Bullshite
Man this is weird, I haven't used this thing in ages. A lot of bullshit has happend since I last wrote in this. Well if you didn't know i went out with Delia and she is a very beautiful girl. We dated for one year and three months, which were great. She broke up with me because she said we fight a lot, and i can understand that. Well i haven't taken that too lightly, i still can't get her out of my mind, but theirs this chick i've been talking too. Her name is Katie and she goes to my school. She is a freshman but i don't care how old she is, someone could be 19 and act like their 12 or someone that is 14 could act like their 20. I think she is very beautiful, i really do, and I made the biggest mistake and telling her how i felt in like 2 week we new each other. So she tells me that she just wants to be friends and i understand that because you don't rush into those things but oh well. So we hang out and shite and we go over to my friend Andie's. Like always, all the girls I like, like andie. So she wants his number, she wants to talk to him, hang out with him, all that stuff, but its nothing new, so i told her i would help her out with him because i new for a fact that 1. I didn't have a chance, 2. And atleast i could make someone happy and hopefully feel better about myself. Well i guess he only thinks she's hot and i tell myself maybe this girl will like me for my personality and the disadvantages of my looks. Nothing happened, i guess she found someone this previous saturday at a punk/emo show and i wwas like well she has found someone so their is no need for me too try anymore, and i should of kept my thought of my mind in the beginning, "you have no chance." Well enough about that, more shite to talk about.
I look back on all the things i read in my journal and realize how pathetic i am. I seem like a person that is dependent on other people, like i don't like myself if i'm not with someone. The main concern on my mind right now is Delia, i wanted to try and move on and find new things for myself but i couldn't, she is still very beautiful and i can't stop thinkin about her. I had so many good times with her, i had so many memories that i couldn't forget, and it hurts to think of them and know she doesn't want me. The other i night i read her journal, i've read it before and nothings changed but i missed the way she used to talk about me, i missed how she used to want to be with me every second, and to hold me. I want someone too, i want someone to want me back, its sad. I don't know what to do right now,i don't know if i should move on or if I should just wait. My mind tells me wait, she'll come back to you, if she truly loves you. I just hate being by myself, it sucks ass, i hate being at home, i hate having no one to kiss or to hold, its horrible, but i think i need to drop that shit now.
I am starting to use this again because i think it'll help with problems, i no one reads it but it helps me look at shit that i want to say but can't. Nothing interesting has happened with me since last time, nothing, i've got new guitar stuff, better at my guitar, uhhh some new friends, some annoying ones. But i'm not sure what else to write, but i have to go, i'll write more later. Bye to those people who do not read this!
I look back on all the things i read in my journal and realize how pathetic i am. I seem like a person that is dependent on other people, like i don't like myself if i'm not with someone. The main concern on my mind right now is Delia, i wanted to try and move on and find new things for myself but i couldn't, she is still very beautiful and i can't stop thinkin about her. I had so many good times with her, i had so many memories that i couldn't forget, and it hurts to think of them and know she doesn't want me. The other i night i read her journal, i've read it before and nothings changed but i missed the way she used to talk about me, i missed how she used to want to be with me every second, and to hold me. I want someone too, i want someone to want me back, its sad. I don't know what to do right now,i don't know if i should move on or if I should just wait. My mind tells me wait, she'll come back to you, if she truly loves you. I just hate being by myself, it sucks ass, i hate being at home, i hate having no one to kiss or to hold, its horrible, but i think i need to drop that shit now.
I am starting to use this again because i think it'll help with problems, i no one reads it but it helps me look at shit that i want to say but can't. Nothing interesting has happened with me since last time, nothing, i've got new guitar stuff, better at my guitar, uhhh some new friends, some annoying ones. But i'm not sure what else to write, but i have to go, i'll write more later. Bye to those people who do not read this!