.o16 ☈ blazing souls;

[sting_to_death]

To whom do all the new energies belong? Show yourself.

[ What do you mean she'd knew if she'd bother talking to the newbies? Sorry, she can't hear you from her high horse. ]

I'm again wearing clothes that do not belong to me. This is getting old.

(( ooc; Lin has been cosplaying Tsunetsuki Matoi from Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei (I think you get the

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quicklog;

[unevoked]

[His lips drew back in a snarl as she spoke, bitter at the words. Why did she even pretend to care, or act as though she understood anything? Why did this even matter to her? When had this become about his indifference to his own life, rather than her being a violent, threatening bitch? He would have loved to snap back that he didn't feel like making this easy for her, that maybe she should suck it up and actually work for it, but with the arm against his throat the best he could manage was a pathetic, hitched noise.

He gripped her arm with both hands, one at the elbow and the other at the hand, and tilted his head back as though it would buy him any sort of space to breathe. Even with her loosened grip, though, he was still moving far too much, heart beating too fast, and not nearly getting enough air. It was fatiguing, to say the least.

Rather than nod or shake his head, though, he did his best to mouth or force out a simple: "Fuck you." Not that this was anything to make her understand, but he had a feeling she was incapable of that-- and if she wanted to kill him, he couldn't stop her, after all. Bowing his head and submissively apologizing would do nothing but buy more time and make him hate himself that much more.]

quicklog;

[sting_to_death]

[ She surely did not understand a lot of things. Be it because she wasn't all that good at putting herself in someone else's shoes or because she didn't have enough elements to judge. After all, they spent hours talking-- without really saying anything. That was, probably, the main reason why she wrote that much to him. Because it was safe, no talking about her feelings or his, just endless rounds of sniping at each other's pride.

And that this was about his pride-- that much she knew for sure. What she guessed was-- that on one hand, he'd think talking about death as if it was nothing made it less scary, and on the other he was just too damn proud to admit he actually didn't want to die.

What did that remind her of--? ]

You act so proud, and the act like an idiot. What is your pride going to be good for once you're dead? I'm not telling you to beg for your life. But don't go throwing it away so carelessly.

I am stronger than you. [ Her grip tightened, and loosened again. ] You don't like it? Get stronger. But if I ask you whether you want to die--

The correct answer is no. I won't let it happen.

[ Then, finally, she was letting him go, before he really choked. ]

You make me sick.

quicklog;

[unevoked]

[When she started speaking he moved his glare somewhere else- anywhere. The wall, the floor, anything that didn't mean having to look at her as she chastised him. Why did she even care about it? The worst that would happen was he'd forget, right? And that wouldn't make him a different person. He flinched as her grip tightened once more and drew him from the thought, brows furrowing as she explained. She wouldn't let it happen-- him dying, or his indifference to death? He didn't think of himself as particularly suicidal, but maybe that was the issue.

As he was released, Castor slumped back, a hand immediately coming up to his throat as his back pressed against the wall. Even still, he avoided eye contact with her, angry at this whole fucking situation. He remained quiet for a moment, either to regain his breath or, for once, actually think carefully about what he was going to say. Thankfully he held in the comment of "Yeah, I make me sick too."]

...I don't get you, [He rasped out the words, finally glancing to her with a frown.] Threatening me all the damn time, and then I finally give you a chance. [Hell, for all he knew maybe this was how she showed she cared. With violence and threatening. It wouldn't be too different from he and Pollux's fistfights. He forced himself to stand, though a hand stayed at his throat, as though to alleviate the pain there.]

What would it even matter to you? [He should have told her: No, he didn't particularly want to die. There was nothing to be gained from it. Hell, maybe there had been nothing to gain from his actual death, shot full of holes on the asphalt somewhere. But that didn't mean he felt as though he deserved to actually live. He could keep himself alive- he seemed pretty decent at that half the time. But that was different from actually living.]

quicklog;

[sting_to_death]

For that matter, every second you live I have the chance to kill you. [ Well, clearly her goal wasn't to increase his self-esteem.

And yet, come to think about it-- she bitched about everyone and everything, and was strong enough to overpower a large portion of the people in the Tree, with the appropriate planning, she could have even got away with it. But, see, she had never actually hurt anyone since arriving, quite a few months before. Had not killed Bastet even though she said she would have, had not heavily injured anyone during spars, and now-- she was not going to kill him. She could have, yes, but something inside her screamed at her that she had not been trained to kill needlessly. Maybe, in her case, the bark was really bigger than the bite. ]

It annoys me. It's time for you to grow up and learn to swallow your pride. Stop acting like a child.

[ Could she really say she was better than him? On the battlefield, maybe. But in general, she really couldn't say she was mature. It was hidden, and not too well, when people were distracted by her veiled (and not so veiled) insults or how she downright ignored them.

But, at least, she had no intention of throwing her life away, that much was for sure. She'd fight until her last breath to protect it, whether or not death in this place was permanent or not. ]

I'm done here.

quicklog;

[unevoked]

[He glanced to her, his look fairly disbelieving. It annoyed her. That was it? That was the reason she decided to do some deranged suicide-prevention just because he had made the comment he wasn't afraid of dying? That there was no reason for him to fear people from her world just because of their power? Of course he didn't believe that was her real reasoning. Maybe part of it, but there had to have been something more. Either someone from her world really was a threat and she didn't want to say, she was concerned, or he was much, much worse at hiding that vague inkling that perhaps he didn't deserve this 'second chance' in Edensphere than he originally thought.]

Don't know how much you can talk about bein' childish, if you're kicking in doors and stranglin' people just because you're annoyed. [Sure, an exaggeration-- because yes, this had been the only time he could recall that she had been overly violent towards him. They had sparred before, yeah, but that wasn't the same as suddenly appearing, scaring his dog, and informing him that she would not let him die.

After a moment, he glanced down, finally pulling his hand down from his throat. What did he even have here besides pride, anyway? No memories, no idea what to do, nothing but shitty jobs to pass the time, a dog, a half-controlled head-monster, and crazy friends bent on 'saving' him in their own stupid ways. He didn't feel right just growing complacent here, but he had no reason to opt for escape.]

...The fuck else am I supposed to do here. [The question was rhetorical, of course-- she had said she was done, hadn't she? But if, in Lin's infinite wisdom, she had the answer, maybe it was worth hearing.]

quicklog;

[sting_to_death]

[ Lin had already turned her back to him, but she didn't walk to the door just yet. He wasn't the only one who felt the emptiness of that whole situation. On top of that, she had also almost completely isolated herself and suffered from loneliness. And yet--

She didn't like what she saw of her life before the Sphere. Fighting, crying when she was alone at night, people getting killed, people leaving, loneliness. What did she care if she was an officer, if her career was admirable? She was utterly unhappy, so much that it showed even through the few fragments of memories she had. ]

What we all do. Strive for a better life than the one you had.

[ Even with all her flaws, even with her tendency to isolate herself and then suffering because of it, even with her constant sabotaging her own happiness-- she tried. That was the difference between the two of them. That was why she couldn't stand how pessimistic and bitter he always sounded. It reminded her too much of that part of her she had to win against and smother back into silence every day. This was a second chance. Maybe she was going to fail and fall back completely into her old habits and mistakes, but, at least, she was going to try. ]

quicklog;

[unevoked]

[He paused, considering that. What did he even know about his life back home? He had trouble with his Persona. He was an addict. he had died. But he had been talking to some blue-haired kid, taking his dog for a walk. Or visiting people he supposedly knew with Pollux and that red-haired woman. Or fighting and destroying those monsters. His own issues aside, it didn't seem as though it had been too bad.

Well, maybe that was in hindsight because he knew it was over and done with. Still, it was difficult to imagine making some better life here. It was alright, he could easily be content, but something about just settling felt off. It wasn't something he could particularly explain though. Hell, for all he knew it was him just being stubborn and prideful again.]

...You give up on going home, then? [It wasn't accusing-- he looked up as he asked, as though curious. Most people were so bitter and angry about being here, away from where they were supposed to be, it almost seemed more reasonable to embrace the second chance they had. Maybe if he was less stupid about his own death he would have felt the same.]

'Cause've memories, or you just like this place better?

quicklog;

[sting_to_death]

My place is here, as long as she's here too. [ Lin didn't think she needed to name names. He knew what she was talking about.

And that was the truth. Unless something else that she cared about as much as she did about Bastet popped up as she recovered her memories, she did not want to leave. Did not want to leave Bastet behind.

Maybe this-- how to call it? Obsession? Bond? Crush, even? She had with Bastet put her into a lot of troubles: Lin didn't deem anyone as important as her, and her mood was extremely influenced by the smallest things Bastet said or did. Just an harsher word of hers could make Lin depressed for days. And one smile make her feel accomplished and proud of herself.

Bastet was too important for her, even if Lin could only remember a couple of bits of the time they must have spent together, back in their world.

But it was also true that, for a moment, she pitied Castor and how he didn't seem to have anything to live for. Her feelings for Bastet were her weakness and her strength at the same time, but everyone often saw only one side of it.

She looked at him from over her shoulder. ]

Can you understand that?

quicklog;

[unevoked]

[His lip curled at the question. He understood her words, yeah-- She was obsessed with Bastet. Whatever they had been back home, it was important to her. Practically her life, from how she acted. It was bizarre, to be so reliant on someone, but he figured that whatever they had been it was enough to change Lin's entire demeanor. But understanding what she had said and understanding how she felt about it were two different things. He couldn't imagine being to dependent upon someone else for happiness, for self-worth. Then again, maybe it was he always felt like he was letting people down.

Who knew. He didn't hate people; if Cara or Pollux-- hell, probably even Lin-- needed him to, he would lay down his life, sure. But that wasn't the same as being content with anything so long as he could be by them. They had better people they could be supported by, people who wouldn't fuck things up.]

...Not really. [He finally admitted the words, tilting his head back against the wall and sighing.] So you'll do anything, so long as you can stay with her. You're happy like that? [By the way Lin acted, she didn't seem it. She had always been too defensive, too evasive, and built herself up too much to have been completely comfortable. Hell, that's why he had been curious about her at first-- they seemed so fucking similar, with the way they constantly avoided ever talking about themselves, their need for independence, all of that. They way they avoided things was similar too. he frowned.

It wasn't the case at all, was it.]

Re: quicklog;

[sting_to_death]

[ Lin had too started talking to Castor as much as she did because they seemed similar. They pushed people away, didn't want bonds. But, maybe, they were actually different, deep down. Lin's was a defense mechanism, because once she let anyone in, she'd grow too close to them, too possessive, too dependent. Bastet was the perfect example of that, although she was also an exception, it wasn't with just anyone that Lin would get that clingy. ]

I--

[ He was right. She wasn't happy. But she should have been. What went wrong? ]

I'm not going to kill myself. [ That was all the answer he was going to get out of her for the moment. And not only because Lin didn't like to talk about her feelings-- but also because she actually had no answer to that question.

She should have been happy. She shouldn't have felt the need to talk with anyone but Bastet. She shouldn't have been in that room at all. ]

quicklog; ..herp, I thought I had fixed that HTML. Oh well.

[unevoked]

[He watched her carefully for a moment, the way she paused in her words, starting, stopping-- doubting. That was enough for him not to press the issue. If she was doubting herself... that was enough. He didn't have to do anything that she wouldn't do to herself.]

And I don't plan on doing it again. [He sighed, shaking his head.] I ain't a charity case, Lin. [Castor's expression hardened slightly as pushed off from the wall.] But I ain't gonna lie to myself and pretend that the shit I'm doing here means or changes anything. What happened back home's over, and what happens here's only gonna last 'til I'm one've the sorry fucks that don't come back. [Cynical and nihlistic? Probably. But he had seen no evidence contrary to it.]

It don't mean I'm looking to get myself killed. Just that if it finds me, I got no reason to resent it. That's all. [He paused before shrugging.] I don't think it's the same for everyone. You guys got other places to be than here, right?

quicklog; it's okay <3

[sting_to_death]

Probably. I know I was needed for something, in my world. [ But that didn't mean she liked it. For what reason had she picked for herself a life that made her so unhappy?

Questions. She was so sick of having so many questions and not a single answer. Anything was good as long as it could take her mind off all those question. Working, writing over the journals, training, anything.

But she didn't whine about it. Everybody was in that same condition, and if they could keep living, well, so did Lin. And probably better than them. ]

So? That only sound like a free ticket to do whatever you want without having to deal with the consequences for long.

[ --Although, obviously, she didn't follow her own advice herself, now did she? Lin was too worried about what people thought of her, even if it didn't show. ]

Death doesn't just find you, Castor.

quicklog; /PRETENDS IT ACTUALLY WORKED

[unevoked]

...You rather go back home to that, or stay here? [It was an honest question-- sure, everyone resented the place for taking away their memories, but how many of them were better off because of it? He couldn't speak for Lin- he had very little idea as to what her home was like. But as much as he loathed it, whatever life Castor had here was probably working out better for him than whatever he had back home. But maybe the "stay here, find a way home' decision was easier for him, knowing he had no home to go to.]

[At the 'free ticket' comment, though, he glared at her.] Like what? It ain't like I'm off killing people and stealing shit. [He was a damn guard, for fuck's sake. Well, part-time. Out of spite. But whatever.] Maybe if I was a nut it was.

[At her comment though, he looked confused. Sure it did. People didn't have to actively seek death for it to come. His voice dropped as he frowned, glancing down at the carpet] ...What 'bout when the bazaar got shot up? Those people have it coming? Or do they not matter since you don't know 'em?

[He probably should have been touched at her faint concern-- or surprised that their conversation had continued even this long. If it wouldn't draw attention to it, he would have suggested making tea or something... but that would potentially drive her off. He's wait for now, watching her for a response.] It ain't just on a battlefield or outta stupidity that people die.

quicklog; /SAW RIGHT THROUGH IT ANYWAY :>

[sting_to_death]

[ It wasn't so easy answering all his questions when she didn't have many answers at all. Or, at least, none that wouldn't have meant sitting down and talking for a while, letting him know all of the doubts she kept hidden and what lay underneath all the bitchiness and coldness. And Lin wasn't willing to, not with him and not with anyone else.

But she could try and answer those questions, after all she had already made it obvious that she cared, in some twisted way, about Castor and his state of mind. Or maybe almost choking him against a wall had not let it show much.]

Right now, I'd rather stay here. I might receive some memories that will make me want to go back home, but for now, this is where I'm supposed to be.

[ Because of Bastet was left unsaid. It was obvious.

She shrugged when Castor mentioned the people who died at the bazaar. No, they didn't matter much, as long as Bastet had survived. Though if Lin had been there she would have stopped that madness, somehow. ]

Is this really not a battlefield?

quicklog; /SOBS

[unevoked]

[He nodded. At least they could agree on that- besides, how were they supposed to leave? People either disappeared, or they died and never came back. Neither possibility was particularly appealing to him as means to "escape". They had lives here, they had things they could do, even though it meant little to nothing past their time here.

He hated how full of contradictions his own thoughts on this place were-- but as long as he kept them to himself, what would it matter?]

How many battles do you fight? [He shook his head.] There's something going on, yeah, but I'd say it's more prone to massacres than battles. [he heard of people gaining information and getting killed for it-- and it always seemed to be different and always seemed to be one-sided. That wasn't a battle, it was keeping people in check with warnings.]

Besides, you dodged the damn question. [He glanced up at her again, this time holding eye contact.] You think every person who dies here is asking for it one way or another?

quicklog; IT'S OKAY COME HERE ;;

[sting_to_death]

Not every battle is fought face to face. Sometimes you have to be smarter. Sometimes you have to fake you're dead, or weak, to achieve your goals. Sometimes you have to pretend you don't know certain things, if that will keep you alive. It is just like a battle.

[ That also meant, though, that they were losing. As far as Lin knew, none of them had made any progress in finding about more about the nature of that place-- or had they just been censored? Hard to tell. Surely, it was an unfair fight, fought practically weaponless. ]

I think everyone person who dies here was perfectly aware it could have happened. And I think if you're aware of that and don't work to make yourself stronger, if you just sit back resigned and wait for your turn, you're an idiot.