RP: Miasma

[shh_cedric]

Date: 28 February 2005
Characters: Hermione Granger, [Jeff Whitecalf]
Location: The Bookworm
Status: Semi-private
Summary: Jeff finds Cedric gone from the cottage and goes looking for him at the bookshop; he finds someone else.
Completion: Complete

Comments

[shh_hermione]

She sorted through newly printed titles while Jeff stood around. She wasn't sure if he was browsing or thinking, but she didn't see a need to rush him since the shop was quiet. When he spoke about Cedric, she listened as she continued working.

However, when he mentioned her dating life, she looked up sharply and frowned. While she knew it was a mess, could readily admit that to several people, she didn't know this man beyond his friendship with Cedric, and had no interest in discussing her private life with a stranger that she didn't trust.

"I'm sure you'll forgive me for being blunt, since you seem to also have that trait, but I really don't think that my personal life is any of your business. Yes, I know that you're Cedric's best friend, and I understand that you care about him, but I don't know you nor do I trust you beyond the tentative trust of 'he's Cedric's friend'," she said honestly.

She studied him a moment, keeping her expression guarded, and finally added, "I've had five dates in twenty-five years, Mister Whitecalf, all of those within the last few weeks. Forgive me for sounding immature and clueless, but I don't actually know where I am in all of it, so it would be impossible for me to answer your question."

She sighed and ran her hand through her hair, continuing to frown as she tried to gather her thoughts. "I'm dating two of my good friends who surprised me with the admissions that they wanted to pursue a relationship beyond friendship, and I find them both to be attractive, intelligent, and caring men. In all honesty, I'm still trying to figure out why exactly they'd want me and dealing with this confusion that people call dating. I suggested choosing neither because I don't want to lose friendships or hurt anyone, but even I'm smart enough to know that that won't stop people from being hurt or remove the danger of losing someone I care about, so I'm doing the best that I can right now."

[shh_cedric]

Jeff was more amused than offended. He'd fully intended to stir the pot. Cedric liked to keep things on an even keel too much. He had serious issues with people being angry at him. Jeff didn't care. It was something one got used to, as a native person in a largely white world.

And for somebody who didn't want to talk about her personal life, she'd just said an awful lot. She'd also answered his basic question, whether or not she'd intended to. He resisted grinning.

"Not knowing where you are is an answer to where you are," he pointed out. "It's called being lost." And from what Cedric had said, it was about what he'd expected.

Snatching the stool that was behind the counter (and she wasn't using anyway) he sat down so he wasn't towering over her. Sometimes he wanted to use his height, sometimes he didn't. "Welcome to life, Hermione."

He studied her face a minute, then went on. "I'm not judging you," he said bluntly. "Not my job. But Cedric's my friend, has been since we were boys. From what I've seen, I'd say you know about worrying over people you love. I don't need to explain that to you. But that also means your personal life is my business, at least when it comes to Cedric, because I'll be the one on the other end of the phone line sorting him out if you pick Roger. And no, that isn't me telling you to pick Cedric. You have to make your own choice. Not my job to make it for you either, even if you'd let me -- which I doubt. But we live in a web -- touch one strand and it shakes others. You may not like it, but that's how it is.

"You're right. Running from it won't solve it. It won't make Cedric or Roger stop caring about you. It just means everybody loses, including you. Unless you're really not interested in either of them, but that's a different matter."

He gripped the edge of the stool and leaned back, just studying her a minute. "You can't think yourself to the answer," he told her finally. "The answer's not in your head, British girl. Look lower."

His eyes came to rest on her gut, and he frowned, remembering the other thing he wanted to talk to her about. He pointed to her side. "Although you really better have that looked at. It's poison."

[shh_hermione]

Why did this annoying man have to choose today of all days to have a heart to heart talk? If Eleanor was there, Hermione could make excuses and just leave. She really wasn't ready to start having a big think over the situation, even if she knew it would soon be time to make such decisions.

"I know that," she said. "I know that whomever I don't choose is going to be hurt, and that my relationship with him will be changed. Even if I don't lose the friendship, it certainly wouldn't be as relaxed and friendly as it was before the dating. I do care about them both, you know? And it will be horrible to know that I'm the reason one of them is hurt and pulls away from our friendship."

"I wouldn't have accepted a date with either of them if I wasn't interested," she told him firmly. "I'm not the type to say yes just to avoid hurting someone, even if I prefer to not be a cause of pain."

"I'm only good when the answer is in my head, which is part of the problem. I know I have to choose soon, though, but I'm trying to be fair and to give it enough time for me to know what choice feels right."

When he pointed at her side, she felt the scar flare as if it knew he was pointing. She looked at him carefully and said, "There's nothing to have looked at, Mr. Whitecalf, but I appreciate the concern."

[shh_cedric]

"Wounds heal, Hermione." She might be insisting on using his last name, but he wasn't. She wanted distance because he was pushing her; he wasn't inclined to allow the distance. "One of 'em will limp for a while, but he'll get over it. You go through life, you get bumps and bruises. It's inevitable.

"Put it this way -- if you accidentally whacked Cedric in the face and gave him a bruise, you'd feel badly he got hurt, right? You'd say you were sorry. But you didn't put his face in the way of your hand. He did. Being sorry ain't the same as being guilty. But if you're just flailing, you're gonna hit something."

He nodded once; enough said. She seemed aware of things, and the fact she'd got irritated with him for asking suggested she wasn't just playing games. She'd have been agreeable and placating if that were the case.

He was more worried about her dismissal of his advice on her wound. "Don't hedge. That's a curse. I can feel it -- see it, all around you like a dark cloud. Poison. It needs to be seen to." He stood up. "I don't need to tell you not to play around with Dark Magic; you know that better than most. It'll get inside you and eat you alive, take over your dreams." His face was impassive. "You don't sleep well." It wasn't a question.

Turning, he headed out. "I need to go find Cedric."