want to grab a burger or something later, I’m sure Jess would be happy to get out of cooking for the night… She’s been handling most of it with my lack of mobility and all,” Sam flashed an amused twist of his lips.
Castiel chuckled before remarking wryly, “Yes, I’m sure that pains you a great deal.”
“You’ve no idea,” Sam said with mock seriousness, his eyes sparkling.
“I’m sure Gabriel is up for leaving the house. He never has the same trouble with cooking because Balthazar keeps a personal regular, vegan, and pastry chef on retainer but he does enjoy a change of scenery,” Castiel nodded.
“All right, I’ll give you a call later then with what I’ve found out. See you, Cas.”
“Stay safe, Sam.”
Sam shuffled out of the office and closed the glass door gently behind him as he went.
Castiel let out a heavy sigh, the temporary reprieve of Sam’s comforting presence (and that alone was a whole mess of one more thing for Castiel to feel guilty about. What right did he have to comfort?) no longer with him. He leaned his elbows on his desk and cradled his face in his hands, before shaking himself and picking up the phone on his desk.
“Andy… Yes. See if you could get me Dr. Reichs, please.”
xx
Castiel was still at his office when six o’clock rolled around, which wasn’t terribly unusual except for the fact that he had come into the office at six o’clock that morning. For someone who usually preferred sleeping in until noon if he could swing it, that was quite the feat.
Castiel, however, hadn’t been getting much sleep lately for obvious reasons. If only he knew how Dean was holding up. Castiel knew better than to ask Sam or Jess and he wasn’t about to call Mary or John but maybe… He just wanted to make sure Dean was well. Plain and simple.
Castiel dug his Blackberry out of his drawer and scrolled through the address book. He was sure Dean had programed it in his phone at some point back when she and Dean were working together on the Halloween Carnival. Not even three months and it felt like ages ago. If he didn’t have the number then he could always - Yes!
“Hello?” the voice on the other end was rather suspicious. Castiel felt that didn’t bode well if she was already sounding like that and didn’t even know who it was yet.
“Andrea? Hello, it’s Castiel L’Ange calling and before you-”
“What the heck are you doing calling me?” Andrea whispered, low and angry; he thought he faintly heard the soft click of a door closing and figured she was looking for privacy. Castiel’s felt a sick churn low in his stomach.
“I know, I know. I shouldn’t be. I just… I’m not looking for sympathy votes or anything I’m not even calling for-”
“Well good! ‘Cause you sure as sauce aren’t about to get any of that from me.”
“Please, Andrea. I just… is Dean still there with you? Is he doing all right? He hasn’t contacted me about his things yet and I just want to make sure… I don’t even know…”
When she spoke again Castiel could hear the confusion in her voice, “Wait, you hold on a sec… Still with me? Castiel, why would you say that? He came by late Boxing Day morning and stayed until late afternoon. I haven’t heard from him since… Though when he was here I certainly heard a few choice things come out of his mouth about you…”
“Nothing, I just thought… Nothing.”
“If you thought what I think you thought, you are… You’re… A horrible person! Neither Dean or me would ever do what you seem to be implying, Castiel.”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have… I’m very sorry. Sam just let it slip that Dean had been with you… But wait, you haven’t heard from Dean in four days?”
“No, I haven’t… I mean it’s a bit weird, it being Winter Break and everything but… I thought he just had things to sort out…” Along with confusion, worry was creeping into Andrea’s voice. A worry that was beginning to be matched - if not doubled - by Castiel’s own.
Next to Sam, Andrea was the person Dean called or saw the most. With them both not teaching and with Dean having been away for a good portion of the last term, Castiel had assumed, regardless of a relationship between them or lack thereof, that Dean would be spending as much time as he could with his friend.
It had always been a bitter point of jealousy in Dean’s and Castiel’s relationship, actually. Castiel was forever jealous. It was funny though, he had never been the jealous type before Dean came along, but that didn’t matter now. Castiel had lost whatever rights he’d had in the matter.
“Castiel…?”
Her voice invaded Castiel’s thoughts. Just as Castiel was opening his mouth to formulate some way to brush her concerns off as needless, the line cut out temporarily, signifying a waiting call.
“Andrea, I’m certain he’s fine. I have to go though, I’ve another call. You have a good night and please don’t worry. I apologize again for my… assumption earlier.”
“All right then.” After a perfunctory ‘good night’ Andrea hung up the phone.
“Hello?”
“Cas… hey…” Sam replied, sounding uncertain.
“Sam! Did you get in contact with Dean?” A silent litany of ‘please say yes, please say yes’ sprung unbidden in the back of Castiel’s mind, but a part of him already knew the answer.
“No, Cas. I didn’t,” Sam answered grimly. “I’m sure he’s just…”
“Sam, we both know him well enough to know however you are going to finish that sentence is not true,” Castiel cut in. “I know I screwed up in a horrendously awful way but I still very much love your brother and this behaviour is just too… unusual for us to continue lying to ourselves.”
“Oh God, you don’t think he started drinking again, do you? What if he wrapped the Impala around a tree again and is dying in a ditch somewhere? Or what if… what if he’s languishing in some shitty hospital with amnesia or-”
“Sam! Stop it.”
Castiel heard Sam’s teeth click shut at the force of the command all the way on the other side of the phone.
“When was the last time you spoke to Dean?”
“I told you Cas, Sunday.”
“Sunday,” Castiel repeated.
“Jesus, you don’t belie-”
“Sam! My process. You know this.”
“Right, you turn into a parrot when you’re thinking about shit. Okay. Sunday last.”
“He told you he was seeing…?”
“Andrea.”
“Andrea. Now, I just got off the phone with Andrea-”
“Why the hell would you be calling her, Castiel?” Sam’s tone was accusatory, rearing up to defend his brother at the first hints of Castiel displaying Psycho-Ex Syndrome - It’s a real thing, Gabriel told Castiel all about it… Gabriel was a deliberately compulsive liar, though.
Castiel sighed, “I was just worried about him, Sam. I just wanted to see how he was doing. I wasn’t about to break the trust you have with him and ask you. I know you wouldn’t have told me anyway.”
“Yeah, like calling his friends is so much better…”
“Sam.”
“Right. Right. Friend-Sam now. Brother-Sam later. What did Andrea have to say?”
“Not much, other than giving me a severe reprimand,” Castiel replied flatly.
“Points for Andrea,” Sam countered.
“I deserved that,” Castiel conceded. “Regardless, she told me that Dean only stayed until the afternoon and that she hadn’t heard from him since.”
“Shit.”
“My sentiments exactly.”
“Jesus… All right. Look, we can’t panic yet… How about this: at dinner, we’ll ask Gabriel what he thinks of the situation. He can give us his professional opinion on the matter, then we’ll get our game plan going from there. Maybe this is just a common knee-jerk response for someone in Dean’s situation or something…”
“I don’t think falling off the grid is a common response,” Castiel retorted.
“Castiel, just shut up about that… All right? I’m gonna call my mom and maybe Bobby too. See if they know anything. I’ll meet you at our usual place in a half hour.”
“Yes, see you then, Sam,” Castiel nodded to the phone.
Castiel rubbed the bridge of his nose and pushed away from the desk, gathering his satchel and papers before hitting the light and locking the office behind him.
A few floors up on the elevator and Castiel was standing outside his brother-in-law’s closed office door, blinds drawn but the light visible through the aluminum. Castiel knocked.
“Entrez-vous mon frère!”
“Your French pronunciation is terrible,” Castiel said by way of greeting once he pushed open the office door.
“I just add my own flavour,” Gabriel flashed a grin.
“One doesn’t tend to do that with languages, Gabriel… It misses the point of speaking another language. You know, the intention is to be understood by others.”
“La-dee-da, Mister I-Speak-Five-Languages-Flawlessly-One-of-Which-No-One-Even-Uses-Anymore,” Gabriel huffed.
“Not flawlessly, Gabriel… Just with a high proficiency,” Castiel retorted. “Now get your things. We’re going to dinner with Sam and Jessica.”
Gabriel slipped into his, what Dean had dubbed, ‘Shrink-Face’ and quirked an eyebrow. “Do you think that is wise, Castiel?”
“Don’t analyse me, Gabriel. It was Sam’s idea,” Castiel said. “We aren’t doing this sharing our feelings nonsense, not right now. You’re coming as my brother-in-law, not my colleague.”
“And as your brother-in-law, I’m concerned about your emotional response to this situation,” Gabriel’s eyes flashed for a moment. Castiel saw the glimpse of the real Gabriel underneath the joie du vivre, flamboyant façade. He saw the serious, analytical side of Gabriel and the hidden strength usually so obscured by his compact exterior.
“Gabriel…”
“Castiel, I’ve known you since you were seventeen years old, you should have stopped bullshitting me years ago. I was your first friend and your first confidant and now I have the privilege of being your brother as well, don’t belittle my concern for you and don’t wave it off like you do all too often. I don’t know the whole story here, but I do know you’re hurting. I honestly don’t know if seeing Sam and Jessica is really going to help you right now… Sam is Dean’s-”
“Dean’s missing,” Castiel broke in.
Gabriel was taken aback at the sudden proclamation and stared up at the taller man. “What?”
“Well… perhaps I’m jumping to conclusions…”
“Castiel, you don’t honestly expect Dean to answer your calls or to contact-” Gabriel had a look of blatant concern on his face.
“Gabriel, I haven’t gone mad! Sam agrees with me here, Dean hasn’t contacted him since Christmas and Sam was unable to get a hold of Dean when he called him this afternoon… We’re understandably concerned and we were going to use this dinner to see what you thought of the matter. Now please, I’ll give you the details on the way over. Let’s just go meet Sam.”
“Okay, okay. Sure thing, Cassy,” Gabriel nodded. It didn’t take Gabriel long to sweep his folders and notebooks into a pile and hit the lights on the way out. He could tell Castiel was anxious, and seeing that in the normally endlessly calm and collected man was disconcerting to say the least.
“Thank you,” Castiel replied.
xx
Gabriel slurped the last dredges of his strawberry milkshake and chased it with a large piece of fudge brownie, licking the drizzled chocolate sauce off his fork as he surveyed the worried faces of Sam, Jess and Castiel.
“Well?” Castiel prodded.
Gabriel sighed, “Look, in light of the current situation and given Dean’s history with relationships… or lack thereof I suppose, and from what I know of Dean as both psychiatrist and friend, I don’t think you should worry yet. Give it until New Years. In this current situation, Dean’s fight or flight instinct is elevated. He has no one to direct his anger to aside from the one person he has no interest in interacting with…”
Castiel winced.
“Therefore, flight is the primary response,” Gabriel continued. “He’ll cool down soon. If you don’t hear from him by New Year’s then we’ll explore this again. For now, call around to his friends and family and see who saw or heard from him last. Regardless of what he needs right now, it wouldn’t hurt to get an idea of where he’s going to be or where he is. Like you guys said though, he’s probably just cruising around in the Impala. Driving can be very meditative and therapeutic to some…” Gabriel shrugged and shoved a large bite of pie into his mouth.
“All right…” Sam nodded. “If you say so… It’s just…”
“Don’t overanalyse, Samuel,” Gabriel chastised.
“Fine,” Sam huffed.
“It’s okay, Baby. You’re brother’s not gonna let New Year’s go by without calling you… I mean seriously, when was the last time you guys even spent New Year’s apart?” Jess squeezed Sam’s hand.
“2009, first year he was with Cas,” Sam answered immediately. The younger man’s eyes widened and he turned an apologetic look over to the blue-eyed man across the table. Castiel’s face had gone stony as he glared at a crack in the table top.
“Sor-”
“No Sam. Don’t apologize,” Castiel shook his head.
xx
It quickly got to the point where Castiel couldn’t take the waiting any longer. He knew he promised Gabriel he’d wait it out and he promised Sam he wouldn’t interfere, but enough was enough. Castiel couldn’t hold back the sick churning in his gut every time he thought about Dean and his radio silence. It had been hovering there ever since Christmas and Castiel had been trying desperately to deny it with little success. If the last few months had taught him anything, it was that he needed to follow his instincts. They’d never steered Castiel wrong before and he had been pushing them away for far too long.
His decision was made before he really knew what was going on. Castiel climbed out of bed and hopped into the closest items of clothing he could find: worn, comfortable jeans and a warm hoodie. He pulled the hoodie over his t-shirt, not bothering to change that and grabbed his keys, gun, badge, and wallet. Creeping carefully down Balthazar’s opulent and plush hallway, he paused at the top of the curved, grand staircase, waiting a beat before padding down the carpeting and slipping into his boots at the front door. Castiel didn’t concern himself with a jacket, barely acknowledging the cold of the night and hurrying to his SUV.
Castiel made the trip to the Academy in record time. He broke more speed limits than he cared to think about, his thoughts focused on just being sure that Dean was all right. Castiel knew he had no right to be here, had no right to be doing this. He just couldn’t shake the unease.
Sam, Jess and he had called around to as many people as they could think of. The first call was obviously to John and Mary, but the youngest Winchester informed Castiel that his parents hadn’t heard from Dean either. That was extremely troubling in and of itself. Call after call, all turning up nothing. That, of course, left one place to look.
The Academy was eerily quiet, most of the live-in faculty and students off with their friends and families for the holidays. Castiel didn’t see the Impala, but he had pulled up to the front drive and not the rear. There were one or two lit windows here and there, but nothing spectacular.
Castiel didn’t sit and wait to second guess his decision. He was armed, out of the vehicle and across the gravel driveway before he could form a coherent thought.
Dean could be pissed off at Castiel all he wanted, but at least then Castiel would know that Dean was all right. Then Castiel would tell Sam and Sam would give his brother the tongue lashing that he deserved for evading all of them lately. There was still a traitorous little part of Castiel that whispered to him that finding Dean here was kind of a long shot but Castiel refused to listen.
Castiel made quick work of the lock on the front door, not even bothering with the pretense of being an invited guest. It was the middle of the night anyway; no one was around and Castiel was beyond the point of caring. He just had to know.
Climbing the stairs two at a time to Dean’s apartment, Castiel thought he saw a glimpse of the Impala parked in the back lot through the window. A small amount of tension eased out of Castiel at that, but he wouldn’t trust anything until he was staring into green eyes and hearing the familiar voice tear him a new one for being there.
Castiel didn’t bother waiting after he knocked. “Dean? Can you open the door please? I just need to see if you’re all right.” Castiel knocked again. He waited, shifting anxiously.
“Dean, I’m so sorry for being here, but I just need to see that you’re fine and then I’ll go, I promise… Sam’s worried…” He waited a beat again, still no response. Castiel frowned, took a cursory glance around the hallway, before bending to pick the lock. The door gave easily under Castiel’s first touch on the doorknob. The blue-eyed agent’s heart fell to his stomach.
The minute he crossed the threshold he knew something was wrong.
End Chapter
Previous | Master Post | Next
Author: Stolen Childe
Disclaimer: Supernatural and all associated characters belong to Kripke and Co. I make absolutely no claims on any of them.
Special Thanks to dapperscript for the wonderful beta! Thank you!
Please see Master Post for Notes, Cover Art and Further Information
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Castiel had Dean’s things packed up in miniature forts all around their apartment back in Boston. He sat on the end of the couch, staring listlessly around the room, glass of whiskey balanced on his knee. The ice clicked across the glass as it melted and Castiel startled back to awareness for a moment. His knee felt itchy and uncomfortable where the condensation had left a ring on his jeans.
He groaned and rubbed his face, leaned forward and placed the glass on the coffee table, nestling it up against two bottles - one empty and one halfway there.
He hadn’t heard from Dean in three days. He knew he deserved it, but Castiel also knew Dean and thought the younger man would want to sever whatever ties he could as quickly as he could. At least Dean could have contacted him through Sam if Dean didn’t want to talk to Castiel directly. Sam. Sam who wasn’t currently talking to Castiel either.
Castiel had already taken the necessary money out of his savings account to buy out Dean’s portion of the mortgage. It was sitting like a lead weight in his main account, taunting Castiel with each passing day. Castiel knew Dean would want out because he couldn’t carry the apartment on his own. This place they had been both so excited about when they found it. Castiel felt sick.
His phone chirped and he scrambled to pick it up before checking the caller ID. “Dean?”
“Sorry,” it was Balthazar.
“Shit,” Castiel replied.
“Cassy…”
“I know I screwed up, Balth. I get it. Now tell me what you want and leave me alone. My buzz is wearing off and I’d like to return to oblivion as soon as possible.”
“I’m just calling to make sure you aren’t drinking yourself into a stupor. Clearly, I’ve called too late, haven’t I? Castiel, what the fuck happened?”
Castiel sighed, he knew this conversation was inevitable. It was only a matter of time after Castiel had spilled his guts to Gabriel. Castiel was just surprised it took his brother a whole twenty-four hours before calling him, though.
“I go to London for two days, then I get back and find out from my husband that my brother is a cheating arsehole and broke up with his fiancé? I mean, what the hell, Cassy?”
Castiel didn’t fault Balthazar for the disbelief in his tone. Had Castiel been on the other side of this conversation he would have been just as, if not more, baffled than his brother.
“Balthazar… I don’t know. I tried to tell Dean that, but he wouldn’t listen. I don’t remember that night, at all. I remember running into Meg at the bar, smelling her perfume, and then drinking. That’s it. She corners me at Dean’s damn party and implies that we slept together, but Balthazar… I don’t…”
“Cheat.”
“Never. I’ve never,” Castiel shook his head wildly. “I’m not denying I wasn’t a little slut in college but that didn’t mean I was a philanderer. I just didn’t do relationships and when I did… Never. It didn’t even cross my mind to ever be unfaithful.”
Balthazar sighed, “I know. I know… Do you think maybe she’s lying?”
“What would she gain from that?” Castiel asked, bewildered. “What could she possibly get out of fracturing my relationship with Dean? And why can’t I remember?” Castiel let out a sharp sound of frustration and downed the watery whiskey in the bottom of the glass before pouring himself another one, straight-up this time. He swallowed half that down too just to give himself something to do while Balthazar mused in silence on the other end.
“I don’t know, Cassy… I just don’t know…” Balthazar waited a beat before continuing, “Look Cassy, put the glass down and pack a bag. I’m going to be on my way over there to get you. You’ll stay with us for a few days so Gabe and I can keep an eye on you in case you decide that abusing recreational drugs is a good way to pass your time.”
“Balthazar… I wouldn’t…” Castiel left the sentence hanging.
“Again? I didn’t think you would the first time around but history has a tendency to repeat itself, doesn’t it? Just sit tight, Cassy. We’ll figure this out,” Balthazar was calm and reassuring and Castiel felt a sudden pang of guilt that his baby brother had to take care of him again.
“Thank you,” Castiel said quietly.
“Love you, Cassy.”
Castiel’s lips twitched into a slight smile despite it all. “Love you too, Balth.”
xx
“Sam?” Castiel answered hesitantly.
“Hello, Castiel,” Sam replied neutrally. “How have you been?”
“Sam…” Castiel trailed off.
“Look, I’m not going to get in between you and my brother, all right? I really don’t know what went on and Dean only gave me the Cliff’s Notes version, all right? But you’re still my partner and my friend and well, I don’t want to have to choose between the two of you.”
“Thank you, Sam,” Castiel said quietly. “So, are you calling to come get Dean’s things?”
Castiel heard the frown in Sam’s voice. “He hasn’t contacted you about that yet?”
Castiel blinked. “No… I haven’t heard from him since that night… Sam, have you…?”
“He hasn’t called me since Christmas,” Sam replied. “That was only two days ago, though. He said something about visiting Andrea, he’s probably just-” Sam cut himself off and Castiel almost heard the click of his teeth over the line.
“I see,” Castiel said tightly. “Yes, well… If you hear from him, let me know I have his money and I can give him a certified cheque for his half of the apartment. I’m at Balthazar’s if you need to contact me. I’ve called in sick until Thursday.”
“Yeah, Cas… all right,” Sam replied. “You ah… take care, all right? Just… watch yourself?”
“Balthazar and Gabriel are doing more than enough of that for me,” Castiel replied wryly. “I feel like I’m five years old again. Gabriel’s giving me the evil-eye as we speak.”
“I’m ah… glad you have them right now, Castiel.”
“Thank you, Sam. I’ll talk to you later,” Castiel clicked the phone off and leaned back on the couch pinching the bridge of his nose.
“I’m watching you, Cassy,” Gabriel said warningly.
“I’m sorry, are headaches against the rules now?” Castiel quirked a brow at his brother-in-law.
“That Sam?”
“You know very well it was Sam,” Castiel pushed off from the couch and wandered over to the desk, picking up his laptop.
“Any news?”
“No Gabriel, no news,” Castiel shook his head and came back over to the spot he had claimed as his own on the couch.
“You gonna shower at some point Castiel? I love your man musk and all but it’s kinda getting a bit much,” Gabriel teased.
“I want to see if I got any hits on a search I’ve been running,” Castiel replied. “The last piece of information I got from… Well, I just want to cover all my bases.”
Gabriel wrinkled his nose. “Baseball reference. I am ashamed, Cassy.”
“Shut up,” Castiel replied idly. All that followed for the next several minutes was Castiel’s rapid clicking.
Gabriel watched him over top of his magazine, appreciating the fact that Castiel was focusing on something other than Dean. That, however, did not mean that Gabriel was overly fond of the look of single-minded determination on his friend’s face.
“Oh my God,” Castiel muttered suddenly.
“Castiel?” Gabriel asked uneasily, startled by the sudden pronouncement.
“I found her.”
“What?” Gabriel came over and wandered around the back of the couch to peer over Castiel’s shoulder. “What is it?”
“Ruby… Ruby Cassidy. I thought she was the one we have in custody but this is another one. Look. She disappeared three years ago. Last known address was an apartment building owned by Morning Star… No record of employment though…” Castiel frowned.
“What does this have to do with Jesse?”
“Jesse said that Ruby was his nanny and that he really liked her but she left, that she died. At least that’s what Jesse told Dean. What if she got too close, what if Lilith killed her?”
“Then you could finally nail her for something,” Gabriel blinked. “After all these years.”
“I have to call Sam,” Castiel said, pushing his laptop away and picking up his Blackberry.
xx
“Are you sure, Castiel?” Sam asked eagerly. They were in Castiel’s office, files strewn between them across the broad desk.
“As sure as I can be. Jane Doe 11282008001. Her autopsy photo got a hit in Missing Persons when I was doing my cross-checking.”
“Why wouldn’t it have popped up when they did the search the first time?” Sam frowned.
“She wasn’t declared missing until two months after her body was recovered; by then they had no cause to search the databases.”
“That’s weird…” Sam shifted uneasily.
“I confirmed it with the Boston PD and they’re going to have a forensic anthropologist exhume and look over the remains for extra confirmation. With any luck we’ll be able to find something to connect Lilith to her murder other than circumstantial evidence. They said if this checks out they’ll give us the collar if we give them the nod. I’d like to get Jesse to ID her as his nanny, but without…”
“Dean. Yeah, he’s still working at the Academy. Apparently that Alec guy offered a contract extension,” Sam shifted again, the manufactured leather of the seat squeaking beneath his weight.
“How’s your back?” Castiel asked, head shooting up.
“I’m holding up,” Sam fought back the grimace. “Ellen got pissed when I said I was coming in but then I told her I was here for you, not for work-work… She’s still pissed.”
“I appreciate you being here,” Castiel said earnestly.
Sam smiled gently. “Like I said Castiel, despite how things are with you and my brother… You’re my partner. We work well together, not about to change that now. I’ll ask Dean about this, if I can get a hold of him.”
Castiel’s head shot up at that. “If you can get a hold of him?”
“Yeah, haven’t talked to him for a few days. He called me Christmas Day, that I told you. Said he was going to be staying at the Academy. Haven’t spoken to him since. I figured he’d grab his stuff and spend his vacation in the cabin or something,” Sam shrugged.
“Get his stuff?” Castiel furrowed his brow again.
Sam blinked. “Yeah, you said…”
“I know, I know. Yes, I did, but he still hasn’t contacted me about it.”
“He hasn’t?” Sam asked, startled.
Castiel shook his head.
“Okay, little bizarre… but you know how he gets, Castiel. He’s probably driving the Impala across the country right now, taking his irritation out on the blacktop,” Sam shrugged.
“Irritation… I’m sure that’s putting it mildly, but you are correct, of course. Anyway, when you do speak to him let him know I’ll be staying at my brother’s for at least another week, so if he’s anxious about it, he won’t have to run into me. Gabriel’s refusing to let me go home.”
“That’s because Gabriel is a good brother,” Sam said.
“No, that’s because Gabriel is a whimpering limpet and Balthazar is out of town until next Wednesday,” Castiel replied.
Sam chuckled, “However you wanna see it, Cas.”
The nickname gave Castiel a sad little jolt and he hoped his wince was not visible. For some reason, growing up and even up until he met the Winchesters, people tended to use his proper given name. He wasn’t opposed to nicknames… Well he was opposed a little to ‘Cassy’ but had people called him ‘Cas’ growing up, he wouldn’t have minded.
Dean, once they began seeing more of each other, slipped out the nickname one day without a thought. At Castiel’s surprised face Dean had apologized profusely. Castiel was, of course, quick to assure the younger man that he had only been startled and he didn’t mind. From then it just kind of stuck and trickled its way through one Winchester at a time until Castiel associated that nickname strictly to his adopted - formally he was forced to remind himself - family. Now hearing it just kind of hurt.
Sam caught sight of the clock on the top of the shelf behind Castiel’s desk and his eyes widened almost comically. “Shit! Jess doesn’t know I went out. I gotta get back.”
Sam pushed away from Castiel’s desk and stood as swiftly as a man with a still-healing stab wound could stand, gathering up the photos and files on the way.
“I’ll look into these, see if I can’t pick anything up that may help us, and I’ll give Dean a call and have him ask Jesse about Ruby Cassidy when everyone gets back from the break.
“Can’t drink on the medication but if you and your annoying brother-in-law want to grab a burger or something later, I’m sure Jess would be happy to get out of cooking for the night… She’s been handling most of it with my lack of mobility and all,” Sam flashed an amused twist of his lips.
Castiel chuckled before remarking wryly, “Yes, I’m sure that pains you a great deal.”
“You’ve no idea,” Sam said with mock seriousness, his eyes sparkling.
“I’m sure Gabriel is up for leaving the house. He never has the same trouble with cooking because Balthazar keeps a personal regular, vegan, and pastry chef on retainer but he does enjoy a change of scenery,” Castiel nodded.
“All right, I’ll give you a call later then with what I’ve found out. See you, Cas.”
“Stay safe, Sam.”
Sam shuffled out of the office and closed the glass door gently behind him as he went.
Castiel let out a heavy sigh, the temporary reprieve of Sam’s comforting presence (and that alone was a whole mess of one more thing for Castiel to feel guilty about. What right did he have to comfort?) no longer with him. He leaned his elbows on his desk and cradled his face in his hands, before shaking himself and picking up the phone on his desk.
“Andy… Yes. See if you could get me Dr. Reichs, please.”
xx
Castiel was still at his office when six o’clock rolled around, which wasn’t terribly unusual except for the fact that he had come into the office at six o’clock that morning. For someone who usually preferred sleeping in until noon if he could swing it, that was quite the feat.
Castiel, however, hadn’t been getting much sleep lately for obvious reasons. If only he knew how Dean was holding up. Castiel knew better than to ask Sam or Jess and he wasn’t about to call Mary or John but maybe… He just wanted to make sure Dean was well. Plain and simple.
Castiel dug his Blackberry out of his drawer and scrolled through the address book. He was sure Dean had programed it in his phone at some point back when she and Dean were working together on the Halloween Carnival. Not even three months and it felt like ages ago. If he didn’t have the number then he could always - Yes!
“Hello?” the voice on the other end was rather suspicious. Castiel felt that didn’t bode well if she was already sounding like that and didn’t even know who it was yet.
“Andrea? Hello, it’s Castiel L’Ange calling and before you-”
“What the heck are you doing calling me?” Andrea whispered, low and angry; he thought he faintly heard the soft click of a door closing and figured she was looking for privacy. Castiel’s felt a sick churn low in his stomach.
“I know, I know. I shouldn’t be. I just… I’m not looking for sympathy votes or anything I’m not even calling for-”
“Well good! ‘Cause you sure as sauce aren’t about to get any of that from me.”
“Please, Andrea. I just… is Dean still there with you? Is he doing all right? He hasn’t contacted me about his things yet and I just want to make sure… I don’t even know…”
When she spoke again Castiel could hear the confusion in her voice, “Wait, you hold on a sec… Still with me? Castiel, why would you say that? He came by late Boxing Day morning and stayed until late afternoon. I haven’t heard from him since… Though when he was here I certainly heard a few choice things come out of his mouth about you…”
“Nothing, I just thought… Nothing.”
“If you thought what I think you thought, you are… You’re… A horrible person! Neither Dean or me would ever do what you seem to be implying, Castiel.”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have… I’m very sorry. Sam just let it slip that Dean had been with you… But wait, you haven’t heard from Dean in four days?”
“No, I haven’t… I mean it’s a bit weird, it being Winter Break and everything but… I thought he just had things to sort out…” Along with confusion, worry was creeping into Andrea’s voice. A worry that was beginning to be matched - if not doubled - by Castiel’s own.
Next to Sam, Andrea was the person Dean called or saw the most. With them both not teaching and with Dean having been away for a good portion of the last term, Castiel had assumed, regardless of a relationship between them or lack thereof, that Dean would be spending as much time as he could with his friend.
It had always been a bitter point of jealousy in Dean’s and Castiel’s relationship, actually. Castiel was forever jealous. It was funny though, he had never been the jealous type before Dean came along, but that didn’t matter now. Castiel had lost whatever rights he’d had in the matter.
“Castiel…?”
Her voice invaded Castiel’s thoughts. Just as Castiel was opening his mouth to formulate some way to brush her concerns off as needless, the line cut out temporarily, signifying a waiting call.
“Andrea, I’m certain he’s fine. I have to go though, I’ve another call. You have a good night and please don’t worry. I apologize again for my… assumption earlier.”
“All right then.” After a perfunctory ‘good night’ Andrea hung up the phone.
“Hello?”
“Cas… hey…” Sam replied, sounding uncertain.
“Sam! Did you get in contact with Dean?” A silent litany of ‘please say yes, please say yes’ sprung unbidden in the back of Castiel’s mind, but a part of him already knew the answer.
“No, Cas. I didn’t,” Sam answered grimly. “I’m sure he’s just…”
“Sam, we both know him well enough to know however you are going to finish that sentence is not true,” Castiel cut in. “I know I screwed up in a horrendously awful way but I still very much love your brother and this behaviour is just too… unusual for us to continue lying to ourselves.”
“Oh God, you don’t think he started drinking again, do you? What if he wrapped the Impala around a tree again and is dying in a ditch somewhere? Or what if… what if he’s languishing in some shitty hospital with amnesia or-”
“Sam! Stop it.”
Castiel heard Sam’s teeth click shut at the force of the command all the way on the other side of the phone.
“When was the last time you spoke to Dean?”
“I told you Cas, Sunday.”
“Sunday,” Castiel repeated.
“Jesus, you don’t belie-”
“Sam! My process. You know this.”
“Right, you turn into a parrot when you’re thinking about shit. Okay. Sunday last.”
“He told you he was seeing…?”
“Andrea.”
“Andrea. Now, I just got off the phone with Andrea-”
“Why the hell would you be calling her, Castiel?” Sam’s tone was accusatory, rearing up to defend his brother at the first hints of Castiel displaying Psycho-Ex Syndrome - It’s a real thing, Gabriel told Castiel all about it… Gabriel was a deliberately compulsive liar, though.
Castiel sighed, “I was just worried about him, Sam. I just wanted to see how he was doing. I wasn’t about to break the trust you have with him and ask you. I know you wouldn’t have told me anyway.”
“Yeah, like calling his friends is so much better…”
“Sam.”
“Right. Right. Friend-Sam now. Brother-Sam later. What did Andrea have to say?”
“Not much, other than giving me a severe reprimand,” Castiel replied flatly.
“Points for Andrea,” Sam countered.
“I deserved that,” Castiel conceded. “Regardless, she told me that Dean only stayed until the afternoon and that she hadn’t heard from him since.”
“Shit.”
“My sentiments exactly.”
“Jesus… All right. Look, we can’t panic yet… How about this: at dinner, we’ll ask Gabriel what he thinks of the situation. He can give us his professional opinion on the matter, then we’ll get our game plan going from there. Maybe this is just a common knee-jerk response for someone in Dean’s situation or something…”
“I don’t think falling off the grid is a common response,” Castiel retorted.
“Castiel, just shut up about that… All right? I’m gonna call my mom and maybe Bobby too. See if they know anything. I’ll meet you at our usual place in a half hour.”
“Yes, see you then, Sam,” Castiel nodded to the phone.
Castiel rubbed the bridge of his nose and pushed away from the desk, gathering his satchel and papers before hitting the light and locking the office behind him.
A few floors up on the elevator and Castiel was standing outside his brother-in-law’s closed office door, blinds drawn but the light visible through the aluminum. Castiel knocked.
“Entrez-vous mon frère!”
“Your French pronunciation is terrible,” Castiel said by way of greeting once he pushed open the office door.
“I just add my own flavour,” Gabriel flashed a grin.
“One doesn’t tend to do that with languages, Gabriel… It misses the point of speaking another language. You know, the intention is to be understood by others.”
“La-dee-da, Mister I-Speak-Five-Languages-Flawlessly-One-of-Which-No-One-Even-Uses-Anymore,” Gabriel huffed.
“Not flawlessly, Gabriel… Just with a high proficiency,” Castiel retorted. “Now get your things. We’re going to dinner with Sam and Jessica.”
Gabriel slipped into his, what Dean had dubbed, ‘Shrink-Face’ and quirked an eyebrow. “Do you think that is wise, Castiel?”
“Don’t analyse me, Gabriel. It was Sam’s idea,” Castiel said. “We aren’t doing this sharing our feelings nonsense, not right now. You’re coming as my brother-in-law, not my colleague.”
“And as your brother-in-law, I’m concerned about your emotional response to this situation,” Gabriel’s eyes flashed for a moment. Castiel saw the glimpse of the real Gabriel underneath the joie du vivre, flamboyant façade. He saw the serious, analytical side of Gabriel and the hidden strength usually so obscured by his compact exterior.
“Gabriel…”
“Castiel, I’ve known you since you were seventeen years old, you should have stopped bullshitting me years ago. I was your first friend and your first confidant and now I have the privilege of being your brother as well, don’t belittle my concern for you and don’t wave it off like you do all too often. I don’t know the whole story here, but I do know you’re hurting. I honestly don’t know if seeing Sam and Jessica is really going to help you right now… Sam is Dean’s-”
“Dean’s missing,” Castiel broke in.
Gabriel was taken aback at the sudden proclamation and stared up at the taller man. “What?”
“Well… perhaps I’m jumping to conclusions…”
“Castiel, you don’t honestly expect Dean to answer your calls or to contact-” Gabriel had a look of blatant concern on his face.
“Gabriel, I haven’t gone mad! Sam agrees with me here, Dean hasn’t contacted him since Christmas and Sam was unable to get a hold of Dean when he called him this afternoon… We’re understandably concerned and we were going to use this dinner to see what you thought of the matter. Now please, I’ll give you the details on the way over. Let’s just go meet Sam.”
“Okay, okay. Sure thing, Cassy,” Gabriel nodded. It didn’t take Gabriel long to sweep his folders and notebooks into a pile and hit the lights on the way out. He could tell Castiel was anxious, and seeing that in the normally endlessly calm and collected man was disconcerting to say the least.
“Thank you,” Castiel replied.
xx
Gabriel slurped the last dredges of his strawberry milkshake and chased it with a large piece of fudge brownie, licking the drizzled chocolate sauce off his fork as he surveyed the worried faces of Sam, Jess and Castiel.
“Well?” Castiel prodded.
Gabriel sighed, “Look, in light of the current situation and given Dean’s history with relationships… or lack thereof I suppose, and from what I know of Dean as both psychiatrist and friend, I don’t think you should worry yet. Give it until New Years. In this current situation, Dean’s fight or flight instinct is elevated. He has no one to direct his anger to aside from the one person he has no interest in interacting with…”
Castiel winced.
“Therefore, flight is the primary response,” Gabriel continued. “He’ll cool down soon. If you don’t hear from him by New Year’s then we’ll explore this again. For now, call around to his friends and family and see who saw or heard from him last. Regardless of what he needs right now, it wouldn’t hurt to get an idea of where he’s going to be or where he is. Like you guys said though, he’s probably just cruising around in the Impala. Driving can be very meditative and therapeutic to some…” Gabriel shrugged and shoved a large bite of pie into his mouth.
“All right…” Sam nodded. “If you say so… It’s just…”
“Don’t overanalyse, Samuel,” Gabriel chastised.
“Fine,” Sam huffed.
“It’s okay, Baby. You’re brother’s not gonna let New Year’s go by without calling you… I mean seriously, when was the last time you guys even spent New Year’s apart?” Jess squeezed Sam’s hand.
“2009, first year he was with Cas,” Sam answered immediately. The younger man’s eyes widened and he turned an apologetic look over to the blue-eyed man across the table. Castiel’s face had gone stony as he glared at a crack in the table top.
“Sor-”
“No Sam. Don’t apologize,” Castiel shook his head.
xx
It quickly got to the point where Castiel couldn’t take the waiting any longer. He knew he promised Gabriel he’d wait it out and he promised Sam he wouldn’t interfere, but enough was enough. Castiel couldn’t hold back the sick churning in his gut every time he thought about Dean and his radio silence. It had been hovering there ever since Christmas and Castiel had been trying desperately to deny it with little success. If the last few months had taught him anything, it was that he needed to follow his instincts. They’d never steered Castiel wrong before and he had been pushing them away for far too long.
His decision was made before he really knew what was going on. Castiel climbed out of bed and hopped into the closest items of clothing he could find: worn, comfortable jeans and a warm hoodie. He pulled the hoodie over his t-shirt, not bothering to change that and grabbed his keys, gun, badge, and wallet. Creeping carefully down Balthazar’s opulent and plush hallway, he paused at the top of the curved, grand staircase, waiting a beat before padding down the carpeting and slipping into his boots at the front door. Castiel didn’t concern himself with a jacket, barely acknowledging the cold of the night and hurrying to his SUV.
Castiel made the trip to the Academy in record time. He broke more speed limits than he cared to think about, his thoughts focused on just being sure that Dean was all right. Castiel knew he had no right to be here, had no right to be doing this. He just couldn’t shake the unease.
Sam, Jess and he had called around to as many people as they could think of. The first call was obviously to John and Mary, but the youngest Winchester informed Castiel that his parents hadn’t heard from Dean either. That was extremely troubling in and of itself. Call after call, all turning up nothing. That, of course, left one place to look.
The Academy was eerily quiet, most of the live-in faculty and students off with their friends and families for the holidays. Castiel didn’t see the Impala, but he had pulled up to the front drive and not the rear. There were one or two lit windows here and there, but nothing spectacular.
Castiel didn’t sit and wait to second guess his decision. He was armed, out of the vehicle and across the gravel driveway before he could form a coherent thought.
Dean could be pissed off at Castiel all he wanted, but at least then Castiel would know that Dean was all right. Then Castiel would tell Sam and Sam would give his brother the tongue lashing that he deserved for evading all of them lately. There was still a traitorous little part of Castiel that whispered to him that finding Dean here was kind of a long shot but Castiel refused to listen.
Castiel made quick work of the lock on the front door, not even bothering with the pretense of being an invited guest. It was the middle of the night anyway; no one was around and Castiel was beyond the point of caring. He just had to know.
Climbing the stairs two at a time to Dean’s apartment, Castiel thought he saw a glimpse of the Impala parked in the back lot through the window. A small amount of tension eased out of Castiel at that, but he wouldn’t trust anything until he was staring into green eyes and hearing the familiar voice tear him a new one for being there.
Castiel didn’t bother waiting after he knocked. “Dean? Can you open the door please? I just need to see if you’re all right.” Castiel knocked again. He waited, shifting anxiously.
“Dean, I’m so sorry for being here, but I just need to see that you’re fine and then I’ll go, I promise… Sam’s worried…” He waited a beat again, still no response. Castiel frowned, took a cursory glance around the hallway, before bending to pick the lock. The door gave easily under Castiel’s first touch on the doorknob. The blue-eyed agent’s heart fell to his stomach.
The minute he crossed the threshold he knew something was wrong.
End Chapter
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