Always Attract (Chapter 98)
With Christmas around the corner and no potential family in sight, Luke took it upon himself to make sure that Prewitt would have the best first Christmas ever (even if he never remembered it). The fireplace and ceilings were strung with green garland, holly placed throughout. The hand decorated stockings, hung with care from the mantle and displayed each of their names. A huge Christmas tree sat in the corner by the window that overlooked the city; the star shining brightly on top. Little Christmas trinkets adorned practically every surface. Reid grumbled and rolled his eyes at it all, which usually just earned him a smirk and a pat on the rear from Luke in return. The only thing Reid didn't complain about was the strategically placed mistletoe over their bedroom door and the continuous smell of vanilla and cookies that wafted through the air as Luke baked enough for a small army. Prewitt seemed amazed by all of the lights, his eyes growing more and more transfixed at each new thing he discovered. His curious gaze kept Luke feeling endlessly amused, especially when it led to Prewitt trying to reach out for the lights on the tree after he had been laid out on a blanket for some 'tummy time'. He managed to roll himself over and attempted to crawl towards where the colors were, making Luke run to get his camera. He didn't quite make it into a crawl and instead did more of a shuffle to get there, but Luke was still so proud. Prewitt just needed a bit more strength and he had no doubt that soon he would be using his legs and crawling up a storm.
They had decided that they would spend Christmas in St. Louis. It's not that they didn't want to go back to Oakdale and visit their friends and family, but with the winter weather and having Prewitt, they decided it was best for them to just stay put. Their attachment to Prewitt and his attachment to them had grown exponentially and they didn't want Prewitt forming a bond with other people that wouldn't last. Plus, the Snyders with babies? One look at Prewitt's face and sweet demeanor and they'd be lucky to even get him back. Reid was fairly certain that Emma would insist on him staying just so she could feed him for the next eighteen years and that was not happening. And it had nothing what so ever to do with Reid being jealous over the thought of someone else getting Emma's cooking all to themselves, whether that someone was a baby or not.
"Reid," Luke murmured. He looked around the living room in complete disbelief. "I said a few presents. A few. It looks like you've bought out a whole toy store."
Reid shrugged. "You're the one that wanted to go, and I quote, 'All Out', so that's what I did."
"There's no way he's ever going to play with this much stuff. Is that.....is that a tricycle? He can't even walk!"
Reid did have the nerve to look a bit sheepish at that one. "It can be for when he's older," he defended. Luke shook his head, but smiled softly none the less. He crowded up in front of Reid and gently kissed him on the lips.
"I'm sure he'll love it. When he's older."
*
Christmas Day
“Hello, my little cherub.” Luke bent down to lift Prewitt out of his crib. He was clad in a red onesie with little snowflakes on it that made his cheeks look extra rosy. Unable to resist, Luke peppered his face with kisses and gave his growing tummy a playful squeeze, eliciting loud giggles from the newly awoken baby. Every day Prewitt was growing bigger and more confident in his abilities. Months before no one knew if he would survive and now here he was, getting closer and closer to where babies his age should be. Prewitt shifted, breaking him out of his thoughts and snuffled his tiny nose into Luke’s neck. Charmed, Luke pulled his head back to stare into the wide, deep blue eyes looking back at him.
“Merry Christmas buddy.”
Prewitt yawned in reply and snuggled back against him causing Luke to melt a little. Today was going to be a good day.
*
It did not turn out to be a good day. Things started well enough. Reid was at work for just a few hours in the morning, checking up on a few patients. Meanwhile, Luke got Prewitt fed and bathed and changed into his Christmas outfit. By the time he was done getting everything ready, Reid was home and the three of them settled into the living room. Prewitt's eyes were big and wide as he was shown all of his gifts. Not knowing what to do with all of the wrapped boxes, he looked up at Luke and Reid in confusion. Luke laughed and picked him up, handing him off to Reid. He stood with his camera and took pictures as Prewitt leaned back against Reid's chest and watched the surgeon's fingers deftly tear away the paper revealing what lied underneath. With every gift, Prewitt's reaction was the same. He would reach out and then hesitate, looking up to gage both of their reactions, silently asking for permission to continue. Each time Luke would smile reassuringly and Reid would brush the fine strands of Prewitt's hair, kissing the side of his head in silent approval. With every kiss Luke thought he'd die, his heart threatening to explode at how fond he was of his two guys. He had never seen Reid more at peace then he was right now and something deep within him ached to keep it that way.
It was later that day when everything started to fall apart. Watching Reid and Prewitt together on Christmas was the final straw for Luke. He knew it had been coming, but sharing Prewitt's first Christmas with the man who so thoroughly owned his heart made him crave to have more days like this. More moments and milestones and he knew now without a doubt that he wanted this family; Prewitt and Reid and him and he would do anything to have it. His mistake was trying to broach the subject with Reid too quickly. He knew that Reid, despite making so many strides in his personal life, still tended to shy away from the unknown, always guarded and afraid of getting hurt.. His fear of what Reid would say was written all of over his face when he told Reid that he had been thinking about Prewitt's family situation. He started off with how settled they all were and Reid instantly tensed knowing exactly where Luke was going. Not even letting him continue, he immediately took control of the conversation, steering it towards talk of how it was a good idea to start looking for a family for Prewitt again after the holidays. Luke, however, wasn't going to let Reid deflect the issue anymore and from there it opened up a can of worms that would change everything.
*
“I don’t understand you!” Luke pulled at his hair, flustered. “You say ‘be careful Luke, don’t get attached’ and then you go out and come back with a million presents. ‘We’re not his family. He doesn’t belong to us’, but you go out of your way to make sure he doesn’t belong to anyone else either. I heard you Reid. I heard you on the baby monitor. He could be spending his first Christmas somewhere else right now. With a family who had all of the qualifications that we wanted for him, but he’s not and that’s because of you; because you weren’t ready to let him go yet. Why? Why Reid? Why can’t you let him go?”
Reid grunted in displeasure. “I don’t know,” he muttered.
“Yes you do,” Luke replied softly. “You do. You just don’t want to admit it.”
“What about you Luke?”
“What about me?” he asked confused.
“You say you don’t understand me, but I don’t understand you. You’re always pushing.”
“Excuse me. I’m always pushing? That’s a load of bull and you know it. For months I did nothing but push you away, in case you’ve forgotten that.”
“Oh believe me, I haven’t.”
“You forgave me for that. We forgave each other for the mistakes that we’ve made. At least that’s what you said. All I’m saying is do not try to pick a fight with me over something that’s not even true. I haven’t been pushing anything. I wasn’t the one who asked to move in here. You did that. I was fine where I was and Prewitt would’ve been fine there too.”
“Like I’m going to let a baby be raised in a hotel.”
Luke screamed in frustration. “God, Reid. What is this? What are you doing? You want to know what I think?”
“Please, do tell oh great one. What is my problem and the magical solution I’m sure you’ll create for it.”
“Okay,” Luke nodded, “I think you’re scared.”
Reid snorted. “I’m not scared of anything.”
“Yes you are. You’re scared of love,” Luke said softly. “You’re terrified of it. And when you opened yourself up to it, it nearly destroyed you. I nearly destroyed you. It’s easy when you don’t have anything because that means you have nothing to lose. But now…..look around you Reid. You’re not alone. You have a job that you love, you have friends…..you have me…..and whether or not you want to admit it, you have Prewitt. And you have no idea how to cope with the possibility of losing any of that. You love him Reid. You love him. You love him and you love…”
*ring*
“Damn it,” Reid swore.
“Don’t answer it.”
*ring ring*
“Reid,” Luke pleaded.
*ring ring*
“Luke, I have to answer my phone. It could be work.”
*ring ring*
“They have your pager.”
*ting ting*
Luke sighed as he reached for his own ringing phone. “This conversation isn’t over,” he glared at Reid.
“I wouldn’t doubt it,” the older man replied as he picked up his phone. “What?” he spat out irritatingly.
“What do you want Casey?” Luke huffed.
“Katie?”
“Casey, slow down, I can barely understand what you’re saying.”
“Are you and Jacob okay?”
“Where are you?”
“Katie, I’m on my way, okay?”
“Car accident? Is he….Casey?”
The line went dead and Luke turned to look at Reid in shock. “Reid,” he whispered.
“I know.”
“But..............Matt.”
****Note****
So, there's only two chapters left. Really, it's just going to be one really long chapter and then a very short epilogue. I decided to take summer off from school. With that said, my goal is to get every chapter edited and uploaded to Archive of Our Own that way it can be downloaded into a PDF if anyone wants it. Now that I have time, this story will be finished before the end of the summer as God is my witness.