I'm coming clean
I'm gonna come clean. Yesterday I had four oreos and two lady locks. The big ones. Not a good thing. I am still not exercising. But thinking about it. I weigh in at about 160 these days. Not the most I have weighed, but definitely not my healthiest weight for being 5'4". I take synthroid for low thyroid so I am trying to be realistic like Oprah about losing weight with a thyroid problem. It's damn next to impossible. Just eating healthy should help, but thats really hard sometimes. I am an emotional eater. I eat for almost any emotion the same way I used to undereat for any emotional reason. I am a control freak when it comes to my emotions, and if I can't control my weight I guess I figure I can just say sorry peeps, screw it ! I haven't been on the scale since I hit the 160 mark last week. I am too scared that I will do some really stupid stuff to lose the weight. I finally gave in and bought a larger size pants. My bras are getting uncomfortable too. That is really NOT a bad thing though. LOL, but the butt is a problem ! It's hard since I was always so tiny without trying. I started putting on weight when I was 30. It got worse when I hit 35 and then I was diagnosed with low thyroid somewhere in there too. So thats my story more or less. And yes, last summer I had another bout with the eating disorder. I was even venturing into bulimia. I won't do that to my body. Luckily I have learned a thing or two in Al-Anon about honesty and what I have learned is that Awareness is the first step, Acceptance is the second, and Action is the third. It simply won't work any other way. I will do some serious praying, meditating, and talking about my issues this weekend. And hopefully I will come away from the weekend feeling in more control of my feelings, or at least not so controlled BY them. Thanks for listening.