(no subject)
Title: Sachiko's Adventure
Pairing/Characters: Sachiko, Soichiro, L, Light, Matsuda [Sayu mentioned].
Rating/Warnings: R!
Summary: Hamlet, retold in a Death Note world. Very condensed and very shortened. Sachiko wants a new husband but things don't really go the way she planned.
Length: 2340 words.
Author's Notes: This is the weirdest thing I've ever wrote. I wanted to write something crack for a change but this was just OTT. REALLY OTT. See what you guys think, this is one I need comments on because... I have no idea. Comment so I can improve! lol
Sachiko smiled deviously. She had never done this before, at least not in Light’s presence. She usually just saved that for her husband’s company. Behind a locked door, or an open one when the children were out.
But this time she had smiled at Light. Her son!
Was this not outrageous? What could the woman be thinking with such a smile littered upon her worn face. A face, dare I say, like a bat’s leathery wing!
Light…being Light, didn’t pick this up. Light wasn’t that sort of person or rather, let’s just say, Light was oblivious to women. Misa, dare I cough!
But Light just nodded and went up to his room to kill a few people. Normal stuff really, all things considered.
Sachiko on the other hand moved slowly towards her husband. She moved as fast as a tortoise, realising to her shame that it was her top speed and shattering her illusions of ever being a ninja turtle.
She waited for the click of Light’s door before proceeding to undress. She decided to put her melons, which she had purchased at the grocery store, on the table next to her husband.
“Want a bite, punkymuffin?” she teased him.
Soichiro didn’t like the name. He had told her that “Officer” would be a more practical term but it just didn’t do anything for her. God knows why the other part did.
“Uh…sure” he mumbled, awkwardly grabbing the melon and taking a large bite.
“Ohh!” she moaned for the first time in ten years.
“Sachiko!” he scolded her. “Not in front of the ki-”
The sound of Soichiro’s face hitting the melon was almost drowned out by the piggish laughter from Sachiko. It was not the cutest laugh in the world, but it seemed to be a family trait for the Yagami family. Extraordinary laughing capabilities.
And yes. Soichiro was indeed dead. And it seemed leather-face had killed him. But was not enough “sexy time” the problem, no, it was not.
She opened her mobile phone uttering a few simple words : “It’s done, love.”
“Standby,” and the voice ended. To be honest there wasn’t much to analyse from that before Sachiko was in love with the voice, truly. I suppose it was due to the fact she had never heard anything computer-generated before but lets not kill her dream eh? She actually thought it was a real voice, silly woman.
She placed the phone down and then screamed as loud as she could, adding the melon to the bin as to leave no evidence when:
“FATHER!!!” acted Light, rushing over to his dad’s side, almost stumbling a little too well.
“Dad…Dad…Dad…Dad,” murmured Light, pushing his dad’s body to check if he was truly dead. He grinned, luckily Sachiko was looking the other way. He had practiced this so many times, so he had to get it perfect.
“Dad’s dead …mom.”
“I know dear, I know.” Leatherface produced a sniffle and a tear, another common trait of the family, before proceeding to cut up an apple for a little snack. Of course she was going to watch her weight. She had a new husband lined up.
Darkness fell upon the Yagami Household that night. A grand funeral was held. Shots were fired, and a man was put to rest. Tears were shed, some real and some a charade. The memory remains what the earth now contains.
The next morning, after the funeral, Sachiko received a call. It was from wonder boy. She knew at least he wasn’t as well ripened as Soichiro was.
“Your house at 2PM?”
“Oh yes! I’ll be the only one in with the kids at school!”
“Are they not taking time off for grieving purposes?”
“No they’re very strong. Sayu especially.”
“Yes. You’re quite right. She is rather strong, hehe”
“What was that?”
“I coughed.”
“Oh well, 2PM will be fine my darling!”
“Good.” - and the phonecall stopped there.
Luckily the kids would be at school. Well, Light would be at school. Sayu hadn’t been coming home regularly for a few weeks. Nothing could go wrong.
**************************
1.55pm
Sachiko poured herself a glass of water. Her hand shook as she drank it, quickly. She gulped it down in a matter of seconds before getting another.
1.57pm
Sachiko began pacing, looking at the clock and the door. There was every chance he was coming, even a bit early, but he would still come.
1.58pm
Sachiko checked herself in the mirror and frowned. All she seen were the cracks in her face, even more when she tried to smile. Whatever would he see in her?
1.59pm
Sachiko knew fine well he wouldn’t come. She knew fine well he could never love her, she was too old for him.
2pm. The doorbell rang.
Sachiko adjusted her dress, checked in the mirror, adjusted her hair and then answered the door, her face beaming red in amazement at the man stood in front of her.
The man stood in front of her was a bit scruffy looking by modern standards. His hair was literally a mess, but it did seem to have some method to the madness. He wore a clean and fresh white T-shirt and a pair of dark blue jeans. He had already removed his socks and shoes, to Sachiko’s delight. She was never good with laces.
“Sachiko-san, you look lovely,” he said, with a hint of emotion. Just a hint.
As he said this he presented forth a flower, a daisy, held between his thumb and index finger. Sachiko took it out with her teeth and tossed it aside. Miraculously it landed in a glass of water.
“Oh you do party tricks,” he said, slightly amused.
“You have no idea,” she said grinning as she pounced her mouth on his.
He was taken aback by this but he nodded out of politeness after exiting the embrace.
“I’m sorry, perhaps we could do that later. I’m quite hungry and I’m afraid you don’t even know my name.”
“Oh of course! Of course. It’s all ready.” She motioned him towards the table, waiting until he had sat down before she did. He did sit oddly though, not unlike Light did as a child. He was almost standing on the chair, but it looked comfortable for him.
“What is your name, my love?”
He responded with just one syllable. “L.”
“Oooh that’s such a nice name. I Love it, heehee” - she placed emphasis on the L part. It even produced a fake laugh from L but she couldn’t tell.
The food was quite nice, for both of them. L hadn’t had a full proper meal in months and Sachiko never really made anything so extravagant. When they were done, she put them aside in the sink, though she didn’t wash them. She wasn’t in the mood.
L spied two other plates full of food. “What are those?”
“They’re for my kids, later on tonight. You don’t mind do you.”
“No not at all. Please go up to the bedroom Miss Sachiko-san. I will join you shortly after I use the bathroom.”
She giggled as she run up the stairs and into her room. She didn’t undress out of fear of completely putting him off.
L however didn’t go to the bathroom. He instead produced a vial from his jeans and emptied it into the two plates of dinners. It was poison, both in Light’s and Sayu’s plates. The objective was Light, L had already taken care of Sayu. She was in his penthouse, quite happily in love with him. She had also taken a liking to Watari, but L didn’t quite know that yet.
L awkwardly jumped up the stairs, entered the bathroom and flushed with his foot before jumping into the bedroom.
He wasn’t a foot in the door when he was cornered by Sachiko, who began removing his shirt and trousers, all the while keeping her mouth and his connected. He pushed him up against the open door, taking them outside into the landing causing L to fall with Sachiko on top of him. He decided to go with the kiss, fumbling his hands on Sachiko’s hair as he kissed her deeper and deeper until he remained clothes less.
He regained control of his mouth. “The bedroom is over there, Miss Sachiko-san”
“No! We’ll do it here!”
L could do nothing but laugh as he complied and began to kiss her more, as her hands motioned lower. And then the fun began.
*************
Hours passed. The neighbours were worried. They had never heard such activity from the Yagami’s house, nor have they ever heard “Donkey” noises continuously for thirty minutes. They were going to call the police, when they realised that the home was that of the former police chief. They put the noise down to grieving.
The front door opened and Light Yagami stood there in horror. He thought Sayu and his mother were watching something strange on television when he seen the sight before him.
His enemy and his mother were combined! He couldn’t think of them having sex. He put it down to a hallucination.
“Ohhh, Light-kun. Want to join?” L spoke softly before continuing the donkey noises for the woman. Sachiko stopped in horror. She turned round, to see if it was her son before demounting L and running in horror down the stairs, now naked.
“Light! I thought you were staying at school and at a friends for a few hours. Or going to help the taskforce. You told me you weren-”
“It’s midnight! I thought you’d…I thought… I COULD NEVER IMAGINE THIS. I’m going to my room. I need to wash this image out of my mind.”
He began mumbling up the stairs to what seemed like, “I need mind-soap! Before passing L. He shuddered at him, though he did pass a look.
“Shall I join you Light-kun?”
Light slammed the door. The answer was no.
Once inside, Light picked up his mobile phone. He called Matsuda, he was the only member of the taskforce he could tell ANY lie to. He could make him come and pick L up with some strange story, say his mother was dying or something and he came over to help him with the arrangements. It was easily sorted with the notebook if she needed to die.
Sachiko was in tears. L was still in the same position, as if things were still carrying on. She began to cry harder and harder, sobbing on the floor. This was ridiculous. As if she could keep this up. Her eyes spotted the food. Her plans of a diet went out the window and she grabbed them and began eating it with her hands on the floor. It tasted lovely but she did find herself coughing a lot.
“Sachiko-san! Don’t eat that!!”
“Why not! My life is ruined, I’ll be happier fat anyway”
Within an instant, L was by her side, whispering that it was poison.
If by magic at the sound of the word, she began foaming at the mouth, kicking her legs and hands onto L, to no effect. She was gone.
Light had since came out of his room to see the naked L cradling his mother. Her eyes closed with a white substance in her mouth.
“L. Tell me you didn’t.”
“What did I not do, Light-kun? He asked, turning around with a puzzled expression.
“You bastard. I’ll kill you for this. Not even my dad did that, you sick freak!”
“Freak? I am not freak”
They were now standing side by side. Light took the poisoned fork from the poisoned bowl on the tabletop, and L did the same from the ground.
They both battled between their mother’s foaming body with their forks. It was too much for Light, he became distracted by the naked L dangling in front of him, that L got the first move. He stabbed his fork into Light’s leg.
Light screamed as he fell to the floor, in pain from the fork attack. The poison was already spreading through his system but it wouldn’t kill him yet. It should take a while.
L was still dangling above him, so Light did the only thing he could think of. He stabbed the fork into the first thing he found. L’s scrotum caught the worst of it, it split open, before the fork scarred the penis. This knocked L down instantly.
Light let out a laugh, a feeble one but a laugh. “Victory,” he said with glee, even in agony, before injecting the fork into L’s chest several times until it was over.
He let out a sigh. It was over. He was going to die too, he knew it but he still had time.
Then Matsuda had appeared. “Damnit,” Light thought as he crawled towards him. He had forgotten that he called him. “Matsuda,” he groaned, crawling forward to him.
Matsuda held Light in his arms now, in shock. He couldn’t even begin to take in the whole scene. It was too much for the simple man. Only one question burned his mind.
“What happened he-”
“We’re swingers”
“Oh. I see.”
“Oh, my dear Matsuda. The idiot.
They poisoned me! My mother and my friend! Bastards!
I will not live to see your funeral as I planned.”
Matsuda gave a strange look at this, one almost of disgust. But it passed.
“But at least the notebook will be safe with Misa. Tell her, she must live, and go on with another! Do the work with another!…”
Light tried to reach his final breath, or Matsuda’s throat, but he couldn’t quite make it. His eyes began to close and tears began to stream from poor Matusuda’s simple face.
“AND BUY HER PENS! LOTS OF PENS!”
And then he was gone. Again. His last words a matter of ink. Kira was in Matsuda’s hands and Misa’s wrists, if she didn’t slit them upon hearing the news. Matsuda bucked up his courage, and closed Light’s eyes one final time.
“Goodnight Sweet Prince.”
Pairing/Characters: Sachiko, Soichiro, L, Light, Matsuda [Sayu mentioned].
Rating/Warnings: R!
Summary: Hamlet, retold in a Death Note world. Very condensed and very shortened. Sachiko wants a new husband but things don't really go the way she planned.
Length: 2340 words.
Author's Notes: This is the weirdest thing I've ever wrote. I wanted to write something crack for a change but this was just OTT. REALLY OTT. See what you guys think, this is one I need comments on because... I have no idea. Comment so I can improve! lol
Sachiko smiled deviously. She had never done this before, at least not in Light’s presence. She usually just saved that for her husband’s company. Behind a locked door, or an open one when the children were out.
But this time she had smiled at Light. Her son!
Was this not outrageous? What could the woman be thinking with such a smile littered upon her worn face. A face, dare I say, like a bat’s leathery wing!
Light…being Light, didn’t pick this up. Light wasn’t that sort of person or rather, let’s just say, Light was oblivious to women. Misa, dare I cough!
But Light just nodded and went up to his room to kill a few people. Normal stuff really, all things considered.
Sachiko on the other hand moved slowly towards her husband. She moved as fast as a tortoise, realising to her shame that it was her top speed and shattering her illusions of ever being a ninja turtle.
She waited for the click of Light’s door before proceeding to undress. She decided to put her melons, which she had purchased at the grocery store, on the table next to her husband.
“Want a bite, punkymuffin?” she teased him.
Soichiro didn’t like the name. He had told her that “Officer” would be a more practical term but it just didn’t do anything for her. God knows why the other part did.
“Uh…sure” he mumbled, awkwardly grabbing the melon and taking a large bite.
“Ohh!” she moaned for the first time in ten years.
“Sachiko!” he scolded her. “Not in front of the ki-”
The sound of Soichiro’s face hitting the melon was almost drowned out by the piggish laughter from Sachiko. It was not the cutest laugh in the world, but it seemed to be a family trait for the Yagami family. Extraordinary laughing capabilities.
And yes. Soichiro was indeed dead. And it seemed leather-face had killed him. But was not enough “sexy time” the problem, no, it was not.
She opened her mobile phone uttering a few simple words : “It’s done, love.”
“Standby,” and the voice ended. To be honest there wasn’t much to analyse from that before Sachiko was in love with the voice, truly. I suppose it was due to the fact she had never heard anything computer-generated before but lets not kill her dream eh? She actually thought it was a real voice, silly woman.
She placed the phone down and then screamed as loud as she could, adding the melon to the bin as to leave no evidence when:
“FATHER!!!” acted Light, rushing over to his dad’s side, almost stumbling a little too well.
“Dad…Dad…Dad…Dad,” murmured Light, pushing his dad’s body to check if he was truly dead. He grinned, luckily Sachiko was looking the other way. He had practiced this so many times, so he had to get it perfect.
“Dad’s dead …mom.”
“I know dear, I know.” Leatherface produced a sniffle and a tear, another common trait of the family, before proceeding to cut up an apple for a little snack. Of course she was going to watch her weight. She had a new husband lined up.
Darkness fell upon the Yagami Household that night. A grand funeral was held. Shots were fired, and a man was put to rest. Tears were shed, some real and some a charade. The memory remains what the earth now contains.
The next morning, after the funeral, Sachiko received a call. It was from wonder boy. She knew at least he wasn’t as well ripened as Soichiro was.
“Your house at 2PM?”
“Oh yes! I’ll be the only one in with the kids at school!”
“Are they not taking time off for grieving purposes?”
“No they’re very strong. Sayu especially.”
“Yes. You’re quite right. She is rather strong, hehe”
“What was that?”
“I coughed.”
“Oh well, 2PM will be fine my darling!”
“Good.” - and the phonecall stopped there.
Luckily the kids would be at school. Well, Light would be at school. Sayu hadn’t been coming home regularly for a few weeks. Nothing could go wrong.
**************************
1.55pm
Sachiko poured herself a glass of water. Her hand shook as she drank it, quickly. She gulped it down in a matter of seconds before getting another.
1.57pm
Sachiko began pacing, looking at the clock and the door. There was every chance he was coming, even a bit early, but he would still come.
1.58pm
Sachiko checked herself in the mirror and frowned. All she seen were the cracks in her face, even more when she tried to smile. Whatever would he see in her?
1.59pm
Sachiko knew fine well he wouldn’t come. She knew fine well he could never love her, she was too old for him.
2pm. The doorbell rang.
Sachiko adjusted her dress, checked in the mirror, adjusted her hair and then answered the door, her face beaming red in amazement at the man stood in front of her.
The man stood in front of her was a bit scruffy looking by modern standards. His hair was literally a mess, but it did seem to have some method to the madness. He wore a clean and fresh white T-shirt and a pair of dark blue jeans. He had already removed his socks and shoes, to Sachiko’s delight. She was never good with laces.
“Sachiko-san, you look lovely,” he said, with a hint of emotion. Just a hint.
As he said this he presented forth a flower, a daisy, held between his thumb and index finger. Sachiko took it out with her teeth and tossed it aside. Miraculously it landed in a glass of water.
“Oh you do party tricks,” he said, slightly amused.
“You have no idea,” she said grinning as she pounced her mouth on his.
He was taken aback by this but he nodded out of politeness after exiting the embrace.
“I’m sorry, perhaps we could do that later. I’m quite hungry and I’m afraid you don’t even know my name.”
“Oh of course! Of course. It’s all ready.” She motioned him towards the table, waiting until he had sat down before she did. He did sit oddly though, not unlike Light did as a child. He was almost standing on the chair, but it looked comfortable for him.
“What is your name, my love?”
He responded with just one syllable. “L.”
“Oooh that’s such a nice name. I Love it, heehee” - she placed emphasis on the L part. It even produced a fake laugh from L but she couldn’t tell.
The food was quite nice, for both of them. L hadn’t had a full proper meal in months and Sachiko never really made anything so extravagant. When they were done, she put them aside in the sink, though she didn’t wash them. She wasn’t in the mood.
L spied two other plates full of food. “What are those?”
“They’re for my kids, later on tonight. You don’t mind do you.”
“No not at all. Please go up to the bedroom Miss Sachiko-san. I will join you shortly after I use the bathroom.”
She giggled as she run up the stairs and into her room. She didn’t undress out of fear of completely putting him off.
L however didn’t go to the bathroom. He instead produced a vial from his jeans and emptied it into the two plates of dinners. It was poison, both in Light’s and Sayu’s plates. The objective was Light, L had already taken care of Sayu. She was in his penthouse, quite happily in love with him. She had also taken a liking to Watari, but L didn’t quite know that yet.
L awkwardly jumped up the stairs, entered the bathroom and flushed with his foot before jumping into the bedroom.
He wasn’t a foot in the door when he was cornered by Sachiko, who began removing his shirt and trousers, all the while keeping her mouth and his connected. He pushed him up against the open door, taking them outside into the landing causing L to fall with Sachiko on top of him. He decided to go with the kiss, fumbling his hands on Sachiko’s hair as he kissed her deeper and deeper until he remained clothes less.
He regained control of his mouth. “The bedroom is over there, Miss Sachiko-san”
“No! We’ll do it here!”
L could do nothing but laugh as he complied and began to kiss her more, as her hands motioned lower. And then the fun began.
*************
Hours passed. The neighbours were worried. They had never heard such activity from the Yagami’s house, nor have they ever heard “Donkey” noises continuously for thirty minutes. They were going to call the police, when they realised that the home was that of the former police chief. They put the noise down to grieving.
The front door opened and Light Yagami stood there in horror. He thought Sayu and his mother were watching something strange on television when he seen the sight before him.
His enemy and his mother were combined! He couldn’t think of them having sex. He put it down to a hallucination.
“Ohhh, Light-kun. Want to join?” L spoke softly before continuing the donkey noises for the woman. Sachiko stopped in horror. She turned round, to see if it was her son before demounting L and running in horror down the stairs, now naked.
“Light! I thought you were staying at school and at a friends for a few hours. Or going to help the taskforce. You told me you weren-”
“It’s midnight! I thought you’d…I thought… I COULD NEVER IMAGINE THIS. I’m going to my room. I need to wash this image out of my mind.”
He began mumbling up the stairs to what seemed like, “I need mind-soap! Before passing L. He shuddered at him, though he did pass a look.
“Shall I join you Light-kun?”
Light slammed the door. The answer was no.
Once inside, Light picked up his mobile phone. He called Matsuda, he was the only member of the taskforce he could tell ANY lie to. He could make him come and pick L up with some strange story, say his mother was dying or something and he came over to help him with the arrangements. It was easily sorted with the notebook if she needed to die.
Sachiko was in tears. L was still in the same position, as if things were still carrying on. She began to cry harder and harder, sobbing on the floor. This was ridiculous. As if she could keep this up. Her eyes spotted the food. Her plans of a diet went out the window and she grabbed them and began eating it with her hands on the floor. It tasted lovely but she did find herself coughing a lot.
“Sachiko-san! Don’t eat that!!”
“Why not! My life is ruined, I’ll be happier fat anyway”
Within an instant, L was by her side, whispering that it was poison.
If by magic at the sound of the word, she began foaming at the mouth, kicking her legs and hands onto L, to no effect. She was gone.
Light had since came out of his room to see the naked L cradling his mother. Her eyes closed with a white substance in her mouth.
“L. Tell me you didn’t.”
“What did I not do, Light-kun? He asked, turning around with a puzzled expression.
“You bastard. I’ll kill you for this. Not even my dad did that, you sick freak!”
“Freak? I am not freak”
They were now standing side by side. Light took the poisoned fork from the poisoned bowl on the tabletop, and L did the same from the ground.
They both battled between their mother’s foaming body with their forks. It was too much for Light, he became distracted by the naked L dangling in front of him, that L got the first move. He stabbed his fork into Light’s leg.
Light screamed as he fell to the floor, in pain from the fork attack. The poison was already spreading through his system but it wouldn’t kill him yet. It should take a while.
L was still dangling above him, so Light did the only thing he could think of. He stabbed the fork into the first thing he found. L’s scrotum caught the worst of it, it split open, before the fork scarred the penis. This knocked L down instantly.
Light let out a laugh, a feeble one but a laugh. “Victory,” he said with glee, even in agony, before injecting the fork into L’s chest several times until it was over.
He let out a sigh. It was over. He was going to die too, he knew it but he still had time.
Then Matsuda had appeared. “Damnit,” Light thought as he crawled towards him. He had forgotten that he called him. “Matsuda,” he groaned, crawling forward to him.
Matsuda held Light in his arms now, in shock. He couldn’t even begin to take in the whole scene. It was too much for the simple man. Only one question burned his mind.
“What happened he-”
“We’re swingers”
“Oh. I see.”
“Oh, my dear Matsuda. The idiot.
They poisoned me! My mother and my friend! Bastards!
I will not live to see your funeral as I planned.”
Matsuda gave a strange look at this, one almost of disgust. But it passed.
“But at least the notebook will be safe with Misa. Tell her, she must live, and go on with another! Do the work with another!…”
Light tried to reach his final breath, or Matsuda’s throat, but he couldn’t quite make it. His eyes began to close and tears began to stream from poor Matusuda’s simple face.
“AND BUY HER PENS! LOTS OF PENS!”
And then he was gone. Again. His last words a matter of ink. Kira was in Matsuda’s hands and Misa’s wrists, if she didn’t slit them upon hearing the news. Matsuda bucked up his courage, and closed Light’s eyes one final time.
“Goodnight Sweet Prince.”