(no subject)
i'm afraid.
it's no longer confusing it's just bad
trying so hard is something thats not worth doing it doesnt work i cant help a situation i have realized that in a huge way, trying for soemthing or some one you care about doesnt work i thought this was suppossed to be good, i'm losing all my friends and it's partly my fault, i wish they would get off drugs it really messes a person up, ihave ruined so many things for myself with drugs that it's not even explainable they cant see it but it really is messing them up too, and hurts me so much, i dont know if its the reaction from comming off of drugs that ive been on for so long that is making everything hightened and so difficult, i thought this is supposed to make my life better i have to stick with it though because i cant turn back to the thing i regret the most, the thing that hurt me forever, there used to be an escape, my friends; going out with them talking with them being with them, but i'm afraid that the only escape i will have is to be alone. there were things i lived for things i said would payoff in the end and would be the things that would make me happy and be worth the effort to keep going. they are dissapating and i fear they will all be lost if even one thing could work its self out and i had one thing to hold onto..it feels like everything ive worked for and i hold dear is going to crumble in my hands i want the ones i care about to care for me the same way i dont know if thats selfish but i'm sorry thats how i feel becasue i have no one to turn to and no one to hold me, i am trying to support so many its just so fucking tough. i'm sorry i ruin everything. i'm sorry i fucking tried. i'm sorry i'm fucking alive
maybe it would be good if no one had to deal with me ya thats probably the right thing so i cant ruin things and i can just be alnoe and it would just be ok becasue i wouldnt be another thing to deal with
this is my one and only life, what have i done
i dont know whats wrong with me!
it's no longer confusing it's just bad
trying so hard is something thats not worth doing it doesnt work i cant help a situation i have realized that in a huge way, trying for soemthing or some one you care about doesnt work i thought this was suppossed to be good, i'm losing all my friends and it's partly my fault, i wish they would get off drugs it really messes a person up, ihave ruined so many things for myself with drugs that it's not even explainable they cant see it but it really is messing them up too, and hurts me so much, i dont know if its the reaction from comming off of drugs that ive been on for so long that is making everything hightened and so difficult, i thought this is supposed to make my life better i have to stick with it though because i cant turn back to the thing i regret the most, the thing that hurt me forever, there used to be an escape, my friends; going out with them talking with them being with them, but i'm afraid that the only escape i will have is to be alone. there were things i lived for things i said would payoff in the end and would be the things that would make me happy and be worth the effort to keep going. they are dissapating and i fear they will all be lost if even one thing could work its self out and i had one thing to hold onto..it feels like everything ive worked for and i hold dear is going to crumble in my hands i want the ones i care about to care for me the same way i dont know if thats selfish but i'm sorry thats how i feel becasue i have no one to turn to and no one to hold me, i am trying to support so many its just so fucking tough. i'm sorry i ruin everything. i'm sorry i fucking tried. i'm sorry i'm fucking alive
maybe it would be good if no one had to deal with me ya thats probably the right thing so i cant ruin things and i can just be alnoe and it would just be ok becasue i wouldnt be another thing to deal with
this is my one and only life, what have i done
i dont know whats wrong with me!