deep breath... and i'm back to this
it's funny, the phases girls go through after a break up.
there's the self destructive phase, because you feel so much pain on the inside you've got to externalize it
then there's the denial phase, when you convince yourself (and probably nobody around you) that you're okay and pick up arbitrary distractions to mimic happiness
then comes the need for closure, usually resulting in falling back a couple of months in healing time, and most likely with "encounters" with the suspect, so to speak
and then... there's just time. every day you're more and more over it and wonder what the fuck "it" was to begin with
am i right? i mean, i've observed enough girls to see at least the pattern of destroy and rebuild... but that could be a natural reaction to any kind of serious trial relationship-wise
but when it's your "first love" that's where the little seeds of doubt and overwhelming sadness are rooted, only to be watered and brought to life by the presence of another candidate... or rather someone evoking real emotions
because... the flashbacks don't make sense, you're not ready to fall or let anyone do remotely the same, but when does it become out of your control?
maybe my need for that power is distorting my actual state of vulnerability. but i don't feel vulnerable, i feel suffocated and exhausted and thrown into millions of directions
my heart is healed, my heart has been refilled, but no way is my heart actually open to somebody who wants to steal it.
i just can't let myself runaway, i won't
there's the self destructive phase, because you feel so much pain on the inside you've got to externalize it
then there's the denial phase, when you convince yourself (and probably nobody around you) that you're okay and pick up arbitrary distractions to mimic happiness
then comes the need for closure, usually resulting in falling back a couple of months in healing time, and most likely with "encounters" with the suspect, so to speak
and then... there's just time. every day you're more and more over it and wonder what the fuck "it" was to begin with
am i right? i mean, i've observed enough girls to see at least the pattern of destroy and rebuild... but that could be a natural reaction to any kind of serious trial relationship-wise
but when it's your "first love" that's where the little seeds of doubt and overwhelming sadness are rooted, only to be watered and brought to life by the presence of another candidate... or rather someone evoking real emotions
because... the flashbacks don't make sense, you're not ready to fall or let anyone do remotely the same, but when does it become out of your control?
maybe my need for that power is distorting my actual state of vulnerability. but i don't feel vulnerable, i feel suffocated and exhausted and thrown into millions of directions
my heart is healed, my heart has been refilled, but no way is my heart actually open to somebody who wants to steal it.
i just can't let myself runaway, i won't