I Wake to Find the Devil Sitting Near My Bed. We Have a Conversation and He Says...
I really hate Valentine's Day. Honestly. And yes I know I'm in a happy relationship full of all that love crap but seriously. It's just a huge commercial holiday probably created by Hallmark designed specifically to increase card sales during a time when card sales would normally be pretty flat.
I hate it for two reasons in particular.
One: All my single friends are miserable. Even though I wish they weren't. Love is overrated in my opinion. And you can take it from someone who's experienced it on more than one occassion. It's not like the movies. It is not a feeling. It's an action. Yes, you read that right. An action. A verb if you will. You've got to constantly work at love to keep that "feeling". It isn't easy. And neither is telling someone who isn't in a relationship during this time of year that it isn't.
Two: Unfortunately...that little nagging feeling in the back of my pathetic little head starts getting to me. I once saw an episode of 7th Heaven where Lucy and her boyfriend (whatever his name is) had agreed to not get engaged on Valentine's Day (or something to that effect) and then she started getting down because she really was hoping for the exact thing she had told whats-his-face not to do.
I know in my mind that he won't propose because a) we're both pretty poor by our own standards b) we both still live at home c) we hardly have any money saved up and d) we've only been dating about 7 or 8 months. (Yes...I admit that I don't know how long but only because he never offically asked me to be his girlfriend...he just one day started introducing me as so.) But all this still doesn't keep me from wishing.
As much as I hate to admit it...I get caught up in all the romance and whatnot. And it sucks. Corporations shouldn't put so much preasure on couples. (I'm just complaining really...because in a sense...and I'll admit this too...I'm sort of jealous of those people who do get wrapped up in the ribbons, and cards, and chocolates, and so forth.) I don't want all those things in all honesty. I guess what I really want is for someone to finally prove to me that they'll put up with my bad habits, and mood swings, and idiosyncrasies and all that other shit for the rest of our lives. I've been told this before...but it would have never worked. We clicked but not in a long lasting way. The marriage would have failed miserably...in a ball of bright, buring flames. And I see this now. And I thank God what I wanted then didn't come to fruition.
And in a sense, I suppose that a lack of marriage in my life has been a blessing. I just have to keep telling myself that when the right one really comes along it'll happen. I'm beginning to get impatient though. And again, I hate that about myself. I firmly believe marriage isn't something you should rush in to. Yet, I've also heard that you'll know when you've met "The One". Yes, I know that sounds cliche', but I do believe there is someone for everyone. We just choose whether or not to persue that path.
It's just hard sitting here knowing I've found him but wondering is he's found his.
I hate it for two reasons in particular.
One: All my single friends are miserable. Even though I wish they weren't. Love is overrated in my opinion. And you can take it from someone who's experienced it on more than one occassion. It's not like the movies. It is not a feeling. It's an action. Yes, you read that right. An action. A verb if you will. You've got to constantly work at love to keep that "feeling". It isn't easy. And neither is telling someone who isn't in a relationship during this time of year that it isn't.
Two: Unfortunately...that little nagging feeling in the back of my pathetic little head starts getting to me. I once saw an episode of 7th Heaven where Lucy and her boyfriend (whatever his name is) had agreed to not get engaged on Valentine's Day (or something to that effect) and then she started getting down because she really was hoping for the exact thing she had told whats-his-face not to do.
I know in my mind that he won't propose because a) we're both pretty poor by our own standards b) we both still live at home c) we hardly have any money saved up and d) we've only been dating about 7 or 8 months. (Yes...I admit that I don't know how long but only because he never offically asked me to be his girlfriend...he just one day started introducing me as so.) But all this still doesn't keep me from wishing.
As much as I hate to admit it...I get caught up in all the romance and whatnot. And it sucks. Corporations shouldn't put so much preasure on couples. (I'm just complaining really...because in a sense...and I'll admit this too...I'm sort of jealous of those people who do get wrapped up in the ribbons, and cards, and chocolates, and so forth.) I don't want all those things in all honesty. I guess what I really want is for someone to finally prove to me that they'll put up with my bad habits, and mood swings, and idiosyncrasies and all that other shit for the rest of our lives. I've been told this before...but it would have never worked. We clicked but not in a long lasting way. The marriage would have failed miserably...in a ball of bright, buring flames. And I see this now. And I thank God what I wanted then didn't come to fruition.
And in a sense, I suppose that a lack of marriage in my life has been a blessing. I just have to keep telling myself that when the right one really comes along it'll happen. I'm beginning to get impatient though. And again, I hate that about myself. I firmly believe marriage isn't something you should rush in to. Yet, I've also heard that you'll know when you've met "The One". Yes, I know that sounds cliche', but I do believe there is someone for everyone. We just choose whether or not to persue that path.
It's just hard sitting here knowing I've found him but wondering is he's found his.