(no subject)
Lets see wahts been going on.. Um.. got a love song sung to me by a cowboy that was fun.. got into a fight with a guy last night.. that was fun.. um.. got drunk last night.. an texted someone an told him i liked him.. an now i have to face him tomorrow.. so yea.. thats going to suck..
I'm so stressed out.. I can't pay my rent.. cause i'm not working over time.. i did pay off my bills though. um.. im becomming a bitch well a bigger one.. I think that im in the last step of moving on.. u know how it goes.. U love em.. an then that love turns to hate.. well i think im gettin the hate part.. all i want to do is lash out at dave.. an jus be really mean to him.. an scream at the top of my lungs an jus set it all straight.. i even stood int he rain last night an had a tear fall.. it was like i was being restored well my heart anyways... Its not normal.. Im not normal. its like " hey im mad cut urself" but now im tryin to get over that.. so i jus sit there wishing i had a razor to add more lines on my arm.. an its a sick thing to wish. an it pisses me off to have people proclaim that they are sooo fucking suicidal an have never even touched a blade to there skin.. do they know what the sting is like? I dont know why i get so defensive over that.. Maybe i need to seek help.. i can't continue to have these feelings.. of wanting to end it.. or wanting to watch my skin bleed.. earlier i saw a icon with the star bleeding.. yea i saw myself carving it in my arm n takin pics of it.. disturbed much i think so.
an another thing i dont understand.. why do i look like the type of person that can have there heart put in a blender an made into a smoothy.. i'm not as strong as i appear i am.. I'm jus as weak as everyone else. i have my moments where i fall into pieces..
the other sad thing.. i think im becomming emo.. god shoot me now.. i need to leave this place for a while an maybe i'll be happy..but i can't be happy when every day i have images of me an dave in my head.. its really starting to piss me off..
I'm so stressed out.. I can't pay my rent.. cause i'm not working over time.. i did pay off my bills though. um.. im becomming a bitch well a bigger one.. I think that im in the last step of moving on.. u know how it goes.. U love em.. an then that love turns to hate.. well i think im gettin the hate part.. all i want to do is lash out at dave.. an jus be really mean to him.. an scream at the top of my lungs an jus set it all straight.. i even stood int he rain last night an had a tear fall.. it was like i was being restored well my heart anyways... Its not normal.. Im not normal. its like " hey im mad cut urself" but now im tryin to get over that.. so i jus sit there wishing i had a razor to add more lines on my arm.. an its a sick thing to wish. an it pisses me off to have people proclaim that they are sooo fucking suicidal an have never even touched a blade to there skin.. do they know what the sting is like? I dont know why i get so defensive over that.. Maybe i need to seek help.. i can't continue to have these feelings.. of wanting to end it.. or wanting to watch my skin bleed.. earlier i saw a icon with the star bleeding.. yea i saw myself carving it in my arm n takin pics of it.. disturbed much i think so.
an another thing i dont understand.. why do i look like the type of person that can have there heart put in a blender an made into a smoothy.. i'm not as strong as i appear i am.. I'm jus as weak as everyone else. i have my moments where i fall into pieces..
the other sad thing.. i think im becomming emo.. god shoot me now.. i need to leave this place for a while an maybe i'll be happy..but i can't be happy when every day i have images of me an dave in my head.. its really starting to piss me off..