RP: IF I SAW MYSELF NOW...
Date: April 8, 2005
Characters: Dennis Creevey
Location: Airplane, bus, hotel room
Status: Private
Summary: Dennis is on his way home, and his mind is wandering back with him, waaayyy back.
Completion: Complete
The view outside the window was of black and wet, metal and concrete. But Dennis wasn't seeing the tarmac. He was seeing the rain slash against train windows. How much did he or Colin know back then? Not a lot Dennis thought.
Dennis always wondered if Colin knew. He couldn't help it. With Colin gone their room was too lonely, and so, often Dennis woke in the morning to find himself in Colin's bed, not his own. So when the letter arrived it was a relief. At first, anyway. But then he started worrying. What if he was a disappointment?
The train ride was fun, and strangely familiar. He recognized so many faces, and it finally occurred to him to wonder who Colin had really been taking the pictures for. Was it for their Dad? Or, more likely, was it so Dennis would still feel a part of everything that Colin experienced. Somehow on that first journey, Dennis suspected the latter.
When he was bumped, and there was no other way to put it, from the boat, he felt a momentary panic, until he pictured his big brother's face. Colin would have seen it as an adventure, and so Dennis did too. And school wasn't nearly as frightening as he had imagined it. It was almost like being at home, what with meeting Colin in the common room at night and sharing stories.
In the daytime Colin always included Dennis too. It never entered Dennis' mind that Colin could be lonely as well. Colin was too buoyant, too exhuberant to feel such things. Together, they laughed a lot, although not about Snape, and especially not about Malfoy.
Draco was the first instance of disagreement between the two at school. Colin insisted that Malfoy was a no good Git, his loyalty to Harry Potter unwavering. Dennis wasn't so sure. Draco reminded him of no one so much as one of the protaganists in "The Secret Garden" a book his mother loved to read to him when he was little. Unlike his brother, the Colin in that book was neglected, spoiled, and ultimately alone. Somehow Dennis was sure that there had been no days of climbing trees, no "pretend the floor is lava" and such games. Even though Colin thought Dennis was being too soft-hearted, in a strange sort of way, Dennis felt sorry for the blond Slytherin, though the pity did not mitigate his dislike of being called a "Mudblood."
Grabbing his rucsack from under his seat and joining the Que to board buses to take them to various hotels for the night, Dennis didn't join in the grumbling. What was the use? The airlines didn't make it snow. He didn't even voice a protest when a larger body jostled him in the aisle. A flash of red hair took his attention away.
Was he abnormally slow? He didn't think so, he even managed to get passing grades in Potions with that Buzzard of a teacher in the room. So why did it take him so long to figure it out? Seamus, Draco and that brought a shudder that had nothing to do with the blizzard raging outside, and Ron. Especially, Ron who seemed so at ease in his skin, so comfortable with himself, and Dennis just qawked. At the time he thought is was lucky for him that Ron would probably just have passed it off as Colin and Dennis hero worshipping Harry. Half right. Would he have gotten over it sooner if Ron had cottened on and told him to "Bugger Off." Would having someone point out what he was doing made Dennis realize he liked boys instead of girls? Would he have even been interested in Ron or the others if he had felt more at ease with himself, more at home?
The reflection in the mirror showed few changes. A few more inches in height, hair slightly longer, but he could still clearly see the boy he once was. There is so much he would have liked to have told the 11 and 12 year old Dennis, but would that Dennis have known enough to listen or understand? Would he have been ready to hear the words "it's okay to be yourself, it's okay to be lonely"? Would his younger self have been able to grasp the concept that being alone and accepting it could be the first step in knowing himself and liking what he found?
No answers, but then Dennis hadn't really expected any.
What he did expect from himself was to figure out the next steps. Pulling a sheet of hotel stationary towards him, he began to write.
Things to do:
1. Find Colin
1. Find a hospital, clinic, something. Let them know your history, Dumb Dumb, you don't need to risk going through this again.
2. Find a place to live
3. Find Colin (and hope he isn't too angry with you)
4. Ask about school
5. Get an OWL
6. Get a job
That would do for starters. There were plenty of other things to put on the list as well, some that could wait and some that Dennis didn't want to think about just then.
Putting the picture of his Mum, Dad, and Colin on the table next to the bed, Dennis shut the light out and bade sleep in.
Characters: Dennis Creevey
Location: Airplane, bus, hotel room
Status: Private
Summary: Dennis is on his way home, and his mind is wandering back with him, waaayyy back.
Completion: Complete
The view outside the window was of black and wet, metal and concrete. But Dennis wasn't seeing the tarmac. He was seeing the rain slash against train windows. How much did he or Colin know back then? Not a lot Dennis thought.
Dennis always wondered if Colin knew. He couldn't help it. With Colin gone their room was too lonely, and so, often Dennis woke in the morning to find himself in Colin's bed, not his own. So when the letter arrived it was a relief. At first, anyway. But then he started worrying. What if he was a disappointment?
The train ride was fun, and strangely familiar. He recognized so many faces, and it finally occurred to him to wonder who Colin had really been taking the pictures for. Was it for their Dad? Or, more likely, was it so Dennis would still feel a part of everything that Colin experienced. Somehow on that first journey, Dennis suspected the latter.
When he was bumped, and there was no other way to put it, from the boat, he felt a momentary panic, until he pictured his big brother's face. Colin would have seen it as an adventure, and so Dennis did too. And school wasn't nearly as frightening as he had imagined it. It was almost like being at home, what with meeting Colin in the common room at night and sharing stories.
In the daytime Colin always included Dennis too. It never entered Dennis' mind that Colin could be lonely as well. Colin was too buoyant, too exhuberant to feel such things. Together, they laughed a lot, although not about Snape, and especially not about Malfoy.
Draco was the first instance of disagreement between the two at school. Colin insisted that Malfoy was a no good Git, his loyalty to Harry Potter unwavering. Dennis wasn't so sure. Draco reminded him of no one so much as one of the protaganists in "The Secret Garden" a book his mother loved to read to him when he was little. Unlike his brother, the Colin in that book was neglected, spoiled, and ultimately alone. Somehow Dennis was sure that there had been no days of climbing trees, no "pretend the floor is lava" and such games. Even though Colin thought Dennis was being too soft-hearted, in a strange sort of way, Dennis felt sorry for the blond Slytherin, though the pity did not mitigate his dislike of being called a "Mudblood."
Grabbing his rucsack from under his seat and joining the Que to board buses to take them to various hotels for the night, Dennis didn't join in the grumbling. What was the use? The airlines didn't make it snow. He didn't even voice a protest when a larger body jostled him in the aisle. A flash of red hair took his attention away.
Was he abnormally slow? He didn't think so, he even managed to get passing grades in Potions with that Buzzard of a teacher in the room. So why did it take him so long to figure it out? Seamus, Draco and that brought a shudder that had nothing to do with the blizzard raging outside, and Ron. Especially, Ron who seemed so at ease in his skin, so comfortable with himself, and Dennis just qawked. At the time he thought is was lucky for him that Ron would probably just have passed it off as Colin and Dennis hero worshipping Harry. Half right. Would he have gotten over it sooner if Ron had cottened on and told him to "Bugger Off." Would having someone point out what he was doing made Dennis realize he liked boys instead of girls? Would he have even been interested in Ron or the others if he had felt more at ease with himself, more at home?
The reflection in the mirror showed few changes. A few more inches in height, hair slightly longer, but he could still clearly see the boy he once was. There is so much he would have liked to have told the 11 and 12 year old Dennis, but would that Dennis have known enough to listen or understand? Would he have been ready to hear the words "it's okay to be yourself, it's okay to be lonely"? Would his younger self have been able to grasp the concept that being alone and accepting it could be the first step in knowing himself and liking what he found?
No answers, but then Dennis hadn't really expected any.
What he did expect from himself was to figure out the next steps. Pulling a sheet of hotel stationary towards him, he began to write.
Things to do:
1. Find Colin
1. Find a hospital, clinic, something. Let them know your history, Dumb Dumb, you don't need to risk going through this again.
2. Find a place to live
3. Find Colin (and hope he isn't too angry with you)
4. Ask about school
5. Get an OWL
6. Get a job
That would do for starters. There were plenty of other things to put on the list as well, some that could wait and some that Dennis didn't want to think about just then.
Putting the picture of his Mum, Dad, and Colin on the table next to the bed, Dennis shut the light out and bade sleep in.