School/life/relationships
36 weeks since my last update. i think that it's good for me to write things down. No one ever reads this, so i actuilly feel safe in writing now. I'm at liberty, ending my first semester, and it's been rough. I'm trying to get into the nursin program, but it's so difficult. My classes are tough and i'm trying to so hard.
FOrtunatly for me, when i came to Liberty i had met a couple friends from traveling on a mission trip to Romania. THe trip was amazing and it's what i needed. I had been praying for a miracle prior to going, and a miracle is what i got. The children there blessed me in so many ways. I have never felt so close to God or so encouraged in my entire life. I met amazing people there, and i hope to go back one day. During the trip, i met someone amazing, someone that encouraged me to really seek out my faith, follow in the right path, and become what God has called me to be. He was my miracle, my answer to prayer. BUt now he's gone. I've screwed up our entire relationship, and i've lost him. I know that God put him in my life for a reason, and He has blessed me in so many ways. he opened me up to a new church, when i wasn't even open to going to church, and the people there are amazing. We would have our fights, but i was in love with him. And now i have lost him, and there's nothing i can say or do. I want to call him so bad, but he doesn't want to talk to me or see me. It's so hard because i know he's hurting, and my first instinct would be to run over to his house to rescue him from that pain. But i can't because i'm the cause of his pain. But i wonder if he's hurting as much as i am. I've never felt like this towards anyone. I called my mom and told her that i loved him, and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and i've never felt that way about anyone, and if any of you know my mom, you know our relationship, and that was so hard for me to do. But she was supportive and todl me that she could tell how much i cared about him and loved him. It was amazing, and it has brought us closer.
It'sfunny how God works sometimes, because right when in the middle of my terrible week, all of my friends that i havn't talked to in months started calling me just to 'check up' on me. That's amazing, because down here i feel like i don't have any support whatsoever. It's amazing. THe nights have been hard for me, i'm having trouble eating and sleeping, but i find refuge in my prayers. I cry in the shower but i dry them when i come out and fall to my knees in prayer. I pray for strength, i pray that i can move on, and i pray for God to send me an angel.