And just to spite me...
I should've seen this coming, but how could I? Just because I said it probably couldnt get any worse. Spoke too soon for that, because it definitely got a lot worse. Yea so Ryan broke up with me. Where that came from, I don't know. He says he doesn't want a serious relationship right now. Well maybe he shouldve thought that through before we started spending every night together. Right, well I'm glad he figured that out at my expense. O and Ryan says I wouldn't talk to him, guess what Ryan you just did exactly that to me, you just told me its over out of nowhere, thanks for talking to me, thanks for trying to fix it. I'm glad I wasnt worth it to you. I'm glad he's asleep in my bed the night before, I'm glad he tells me to take a nap with him just hours before, and I'm supposed to see where this came from? And I just had a discussion with him about me feeling like he'd leave me over break, and he says "no, I'm not gonna leave you." Well there's a lie for you. Of course I had just finished telling Adam I wanted it to work with Ryan, and he pulls this on me. I feel like such an idiot. How could I think that someone like Ryan would actually wanna be with me? Mary says Ryan doesnt like to hurt people, well congratulations, because I'm really hurt. I told her I wasnt good enough and she didnt believe me. I really feel alone now. I'm away from all my friends at home, not that they know him to help me, I only have Mary here. I have almost no family, I have nothing. It's hard not to be attached when it's all you have. I finally managed to cry myself to sleep around 5 am, but kept waking up. I was up with Mary all night. Of course Ryan probly went to bed early, got a good night's sleep. I'm already tired of people telling me it'll stop hurting, everything will be ok. Mary wants to go out this weekend, she says I'll find someone else. I'm not. I'm not just gonna find someone else I like as much as Ryan because I don't wanna feel like this anymore. And after all this I could absolutely kick myself cuz I still wanna be with him. It hurts like hell but it doesnt change the way I feel about him. The one person I want is the one I can't have, as always. I'll never be happy. Just once I wish my road was paved. Just fucking once I wish I could get what I want. I couldnt even eat this morning and I hate that. I hate that I'm that upset that I couldnt sleep or eat. Most of all I hate that he doesnt care. i'm surprised I still have energy to cry at this point. So if you need me, I'll be in my room wondering why nothing ever works out for me. Call if you feel like it, or drop by, I could probly use some company.