Its just not fair.....
Earlier this month I had excited myself into believing that I might have a chance to drive up all the way to Pensicola to visit my best friend Mari for Thanksgiving. I was planning everything down, and in my mind had everything down to the "T". I was going to have a road trip up Northern Florida along with Pauls mom to suprise Mari and Paul for the holidays. We were both so excited and chipper about this. Ofcourse life had to just twist things around and shut some roads for me once more. I had asked for my days off at work, and hesitated knowing that I'm still new at my job. The only days they had given me off were wed, thrs, and fri. I really can't complain.... But ofcourse just those three days alone were not enough. I looked into my wallet and could not afford a to ride over, none the less a round trip to Pensicola. I had quickly snapped back into reality and ofcourse questioning myself "why would I ever think something so spontanous in my life would work so ?" I should of just known better. You have no Idea how much I'd been waiting to see my Mari. Its going to be almost a year already since the last time I had seen her. I've missed her soo much! I feel so alone. Although I have such wonderful friends and should count the blessings I have.... but Mari she's more than just a friend.... she's like a sister. My heart shattered when I knew that I couldn't see her. I had calmed both myself and Grace down, and said maybe it was just not meant to be. They will be drivind down for Christmas anyways. This very morning I sign up to aim and had Imed Mari..... I just found out that one of my other friend Max is driving up to see her for thanksgiving. I don't know why at this point my heart fell deeper than it already was. I really can't explain how I feel right now. I guess a little bit jealous... mad. Why him and not me? Why can someone else have the oppertunity to visit Mari and Paul, yet not Grace Pauls mother and I Mari's best friend? I'm happy that they won't be celebrating Thanksgiving by themselves.... and maybe it should be a blessing the gods have placed upon them. But it just seems not fair to me. I've tried soo hard ever since they had moved up to Arizona to see them atleast once... and never had I the oppertunity! I guess I'm also mad at the fact that I'm always calling Max, checking up on him and he never calls back. Maybe if he'd be a bit more of a friend he would of asked me to join along. I don't know... I have so many mixed emotions right now. Maybe I'm just being a dramatic gay ass. I just don't understand why him and not me?