Tidal Waves they, rip right through me, tears from eyes roll, cold and sad....
"This can't be the end..."
You really do look lovely in your pictures. Today, is a day. It's Wednesday. A day, that started off weird. My cell phone rings. The Funeral March. I let it ring. My mom walks into my room, and hands me the phone. It's Ray. He likes to talk... about things he gets to do. Like, go to Beverly Hills, walk into a clothes store that he's sponsored by, and walk out with anything he wants. Cuz he's Ray Brady. Because he's a rockstar. He must have said Rockstar like 1000 times in 5 minutes. He'll be on TRL tomorrow.. the 11th.. he plays guitar with Jessica Simpson. Oh yeah, he got a $500 watch, for free. Why? You guessed it. Because he's Ray Brady. The Rockstar. In case you people don't know who I'm talking about.. he recorded my bands demo. He's signed with Interscope Records. He produced part of the Black Eyed Peas album. He tours with Jessica Simpson.. and while on the phone, he played me song he wrote for Kris Kirkpatrick.. which is gunna be his new single. Then, he had to go, because his tour manager called.
Here I am. Home. Alone. I could write a song about you, but I'd rather not. I already wrote one for my mom. Well, it's about my mom. The first verse, is me. Talking about how I realize that I take things for granted, that I was sorry. The 2nd verse, is from her perspective. The song is called "Im Sorry" and I think it will go on the full length.
Today, feels like an emotional day. I like to read through my friends live journals. Alecks, Angie, Christina, Deejay, Devo, Eddie, Hector, Jake, Jannine, Jess, Josh, Lucas, Nicole, Ryan, Selena, Vanessa. I leave comments, hoping they don't forget about me. Sometimes I get really lonely, and I'll use the words on their journal, and try to make it a conversation in my head. I'm pathetic.
"Don't waste your time on me, You're already, A voice inside, my, head"
Why do I come back here, and type nonsense? It's nice to type out things I'm thinking. Helps make space for more nonsense that will arouse in time. I think now, I'm going to list some things I could do today, but that I probably won't.
- Take a friend to Graceland (I have family there)
- Drive to places, and look at things to get people for Christmas
- Play guitar to songs I already know how to play
- Visit Kennys house to see Bobby, Kenny, and Manny
- Drive around, and think about stuff
- Watch TV
- Look at more pictures of DeLoreans
- Write another song
- Take my dog for a walk
- Take ANOTHER shower
- Cry
- Call random people, and say hi to them. I dont like loosing touch with people. I hate it. It's one thing that fucks me up.
- Masturbate (I think I've grown out of this one)
- Sleep
Ok, I'm out of ideas. That was stupid, and pointless. You know, last night, we (the band) took pictures outside. We took some good ones, I think. I couldn't tell from the small screen on the back of the camera. Sean looks ... very ugly. He needs to do something with his hair. He has too much of it. It looks stupid. So, he kind of killed some shots.. with his disgusting face. I'm mean. Manny wants to re-take the pictures, because he wants to wear his vest. What's the vest? It's a jean jacket, with no sleeves. It's punk. That's cool though, because I like taking pictures. Not because I'm a "ham" or whatever... but sometimes, I catch pictures of me that I like. It's nice to have pictures of yourself that you like.
"Like violence, you have me, forever, and after. Like violence, you kill me, forever, and after"
My good buddy Eddie was making a real interesting point in one of his live journal posts. Talking about the "scene" for hardcore/emocore stuff. He's right. If you wanna read it, go to http://www.livejournal.com/users/hahaximxdead/ and go down a few, to the looooong post. It's all true. It actually made me feel better about everything. I feel like some people, just won't want to talk to me.. because I dont wear girl pants, have long straight hair that goes in my face.. but I listen to the same music as they do. It kind of hurts.
I like reading the guestbook on the No One Wins webpage. Seeing so many "your band is awesome" posts, helps me realize I have something going on with my life. Not just ... I wrote another song, and thats all.. but like.. I wrote another song, and people like it. It means something to me. I cry in the lyrics of my songs. Not on stage, not when I play them for you, but when you read them... tears stream down my face. (not for all songs, but trust me.. most of them)
Right now, Eddie told me he missed me. That's awesome of him. Back when him and I used to skateboard, I don't think he realized that I looked up to him as a skateboarder. I wanted to be able to do what he was able to, but just wasn't good enough. We both have put down our boards, and followed music. He's an awesome guy. He's run into some shit lately, but the sun shines after the rain, just remember that. Something I've learned... cuz.. it rains a lot for me.
I really like the new Blink album. The more I listen to it, the better it gets. It really is a masterpiece. When I first heard it, I was thinking, "what the fuck" but.. it's awesome now. "Do you still feel the same way? Do you still feel the same waaayyyyy"
I wish you didn't push yourself from me. Maybe you don't do it on purpose, but it happens. I feel like I'm the one to blame sometimes... but then I start to think about.. how uncool you can be sometimes.
Tonight, might be an interesting one. Re-doing pictures. Checking out SideKicks band practice in Hollywood. I won't stop coughing, it sucks. It's 1:51pm. Ohhh .. the piano song on the Blink album is on right now... "I sware that I, can go on forever, again. Please let me know, that my one bad day, will end. I will go down, as your lover, your friend. Give me your lips, and with one kiss, we begin. Are you afraid of being alone? Cuz I am. I'm lost without you. Are you afraid of feeling tonight? Cuz I am. I'm lost without you. I'll leave my room, open 'til sunrise, for you. I'll keep my eyes, patiently focused, on you. Where are you now, and I can hear footsteps, I'm dreaming. And if you will, keep me from waking, to believe this..."
What will I do tomorrow? Fuck.
You really do look lovely in your pictures. Today, is a day. It's Wednesday. A day, that started off weird. My cell phone rings. The Funeral March. I let it ring. My mom walks into my room, and hands me the phone. It's Ray. He likes to talk... about things he gets to do. Like, go to Beverly Hills, walk into a clothes store that he's sponsored by, and walk out with anything he wants. Cuz he's Ray Brady. Because he's a rockstar. He must have said Rockstar like 1000 times in 5 minutes. He'll be on TRL tomorrow.. the 11th.. he plays guitar with Jessica Simpson. Oh yeah, he got a $500 watch, for free. Why? You guessed it. Because he's Ray Brady. The Rockstar. In case you people don't know who I'm talking about.. he recorded my bands demo. He's signed with Interscope Records. He produced part of the Black Eyed Peas album. He tours with Jessica Simpson.. and while on the phone, he played me song he wrote for Kris Kirkpatrick.. which is gunna be his new single. Then, he had to go, because his tour manager called.
Here I am. Home. Alone. I could write a song about you, but I'd rather not. I already wrote one for my mom. Well, it's about my mom. The first verse, is me. Talking about how I realize that I take things for granted, that I was sorry. The 2nd verse, is from her perspective. The song is called "Im Sorry" and I think it will go on the full length.
Today, feels like an emotional day. I like to read through my friends live journals. Alecks, Angie, Christina, Deejay, Devo, Eddie, Hector, Jake, Jannine, Jess, Josh, Lucas, Nicole, Ryan, Selena, Vanessa. I leave comments, hoping they don't forget about me. Sometimes I get really lonely, and I'll use the words on their journal, and try to make it a conversation in my head. I'm pathetic.
"Don't waste your time on me, You're already, A voice inside, my, head"
Why do I come back here, and type nonsense? It's nice to type out things I'm thinking. Helps make space for more nonsense that will arouse in time. I think now, I'm going to list some things I could do today, but that I probably won't.
- Take a friend to Graceland (I have family there)
- Drive to places, and look at things to get people for Christmas
- Play guitar to songs I already know how to play
- Visit Kennys house to see Bobby, Kenny, and Manny
- Drive around, and think about stuff
- Watch TV
- Look at more pictures of DeLoreans
- Write another song
- Take my dog for a walk
- Take ANOTHER shower
- Cry
- Call random people, and say hi to them. I dont like loosing touch with people. I hate it. It's one thing that fucks me up.
- Masturbate (I think I've grown out of this one)
- Sleep
Ok, I'm out of ideas. That was stupid, and pointless. You know, last night, we (the band) took pictures outside. We took some good ones, I think. I couldn't tell from the small screen on the back of the camera. Sean looks ... very ugly. He needs to do something with his hair. He has too much of it. It looks stupid. So, he kind of killed some shots.. with his disgusting face. I'm mean. Manny wants to re-take the pictures, because he wants to wear his vest. What's the vest? It's a jean jacket, with no sleeves. It's punk. That's cool though, because I like taking pictures. Not because I'm a "ham" or whatever... but sometimes, I catch pictures of me that I like. It's nice to have pictures of yourself that you like.
"Like violence, you have me, forever, and after. Like violence, you kill me, forever, and after"
My good buddy Eddie was making a real interesting point in one of his live journal posts. Talking about the "scene" for hardcore/emocore stuff. He's right. If you wanna read it, go to http://www.livejournal.com/users/hahaximxdead/ and go down a few, to the looooong post. It's all true. It actually made me feel better about everything. I feel like some people, just won't want to talk to me.. because I dont wear girl pants, have long straight hair that goes in my face.. but I listen to the same music as they do. It kind of hurts.
I like reading the guestbook on the No One Wins webpage. Seeing so many "your band is awesome" posts, helps me realize I have something going on with my life. Not just ... I wrote another song, and thats all.. but like.. I wrote another song, and people like it. It means something to me. I cry in the lyrics of my songs. Not on stage, not when I play them for you, but when you read them... tears stream down my face. (not for all songs, but trust me.. most of them)
Right now, Eddie told me he missed me. That's awesome of him. Back when him and I used to skateboard, I don't think he realized that I looked up to him as a skateboarder. I wanted to be able to do what he was able to, but just wasn't good enough. We both have put down our boards, and followed music. He's an awesome guy. He's run into some shit lately, but the sun shines after the rain, just remember that. Something I've learned... cuz.. it rains a lot for me.
I really like the new Blink album. The more I listen to it, the better it gets. It really is a masterpiece. When I first heard it, I was thinking, "what the fuck" but.. it's awesome now. "Do you still feel the same way? Do you still feel the same waaayyyyy"
I wish you didn't push yourself from me. Maybe you don't do it on purpose, but it happens. I feel like I'm the one to blame sometimes... but then I start to think about.. how uncool you can be sometimes.
Tonight, might be an interesting one. Re-doing pictures. Checking out SideKicks band practice in Hollywood. I won't stop coughing, it sucks. It's 1:51pm. Ohhh .. the piano song on the Blink album is on right now... "I sware that I, can go on forever, again. Please let me know, that my one bad day, will end. I will go down, as your lover, your friend. Give me your lips, and with one kiss, we begin. Are you afraid of being alone? Cuz I am. I'm lost without you. Are you afraid of feeling tonight? Cuz I am. I'm lost without you. I'll leave my room, open 'til sunrise, for you. I'll keep my eyes, patiently focused, on you. Where are you now, and I can hear footsteps, I'm dreaming. And if you will, keep me from waking, to believe this..."
What will I do tomorrow? Fuck.