life will hit you with suprisses
life is strange ain't it? i talked to an old friend of mine, who happens to be my ex boyfriend's momz, letting her know whatz been giong on in life and such and how things are with her life. in it, i got the truth of about my ex and his life as it is now. seems to be diong well for himself, his gf got a film job in hollywood and moved with her. i had to admit i felt very hurt and jealous abhout it. dont' know why, guess i felt like i should be in hollywood working on films and that he should still suffer for the torment he put me through. you always hope your ex's are doing worse than you so u can rub it in their face. never seems that way for me. never get the better of them. guess that's a life lesson well learned, you can't compair your life to another. you can only do what you can do and leave it as that, other wise you'll never find satisfation or contentment. however, it bugged me all night. sat and got depressed feeling i've failed as an artist and that my dreams of doing some sort of artwork for films is over. i even planned on sending out more resumes but in the end i doubt it'll do much good. my bud stacy and i realized we were neglected in our college years. we weren't taught something important that was suppose to be shown to us in order for us to successed out there. we're not sure what it is, but whatever it may be we are without. and our hopes and dreams died with it. i still feel lik ei should try. never give up even if i know i'll never make it. at least i'd die trying.
i thought for a very short while (which ended up being my enlightement) that i could have been with gilbert still and hollywood probably. but why would i? why would i want to be with a person like him, a mangy dog who betrayed me and wasn't respectful to me at all; to a place i don't want to go. i then remembered an old dream i wanted. just for someone to love me for who i am truely. then i realized i got a dream i always wanted. even if i never become a great animator i still achieved a dream most people never experiance nor witness. i did find someone to love me for who i am, and entirally. i found corey. then the thoughts of failure ran from me like rain. i dont' need hollywood, i don't need riches or fame or fancy shit. i got my man. and that is a dream come true, a fucking fairy tale. :OD
i also realized no matter what i need to look at my life and be happy for the choices i made. though they aren't always great, but at least i made them on my own without someone dictating me like i was when i lived at home. i may not know exactly what job i woul dlike to do for the rest of my life but i got corey and that's a start. so fuck gilbert and his hollywood; give me my hot ass man, fishing, harley's, my cat, our rented house, and our insane family any time !!
i thought for a very short while (which ended up being my enlightement) that i could have been with gilbert still and hollywood probably. but why would i? why would i want to be with a person like him, a mangy dog who betrayed me and wasn't respectful to me at all; to a place i don't want to go. i then remembered an old dream i wanted. just for someone to love me for who i am truely. then i realized i got a dream i always wanted. even if i never become a great animator i still achieved a dream most people never experiance nor witness. i did find someone to love me for who i am, and entirally. i found corey. then the thoughts of failure ran from me like rain. i dont' need hollywood, i don't need riches or fame or fancy shit. i got my man. and that is a dream come true, a fucking fairy tale. :OD
i also realized no matter what i need to look at my life and be happy for the choices i made. though they aren't always great, but at least i made them on my own without someone dictating me like i was when i lived at home. i may not know exactly what job i woul dlike to do for the rest of my life but i got corey and that's a start. so fuck gilbert and his hollywood; give me my hot ass man, fishing, harley's, my cat, our rented house, and our insane family any time !!