life goes on...and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on

[stllpnding]

emileigh left this morning. she called me this morning at 7 or so. i'm not really sure. i miss her madly. i keep thinking shes just a bus ride away. i keep thinking that i can just call her and when i'm bored of playing tetris by myself i can call her and challenge her. i keep thinking i'll see her tomorrow. but i know shes gone. i feel it. somethings different about the air here since i got on that bus home. it came to soon. i thought i'd have a while to sit and laugh with her but it just came and i got on it scared i'd have no ride home. as soon as i stepped on that bus i wished i wasn't on it. part of me wishes i hadnt been drunk, but i dont know if i could've really handled that good bye sober. my mom and dad really liked her. i think one of my first girlfriends that they've sencerely liked. not just put up with them cuz they were important to me. heh i'm cryin as i write this. i've been holding back tears all day but now i cant anymore. i thought the hardest part of her leaving would be that i'm being left again, but i was wrong. i'll be missing her. the person shes been for me here. what we've been through together. but it's still the feeling of being left behind. i dont wanna be left behind.

*wipes tears*

heh well my father has agreed to buy me the yellow guitar on the condition that i pay him back as soon as i get a job this summer and that i get straight As next year. i know i'm smart enough, now i just have to prove it.

"i know he's dead, but he's not dead in me"- calvin and hobbes