CAP 06
So I reached home yesterday, having totalled 12 hours of sleep over four days, and after eating supper, hugged my mum and began to cry.
It was partly due to my missing her so much, and partly because it was such an overwhelming moment for me - it was only five days, but for the first time I really respected myself; really felt proud of myself.
Throughout the five days I really struggled: I was always so afraid to responsible and always felt that I would never be able to handle responsibility but suddenly I was in charge of more than thirty kids - what they listened to, how they acted, what they did, what they ate, how they slept, whether they were having fun. Not to mention that in all reality I had to answer for so much and to so many more people. And I was at the end of it all so gratified of what I found myself being able to do for them, of how much I could care for them.
I still am me: I still resented having to do the Acapella columns everyday because I'm the furthest one for providing humour on a regular basis; I still feel extremely nervous when talking to VIPs, I still speak in Singlish even when I'm supposed to be persuading a whole audience of 100+ kids to try for the CAP mentorship. But I know now how far I can go and how responsible I can be. And I am proud to know that I did not buckle under the pressure, and that I owe no one in my own conscience.
I swore I wouldn't do all this again, and I don't think I would, even though the teachers asked me to come back next year - it's not that it was really that terrible besides how emotionally and physically gruelling it was, it's just that in some ways it really does take a lot out of you in a way you don't know how to explain. I know that at least Geneve will agree with me. But that's not saying that I didn't get something out of it. I think it might be the most important five days of my life so far, no matter how silly that sounds. All I can say besides is that I'll like to thank God, for everything; my mother for telling me to just try it in the first place; Geneve, Nadia and Fadhly, whom I was closest to emotionally during the camp throughout; the AC kids: Judith, Brendan and David Crawshaw, who I have come to respect beyond how witty or well-spoken they are, but also for how responsible and controlled they can be. There have been people I expected alot of, and all of the above went beyond my expectations. The teachers, who have fought so well in every way. And the kids, who I came to love despite everything and maybe even because of everything.
I just want to remember this.
It was partly due to my missing her so much, and partly because it was such an overwhelming moment for me - it was only five days, but for the first time I really respected myself; really felt proud of myself.
Throughout the five days I really struggled: I was always so afraid to responsible and always felt that I would never be able to handle responsibility but suddenly I was in charge of more than thirty kids - what they listened to, how they acted, what they did, what they ate, how they slept, whether they were having fun. Not to mention that in all reality I had to answer for so much and to so many more people. And I was at the end of it all so gratified of what I found myself being able to do for them, of how much I could care for them.
I still am me: I still resented having to do the Acapella columns everyday because I'm the furthest one for providing humour on a regular basis; I still feel extremely nervous when talking to VIPs, I still speak in Singlish even when I'm supposed to be persuading a whole audience of 100+ kids to try for the CAP mentorship. But I know now how far I can go and how responsible I can be. And I am proud to know that I did not buckle under the pressure, and that I owe no one in my own conscience.
I swore I wouldn't do all this again, and I don't think I would, even though the teachers asked me to come back next year - it's not that it was really that terrible besides how emotionally and physically gruelling it was, it's just that in some ways it really does take a lot out of you in a way you don't know how to explain. I know that at least Geneve will agree with me. But that's not saying that I didn't get something out of it. I think it might be the most important five days of my life so far, no matter how silly that sounds. All I can say besides is that I'll like to thank God, for everything; my mother for telling me to just try it in the first place; Geneve, Nadia and Fadhly, whom I was closest to emotionally during the camp throughout; the AC kids: Judith, Brendan and David Crawshaw, who I have come to respect beyond how witty or well-spoken they are, but also for how responsible and controlled they can be. There have been people I expected alot of, and all of the above went beyond my expectations. The teachers, who have fought so well in every way. And the kids, who I came to love despite everything and maybe even because of everything.
I just want to remember this.