This life distorts and slowly washes away, either way I'm trapped inside of here
Year In Review
Well taking a cue from a few others here’s my year in review. Wish I could really say it’s been a good one… And as a brief aside this is attempt two since I just started this a few minutes ago and my machine locked up dumping everything… Damn I think I need to reinstall windows or something and soon….
January
January started off with me realizing I have no alcohol tolerance anymore as I went out early in the Inaugural STLE MVD contest. Oh well, I got pretty drunk and had a good time nonetheless. Aside form that I was able to finally unlock everything In Capcom VS SNK. This would prove to lead to many, many hours of entertainment for a lot of us in the current year. It was also about this time that my girlfriend lost her job. She stayed on till they found her replacement for a few more months but still that rather sucked. At least she made the decision to go back to school and finish her degree.
February
It was around this time that I found out that a few of my really good friends were going to send me up to see the GF. I kind of had suspicions on this happening but they finally came to be true. This really meant a lot to the both of us and I owe them big time in the future on this. The last apartment we were living at was also giving us some shit about us not paying rent or the check not clearing when we had and had bank statement showing that the checks had cleared. Needless to say we decided to move and handed in the notice that we were moving at the beginning of….
March
With notice delivered we started the process of packing up and moving. I took a weekend off to go up and see the GF. The going up there was scheduled very cleverly on the one-year mark of when things first really started between us. I also showed up there on her last day of work so in a way we kind of celebrated that. Once again I had a good time with her. The realization that I feel more at home at her place than mine kind of hit me while I was there. I guess the saying of home is where the heart is, is true. Leaving after the all too short weekend was hard. Each step I took away from her felt like walking a few miles. It seems to get harder each time I have to go or watch her leave… all I really think about in times like that is when I will be seeing here again…
I got back home and finished up packing for the move. I also finally got enough neve to break the chain of command at work and go above my manager’s head and ask the owner for a raise. I hadn’t had one in forever and looking at the new added expenses from the new apartment I needed more money. I got it surprisingly. I think my elation in the monument of getting a few more crumbs totally overrode my typical cynicism and wondering what the hell bad was getting ready to happen to me survival instinct. We moved out right at the beginning of…
April
The move went well enough. Thankfully it wasn’t a long move…. In fact I can walk for about 100 steps and see the old apartment. Translation… we moved one complex over. The new apartment has been good. It has really pimpin blue carpet which if we move I am so going to miss. I have always seen carpet in brown beige and gray, so seeing blue was just totally different and cool. Around the middle of the month the v\bad think I mentioned when I got the raise happened. The owner came down and said that they were closing the store down come the end of May. I should have been more suspicious when they gave me that raise. We had been hearing rumors of this for a while and everywhere we asked the owner about it they always denied it. Looks like they were just lying to us. Near the end of the month was around the time I got the now infamous speech that I wasn’t looking at losing my livelihood, and means of survival “in the right economic light”. Because well you know… I’m unimportant and “unwanted” but the company making money… well that should be my primary concern. Who cares if I survive or not… Yay… friends like that who needs enemies.
May
May was kind of there… we got plans concreted for the summer Anime night that we did throughout, well, the summer. The store got packed up in that time along with moving as much of the merchandise in a clearance sale as possible. I tried out for a singer position in a band at one point but within 10 minutes of hearing the guitarist talking I knew I wasn’t going to fit in. So I pulled up a couple of songs for my audition that were pretty much guaranteed to kill any chances that I could have of getting the spot. It also didn’t hurt that I kind of sounded like ass that night. I was having major problems for some reason staying on time and pitch. Maybe there was too much blood in my alcohol system.
The apartment that was right next to the one we used to live in went up in flames. Pretty much 5 weeks after we moved out. Damn that was some good luck.
The store closing finally came on the second to last day of the month. We had a god majority of the stuff packed up on trucks and shipped off to the main store in San Antonio. The owner left around 3 in the afternoon and told us some stuff to do as he left. We sat around there for a few minutes looking like we were doing what he ordered, then when he was gone we pretty much said screw it we are done. Out came the alcohol for the celebratory good-bye drink. After working there for 4.5 years it was a little hard going but well it was over. The next day I went to the super secret super underground hardcore backyard show. It was interesting but mostly I found my self throughout the day saying to myself “not my subculture”.
June
The job hunt began. The Anime night was going in full effect. The Capcom vs. SNK matches were getting epic. Hope was still high in the world. The GF and I were still talking with each other, if infrequently, because she was busy with school. Life wasn’t really bad and the semi vacation I was getting was rather refreshing since for the past 2 years I had taken as little vacation time as possible to get payouts for it. Te annual softball league also started which is always fun and gives me something to do in the summer to remind myself exactly how out o shape I am. Fun none the less though and I look forward to it each year. Our season started off with us getting broom sodimized but that would change.
July
July… the beginning of the dark times came in rather uneventfully. I wish there had been some kind of harbinger that this is when things would start turning for the worst but, well things like that have a way of sneaking up on you. The softball team was starting to get good. We started winning. The idea came up around this time to get a CVS league going so some rules were pounded out a draft was done and it got underway. It was also around the end of the month that I had the last chat with the GF for what would be a VERY!!! long time. Things weren’t going bad between us more than just it really wasn’t feasible for her to make time for me. Jamie also started planning her wedding to which I started planning out trying to get the GF down here for it. Trying to do that would serve two purposes. The first being me getting to see her again this year and the second being Jamie getting to meet the person she sent me up to see earlier. I had 4 months to pull it off… that should have been enough time and I still had a pretty good amount of money in the bank.
August
Well the Softball season came to a close. We had made it to the finals but we were so lowly ranked that to get to the final game we would have to win three games that day to get to face the last team. If we lost we went home. The first game saw our pitcher getting ejected for screaming out “fuck” in frustration to an umpire call. The second game we had a near close call when the same pitcher got pegged in the kneecap with a line drive back to him that pegged him in the knee hard enough to draw blood and leave the stitching pattern in his skin. I was so expecting yet another “fuck” outburst but he held his cool. The third game… this is where things really started to get interesting. Rob decided to sit out a few innings. He went in, in the fourth and had a firth base line drive deflect off his finger dislocating it and pushing the bone out of the skin. He pulled himself out of the game and immediately left while me and his brother stayed to finish up the games. We won the third. After three hours of play and a major injury we made it to the finals. The team we played in the finals was a tam we played earlier on who broom sodomized us earlier in the season and broke the handle off for good measure. We put up a better showing this time but unfortunately we still lost and came in second place. All in all, not a bad season, and I’m waiting for next year.
Later that week was the finals of the CVS league. Since rob was hurt I went straight to the finals. I put up three of the best matches of my Life against Jack that night to become the champ. I kind of wonder what would have happened if Rob had played but at the same time I think I was so in the zone I could have taken him down also.
Harper left for Georgia somewhere around here and I was stuck with mixed emotions of glad to see him go and envying him with every fiber of my body for the chance he is getting that I would want in my own situation.
September
Hadn’t found a job yet. Haven’t talked to the GF besides infrequent emails in a while. Feeling like the last 7 years of my life has been wasted. Maybe longer of my life wasted actually. Last good job lead didn’t pan out after a lot of run around. I later find out that the person who got the job instead of me is related to the receptionist, so nepotism is alive and well. Two months till Jamie’s wedding and looking like I wont get the GF in after all, but I still hold out hope. I rolled over another year that came in once again rather unceremoniously. I was sitting there at Denny’s and about have the people there didn’t even believe it was my Birthday at first. GF didn’t even acknowledge it. About the only thing I truly wanted I didn’t get.
October
Did anything important even happen in October??? Or to me anyway? Still no Job… pretty much nothing that I’ve been complaining about has changed. Oh wait I think It might have been around this Time I met Jin in person though I took a semi stand offish approach.
November
Months started off with me getting sentimental for some reason and doing a search on the surviving parent or so I thought. Not that I got along with either of my parents but also dealing with the fact that at the same time people who you come to think of as enemies are finally gone. In a way it kind of puts things in perspective. I have no direct family left. Not exactly one of those things that you can exactly brush off no matter how you try…. And yet at the same time can. I kind of wonder, which is sadder… that they are dead, or that it really for the most part doesn’t affect me. Has the concept of family become that jaded to me? Yet at the same time one of my biggest fears right now is growing old alone. Waking up in 25 years alone…
Jamie’s wedding went off great. I wasn’t able to get the GF down here like I so desperately wanted. Even if I could have afforded it I think she was too swamped with school. Jamie looked radiant ant it was a nice ceremony. Later on… still dwelling on the lack of GF here-ness I just got to the point that I realized exactly how much of a failure and a waste I am… through my friend alcohol. It’s getting to the point to where I really cant drink anymore without sinking into that said funk again.
I also finally started being a little less stand offish with Jin… and have quickly come to consider her a friend. I like here better in said short time than people I’ve known for years.
Thanksgiving really got me thinking about the holidays and the lack of family thing again. It also got me thinking about how much I miss the GF again.
December
Well here we are at December. To start the month off I find out that the unemployment I was getting is gone. I have heard rumors though of a possible extension type thing which I will be looking into tomorrow when I wake up seeing as my idea of a proper day and their idea of open hours don’t exactly coincide and they don’t have anything about it on their website. I’m still thinking I am pretty much fucked though. I have been turning in applications hardcore and still getting a shit ton of no responses or try back in January. I am hoping I can find something soon. I might even have to flip burgers, which I know will bring a certain amount of satisfaction to some.
Excluding infrequent emails I finally got a chance to get some much wanted (needed) time online with the GF for the first time in 5 months. It’s a little sad though I remember how we used to talk long ago and now it’s like there is so much I want to say to her that I really can’t get anything out anymore. I’m hoping that’s things might turn around with the amount of contact between us but somehow I’m not so sure. Our time together has been getting more and more infrequent for about a year now. I thought watching her leave one time was rough… Saying good-bye the other night was even worse.
Xmas is almost here and I’m just in a lack of cheer right now. This whole job thing has pretty much turned what was supposed to be a better year than last year into a year of shattered hopes. I look at EVERY problem I have right now and it all boils down to one thing… money. Whoever said money couldn’t buy happiness was lying to you.
I had had hope at the beginning of this year. I had certain ideas on where I wanted to be in some matters. And like almost everything I touch it turns to rust. Dig myself out of a hole just to be kicked back down in it and have al the dirt piled back on. Here is hoping that this is the worst, last part of the storm before it abruptly stops… but somehow I have my doubts these days.
Well taking a cue from a few others here’s my year in review. Wish I could really say it’s been a good one… And as a brief aside this is attempt two since I just started this a few minutes ago and my machine locked up dumping everything… Damn I think I need to reinstall windows or something and soon….
January
January started off with me realizing I have no alcohol tolerance anymore as I went out early in the Inaugural STLE MVD contest. Oh well, I got pretty drunk and had a good time nonetheless. Aside form that I was able to finally unlock everything In Capcom VS SNK. This would prove to lead to many, many hours of entertainment for a lot of us in the current year. It was also about this time that my girlfriend lost her job. She stayed on till they found her replacement for a few more months but still that rather sucked. At least she made the decision to go back to school and finish her degree.
February
It was around this time that I found out that a few of my really good friends were going to send me up to see the GF. I kind of had suspicions on this happening but they finally came to be true. This really meant a lot to the both of us and I owe them big time in the future on this. The last apartment we were living at was also giving us some shit about us not paying rent or the check not clearing when we had and had bank statement showing that the checks had cleared. Needless to say we decided to move and handed in the notice that we were moving at the beginning of….
March
With notice delivered we started the process of packing up and moving. I took a weekend off to go up and see the GF. The going up there was scheduled very cleverly on the one-year mark of when things first really started between us. I also showed up there on her last day of work so in a way we kind of celebrated that. Once again I had a good time with her. The realization that I feel more at home at her place than mine kind of hit me while I was there. I guess the saying of home is where the heart is, is true. Leaving after the all too short weekend was hard. Each step I took away from her felt like walking a few miles. It seems to get harder each time I have to go or watch her leave… all I really think about in times like that is when I will be seeing here again…
I got back home and finished up packing for the move. I also finally got enough neve to break the chain of command at work and go above my manager’s head and ask the owner for a raise. I hadn’t had one in forever and looking at the new added expenses from the new apartment I needed more money. I got it surprisingly. I think my elation in the monument of getting a few more crumbs totally overrode my typical cynicism and wondering what the hell bad was getting ready to happen to me survival instinct. We moved out right at the beginning of…
April
The move went well enough. Thankfully it wasn’t a long move…. In fact I can walk for about 100 steps and see the old apartment. Translation… we moved one complex over. The new apartment has been good. It has really pimpin blue carpet which if we move I am so going to miss. I have always seen carpet in brown beige and gray, so seeing blue was just totally different and cool. Around the middle of the month the v\bad think I mentioned when I got the raise happened. The owner came down and said that they were closing the store down come the end of May. I should have been more suspicious when they gave me that raise. We had been hearing rumors of this for a while and everywhere we asked the owner about it they always denied it. Looks like they were just lying to us. Near the end of the month was around the time I got the now infamous speech that I wasn’t looking at losing my livelihood, and means of survival “in the right economic light”. Because well you know… I’m unimportant and “unwanted” but the company making money… well that should be my primary concern. Who cares if I survive or not… Yay… friends like that who needs enemies.
May
May was kind of there… we got plans concreted for the summer Anime night that we did throughout, well, the summer. The store got packed up in that time along with moving as much of the merchandise in a clearance sale as possible. I tried out for a singer position in a band at one point but within 10 minutes of hearing the guitarist talking I knew I wasn’t going to fit in. So I pulled up a couple of songs for my audition that were pretty much guaranteed to kill any chances that I could have of getting the spot. It also didn’t hurt that I kind of sounded like ass that night. I was having major problems for some reason staying on time and pitch. Maybe there was too much blood in my alcohol system.
The apartment that was right next to the one we used to live in went up in flames. Pretty much 5 weeks after we moved out. Damn that was some good luck.
The store closing finally came on the second to last day of the month. We had a god majority of the stuff packed up on trucks and shipped off to the main store in San Antonio. The owner left around 3 in the afternoon and told us some stuff to do as he left. We sat around there for a few minutes looking like we were doing what he ordered, then when he was gone we pretty much said screw it we are done. Out came the alcohol for the celebratory good-bye drink. After working there for 4.5 years it was a little hard going but well it was over. The next day I went to the super secret super underground hardcore backyard show. It was interesting but mostly I found my self throughout the day saying to myself “not my subculture”.
June
The job hunt began. The Anime night was going in full effect. The Capcom vs. SNK matches were getting epic. Hope was still high in the world. The GF and I were still talking with each other, if infrequently, because she was busy with school. Life wasn’t really bad and the semi vacation I was getting was rather refreshing since for the past 2 years I had taken as little vacation time as possible to get payouts for it. Te annual softball league also started which is always fun and gives me something to do in the summer to remind myself exactly how out o shape I am. Fun none the less though and I look forward to it each year. Our season started off with us getting broom sodimized but that would change.
July
July… the beginning of the dark times came in rather uneventfully. I wish there had been some kind of harbinger that this is when things would start turning for the worst but, well things like that have a way of sneaking up on you. The softball team was starting to get good. We started winning. The idea came up around this time to get a CVS league going so some rules were pounded out a draft was done and it got underway. It was also around the end of the month that I had the last chat with the GF for what would be a VERY!!! long time. Things weren’t going bad between us more than just it really wasn’t feasible for her to make time for me. Jamie also started planning her wedding to which I started planning out trying to get the GF down here for it. Trying to do that would serve two purposes. The first being me getting to see her again this year and the second being Jamie getting to meet the person she sent me up to see earlier. I had 4 months to pull it off… that should have been enough time and I still had a pretty good amount of money in the bank.
August
Well the Softball season came to a close. We had made it to the finals but we were so lowly ranked that to get to the final game we would have to win three games that day to get to face the last team. If we lost we went home. The first game saw our pitcher getting ejected for screaming out “fuck” in frustration to an umpire call. The second game we had a near close call when the same pitcher got pegged in the kneecap with a line drive back to him that pegged him in the knee hard enough to draw blood and leave the stitching pattern in his skin. I was so expecting yet another “fuck” outburst but he held his cool. The third game… this is where things really started to get interesting. Rob decided to sit out a few innings. He went in, in the fourth and had a firth base line drive deflect off his finger dislocating it and pushing the bone out of the skin. He pulled himself out of the game and immediately left while me and his brother stayed to finish up the games. We won the third. After three hours of play and a major injury we made it to the finals. The team we played in the finals was a tam we played earlier on who broom sodomized us earlier in the season and broke the handle off for good measure. We put up a better showing this time but unfortunately we still lost and came in second place. All in all, not a bad season, and I’m waiting for next year.
Later that week was the finals of the CVS league. Since rob was hurt I went straight to the finals. I put up three of the best matches of my Life against Jack that night to become the champ. I kind of wonder what would have happened if Rob had played but at the same time I think I was so in the zone I could have taken him down also.
Harper left for Georgia somewhere around here and I was stuck with mixed emotions of glad to see him go and envying him with every fiber of my body for the chance he is getting that I would want in my own situation.
September
Hadn’t found a job yet. Haven’t talked to the GF besides infrequent emails in a while. Feeling like the last 7 years of my life has been wasted. Maybe longer of my life wasted actually. Last good job lead didn’t pan out after a lot of run around. I later find out that the person who got the job instead of me is related to the receptionist, so nepotism is alive and well. Two months till Jamie’s wedding and looking like I wont get the GF in after all, but I still hold out hope. I rolled over another year that came in once again rather unceremoniously. I was sitting there at Denny’s and about have the people there didn’t even believe it was my Birthday at first. GF didn’t even acknowledge it. About the only thing I truly wanted I didn’t get.
October
Did anything important even happen in October??? Or to me anyway? Still no Job… pretty much nothing that I’ve been complaining about has changed. Oh wait I think It might have been around this Time I met Jin in person though I took a semi stand offish approach.
November
Months started off with me getting sentimental for some reason and doing a search on the surviving parent or so I thought. Not that I got along with either of my parents but also dealing with the fact that at the same time people who you come to think of as enemies are finally gone. In a way it kind of puts things in perspective. I have no direct family left. Not exactly one of those things that you can exactly brush off no matter how you try…. And yet at the same time can. I kind of wonder, which is sadder… that they are dead, or that it really for the most part doesn’t affect me. Has the concept of family become that jaded to me? Yet at the same time one of my biggest fears right now is growing old alone. Waking up in 25 years alone…
Jamie’s wedding went off great. I wasn’t able to get the GF down here like I so desperately wanted. Even if I could have afforded it I think she was too swamped with school. Jamie looked radiant ant it was a nice ceremony. Later on… still dwelling on the lack of GF here-ness I just got to the point that I realized exactly how much of a failure and a waste I am… through my friend alcohol. It’s getting to the point to where I really cant drink anymore without sinking into that said funk again.
I also finally started being a little less stand offish with Jin… and have quickly come to consider her a friend. I like here better in said short time than people I’ve known for years.
Thanksgiving really got me thinking about the holidays and the lack of family thing again. It also got me thinking about how much I miss the GF again.
December
Well here we are at December. To start the month off I find out that the unemployment I was getting is gone. I have heard rumors though of a possible extension type thing which I will be looking into tomorrow when I wake up seeing as my idea of a proper day and their idea of open hours don’t exactly coincide and they don’t have anything about it on their website. I’m still thinking I am pretty much fucked though. I have been turning in applications hardcore and still getting a shit ton of no responses or try back in January. I am hoping I can find something soon. I might even have to flip burgers, which I know will bring a certain amount of satisfaction to some.
Excluding infrequent emails I finally got a chance to get some much wanted (needed) time online with the GF for the first time in 5 months. It’s a little sad though I remember how we used to talk long ago and now it’s like there is so much I want to say to her that I really can’t get anything out anymore. I’m hoping that’s things might turn around with the amount of contact between us but somehow I’m not so sure. Our time together has been getting more and more infrequent for about a year now. I thought watching her leave one time was rough… Saying good-bye the other night was even worse.
Xmas is almost here and I’m just in a lack of cheer right now. This whole job thing has pretty much turned what was supposed to be a better year than last year into a year of shattered hopes. I look at EVERY problem I have right now and it all boils down to one thing… money. Whoever said money couldn’t buy happiness was lying to you.
I had had hope at the beginning of this year. I had certain ideas on where I wanted to be in some matters. And like almost everything I touch it turns to rust. Dig myself out of a hole just to be kicked back down in it and have al the dirt piled back on. Here is hoping that this is the worst, last part of the storm before it abruptly stops… but somehow I have my doubts these days.