RP: The British National Pastime

[shh_cedric]

Date: 17 March 2005
Characters: Katie Bell, Cedric Diggory
Location: St. James' Park, Exeter, then dinner
Status: Private (albeit in a public place)
Summary: Cedric & Katie go to a football game, rather than a pub, for St. Patrick's Day.
Completion: Complete

Comments

[shh_katie]

"You're talking in circles to try and make sense of things, not explain them to me exactly," Katie told him frankly, propping herself up on her elbows, adding with a smile, "To be honest, I probably don't need to be here for it. It makes sense in a convoluted way - just saying the same thing a million different ways. I can't speak for Hermione's logic, but you're much more logical than you think Cedric. You need it all to make sense, and you talk around things until you get them in your mind."

"In terms of staying here, it's comendable too not want to hurt her feelings," she added, not expanding. What she wanted to do was tell Cedric he was too damn accommodating of other people. Apparating to and from the museum without leaving the house? For all that he said he was moving past it, he obviously wasn't entirely. And why put himself through that when he didn't have to. If Hermione were so bloody logical, Katie was sure she'd understand.

Leaning back, she continued, "And way to state the obvious. Cedric, I don't want to be annoying - but of course you want relationships to be a mutual thing, and not be tested. Do you really think anyone feels otherwise? Like they want to have to prove themselves day after day? You put it best the other day - you want to come first with someone, and it's common theme for everyone," She tilted her head back towards him briefly, "See, I do listen to everything you ramble on about."

"I'm going to give you the important platitude, that you need too remember. When it's right? Then you'll fight all the way. You'll be the greatest 'knight' ever. And the thing is? It won't feel like a competition or being tested. Maybe that's why it was easier for Roger before you ended it? Maybe he didn't feel like it was a test when they were together, because they were right for each other."

Shrugging, she added, "Maybe it's selective memory, maybe you modified things - or maybe you're finally seeing clearly what was right there all along. There's no way to know, but in the end it doesn't matter. The results the same, yeah?"

Closing her eyes, she enjoyed the last bit of warmth that still came from the setting sun, waving her hand around. "Now go ahead, continue on to try and straighten things out in your mind if need be. I can be the sounding board for whatever you need." She was getting quite good at it. "Let you talk Hermione and the situation out of your system." If it was actually going to ever happen.

[shh_cedric]

He laughed when she told him he was talking in circles and rubbed his palm over the crown of his head. "Yeah, that's ... how I think. I've got to verbalize it." He shot her a smile. "If I hear it, aloud, that's somehow different than hearing it in my head. Dunno why."

He smiled at her observation that she did listen to him. "I know you do. But I also ... sometimes I think there are people who do like the competition side of it. There's got to be some challenge, something on the horizon, some new conquest. Maybe it's a male thing, but I know men like that. Maybe it's evolutionary but it missed me.

"And yeah, I don't think Roger felt at all the same ... I don't think he needed to. You're right. If somebody tried to take away somebody I was really in love with ... but that takes time to build. And if I were in love with her, and she with me, then it wouldn't matter, would it?" He smiled at her. It was more or less what she'd just said.

"The first time I actually ever met Hermione -- post Hogwarts -- we got into a quarrel. And the second time too. I suppose I should have recognized something was wrong then. I can't even explain why I didn't, except that she didn't react like anybody I'd ever met and it puzzled me. So I had to solve the puzzle. After that, we got along, and there are things about her I really like -- admire. And things about her that ... well, yeah. They drive me nuts." He shook his head. "I reckon I can admit that now. And I know it was mutual. Roger understood her in a way I never will. The irony is that I think Hermione and I could probably work together far better than date each other. That's where we most shared the same opinions and attitudes -- in our work ethic. I just ... got all confused, I think."

He stopped and plucked a blade of grass, curling it around his fingers.

"There are ... well, some reasons I got confused about the tendency Hermione and I had to quarrel." He tiled his head, annoyed at his own attempt to be coy. "All right, that was unnecessarily vague. My former fiancee and I first met by getting into a debate in a class we were both in. But looking back, I see how different it was. It wasn't failure to understand. We understood each other just fine. We simply disagreed. Never did agree on that point either -- Indian Casinos, actually. But we understood each other, and I liked that she didn't agree with me all the time. Hermione reminded me of her a little ... and in other ways, not at all.

"And no, I wasn't dating Hermione as a replacement for Gwen, or on the rebound, or any of that." At least he didn't want to think he was quite that stupid. "But similar things attract us; I just think they wound up being the wrong similar things. Now I'm just trying to sort out in my head what I actual felt, and trying to get her out of my system. The more I look back, the more I wonder why I had a crush on her in the first place. And that sounds awful because she really is an extraordinary person, but ... not right for me. Really not right for me."

He scratched the back of his neck. "Let's go and eat. This is making my head hurt."

[shh_katie]

Katie sat up, sitting cross-legged, while Cedric rambled on. She could say again what she had said a million times before, and what he said often in different ways - Hermione wasn't right for him, he wasn't right for her. And yes, that was something she could still be objective on. But hearing that repeated ad nauseum wasn't going to change anything. Instead she was more struck by other comments Cedric had made, repeating something he had said before but she'd never really thought much of.

"Hermione as replacement for Gwen or not," she told Cedric, "I know this is a novel concept - but stop thinking in terms of what worked, or even didn't, with Gwen. This is going to sound incredibly hurtful, but think about it - the two of you didn't work out. If it wasn't coming here, wouldn't there have been something else back in Toronto that would have ended things anyway? Don't judge relationships by that standard, it's never going to work if you do. Even the 'right' similarities with what you had with Gwen - each woman is unique, don't compare between them. What even did 'work' with her, might not with someone else."

"You can miss the relationship, but don't miss all the details about her," Katie continued, then paused, "Okay, that didn't make much sense, did it? Don't wish for something based on the specifics of what you had with her. Want something that's good for you - and for the woman you're with obviously - because the two of you fit in your own way. And, most importantly, don't think about it as being the same or different from Gwen - or now Hermione - just let it be what it is."

It surprised her how forceful she was sounding, but she'd just been struck with this when Cedric had brought up the other woman. Emotionally he was perhaps not too hung up on his former fiance, but he was using the wrong logic in all of this. And if he couldn't stop making commparisons to Gwen, nothing was going to work out, in her opinion. Yes, understanding another person was a good thing - as a generalization - but she wished he would stop thinking in terms of Gwen. For his sake. Or next time, he'd be comparing between the new woman, Gwen, and likely Hermione.

"Perhaps you're a little enamoured with the idea of fighting and making up as well," she added with a small smile, in response to his comment about quarelling and disagreeing.

Katie stood up, brushing the grass off her pants, before offering a hand up to Cedric - still a little lost in thought. "Indian food does sounds like a good idea right now." Hesitating, she added, "If I didn't go a little too over the top with my opinions?"

[shh_cedric]

He blinked at her while she talked, articulating something he'd not really considered. Her face was earnest, forceful, and it struck him. He felt a bit like a felled ox.

Had he been doing that? Well, yes. Yes, he supposed he had. He blinked.

Katie was standing, and half apologizing, but he shook his head and stood too. "No, no -- you're right. I reckon I'm ... I just ... I want to know what happened. What I did wrong. Why do I keep screwing it all up?" And he suddenly felt very, very close to sobbing ... which would not do at all. He'd been trying to intellectualize everything but she'd managed to rip away the convenient rationale, exposing what was raw and red underneath it. He felt like a failure, and he kept thinking if he could just understand what had gone wrong by figuring out what had gone right, he'd do better the next time. But he was only setting himself up to fail again.

He pushed his palm against his forehead -- and ironically remembered what he'd been thinking earlier, regarding her her: how his affection for her had sneaked up on him when he hadn't been looking.

In fact, maybe it had got in so close and unexpected because he hadn't been looking. Katie was Katie. She stood in a category all her own, and he thought he might be falling for her in a way he'd never fallen for anybody else, either.

Was that good? Yes, he thought perhaps it was. Perhaps it meant he was finally getting past things, past the whole mire he'd been slogging through for the previous year and a half. How long did it take to heal? Was it a matter of time, of measured months, or of getting his head in the right place?

He dropped his hand and took hers. It was a purely spontaneous gesture. "Yeah, let's go and eat."

[shh_katie]

Katie had a sudden urge to withdraw her hand and smack him , but it was hardly what he needed. Shaking her head, she replied softly, "Cedric, you didn't to anything wrong, or screw anything up. It's the same thing we say every time - it wasn't meant to be. Even if you said one wrong thing, or didn't quite do something you should have, if something that small ended it - it was doomed from the start. Cheery outlook I know," she continued with a half smile, "but really? The post-mortem now, it doesn't help. It's just making you berate yourself for imaginary transgressions or what not."

Katie hesitated, but released his hand, giving him a spontaneous hug. He just looked so upset in all of it, almost like he was about to cry, and she wanted to offer some form of comfort. It was nothing monumentous, but she wrapped her arms around him. "It's all going to be fine Cedric, moonbeams and marshmellows in the future and all that," she whispered, giving him a quick squeeze before stepping back. Perhaps her words of comfort sucked, but that wasn't quite the point.

Shaking her head, she motioned towards the cottage. "Yeah, the warming spells have likely worn off by now. We may have to resort to the microwave. This stuff better taste as good warmed up as it did fresh."