.o16 ☈ blazing souls;

[sting_to_death]

To whom do all the new energies belong? Show yourself.

[ What do you mean she'd knew if she'd bother talking to the newbies? Sorry, she can't hear you from her high horse. ]

I'm again wearing clothes that do not belong to me. This is getting old.

(( ooc; Lin has been cosplaying Tsunetsuki Matoi from Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei (I think you get the

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quicklog;

[sting_to_death]

[ Lin had already turned her back to him, but she didn't walk to the door just yet. He wasn't the only one who felt the emptiness of that whole situation. On top of that, she had also almost completely isolated herself and suffered from loneliness. And yet--

She didn't like what she saw of her life before the Sphere. Fighting, crying when she was alone at night, people getting killed, people leaving, loneliness. What did she care if she was an officer, if her career was admirable? She was utterly unhappy, so much that it showed even through the few fragments of memories she had. ]

What we all do. Strive for a better life than the one you had.

[ Even with all her flaws, even with her tendency to isolate herself and then suffering because of it, even with her constant sabotaging her own happiness-- she tried. That was the difference between the two of them. That was why she couldn't stand how pessimistic and bitter he always sounded. It reminded her too much of that part of her she had to win against and smother back into silence every day. This was a second chance. Maybe she was going to fail and fall back completely into her old habits and mistakes, but, at least, she was going to try. ]

quicklog;

[unevoked]

[He paused, considering that. What did he even know about his life back home? He had trouble with his Persona. He was an addict. he had died. But he had been talking to some blue-haired kid, taking his dog for a walk. Or visiting people he supposedly knew with Pollux and that red-haired woman. Or fighting and destroying those monsters. His own issues aside, it didn't seem as though it had been too bad.

Well, maybe that was in hindsight because he knew it was over and done with. Still, it was difficult to imagine making some better life here. It was alright, he could easily be content, but something about just settling felt off. It wasn't something he could particularly explain though. Hell, for all he knew it was him just being stubborn and prideful again.]

...You give up on going home, then? [It wasn't accusing-- he looked up as he asked, as though curious. Most people were so bitter and angry about being here, away from where they were supposed to be, it almost seemed more reasonable to embrace the second chance they had. Maybe if he was less stupid about his own death he would have felt the same.]

'Cause've memories, or you just like this place better?

quicklog;

[sting_to_death]

My place is here, as long as she's here too. [ Lin didn't think she needed to name names. He knew what she was talking about.

And that was the truth. Unless something else that she cared about as much as she did about Bastet popped up as she recovered her memories, she did not want to leave. Did not want to leave Bastet behind.

Maybe this-- how to call it? Obsession? Bond? Crush, even? She had with Bastet put her into a lot of troubles: Lin didn't deem anyone as important as her, and her mood was extremely influenced by the smallest things Bastet said or did. Just an harsher word of hers could make Lin depressed for days. And one smile make her feel accomplished and proud of herself.

Bastet was too important for her, even if Lin could only remember a couple of bits of the time they must have spent together, back in their world.

But it was also true that, for a moment, she pitied Castor and how he didn't seem to have anything to live for. Her feelings for Bastet were her weakness and her strength at the same time, but everyone often saw only one side of it.

She looked at him from over her shoulder. ]

Can you understand that?

quicklog;

[unevoked]

[His lip curled at the question. He understood her words, yeah-- She was obsessed with Bastet. Whatever they had been back home, it was important to her. Practically her life, from how she acted. It was bizarre, to be so reliant on someone, but he figured that whatever they had been it was enough to change Lin's entire demeanor. But understanding what she had said and understanding how she felt about it were two different things. He couldn't imagine being to dependent upon someone else for happiness, for self-worth. Then again, maybe it was he always felt like he was letting people down.

Who knew. He didn't hate people; if Cara or Pollux-- hell, probably even Lin-- needed him to, he would lay down his life, sure. But that wasn't the same as being content with anything so long as he could be by them. They had better people they could be supported by, people who wouldn't fuck things up.]

...Not really. [He finally admitted the words, tilting his head back against the wall and sighing.] So you'll do anything, so long as you can stay with her. You're happy like that? [By the way Lin acted, she didn't seem it. She had always been too defensive, too evasive, and built herself up too much to have been completely comfortable. Hell, that's why he had been curious about her at first-- they seemed so fucking similar, with the way they constantly avoided ever talking about themselves, their need for independence, all of that. They way they avoided things was similar too. he frowned.

It wasn't the case at all, was it.]

Re: quicklog;

[sting_to_death]

[ Lin had too started talking to Castor as much as she did because they seemed similar. They pushed people away, didn't want bonds. But, maybe, they were actually different, deep down. Lin's was a defense mechanism, because once she let anyone in, she'd grow too close to them, too possessive, too dependent. Bastet was the perfect example of that, although she was also an exception, it wasn't with just anyone that Lin would get that clingy. ]

I--

[ He was right. She wasn't happy. But she should have been. What went wrong? ]

I'm not going to kill myself. [ That was all the answer he was going to get out of her for the moment. And not only because Lin didn't like to talk about her feelings-- but also because she actually had no answer to that question.

She should have been happy. She shouldn't have felt the need to talk with anyone but Bastet. She shouldn't have been in that room at all. ]

quicklog; ..herp, I thought I had fixed that HTML. Oh well.

[unevoked]

[He watched her carefully for a moment, the way she paused in her words, starting, stopping-- doubting. That was enough for him not to press the issue. If she was doubting herself... that was enough. He didn't have to do anything that she wouldn't do to herself.]

And I don't plan on doing it again. [He sighed, shaking his head.] I ain't a charity case, Lin. [Castor's expression hardened slightly as pushed off from the wall.] But I ain't gonna lie to myself and pretend that the shit I'm doing here means or changes anything. What happened back home's over, and what happens here's only gonna last 'til I'm one've the sorry fucks that don't come back. [Cynical and nihlistic? Probably. But he had seen no evidence contrary to it.]

It don't mean I'm looking to get myself killed. Just that if it finds me, I got no reason to resent it. That's all. [He paused before shrugging.] I don't think it's the same for everyone. You guys got other places to be than here, right?

quicklog; it's okay <3

[sting_to_death]

Probably. I know I was needed for something, in my world. [ But that didn't mean she liked it. For what reason had she picked for herself a life that made her so unhappy?

Questions. She was so sick of having so many questions and not a single answer. Anything was good as long as it could take her mind off all those question. Working, writing over the journals, training, anything.

But she didn't whine about it. Everybody was in that same condition, and if they could keep living, well, so did Lin. And probably better than them. ]

So? That only sound like a free ticket to do whatever you want without having to deal with the consequences for long.

[ --Although, obviously, she didn't follow her own advice herself, now did she? Lin was too worried about what people thought of her, even if it didn't show. ]

Death doesn't just find you, Castor.

quicklog; /PRETENDS IT ACTUALLY WORKED

[unevoked]

...You rather go back home to that, or stay here? [It was an honest question-- sure, everyone resented the place for taking away their memories, but how many of them were better off because of it? He couldn't speak for Lin- he had very little idea as to what her home was like. But as much as he loathed it, whatever life Castor had here was probably working out better for him than whatever he had back home. But maybe the "stay here, find a way home' decision was easier for him, knowing he had no home to go to.]

[At the 'free ticket' comment, though, he glared at her.] Like what? It ain't like I'm off killing people and stealing shit. [He was a damn guard, for fuck's sake. Well, part-time. Out of spite. But whatever.] Maybe if I was a nut it was.

[At her comment though, he looked confused. Sure it did. People didn't have to actively seek death for it to come. His voice dropped as he frowned, glancing down at the carpet] ...What 'bout when the bazaar got shot up? Those people have it coming? Or do they not matter since you don't know 'em?

[He probably should have been touched at her faint concern-- or surprised that their conversation had continued even this long. If it wouldn't draw attention to it, he would have suggested making tea or something... but that would potentially drive her off. He's wait for now, watching her for a response.] It ain't just on a battlefield or outta stupidity that people die.

quicklog; /SAW RIGHT THROUGH IT ANYWAY :>

[sting_to_death]

[ It wasn't so easy answering all his questions when she didn't have many answers at all. Or, at least, none that wouldn't have meant sitting down and talking for a while, letting him know all of the doubts she kept hidden and what lay underneath all the bitchiness and coldness. And Lin wasn't willing to, not with him and not with anyone else.

But she could try and answer those questions, after all she had already made it obvious that she cared, in some twisted way, about Castor and his state of mind. Or maybe almost choking him against a wall had not let it show much.]

Right now, I'd rather stay here. I might receive some memories that will make me want to go back home, but for now, this is where I'm supposed to be.

[ Because of Bastet was left unsaid. It was obvious.

She shrugged when Castor mentioned the people who died at the bazaar. No, they didn't matter much, as long as Bastet had survived. Though if Lin had been there she would have stopped that madness, somehow. ]

Is this really not a battlefield?

quicklog; /SOBS

[unevoked]

[He nodded. At least they could agree on that- besides, how were they supposed to leave? People either disappeared, or they died and never came back. Neither possibility was particularly appealing to him as means to "escape". They had lives here, they had things they could do, even though it meant little to nothing past their time here.

He hated how full of contradictions his own thoughts on this place were-- but as long as he kept them to himself, what would it matter?]

How many battles do you fight? [He shook his head.] There's something going on, yeah, but I'd say it's more prone to massacres than battles. [he heard of people gaining information and getting killed for it-- and it always seemed to be different and always seemed to be one-sided. That wasn't a battle, it was keeping people in check with warnings.]

Besides, you dodged the damn question. [He glanced up at her again, this time holding eye contact.] You think every person who dies here is asking for it one way or another?

quicklog; IT'S OKAY COME HERE ;;

[sting_to_death]

Not every battle is fought face to face. Sometimes you have to be smarter. Sometimes you have to fake you're dead, or weak, to achieve your goals. Sometimes you have to pretend you don't know certain things, if that will keep you alive. It is just like a battle.

[ That also meant, though, that they were losing. As far as Lin knew, none of them had made any progress in finding about more about the nature of that place-- or had they just been censored? Hard to tell. Surely, it was an unfair fight, fought practically weaponless. ]

I think everyone person who dies here was perfectly aware it could have happened. And I think if you're aware of that and don't work to make yourself stronger, if you just sit back resigned and wait for your turn, you're an idiot.

quicklog; /NESTLES CLOSE

[unevoked]

They ain't all fighters, and this place only targets those stupid enough to look into shit. [He wasn't sure why this felt important to him, but it did; not everyone deserved to die that simply.] Inara didn't need to get shot when she was shopping for clothes. Hell, what about the damn kids here? [There weren't a lot, and Blood.. seemed to be an exception, but what about Apple? Should he anticipate death every day, working with the dogs and cats, just trying to find them a damn home?]

They ain't like us, alright? They ain't idiots for thinking they can be safe here, and you're a shitty guard if you think that's none've your business. [He paused. Then again, she didn't care. She had joined up for Bastet, just as he had joined up out of spite. Whatever morals they had on the side were just happenstance. No matter what he felt about saving people, he wouldn't have volunteered for anything out of the goodness of his heart.

He needed to change the subject. Something he was less confused, contextless, and passionate about. After all, Castor didn't like discussing his weird moral stances when he didn't understand it himself. He let out an amused noise.] ...How long do you think we can make it? [It was as good of a segue as anything else-- and for once his tone wasn't pessimistic. They were both tenacious, stubborn motherfuckers. If anyone was going to disappear without a trace, he doubted it would be either of them.] Both got here- what, Mid-November? Almost a year coming up and we ain't forgot yet.

I'm thinkin' we're stubborn enough to outlast a lotta the people here, whether we want to or not.

quicklog;

[sting_to_death]

[ She saw him steering the conversation towards something more similar to their usual talks.

Why was she a Guard? Well, for starters because she could be close to Bastet and protect her. Secondly, because she needed a job anyway. Third, it felt familiar, maybe it was similar to the job she had back home, after all-- she was an officer, wasn't she? But there was also... Something stronger than that vague sense of familiarity. An instinct that she couldn't trace back in her own nature or in some kind of training she might have had. Lin would have protected any men who was put under her command, without a doubt. She wouldn't have abandoned them. And she would have protected anything that had been entrusted to her, even if her life depended on it.

It was just a long shot to say she'd run around trying to help anyone in need, or that she'd feel bad about it. One has to sleep at night, after all, and being too emotionally involved in her job wasn't going to help her any.

Or maybe she just wasn't a bleeding heart either, just like Castor. ]

Ha. I think I'm stubborn enough to outlast you too.

[ And with that, she considered the serious talk over. ]

quicklog;

[unevoked]

[He let out a short snort of amusement at her comment. Yeah, she had definitely survived longer-- Castor wasn't seeming to have much like with bullets, really. But he hadn't forgotten when he had returned, he hadn't lost his memories, and he hadn't disappeared mysteriously. Deaths aside, they were doing pretty well.]

You sure 'bout that? [She did have advantages, sure-- but also a habit of being brandishing her confidence and making enemies out of nearly everyone she met. But she also had more power to back up her words. It was a toss up, really.] I'd say we could make some sorta wager on it, but I guess it don't matter when one wins and the other don't remember shit or ain't here.

[Dark humor? Well, yes. But what else were they supposed to do, pre-mourn disappearances? That would just be stupid.]

quicklog;

[sting_to_death]

I am sure enough.

[ Finally she turned around to look at him properly. No need to act too cold and distant when they were talking about unimportant shit. On the other hand, this was what was normal, this was what she was used to with Castor. Dark humour and endless circles of goading each other were fine. ]

'ch, I'll be going now. Before your wife comes back and gets the wrong idea.

[ But not without one last glare at the stupid dog. ]

I don't like her either.

quicklog;

[unevoked]

[As she started to leave he lifted a hand to rub the growing bruise at his throat from her earlier assault. That was going to sting like a bitch for a while-- and give him something to think about. Mostly wondering why the hell she cared enough to 'intervene' so forcefully. But that could wait until later. The 'wife' comment earned an eyeroll as well.][Probably because Lin had chokeslammed her master into a wall, but whatever.] You know, dog's're supposed to be damn good at judging people. [He'd leave that open to her interpretation, though Boy remained under the bed, the wiry-furred tip of her tail visible from underneath. How she managed to fit under there he was never quite sure.]

You made your damn point, go back to stalking your woman.