RP: I'm Sorry

[shh_andromeda]

Date: April 9, 2005
Characters: Orla Quirke, Andromeda and Ted Tonks.
Location: The Tonks residence
Status: Private
Summary: Ted has another session with Orla and perhaps gains some new insight.
Completion: Incomplete

Andy walked around the living room aimlessly, waiting for Orla to come for Ted's appointment.  She hadn't spoken to Ted since their blow

Comments

[shh_ted]

Orla's explanation left his head spinning. Too much to take in at once. "So, basically what you're saying," he said, wanting to make sure he (mostly) got all of that, "is that whatever happened to me is bad enough that my mind... can't handle it, and just...shuts down...but the medicine will help with that?"

At her nod, he sank back into silence, mulling over all of that. It didn't sound as though she wanted to sedate him into good behaviour. It in fact sounded to him like this might help. Unlike many of the Wizarding community, Ted trusted Muggle medicine well enough, so while the rambling list of strange scientific names left him in the dust, he wasn't averse to trying out this strange experiment the counselor suggested.

Well, no more than he objected to any kind of treatment. None of this was easy.

Beggars can't be choosers, he reminded himself bitterly, glancing over at Andy. We can't go on like this.

"All right, well, now what?" he asked, gaze skewing back to Orla. "Are we...that is, do you think there's any point in me going over what happened this weekend? I'd...I'd like to know what happened, I think."

Maybe.

[shh_orla]

"We can." Orla wanted him to have at least something to be proud of from this session. Too often a person wanted to beat themselves up over a percieved lack of progress. She looked at Andy. "How about we go from room to room, and you both tell me what you remember about the weekend?"

[shh_ted]

Ted smiled, weak but genuine, when Andy took his arm and the two of them went off through the house, detailing what they could recall of the last several days. He himself was more than a little uneasy over how much of that time period seemed to have evaporated from his memory - there simply wasn't anything there when he tried to recollect what had happened at a certain time.

He told Orla, not knowing what else to do, and the sinking feeling in his stomach was lessened in no way by the worried glance that she exchanged with his wife. She didn't say anything about it, though, merely asked him to continue the little tour. Finally, after going through all the rooms that either he or Andy had been in (or remembered being in, anyway), the three of them made their way downstairs once more.

Ted had mentioned a few points at which he thought he might have journaled, but the notebook wasn't around to show her. Once back in the kitchen, he started rooting around in the drawers, trying to find it.

"Andy, did you move it somewhere? Have you seen it?"

[shh_andromeda]

"I put it away, love." She moved over to the desk and opened his drawer to take it out. "It was just lying there while I was tidying up and I didn't want you to lose it or have Juneau spill something on it," she explained while walking back to her husband with the notebook in hand.

[shh_ted]

Ted took the journal from her and nervously flipped through it, wondering if he'd in fact written anything at all or whether his mind was making it all up. Most of the entries were short, simple jottings of his days. Angry, some of them, and depressed, but still fairly clear. He skimmed over the pages, feeling somewhat soothed that he remembered writing these, remembered the events that inspired the thoughts.

Until he got to Saturday. And then heart rate shot up again and he stumbled over to the table, sinking into a chair as he stared in confusion at the solid mass of writing that filled the last two pages. Had he really written that? The place where that memory should have been was a huge gaping hole in his mind.

And if that wasn't horrifying enough, the whole thing bordered on...raving. His eyes flew over the words, trying not to panic again.

she can't do this. why is she doing this? doesn't she understand the danger? that bitch will hurt her. let the others hurt her. oh god i can't take it. can't let them hurt her anymore. everyone thinks i'm crazy. i'm not crazy. you are crazy. why can't she see what's going on? it's all right there and she won't see it, she won't. why am i the only one who sees this? because you're losing it, it's only a matter of time. it's too much, i have to make her stop this, have to make her understand, but how do i do that? she won't listen, she won't listen and she'll go back and they'll take her and this time it won't be her screaming in my head, it'll be real and i can't let that happen. they won't take her, i swear i won't let them take her this time, have to stop them from taking her, i have to. you couldn't have stopped it the first time, what makes you think that you could do it now? i won't let her be broken the way i was, won't let them do the things they did to me, why won't she LISTEN TO ME?

It just went downhill from there. His hands shook the longer he read, until the notebook slipped from his fingers and clattered to the floor. "Andy," he whispered, his eyes searching her out and latching onto her gaze in desperation, "I think I really am going crazy."

[shh_andromeda]

Andy took the notebook with a confused expression which slowly turned horrified and fearful as she skimmed a few of the entries. It was like there were two people talking to each other. One seemed more Ted than the other, worried, scared, angry, but the second . . . was almost insideous, subversive and undermining all of Ted's will. It almost . . . hissed at her off the page, mocking the both of them. "Oh Teddy," she whispered, unconciously pressing her fingers to her lips as she looked over at him. Her eyes welled with tears. "Is this what you hear in your head?"

She turned the notebook over to Orla, unable to touch it any longer. The thing was like poison.