more Haiti-helping
So in the Milliways edition of Haiti-helping auctions, sotto_voice asked for something dealing with Tony Stark's lack of secret identity. Me being the sort to play to comedy more than drama or action, this was the result.
Light Reading
“Tony, this has got to stop.”
“Stop? Stop what?” Tony doesn’t even look over from whatever it is he’s working on - some sort of upgrades to the suit, if Jim doesn’t miss his guess. It’s his pet project of the last... disconcertingly long period of time, for Tony. “I thought you didn’t want me to stop making weapons. Very vocal on the matter, if I recall. Blah blah troop readiness blah blah blah you can’t leave them stranded while the terrorists still have your weapons blah.”
“Wow, you actually absorbed more of that conversation than I thought.” Jim sighs. “Which is all well and good, except I wasn’t talking about weapons.”
“No?”
“Not by any stretch of the imagination. Just... look at this.” He tosses the papers he printed out onto Tony’s keyboard, and ignores the protests that draws; he doesn’t care what he’s interrupting right now, this is important, and anyway Jarvis has probably already saved it. “It has to stop. Now.”
Tony barely glances at the papers. “You shouldn’t believe everything you read on the Internet, Rhodey. Especially if it was put there by someone calling themselves SparklesCullen58926.”
“That’s not the point, Tony. The point is what they’re writing. You’ve got people making up stories about Iron Man.”
“What, fan fiction? That’s not my kind of intellectual property dispute, man. If people really want to write about me blowing stuff up, they can do that to their hearts’ content.”
Jim sighs. “I wouldn’t be worried about this if they were only writing about - they’re not just writing about you.”
“Oh?” That apparently piques Tony’s curiosity enough to actually read some of the story; when he does, and starts laughing, Jim starts to reconsider how good of an idea printing the whole thing out was. “Well. They’ve got me and the blowing, but--”
“Tony. The point here is that some of us still have to live with Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, and some of our superiors don’t know not to believe everything they read. And there’s a lot of circles out there that would call this libel. Considering you completely ruined any chance of people having to make up a military liaison for Iron Man, I’m on the point of being one of those people.”
“Rhodey, Rhodey, Rhodey.” Tony waves a hand - that’s somehow holding a glass of scotch that Jim didn’t see him pour, and he’s hoping Tony didn’t pull it out of his ass or something. “I really, really don’t think the Air Force’s top brass are spending their free time on fanfiction.net.”
“Maybe not, but what if someone points it out to them? What if someone decides to write about Pepper?”
“They probably already have.”
“Then I highly recommend you take steps before Miss Potts uncovers such material, sir,” Jarvis cuts in; uneasy as Jim usually is, with Jarvis, he can’t say he minds having a little backup on this issue.
Tony at least has the good grace to look alarmed. “Yikes. Okay, okay, how’s this, people can write about me all they want. Even the stuff like this, I’ve probably done it before, at least in the general thought. But they need to leave you and Pepper out of it. That work?”
Jim sighs yet again (he does that a lot when he’s talking to Tony). “It’s probably the best compromise we can hope for.”
Light Reading
“Tony, this has got to stop.”
“Stop? Stop what?” Tony doesn’t even look over from whatever it is he’s working on - some sort of upgrades to the suit, if Jim doesn’t miss his guess. It’s his pet project of the last... disconcertingly long period of time, for Tony. “I thought you didn’t want me to stop making weapons. Very vocal on the matter, if I recall. Blah blah troop readiness blah blah blah you can’t leave them stranded while the terrorists still have your weapons blah.”
“Wow, you actually absorbed more of that conversation than I thought.” Jim sighs. “Which is all well and good, except I wasn’t talking about weapons.”
“No?”
“Not by any stretch of the imagination. Just... look at this.” He tosses the papers he printed out onto Tony’s keyboard, and ignores the protests that draws; he doesn’t care what he’s interrupting right now, this is important, and anyway Jarvis has probably already saved it. “It has to stop. Now.”
Tony barely glances at the papers. “You shouldn’t believe everything you read on the Internet, Rhodey. Especially if it was put there by someone calling themselves SparklesCullen58926.”
“That’s not the point, Tony. The point is what they’re writing. You’ve got people making up stories about Iron Man.”
“What, fan fiction? That’s not my kind of intellectual property dispute, man. If people really want to write about me blowing stuff up, they can do that to their hearts’ content.”
Jim sighs. “I wouldn’t be worried about this if they were only writing about - they’re not just writing about you.”
“Oh?” That apparently piques Tony’s curiosity enough to actually read some of the story; when he does, and starts laughing, Jim starts to reconsider how good of an idea printing the whole thing out was. “Well. They’ve got me and the blowing, but--”
“Tony. The point here is that some of us still have to live with Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, and some of our superiors don’t know not to believe everything they read. And there’s a lot of circles out there that would call this libel. Considering you completely ruined any chance of people having to make up a military liaison for Iron Man, I’m on the point of being one of those people.”
“Rhodey, Rhodey, Rhodey.” Tony waves a hand - that’s somehow holding a glass of scotch that Jim didn’t see him pour, and he’s hoping Tony didn’t pull it out of his ass or something. “I really, really don’t think the Air Force’s top brass are spending their free time on fanfiction.net.”
“Maybe not, but what if someone points it out to them? What if someone decides to write about Pepper?”
“They probably already have.”
“Then I highly recommend you take steps before Miss Potts uncovers such material, sir,” Jarvis cuts in; uneasy as Jim usually is, with Jarvis, he can’t say he minds having a little backup on this issue.
Tony at least has the good grace to look alarmed. “Yikes. Okay, okay, how’s this, people can write about me all they want. Even the stuff like this, I’ve probably done it before, at least in the general thought. But they need to leave you and Pepper out of it. That work?”
Jim sighs yet again (he does that a lot when he’s talking to Tony). “It’s probably the best compromise we can hope for.”