Angel for mixed_blessings
So dark... I twisted, trying to get free. All around me, the chains were nice and tight... should I have expected any less from him?
From my own son... I cursed silently. I had thought things were going so well. I had thought maybe everything would be okay. But no, of course not... after all, Holtz had raised him. Was there any way he would have not hated me?
Meanwhile, he shouldn't have even been old enough to do this yet, if certain people didn't believe every damn thing they read in their big old books... I growled slightly, straining against the chains, then relaxing. There was no escaping these chains... they were too tight.
My son. Shouldn't have even been old enough to do this... shouldn't have been raised to hate me and everything I stood for. I had had such dreams for him.
I had been such a fool.
Like I would ever have been allowed to be that happy? Like the universe suddenly decided I had a right to be happy, and not have to suffer every damn day with what I had done? I should have known better. Should have known that the damn Power That Be were nothing more than conniving assholes. Give the faithful vampire a reward, then watch and laugh as it is torn away.
Oh, god... Cordy. What was she thinking right now? Was she worried? I was supposed to meet her; was supposed to tell her... tell her what, that I love her?
True, I did, but how did I think I wouldn't get fucked that way, too? Have sex with someone you love? Lose the soul. And that would make Connor love me even more, wouldn't it?
I strained against the chains one more time, half-heartedly. I wasn't going to get out... not until these chains rusted, and maybe not even then, in this box was as sturdy as it had seemed.
Vampires couldn't starve to death. Go insane, yes. Get really thin, yes. Starve and freaking die, no. I was going to be trapped here forever... I couldn't be allowed to die, after all. That'd be the easy way out... that'd make me not have to suffer, and not give the twisted son of mine the satisfaction he needed.
I closed my eyes, relaxing. I wasn't going anywhere... nowhere at all.
From my own son... I cursed silently. I had thought things were going so well. I had thought maybe everything would be okay. But no, of course not... after all, Holtz had raised him. Was there any way he would have not hated me?
Meanwhile, he shouldn't have even been old enough to do this yet, if certain people didn't believe every damn thing they read in their big old books... I growled slightly, straining against the chains, then relaxing. There was no escaping these chains... they were too tight.
My son. Shouldn't have even been old enough to do this... shouldn't have been raised to hate me and everything I stood for. I had had such dreams for him.
I had been such a fool.
Like I would ever have been allowed to be that happy? Like the universe suddenly decided I had a right to be happy, and not have to suffer every damn day with what I had done? I should have known better. Should have known that the damn Power That Be were nothing more than conniving assholes. Give the faithful vampire a reward, then watch and laugh as it is torn away.
Oh, god... Cordy. What was she thinking right now? Was she worried? I was supposed to meet her; was supposed to tell her... tell her what, that I love her?
True, I did, but how did I think I wouldn't get fucked that way, too? Have sex with someone you love? Lose the soul. And that would make Connor love me even more, wouldn't it?
I strained against the chains one more time, half-heartedly. I wasn't going to get out... not until these chains rusted, and maybe not even then, in this box was as sturdy as it had seemed.
Vampires couldn't starve to death. Go insane, yes. Get really thin, yes. Starve and freaking die, no. I was going to be trapped here forever... I couldn't be allowed to die, after all. That'd be the easy way out... that'd make me not have to suffer, and not give the twisted son of mine the satisfaction he needed.
I closed my eyes, relaxing. I wasn't going anywhere... nowhere at all.