[Private E-mail to Kurenai]
Our secrets have become the death of us. I never expected anything more or less. In some ways I think I knew it would be this way from the very beginning. I cannot tell you why I even took those first steps, but I like to think I felt something I would otherwise have ignored, and that you were the reason I did not overlook this feeling. Until now.
Regardless of whether you stay or leave, whatever becomes of us, we can only be friends. I would aim for more if a single bone in my body believed it something that we could work out, but nothing inside me feels at all like an us is possible. I think you were the one who I could eventually feel something more for. But I know that life is not dealing us those cards. There is no path for us to take. In a way, you could say that road has caved in, and that the path once available to us simply... does not exist.
I can't tell you why I am even bothering to write this. Perhaps I feel I owe to you some sort of explanation. I probably do owe you one, all things considering. I've put you through a lot of grief. In any event, I do not think that either of us vacating from the other's life will do us any good. Sometimes I believe we are tangled together due to all of our past struggles, and that separating now will be damaging towards the other. Does that even make sense to you? It's almost funny how these things infect the mind, isn't it? I must sound like an imbecile. My mind is on the brink, and I feel like you will think I am being absurd by saying all of this.
Ah, well. I'm sorry that I left without leaving you much notice, but my presense was required upon a business trip. The plane trip was... interesting, to say the least. Either way, there is a dinner meeting now that I must attend, so I must cut short this e-mail. Perhaps I will call you once the meeting is over. If you're working, I will leave a message.